don't feed the butongs in the cage my young pakwan learner

Yesterday, with the clock ticking down with just minutes to go to that magic time when I get to leave this wonderful job of mine place, Mr. BigBossMan called me into his office.

[Phone rings]
Me: [picks up phone instead of making quick dash to ladies room for alibi. 'honest boss! I was in the pisser!]
Me: Hello? Super Loon here. How may I service you?
BBM: Can you come to my office for minute?
Me: I could. But I don't want to. I'm busy sticking my finger up my nose. Bu-bye now.

Okay, so that wasn't the actual conversation that took place. He did call and ask me to come to his office and I answered with a chipper, 'Sure!'

He asked me to generate a few reports, blah blah blah, then mentioned he wanted to meet with me tomorrow to work on this project he has due soon. He said he wanted to work with me 'for a couple hours' and he'd be in here first thing. When he mentioned hours, as in plural, as in more than frelling one, I tried not to flinch. 'Keep a straight face. Keep a straight face. Don't show weakness!' That was a pretty good internal mantra but I don't think it worked. I'm sure I showed every 'ah hell!' thought going through my head. ::sigh::

I don't want to work with Mr. BigBossMan, side by side, for hours. The man gets on my nerves. And he's my boss so I can't just ignore him like I do some of the other people here who really bug me. Plus, I think he wants a run down of all the stuff I do. Which is hardly any thing. Well, okay, I do a lot of stuff - and some of its actually vital - but I do manage to have huge chunks of goof off time every now and then. Which is great, but I can't let him know that. I'm going to have to kick into bullshitting high gear and make myself appear highly important to the daily running of things. Damn it. Can't he just take my word for it?

I think I'll print out a bunch of fancy excel graphs and charts and spread them all over my desk. Well, not all over. Spread out in an orderly, neat, efficient manner. Yeah. That's the ticket.

It's been a couple hours and he's not in yet. It's like knowing you have some evasive dental surgery scheduled for the very end of the day. I'm going to go crazy in anticipation!

Hell, I'm already crazy. And Mr. BigBossMan will probably pop in for a second, give me a list of stuff to figure out for him, then leave. So it will be all good in the 'hood.

But for now, I will sit here eating a couple of 'Butong Pakwan' (which someone tells me is dried watermelon seeds directly brought over from the Philippines) and a guy try to wash the upstairs windows. The window right in front of me needs to be washed, but the problem with it its double paned, and water has gotten between the two slabs of window. And the water dried and spotted the whole damn window. So my beautiful view of the snow capped mountains and clear blue sky is marred by water spots. Grrrrrrr.

Anyways...

I guess I should get back to work. I'm feeling really creative right now, and feel the urge to write something. 'What', I don't know. But the urge is there. Maybe inspiration will come to me while I mindlessly print and sort and file and kill half a rain forest by using a whole ream of paper. You know, Friday work stuff.

And you know what? Right around the time I am both in the mood to write and am inspired with a great topic/one-liner/whatever that I just have to write down and exercise from my head like it's the little demon that could will be the time Mr. BigBossMan decides to stop by the office.

Anyways...

Okay. That was my last anyways. Seriously. I'm going to do some work. Yeah. That's right. No more goofing off. For at least a half hour. :) Then I think I'll go search for writing prompts. Anyone have any suggestions? Requests? Maybe I'll try the 50 word fiction thing again. Hey, speaking of 50 word fiction... check out Jodi's. It's fabu!

Anyways...

I <3 My Harry

I'm dating Harry Potter. No, I don't mean the real Harry Potter. I do know that he's fictional. Really I do! What I meant was this: the HB is Harry Potter.

Well... okay... so the HB doesn't have a lightening bolt scar on his forehead. And he doesn't know any magic spells or hippogriffs. And he isn't a pre-teen/teenage boy any more (though he does act like it sometimes.)

But the HB is currently sporting a pair of broken, taped up glasses. And for some reason I find that so damn cute.

One of the springs broke off the other day and disappeared. I think it went to live the rest of its life in a far away land with loose change and lonely, single socks. So since the spring is missing, the HB's got tape wound around the part of the frame that connects the side piece thingy (is there a more technical term than side piece thingy?) that hooks over the ear to the front/lens part. He doesn't have the time or money at the moment to get the frame replaced, so he'll be sporting the tape for a while.

Me: Hey. You look like Harry Potter now.
HB: *holds glasses out in front of him with left hand - points right index finger at the glasses like a wand*
HB: Oculus Reparo!
Both:*stares at glasses for a moment*
HB: Damn. It didn't work.
Me: Obviously not. But you get an A for effort.

It's a very good tape job - thin, neat, and hardly noticeable. But I'm sure he's deeply embarrassed by it no matter how unnoticeable the tape is. Maybe I can buy him a card to cheer him up a bit. Something that says, 'I find men with tape on their glasses extremely sexy!' I wonder if Hallmark has tapped into that market yet.

Oops! I'm Never Doing That Again!

What's On your "I'll Never Do That Again" list Right Now?

I will never again... try and step over the gas pump hose thingy while its connected to my car

I will never again... run on a wet swimming pool deck

I will never again... run up a flight of a stairs while carrying anything in my hands, especially a cup of ice

I will never again... pick a fight with my little bro, who is now at least a foot taller than me

I will never again... drink punch right before someone tells the punch line to a joke while wearing a white t-shirt

I will never again... undress anywhere near a locker room doorway

I will never again... attempt to watch the movie Glitter

I will never again... go out in public without wearing my nipple jewelry. You know, in case Justin Timberlake comes along and rips my clothes off. Hey, it could happen. And I plan on being prepared.

My Leaving Home Checklist
American Express card? Check.
Clean, hole-free undies? Check.
Sun nipple jewelry? Check.

This list will be updated periodically.

Ten On Tuesday

Ten Things You Wish You Knew How To Do

1. win limbo contests
   
2. speak multiple languages (Spanish, French, Sign, Klingon, Redneck...)
   
3. fix my own car without getting price jacked
   
4. shoot fire balls from my finger tips
   
5. speed read
   
6. talk to animals
   
7. teleport
   
8. write/draw well enough to make a career out of it
   
9. surf like Dee Dee...
   
10. and dance like Candy :)

Tuesday is Chooseday

Would you rather...

1. find out from your significant other that he/she is cheating on you by: you walking in on them OR he/she telling you about it?

I'd rather my significant other tell me about it. I really don't want to see it. Though if I did walk in on them, I'd be justified in beating the living shit out of him. So that's a plus for the 'walking in on them' column.

2. take a 20% pay cut at work OR get a promotion and a 20% pay increase, but your first new task is to fire three of your co-workers?

I'd rather get the pay increase. I can barely afford food, shelter and the occasional hooker on my current salary. I couldn't afford a 20% pay cut!!! So I'd take the promotion, and the pay increase, then fire my officemates. See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!

3. be responsible for a car accident that causes your best friend to become paralyzed OR be involved in a sex scandal with a famous politician?

I would rather be involved in a political sex scandal. I'd never want one of my friends to become paralyzed, especially because of my own bad driving skills. So I'd make the sacrifice for their well-being and do the dirty with a famous politician. I will suffer through the sex scandal and everything. Then, I will sell the rights to my side of the story to the Made For TV Movie people. I will also cash in a book deal. So yeah, I'd rather be involved in the sex scandal. :)

4. when you lie to someone: drool uncontrollably OR burp loudly?

I would rather drool uncontrollably. Burping loudly would be rude. And would call a lot of attention to myself. Drooling is silent and therefore will cause less staring, in case I'm out in public while spreading around my lies. If I'm in doors, the only person I have to worry about is the person I'm lying to. So when I tell a friend that no, their favorite outfit doesn't make them look like a rooster on acid, I'd rather deal with a little drool.

i'm tiny, i'm toony, i'm all a little loony

What Type of Lunatic are You? brought to you by Quizilla

"Some people may call you weird or strange." This is true. I once had a doctor call me weird. He was an orthopedic doctor commenting on a bone or something, not a crazies doctor commenting on the fudginess of my head, but still, I think his assessment pretty much makes it official. Not that I got a fancy official certificate out of the visit or anything. Darn it. That would have been cool!


Which Cary Grant Character Are You?

I love Cary Grant in Arsenic and Old Lace. Mortimer (Oh Mortimer!) may be wacky and zany, but he's not insane. Especially when compared to his family (Charge!). If I ever find the skeletons in my family's closet, or the dead bodies hidden in the window seat, I hope I can hold it together as well as better than Mortimer does. :)

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Ignore:: ignore the mess. please.
   
2. Death:: Becomes Her
   
3. Missy:: Ranger Camp and the Ultimate Package
   
4. Ballet:: hippo in a tutu
   
5. Guest:: David
   
6. Campus:: midnight mischief making
   
7. Lonely:: only
   
8. Company:: 3's
   
9. Helicopter:: helicopter over my head / I pick a color and the color is red!
   
10. Sterile:: clean