Check out these paperweights made by Andrew Byers (one of my uncles!). They're so pretty. I wish I could create something like this... and then sell it for that much money! :) *sigh* That would be the life! *

As I was checking my stats at retrostats I found out that there have been some interesting search queries that have led visitors to my blog. I was curious to see how my site would rank with each query so I did a google search for a handful of them. *

cookie thievery - A growing crime fad amongst Cookie Monsters running rampant through our not-so-safe streets.
naked tap dancing - I'm hoping for this sport to be in the next Olympics. I think I really have a shot at a medal in this one.
wobble boobs - I hate it when my boobs wobble. Sometimes they just have a mind of their own.

I waded through twenty pages of results for each search (200 links) and couldn't find my blog listed. Either people were really bored and kept wading through sites until they found my link and decided to click on it, or they used a different search engine.

dave mordal comedy magic - Yes, Dave's comedy is magic! :)

My blog didn't show up with this search query at all! I even tried it over at yahoo. Still no luck. Hmmm...

singer celluci - I didn't know there was a singer named 'Celluci'. After my quick google search I still don't know.

My blog is the third site listed with this search query.

in office surprised farted - I'd hate to work in an office where a fart isn't a surprise.

My blog is the second site listed with this search query. Fascinating!

spongebob squarepants subliminal messages - Kids all over the world are suddenly having the urge to go jelly fishing. I know I want to.

My blog is the 9th site listed with this search query.

spongebob mini vibrators - OMG! Where can I buy one?! ;)

My blog is the 8th site listed with this search query. I checked out the first link this query brought up, but I couldn't find any Spongebob pocket rockets. It appears that while they sell 'sexy stuff', they also sell a Spongebob Squarepants mini mug set. How is that erotic??? None of the other links (at least on the first page) seem to have spongebob mini vibrators. Bummer.

Here are two quizzes I've taken recently that caused me to have memory flashbacks.


what kitchen utensil are YOU?

A spork! How cool am I?! (Er - don't answer that.)

When I was in the fifth grade (maybe sixth) I made up this little rap about the All Mighty Spork. (Yes folks, the coolness train makes a pit stop in Loonyville!) It went a little something like this:

It's a spoon and a fork so we call it a spork.
[***]
It's there to help you eat your food.
[***]
If you use it right the food will taste real gooood.
[***]
If you use it wrong the food will taste like glue.
[***]

[***] = insert lame white girl beat box sound here

I know, I know, my brilliance radiated like a beacon at such an early age! I can't take full credit for the spork rap though; it was a co-collaboration. Diana and I came up with it out on the playground one day and then, for some reason, we were going to sing it together over the school intercom before school. Why they were going to let us do that I can not remember for the life of me. In the end though, the song was never song. I got a bit of stage fright at the last second and didn't want to do it. I hadn't begun to crawl out of my shell yet and was a bit too chicken to do something so silly in front of the whole school. I can now proudly say that I've grown out of that stage! Hmmm... now that I think of it, I probably could have scored me a few boyfriends if I'd only shown the school how truly super cool I was. Oh well. :) *


Find your inner Smurf!

I love the Smurfs. I used to watch them all the time when I was little. But tha's not what I flashed back to when I took this quiz. I flashed back to my college years, which wasn't that long ago so it was a short trip. In college, a group of friends and I reeked a bit of havoc on another friend and for some reason we called ourselves 'The Smurfs'. Why, exactly, I can't remember. (Egad! I'm getting old! My mind is becoming a sieve!) I was Smurfette, which fit since I was the only girl in the group. The H.B. was Papa Smurf because he was sort of the ringleader of the group. Anthony was Brainy Smurf, Robert was Clumsy Smurf, and Jason was... um... Handy Smurf I think. (We had trouble thinking of other Smurf names so he got stuck with that one.)

The havoc all came about when we were all sitting in Papa Smurf's dorm room with nothing to do. We'd been playing Genga earlier in the evening, but since we were out of money, it was an alcohol free game. :( During the game, Papa Smurf was taking pictures with his new toy, a digital camera. He got a shot of our friend Tom acting silly, standing on a chair with his arms out wide singing the 'I'm a Little Teapot' song at the top of his lungs. After the game, most of the people playing dispursed while a few of us stuck around. Papa Smurf download the pictures onto his computer and found the one of Tom particularly amusing. In the picture, Tom had his fly down and a bit of his t-shirt was hanging out. I don't know whose devilish mind it was to print out copies of the picture and post them all over campus, but I do know that it was my idea to add the following title: Pretty 'Fly' for a White Guy. (There was an arrow pointing to his open fly. Hehehe. And Tom is very, very much a white guy.) It was late at night so there wasn't anyone wandering around but us five Smurfs. We went to one of the classroom buildings, equiped with a teacher's 'lost' copy card, and used the teacher copy machines to make hundreds of copies. We borrowed some tape from one of the offices, then went about taping up that 'fly' picture all over the place. Luckily Tom was a good sport about it. :)

Tom got me and the H.B. back a few weeks later. He had a picture of the two of us sitting next to each other, arm in arm and all smiley. He added the following heading: 'We're getting married! Come join us in the Common Room Dining Hall for our engagement party!' Then he, with the help of the other three smurfs (traderous bastards!!!) plastered hundreds of those pictures all over the place. Grrrr! Sure, turn about is fair play and all that rubbage, but it was still kind of embarrasing to explain to my water polo coach that no, I was not getting married!

We never did get those traders back, and we had the perfect picture too! It was a pic of Clumsy and Handy wrestling. We were going to invite people to their 'coming out' party. Too bad the disk the picture was stored on 'mysteriously' disappeared. I saved a copy of each poster... I just wish I knew where I put them!

Wow. That was a fun stroll down Memory Lane. :)

Unconscious Mutterings

1. Kiss:: "Your kiss, your kiss is on my list..."
   
2. Nothing:: emptiness
   
3. Reach:: for the ketchup
   
4. Late:: Night with Conan O'Brien
   
5. Stump:: Arrrrrrrrg Matey! Don't you be staring at me wooden leg!
   
6. Dreams:: "Sweet dreams are made of this..."
   
7. LOL:: Large Orange Lemurs
   
8. Ornament:: christmas tree
   
9. Neck:: turle
   
10. Guitar:: rock n roll
    

I am a sleepy kitty face down in a pile of food.
Which sleepy kitty would you be?
brought to you by Quizilla

This is one of the cutest kitty pictures I've ever seen. Awwwwwwwwwwwwe.

And so fitting at the moment. *yawn* The room is spinning... my eyes are crossing... I can feel it, coming in the air tonight... er, I mean I can feel it, I'm on the verge of falling asle-- *CLUNK*

(That was the sound of me falling asleep and clunking my head on the keyboard. I would have added the corresponding 'ouch', but seeing as I've fallen asleep, I didn't actually hear myself say it. But how can I be typing if I'm already asleep? Well, this right here, this here is sleep typing. I know, I know, hold the applause.)

OMG! I found the MASH game!!!

And yeah, it made me "feel like a prepubescent girl" :) ... especially at 2:20 in the morning (holy insomnia batman!) This is so much better than consulting my Magic 8 Ball.

My results:

Your husband's name is Johnny Bravo and you have 2 children. You're a Professional Carbonated Beverage Taste Tester who drives to work every day in a Fushia Limo. It's truly a wonderful life when you consider the countless romantic nights you have spent with Johnny Bravo in your house in California.

The Weekly Krazies...

1. Think back. When you were sick as a child what happened? Who looked after you - mum, dad, grandparents? What did they do to make you feel better? Television, chicken soup, special treats?

My mom was usually the one to take off work. She'd take me to see the doctor and when we got home she'd wait on me hand and foot. She's the bestest mommy in the whole wide world! When I was really sick she would feed me chicken noodle soup and 7-up. To this day, I can't eat chicken noodle soup or drink 7-up because it reminds me of being sick. Bleagh.

When I got older, and could stay at home by myself. I'd curl up on the couch with my Pound Puppy, Ruff Ruff, and watch soap operas. Getting the chance to watch Vicky and Ryan on Another World was worth a bit of the stomach flu!


2. Dilemma. You and your best friend are shopping. While they think your not looking, they slip an item into their bag. They have no intention of paying for it. Do you confront them before they leave, after they have stolen the item, or not at all?

When the friend isn't looking, I'd slip the item out of my bag and ditch it somewhere. I'd wait to confront them until after we leave the store. Then I'd call them a bitch ass punk for trying to make me do their dirty work for them. For shame!

3. You know you want to! This week you have a task - to write a lymeric. The funnier, sillier and dirtier it is the better!

There once was a man from Philly
Who had an incredibly big willy
One day it got caught
In the new pants that he bought
So now he walks a bit silly