I say ... and you think ... ?
 

1. Nostalgia:: remember
   
2. Irreplaceable:: invaluable
3. Odd:: even
4. James Spader:: Secretary
5. Flamboyant:: out there
6. Intense:: hard
7. Simple:: minds
8. Septic:: tank
9. Ton:: -Tongue Toffee
10. Turkey:: nuts
     

The Importance of Being Loony

we're getting a new plant manager here at work. a new big head cheese honcho. this news has us all in a tizzy.
 
well, not really. i just really like typing that word. tizzy tizzy tizzy. gives the pinkie finger some exercise. and as my granpappy always used to say to me, "loon, make sure you keep those pinkies in shape. never know when you might need them. egg toss championships, mugger eyeball gouging, underwater basket weaving. BE PREPARED!"
 
i am granpappy. i am prepared!
 
tizzy tizzy tizzy
 
(just exercising my anti-mugger weapon. and playing with the new blogger interface. i can add colors from the tool bar now! knee-toe!)
 
so anyways... this new manager. turns out she has an interesting name.
 
a guy came into the office last week and started talking about something - i'm not sure what it was,  i really wasn't paying much attention to him. then he started talking about the new manager. and he says, in a way that really irked me, 'know what her name is?' it irked me because his tone of voice implied that there was something really funny about her name. so i'm thinking it was going to be a very girly name, and that he was finding it funny because we were get a 'female' manager. and a 'girly' one at that.
 
neither me or my desk neighbor responded to his question, but the guy answers anyway. "Veronica," he says, still with that same tone of voice.
 
he wanted to tell the rest of it, so i gave him an opening. and i say, "so? what's the big deal?"
 
and the guy says, "her last name is Spitsack."
 
oh.
 
oh my.
 
what an awful name. i'm not sure how she spells it. maybe its something like Spitzak. or something. sounds like 'spit sack' though. and some, if not all of the guys around here find that really funny.
 
"yeah. her name is Spitsack," they say with a smile. some probably even giggle little boy giggles when there's no girls within hearing distance.
 
if that was my last name i'd change it. 'sorry dad, i'm legally changing my name.' or 'sorry honey, i know its a proud and honorary family tradition to pass down the Spitsack name, but if we get married i'm keeping my maiden name.'
 
hmm... i wonder when Spitsack's getting here...
 
puppy puppy puppy
 
(got to exercise the other pinkie finger, ya know!)
 

Note To Self:

Think twice, and then a third time for good measure, before refering to the reading glasses of a much older person as "Geezer Goggles".


Mr. Desk Neighbor, who is almost twice my age, didn't find the phrase "Geezer Goggles" quite as giggle-worthy as I did a moment ago.

I'm getting kind of slappy-happy, so non-giggle-worthy things are making me giggle. Which has been happening more frequently here at work over the last couple of weeks. It's like some built in defense mechanism. Because you see...


too much Evil Paper Work
leads to
extended period of Staring At Computer
where
Computer Monitor = Death Ray Expelling Radiation Machine

example: Radiation Death Rays ---> ---> ---> Poor Innocent Eyeballs

which triggers Slap Happy Giggle Fest
somewhere in the central brain mechanism
which saves me from
Massive Brain Damage and Poor Innocent Eyeball Fatigue


Thank goodness for Giggle Defense Mechanisms. :)

The Confessional (i.e. The Update)

bless me blog readers for i have slacked. it has been almost three weeks since my last blog post.

eek! but for a good reason, of course. 'good' because i deem it so. and since i am ruler of all that is r.a.o.s.t.-ery here... if i deem it, it be it. (catchy, eh?)

the short answer: my job is kicking my ass.

which is a tall order to fill since this ass 'o mine is so huge. i guess that makes it a good ass to have. since there's lots of it to kick. lots of buffer between me and the kickers. yeah, i'll just keep telling myself that. my ass may be huge, but its all right, because its serving a higher purpose.

er. um. yeah, anyways...

this guy at work went out on medical leave for a month or two. so i's been busy doing some of his work. which wasn't too bad. but then some process improvement team came in and said, 'all this data stuff is a mess and we need to clean it up for this big project we're doing through the head office and oh by the way we need it done now now now.' but they said it in a more geek-a-fied way. since i'm the adminitrator for this data stuff i'm stuck with a lot of the clean up. go me!

so things have been REALLY busy at work - which is when, back in the good ol' days (i.e. before three weeks ago), i did a lot of my blog writing. its been not-so-busy at home, but after staring at a computer screen for 8+ hours at work, when i get home i don't even want to look at the computer. which is sad. because i miss my computer. and i miss writing on it. and blog posting. and blog reading. and all that other stuff.

as a personal little new blogyear's resolution (since my blog-o-versary was this last saturday) i'm going to try and start posting regularly again. at least once a day. because i've been slacking in my writing and i want to remedy that. and writing blog posts is a good way to get the Loony Writing Mojo Machine Of Doom up and running again. (catchy, eh?) i'm writing in my head, but its not the same as actually typing out the words, or letting them drip from the tip of a pen or pencil. and when i actually set aside time to sit and do nothing but write its so refreshing. so why don't i do it more often? work is zapping the creative juices from my brain. bastards.

and now that i've taken a really long 'coffee' break, i've got to go back to slaving away for The Man. yippee!

It's time for P.A.O.T.D.!

and i don't mean Pansy Alpha Otter Tap Dancers.

disapointed, eh? sorry 'bout that. but wait, it's not all that bad! because its actually time for the...

Pointless Announcement Of The Day

[ insert clapping and cheering and hootin' and hollerin' here]

so, you ready for it?

are you sure?

its not something to take lightly, mind you.

my uncle arnold thought he was ready for the P.A.O.T.D.

"i told you i was ready dammit. means i'm ready!" he said to my aunt bunny one day during the summer of '87. "just tell me already."

so she did. and the announcement that she was taking down all of her Jon Bon Jovi posters was a hearty shock to arnold's poor heart. shocked his socks right off actually.

and boy, was that an ugly sight. that uncle arnold of mine had hideous looking ankles. hideous.

so anyway, you all braced for pointless announcements now?

good. here goes... the Pointless Announcement of the Day is...


i cross my eyes. but hardly ever dot my tees.


tee hee.

get it? 'dot your i's and cross your t's.' but i mixed it up and made it funny.

i swear, i thought that was really funny in my head as i was thinking it. and just as funny as i said it out loud. but then Mr. Desk Neighbor didn't laugh. he's supposed to laugh at that kind of stuff. i mean, i laugh at his funny/stupid stuff! so i thought about it, and realized its really not all that funny. bummer, that.

while i was contemplating the funny, i realized i really need to take a break. a coffee break. kit kat break. something break. anything break. because this system i'm dealing with here at work is keeping me hell-a busy. and driving me hell-a crazy. [evidence: see above] work is frying the brain beans. and my brain is a strictly no fried bean zone!

you see, i'm the system administrator guru goddess supreme of this software thingy we use. and we're trying to give it a major overhaul/information wedgy. which means i'm the Major Wedger. heh.

i wonder if that will fit on a business card...

Ms. Loon    System Administrator Guru Goddess Supreme    & Facility Information Wedgy Giver

now, while this probably isn't worth the time and effort to read, it was so totally worth the time and effort to write. now i'm ready to go back into the trenches. the Wedgy Trenches. sounds rough. and uncomfortable. and it is.

but on the plus side, Mr. Desk Neighbor just said that i was "the bomb... and the fuse." so that's like a super sized comment. woo! go me!

i woke up and found myself in the mother second-cousin-twice-removed of all grumpy moods this morning. which sucks out loud.

i was tired and grumpy and dreaming longingly of the soonest possible moment i could take a nap. and i'd only been awake for a half an hour.

not a good sign.

then i got to work, and was snappy at my Desk Neighbor. which is okay, because we're snappy at each other at times. its this shtick we've got going. its fun. though i think i was a bit too snappish too soon. oops.

note to self: don't bite officemate's head off verbally so early in the morning. let him finish first cup of coffee first.

me? i don't need no stinkin' coffee! does nothing for me really. except help wash down the donut if i so happen to be in the mood for one. and whenever i'm in the mood for a donut, i have no money or no time to get one. which works out perfectly i guess. 'cause me? i don't need no stinkin' donut!

but yeah, i'm not a 'got to have that morning coffee or i'll die and so will everyone around me who tries to talk to me' kinda gal. i like coffee. especially the fancy coffee my mom made for me over the weekend. mmm mmm good. but its not something i NEED to have every morning.

for me, the best part of waking up is finding the HB with a serving tray covered in yummy breakfast stuffs. which never happens coincidentally. maybe because we have no serving tray. maybe that's why the HB isn't motivated to get out of bed and cook me breakfast while i enjoy blissful snuggly warm blankets. maybe i'll just have to buy him one for xmas. try and give him a hint.

er... wait. if i did that, he'd probably expect me to cook him breakfast and serve it to him on his serving tray. pffffffft! i can cross that off the list then.

so i'm in this grumpy mood at work and guess what? Mr. BigBossMan walks in with a cake. Says its for the fathers who worked here yesterday. (we're a 7-day-a-week place so a lot of daddies were working here yesterday).

The guys in the office are nice and shared with me. Shared a big ol' piece actually. for some reason I wasn't really in the mood for cake. I was grumpy and just wanted to grunt and glare at anyone trying to be nice. But they placed the piece of cake on my desk and didn't leave me any room to say another 'no thanks'.

why i tried to turn down chocolate cake for breakfast i have no idea. i blame it on insufficient sleepy time. i also blame the creeping (and i do mean creeping) suspicion that i think i'm wearing my underwear backwards on insufficient sleepy time as well.

note to self: must go to ladies room and check before weird product movement commences.

yeah, so the chocolate cake was sublimely yummy. truly. i'm glad that slice was forced upon me. (as if i wouldn't have caved a minute later.)

nice moist chocolate cake. soft chocolate whipped cream frosting on the sides. yummy creamy vanilla-y pudding like stuff between layers of cake. supreme divine-ness. except for the strawberry topping.

now, i love chocolate. and i love strawberries. but the two together? gag me with a spork!

strawberries and chocolate just don't mix. i'm more of a strawberries and whipped cream kind of gal. :)

Would you rather...

1. all your toenails rot and fall off OR grow a thick, bushy coat of back hair?

Where exactly would I growing this hair? On my head? On my toes? On my ass?

As long as the hair isn't on a place it shouldn't be (i.e. my knee - that would just be plain awkward) I'll go with option 2. Because I need my toenails for weapons. In case I'm ever held hostage or something. I could sharpen the toenails into lethal killing machines. The bushy coat of hair wouldn't offer me diddlysquat in weaponry.


2. have the psychic ability to hear other people's thoughts but be unable to turn it off OR the psychic ability to transmit your thoughts to everyone within a mile, but again you can't turn it off?

Read other people's minds or have them read mine? Dude, I'd so rather have the first ability. I'd be really embarrassed if people heard what goes on up in my noggin. Plus, I wouldn't be able to fantasize about me and Johnny Bravo anymore without fear of someone thinking me weird or something. You know. Just as an example.


3. watch richard simmons and susan powter get it on OR oprah and dr. phil?

Oprah and Dr. Phil. Less traumatizing, I should think.


4. find a cure for cancer, but be ridiculed for it for 20 years before it was accepted OR find a cure for cancer and be considered a hero for 5 years, only for the public to find out it was a hoax?

Ridiculed for 20 years. I could suffer for 20 years knowing that eventually millions of people would be truly cured of cancer. It'd be worth it.

Being considered a hero for five years would be awesome, but the backlash after people found out it was all a hoax would be awful. That would come with people ridiculing me for a lot longer than 20 years.