Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Certifiably Me

You know how when you were little, and in grade school, and your teacher licked his/her finger when counting out pages of paper to pass out to each row of students? Do you remember how gross that was?

Ewwwwww! Teacher spit on my paper! I can't touch it! I can't! Accccckkkkk!

Well, I remember.

And you know what? I lick paper all the time now.

All. The. Time.

Who knew it was such a normal adult thing to do. Certainly not me, back in the day. The good old days when teacher spit was toxic.

It's hard to think of myself as an adult sometimes. I mean, to me, I'm the same person I was back in high school. Yeah, I'm fatter and slower and more wise to the world than I was back then. But I still feel... I don't know. I kind of feel like I'm that same person. Or at least the early-college-barely-20 me. I've had new experiences, grown up a bit, raised a hamster... I'm more me than I was back then. More me than I knew was in me to be. If that makes sense.

And yet I don't feel like its been ten years since I was in high school, hanging out behind the Spanish building eating lunch with my girlfriends and their boyfriends. Sometimes it's a little jolt to realize that I'm someone different now. And no, I don't constantly live in that time, reminiscing about nothing else. I guess I just need to adjust my frame of reference. Get it more up to date.

This summer is my high school class's 10 year reunion. That's almost more unbelievable than my upcoming 28th birthday. I was freaking mystified when I turned 27. I don't know how to feel about 28 yet.

It's not that I feel I'm getting old. Because 28 isn't old. It never seemed like an old age to be when I was young. It was just... different. It's not that people in their late-20's/30's/etc are old, its that they're different than me. They're something I'll become way, waaaaaaaaay in the future.

And holy crap that future is now. Because I'm in my late 20's.

When I was little, I idolized the big kids on my swim team. They were so cool. I used to follow them around whenever they would let me. One girl in particular. She was a backstroke superstar and when she took time out to show me some tricks I almost melted into the water in joy overload. And then I became one of The Big Kids. I remember once wondering, 'do any of these little kids look at me the same way?' And I realized I'd advanced into that next 'age group'.

I guess that's probably what's at the core of it all. I should be/feel/act differently now that I'm in this other group. I mean, I do to some extent... just not enough apparently. I'm no longer the little girl looking up at these people, admiring them, idolizing, etc. I'm one of those people.

A grownup.

Wait... let me rephrase that...

A grownup?

Legally I'm an adult. That happened when I turned 18.

When the hell did I become a grownup?!?!

Well, I lick my fingers when I sort through papers.

I have for a long time now.

So I guess it's official.

finger licking = certified adulthood

Wow, this started off as just a little reminiscence over teacher spit and look what it turned into. A few minutes ago I licked my finger, began rifling through a stack of papers on my desk and then WHAMO - an instantaneous flashback of my fifth grade teacher slobbering all over our handouts. So I started writing about it and then WHAMO - instantaneous introspection.

1 comment:

  1. I think about that all the time when I do it. As a eacher now I realize teacher's like to gross kids out. It's a way to get back!