Wednesday, June 23, 2004

It's time for P.A.O.T.D.!

and i don't mean Pansy Alpha Otter Tap Dancers.

disapointed, eh? sorry 'bout that. but wait, it's not all that bad! because its actually time for the...

Pointless Announcement Of The Day

[ insert clapping and cheering and hootin' and hollerin' here]

so, you ready for it?

are you sure?

its not something to take lightly, mind you.

my uncle arnold thought he was ready for the P.A.O.T.D.

"i told you i was ready dammit. means i'm ready!" he said to my aunt bunny one day during the summer of '87. "just tell me already."

so she did. and the announcement that she was taking down all of her Jon Bon Jovi posters was a hearty shock to arnold's poor heart. shocked his socks right off actually.

and boy, was that an ugly sight. that uncle arnold of mine had hideous looking ankles. hideous.

so anyway, you all braced for pointless announcements now?

good. here goes... the Pointless Announcement of the Day is...

i cross my eyes. but hardly ever dot my tees.

tee hee.

get it? 'dot your i's and cross your t's.' but i mixed it up and made it funny.

i swear, i thought that was really funny in my head as i was thinking it. and just as funny as i said it out loud. but then Mr. Desk Neighbor didn't laugh. he's supposed to laugh at that kind of stuff. i mean, i laugh at his funny/stupid stuff! so i thought about it, and realized its really not all that funny. bummer, that.

while i was contemplating the funny, i realized i really need to take a break. a coffee break. kit kat break. something break. anything break. because this system i'm dealing with here at work is keeping me hell-a busy. and driving me hell-a crazy. [evidence: see above] work is frying the brain beans. and my brain is a strictly no fried bean zone!

you see, i'm the system administrator guru goddess supreme of this software thingy we use. and we're trying to give it a major overhaul/information wedgy. which means i'm the Major Wedger. heh.

i wonder if that will fit on a business card...

  Ms. Loon

   System Administrator Guru Goddess Supreme
   & Facility Information Wedgy Giver

now, while this probably isn't worth the time and effort to read, it was so totally worth the time and effort to write. now i'm ready to go back into the trenches. the Wedgy Trenches. sounds rough. and uncomfortable. and it is.

but on the plus side, Mr. Desk Neighbor just said that i was "the bomb... and the fuse." so that's like a super sized comment. woo! go me!

Monday, June 21, 2004

i woke up and found myself in the mother second-cousin-twice-removed of all grumpy moods this morning. which sucks out loud.

i was tired and grumpy and dreaming longingly of the soonest possible moment i could take a nap. and i'd only been awake for a half an hour.

not a good sign.

then i got to work, and was snappy at my Desk Neighbor. which is okay, because we're snappy at each other at times. its this shtick we've got going. its fun. though i think i was a bit too snappish too soon. oops.

note to self: don't bite officemate's head off verbally so early in the morning. let him finish first cup of coffee first.

me? i don't need no stinkin' coffee! does nothing for me really. except help wash down the donut if i so happen to be in the mood for one. and whenever i'm in the mood for a donut, i have no money or no time to get one. which works out perfectly i guess. 'cause me? i don't need no stinkin' donut!

but yeah, i'm not a 'got to have that morning coffee or i'll die and so will everyone around me who tries to talk to me' kinda gal. i like coffee. especially the fancy coffee my mom made for me over the weekend. mmm mmm good. but its not something i NEED to have every morning.

for me, the best part of waking up is finding the HB with a serving tray covered in yummy breakfast stuffs. which never happens coincidentally. maybe because we have no serving tray. maybe that's why the HB isn't motivated to get out of bed and cook me breakfast while i enjoy blissful snuggly warm blankets. maybe i'll just have to buy him one for xmas. try and give him a hint.

er... wait. if i did that, he'd probably expect me to cook him breakfast and serve it to him on his serving tray. pffffffft! i can cross that off the list then.

so i'm in this grumpy mood at work and guess what? Mr. BigBossMan walks in with a cake. Says its for the fathers who worked here yesterday. (we're a 7-day-a-week place so a lot of daddies were working here yesterday).

The guys in the office are nice and shared with me. Shared a big ol' piece actually. for some reason I wasn't really in the mood for cake. I was grumpy and just wanted to grunt and glare at anyone trying to be nice. But they placed the piece of cake on my desk and didn't leave me any room to say another 'no thanks'.

why i tried to turn down chocolate cake for breakfast i have no idea. i blame it on insufficient sleepy time. i also blame the creeping (and i do mean creeping) suspicion that i think i'm wearing my underwear backwards on insufficient sleepy time as well.

note to self: must go to ladies room and check before weird product movement commences.

yeah, so the chocolate cake was sublimely yummy. truly. i'm glad that slice was forced upon me. (as if i wouldn't have caved a minute later.)

nice moist chocolate cake. soft chocolate whipped cream frosting on the sides. yummy creamy vanilla-y pudding like stuff between layers of cake. supreme divine-ness. except for the strawberry topping.

now, i love chocolate. and i love strawberries. but the two together? gag me with a spork!

strawberries and chocolate just don't mix. i'm more of a strawberries and whipped cream kind of gal. :)

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

tuesday is chooseday

Would you rather...

1. all your toenails rot and fall off OR grow a thick, bushy coat of back hair?

Where exactly would I growing this hair? On my head? On my toes? On my ass?

As long as the hair isn't on a place it shouldn't be (i.e. my knee - that would just be plain awkward) I'll go with option 2. Because I need my toenails for weapons. In case I'm ever held hostage or something. I could sharpen the toenails into lethal killing machines. The bushy coat of hair wouldn't offer me diddlysquat in weaponry.

2. have the psychic ability to hear other people's thoughts but be unable to turn it off OR the psychic ability to transmit your thoughts to everyone within a mile, but again you can't turn it off?

Read other people's minds or have them read mine? Dude, I'd so rather have the first ability. I'd be really embarrassed if people heard what goes on up in my noggin. Plus, I wouldn't be able to fantasize about me and Johnny Bravo anymore without fear of someone thinking me weird or something. You know. Just as an example.

3. watch richard simmons and susan powter get it on OR oprah and dr. phil?

Oprah and Dr. Phil. Less traumatizing, I should think.

4. find a cure for cancer, but be ridiculed for it for 20 years before it was accepted OR find a cure for cancer and be considered a hero for 5 years, only for the public to find out it was a hoax?

Ridiculed for 20 years. I could suffer for 20 years knowing that eventually millions of people would be truly cured of cancer. It'd be worth it.

Being considered a hero for five years would be awesome, but the backlash after people found out it was all a hoax would be awful. That would come with people ridiculing me for a lot longer than 20 years.

i kick zombie ass!!!

Your comic relief saved you. You were probably the hero's best friend and messed up a lot, but helped him in some major way, believing in yourself, near the end. As the sympathetic character, you live.
How fast would you die in a cheesy zombie flick? brought to you by Quizilla

i so rule! go me!

because i'm stalling...

i thought i'd take this quiz.

I am the Random Number 8

8You have a mystical connection to Octopi. While no true evidence of intelligence exists, octopi have shown the ability to solve problems (opening a sealed container with food inside) and to use the primitive tools they can scour from their environment (using rocks to build 'walls' in front of their caves). Octopi are intensely curious and downright fond of pranks. These indicate if not true intelligence, certainly a high degree of animal cunning.

Which Random Number Are You?

now that i know what random number i am i feel i can properly move on with my life. and on to all the paper work on my desk. oh joy!

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

And in other news...

Work sucks.

I need time to create this super cool wallpaper for my 'puter here at work, but The Man is keeping me down. Giving me all this work and shit. What up wit dat?

Seriously, if this guy doesn't come back, this guy who's heavy work load was passed on to me and Desk Neighbor P, if he doesn't come back any time soon I'm gonna go postal. Maybe attack someone with my stapler remover. Or uh... I know, I'll go after people with all the paper work on my desk. Yeah. I'll be known as the Paper Cut Bandit. Watch out beyotches! The Paper Cut Bandit's in a pissy mood. She's loose, loony, and on a tear!

Ha! Get it. On a tear. Paper. Tear. Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.


Anyways, so I says to Mr. Desk Neighbor P...

Me: Mr. BigBossMan came in here earlier. Said he had good news. Then he started talking about something else and never mentioned what the good news was. I wonder if it's a secret or if he's just scatterbrained as usual.
DNP: He's quitting
Me: *gasp* Is he?
DNP: I don't know. But that would be good news.
Me: Yeah. But I doubt he'd label it that way.
DNP: *busies himself with sandwich*
Me: He also mentioned the three of us should go out to lunch sometime. A business lunch with free food and shop talk. Said he'd mentioned to you about going out for a bite to eat sometime while he was in the restroom. And I'm like, 'Ew! I don't want to know what you do in there.' He said you gave him a strange look and he was all 'A business lunch!'
DNP: I gave him a look because he was talking to me while I was standing there... uh... *pauses while finding delicate, and safe, word to use*
Me: Peeing?
DNP: Yeah. I'm busy urinating and Mr. BigBossMan's standing there talking to me about lunch. I should have said, 'I'm sorry but I'll talk with you when I'm done. I'm an animated talker and like to use my hands when I talk. They're a bit preoccupied at the moment.'
Me: *snicker*

Nothing but good times here in Office Land. :)

Tonight's Dream Theme: Things to Worry About! Yippee!

Dreams can be such a tease sometimes.

I don't remember much of last night's dream. Most of it faded away the minute I tried to recall it. If I wasn't so ticked off at the way it ended I might have been calmer, and therefore might have remembered more. And dude, I was ticked.

You see, I was having this dream, and in my dream I was with my family at some big family holiday gathering. We weren't at my grandparents old house (where most of the big family gatherings took place), at least not exactly. The dream had done a Dream Warp on it, contorting it just enough to make it look different, but still feel familiar.

So there I was, standing in the kitchen, noticing how old and feeble my grandparents were acting. Probably a subconscious manifestation of some conscious fear I have of how Old they are becoming. Yes, that's Old with a capital 'O'. A couple years ago they were old. But now they are ooooooold. My grandpa more so than my g'ma.

In my dream, I saw my grandpa (who can barely walk) stumble and fall to his knees. I think he tripped over something, but I can't quite remember what it was. I made the move to go help him, as several other family members did, but then we saw him try to pick himself up. We stopped and stood where we were. And watched him prove that he could do it himself. He could stand on his own two feet and be perfectly fine. Because he's supposed to be strong, damn it. He's Grandpa. Ornery and fun and full of life Grandpa. He's supposed to be okay. He's supposed to be able to walk and enjoy the years he's got left. In real life he would have needed all the help he could get.

I don't remember how my grandma acted weak in my dream, but I know I saw it. At the end of the dream my mom was on my right side with her arm around in me in a half hug. She had her head leaning on my shoulder. My grandma came up to me on my left side and gave me a hug as well. I remember that she was really close to me. Her face was really close to mine as she looked up at me and asked, "So what are you studying now?"

I knew she was talking about college, and I didn't want to tell her that I haven't gone back to school yet. I didn't know what else to say though, so I thought I'd tell her what I wanted to study in the future. Only problem was I had no freaking clue what that was. I mean, there are lots of options on the list, but none really jump up and down and scream 'pick me! pick me!' So I'm standing there, in my dream, in a three way hug with my mom and grandma, fretting over the fact that I don't know what I want to study, what I want to major in, when I suddenly remember something. I've already come up with the answer! Just a couple of days ago I suddenly realized what I want to be when I grow up!!!

This is where the dream gets exciting. At was if a part of me was on the edge of my seat, watching the dream, waiting for the Big Reveal. I was anxious for The Answer. Finally, a freakin' answer!

In my dream I smiled, looked down at my grandma, and began to tell her that I finally figured out what I want to do. "Grandma I want to..."

And then the fucking alarm goes off. Right. Fucking. Then. Right before I said the magic answer. The answer that will finally point myself in a direction, saying 'Do this! Duuuh!'


Can you fucking believe it??? The answer. Was right there. And I missed it. I was soooooo ticked.

Subconsciously I must have known what time it was, with some sort of internal clock or something, and timed the dream just right to it wouldn't have to give anything away. The only thing missing was a voice over by Ms Subconscious Announcer Voice: Stay tuned... will You be able to figure things out in time before the Jaws of Life eat you alive?... Will the Joker and Penguin get away with their dastardly plot against the good folks of Gotham city?... Will Robin ever show up in a dream as your devoted love slave?... you'll have to wait until next time... same batty time... same batty channel...

I wonder if I had the answer, and my subconscious decided I wasn't quite ready for the information (a la Farscape, which I've been watching lots of lately. Heh.) Or maybe I don't have the answer, in any conscious state, and ... oh I don't know, which, unfortunately, is the whole problem. If I do ever find out the answer in a dream, I hope I remember it. That would suck to find the answer in a dream, then wake up and not remember anything.

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

guess what...

... its friggin June already!

Just thought I'd mention it. You know, in case you didn't know.

Because, like, it totally doesn't feel like its June.

Unless we're talking temperature-wise. Because damn its hot out there. Bleagh.

I wonder if there's anything I can sacrifice to the Car A/C gods in praise of the working air conditioner in my car. A small daisy perhaps. Or a misguided ant. Oh I know! I'll get... A SHRUBBERY!


Today's To Do List:
1. Be Awesome
2. get through work without as much sanity as possible
3. call stupid phone company, be put on hold for hour, and still not have problem solved
4. Laundry (so's i not stuck wearing Only Wear In Case of Emergency Undies 'cause they only clean pair left)
5. watch Yu-Gi-Oh! with the HB, thanks to my new spiffy tivo (!!!)
6. work out choreography to naked tap dancing routine
7. Drink excessive amounts of caffiene