Thursday, April 26, 2007

And the folders, they started talking to me, and... Garp!

I think CoWorker Jack has read yesterday's post. The one in which I claimed to be sunny. Because this is what I found in my email this morning.

Gee Jack, your microsoft paint skillz are really improving. Good job!



Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Interview Me

I saw this at fauve's and thought, 'I haven't done one of those before' so I offered to be interviewed, even though later I thought, 'hmm, actually, I think I have done one before'.

But I got some questions anyways so I'll be talking about myself, regardless. Which is always a plus. At least for me. I've had the questions for a couple of days now, but I've been sick with an Evil Stomach Virus From Hell, so I've been out of commission. Even back at work, I still feel out of commission. Meh. Stupid evil hell born stomach virus.

1. What is your greatest strength?

The ability to crack walnuts with my Tits of Steel (tm).

But seriously, um... I'd probably say it was my sunny disposition.

(Don't laugh Coworker Jack. I'm sunny dammit! I am! I am! I am!)

I'm usually (i.e. when not-work-stressed or evil-virus-recovering) positive and upbeat and can find the silver lining on almost every cloud. I dunno, I think that's a strength.

2. What is your biggest weakness?

This question reminds me of some of the interviews I've been on where they've asked this question. It's like good lord, do they really expect me to tell a possible future employer that I sing Neil Diamond songs in the shower? How does that make me look like a team player?

Seriously messed up work interview question. What's the point?!?! They don't want the truth. They want an imaginative lie. And I'm not good at on-the-spot lying. It's hard to come up with something that's bad but not 'pension for lighting squirrels on fire' bad. I guess I should have had a standard standby Weakness answer.

I usually responded with whatever I answered to the 'greatest strength' question, because that one always precedes the 'weakness' question. Like, if I'd answered, 'Oh, I'm very helpful' to the first question, I would responded with, 'Well, gosh, you see, sometimes I'm tooooo helpful.'

Such a hard question when being interviewed for a job.

But this isn't a job. So its easy to answer :)

A: laziness!

3. If you had $100 to spend on anything you wanted, what would you buy?

The new Sookie book. But that's not that expensive.

I could spend it on clothes. I was in my favorite clothes store the other day with my mom, days before my birthday, a combination that just screamed, "BIRTHDAY PRESENT TIME!" but this was the first day of the Evil Stomach Virus From Hell so I didn't even feel like trying anything on. :( No fancy pretty clothes from mommy for my birthday this year. So sad.

Is a $100 bucks enough to by a digital camera? If so, I'd buy one of those. One of the good ones.

If not, I'd spend it on a new flat screen monitor for the computer. Or better yet, I'd spend it on a new video card. I really need to start pimping the computer up a bit. Give it more juice. More bling bling. The monitor is like, huge and bulky and so 2001.

4. Are you superstitious? If so, what about?

No. Or at least I try not to be. I might have been when I was younger, I just can't quite remember at this time.

I do remember being in high school, on the water polo team, and seeing someone stick different coins under their swim cap for good luck. They would do this every game, and get all antsy if they were ever running out of time to do so. Watching the girl get all antsy made me think, "What if she didn't have time to put the coins under her cap? Would she think she's going to have bad luck? Is that going to totally mess her up in the game?"

So from then I tried not to have any superstitious rituals. Because if I forgot to touch a certain item or say a certain word or wear a certain item, it would have messed me up. You do the ritual for good luck. You do it because you believe to some extent that it will work. So if you break the ritual, how can you think that everything will still be fine and hunky dory? Trying to convince yourself that you didn't just curse yourself is not a good mind set to be in when you're about to compete against the enemy.

Oooh I just remembered a superstitious act I used to follow as a kid. When I walked home from school I wouldn't step on any cracks. You know, so my momma's back wouldn't break. It was more because I was bored than I was worried about the state of my mom's back, but I followed it almost religiously. Because the walk home was so boring.

Today, I'll step on the crack, I don't care. My mom's back isn't getting any worse.

If I spill salt, I'll toss some over my shoulder, but only because its silly fun.

I do knock on wood sometimes... mainly to hedge my bets. I guess that's the most superstitious that I get nowadays.

5. Have you ever tried online dating? If so, what were your experiences like?

Never tried it. I started dating the HB before that ever got big. Would I ever try it? Well... I'd hate to say no, never. But I'd be very reluctant, and hesitant for a long while, mainly because I would dread putting up a picture of myself. Bleagh.

Obligatory Addendum:

Don't forget to add the rules at the bottom:
If you want to continue, here are the rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me." And your email address.
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else
in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Sticky Forehead

If I didn't loathe the idea of posting a picture of myself on the internet, and if I had a digital camera like I've been wanting to get for the past gabillion years, I would so take a picture of myself with this post-it note stuck to my forehead that has the words "SMILE DAMMIT!" scribbled across it and post it here for the world to see.

I really would.

It made the stressed out Mr. Desk Neighbor chuckle, so I guess I could take it off now. Post-it note glue is kinda itchy after awhile. But I kinda like seeing the blue note hanging over my eyes. Like I'm a rebel with blue bangs or something.

Friday, April 13, 2007

In before quittin' time.

You know what, eating lunch at 9 in the morning really throws my day out of whack. A coworker went on a food run for the rest of us in the office this morning. Some people opted to eat breakfast. I opted to go the sandwich route.

And by 1pm this afternoon it felt like my day should have been long over. My brain kept thinking, "but we ate lunch hours ago! We should be heading home on the freeway by now! Why are we still here?"

My brain's kind of whiny like that sometimes.

I've decided to end this posting marathon (because yes, for me, four posts in one day means I've been marathoning it up like a post-marathoning-mutha-effer) with a post of:

Favorite Office Sayings Of The Day

"Don't get all butt-hurt"

(Question Time: Is the phrase hyphenated? Or is it 'butthurt'? Or maybe just two words like I'd originally typed before anal-y (heh) analyzing it? Hmmmm...)

Coworker #1: "Look, I found a power cord!"
Coworker #2: "Hey, more power to ya!"



(Inside office joke that will never get old!)

And my ultimate favorite and one I want to work into conversation at the first available opportunity:

"Don't trip, Biscuit, it's alright."

Things That Annoy Me: #238

I have a brother. (No, he's not Annoyance #238. Keep reading. Sheesh.) As far as I can remember, as long as we lived together (~16 years) we shared a bathroom. And I was fine with that. Sharing a bathroom with a boy, even one that happened to be my little brother, was a-okay with me. In fact, it never occurred to me to ever not be fine with it.

I mean, sure, he peed on the toilet seat occasionally, which, yeah, is kinda gross. But he's my brother. He's family. So it's not like it was 'ew I'm gonna die' gross. Close, but... anyway, I didn't mind sharing a bathroom with my brother.

When I moved away to college I moved into the dorms and shared a bathroom with a bunch of girls. But bathroom sharing with girls is not the topic of this post so let's move along shall we? Cool.

After a year of that I moved into a house with three guys and another girl and shared a bathroom with two of the guys. There was never a problem with this arrangement. I didn't mind sharing a bathroom with them. They were clean, friendly people. They were fellow swimmers, they was my peeps. In fact, I was probably the messiest of the three. Plus, I was a girl and had Girl Only products hidden in my little under-the-sink-cabinet so if anyone had a problem it was probably one of those two knuckleheads.

(Plus, I had this weird habit of putting strands of loose hair that came out after shampooing up on the wall (so they wouldn't clog up the drain) and sort of... sometimes... forgot to remove it when I removed myself from the shower. So they might have... uh... sometimes... stepped into the shower to find a big hairball hanging from the wall. I'm better at removing the hairy wall art now. Really.)

After a year of that I moved in with the HB. Who is a boy. And I've been sharing a bathroom with this boy for awhile now. And again, I'm in a situation where I'm the messiest bathroom occupant so sharing it with a neat person hasn't been that bad. Plus, he doesn't pee on the seat like my lil brother used to do. So its been all good.

So ever since I was little, and mommy and daddy came home with a brother of all things, I've shared a bathroom with someone of the opposite gender (except for that one wild year in college where I experimented sharing space with girls - heh). I've never really had a bad experience. Nothing that has ever made me throw my fist in there air, shout at the sky and proclaim, "NEVER AGAIN!" in regards to boy-bathroom-sharing.

But that was before They moved me into an office in the back of the warehouse.

The bathroom situation here at work hasn't always been the greatest. For a couple of years, as I worked in a different office here in the back, I had to think/plan ahead. It was about a five minute walk to the nearest bathroom (no joke, I timed it once) so it wasn't wise to hold it. (Which I tend to do. Don't ask me why, might just be a girl thing... or just a weird person thing). Because if you were in that office, and really had to go, it was really embarrassing to speed walk past people in the No-Pee-Pee squinch walk.

This new office though, has a bathroom right around the corner. Yeah!

Unfortunately, this bathroom is RIGHT across the hall (and by hall I mean tiny little area barely wide enough for 2 people to stand in and not touch inappropriately) from one of my bosses. And unfortunately, they didn't build these rooms back here with sound efficiency in mind. So any noise you make can be heard by anyone within a several foot radius. Any private stuff you want to do better be done when everyone is on their coffee break.

And yes, there is only one bathroom here. It's communal. Which means I have to share a bathroom with a bunch of boys. I didn't think I'd have a problem with this because I've shared bathrooms with boys before! Sharing bathroom space with boys is fine!



Not so much anymore. Not with the guys I have to work with.

I won't get into any of the 'omg ew I'm gonna die' grossness that's happened. But its definitely starting to annoy me. I've been tempted several times to make the 7 to 8 minute trek over to nearest bathroom.

Boys are so gross :P

I'm Loonzilla. Here me roar.

Work is starting to stress me out. To the point where I'm randomly busting out with my best Godzilla impression.


Trust me, it's enchanting. Like I'm channeling the power of an ancient siren or something.

We put all this work and effort into preparing for The Big Switch Over. It was supposed to happen this past January.

It didn't happen.

We were then told that most departments would Switch Over the following year, next January. My department, along with a few others, were told we'd enjoy the Switch Over in May.

So we've been preparing.

Gearing up for the Big Heave Hoe to the Old, girding our work-loins for the Big Howdy Do to the New. It's been a pain in the ass to say the least.

But there was comfort to be found, in the Fast As Hell approaching month of May. Almost every week, starting near the end of March, has brought this realization to mind:

"Holy crap nuggets its almost May! Do you know what the means? We're almost done with this crap!!!!"

Mental Snoopy dances quickly followed.

But everything can't remain peachy and rosy and snoopy happy forever. Not in Business World.

So I'm on this conference call earlier this week, getting a refresher on one of many aspects of my new job as it will appear in Big Switch Over Land. At the end of the call, at the end of the slideshow (conference meetings via the web are awesome), the leader of the call asked if there were any questions.

No one voiced any, and I'm hoping its because they're all like me: there are too many to ask, so were do we begin? I mean, the slideshow made sense. It was all neat and simple and to the point. But it doesn't talk about what to do when a), b), c), etc goes wrong. Because nothing in the Real World is ever so neat and simple and to the point. Well, at least when you work with morons. And really, who doesn't?

Seriously. Who doesn't? I want to know where to send in my resume!

One person grunted. A few people sighed. Someone laughed in a nervous twitter. But no questions were asked. The leader of the call then said, and I swear this is a direct quote:

"It's not as bad as you think."

Gee, I feel so much better now.

Well, I did, at least until someone mentions that The Big Switch over has been postponed. Again. For a couple of months at least. So all the hectic last minute rushes we've been doing has been a waste. Because we'll have to do it all over again in a couple of months.


Noodles! And how they annoy me.

I'm going to see how often I can post today. I've got a post already written. And a few ideas already noted down in this little word doc where I corral all the lame little ideas I get. And I'm kinda in a mood to write and post a bunch of them.

Possible Blog Fodder for Today: the bathroom situation at work and how it annoys me, insurance companies and how they annoy me, moronic coworkers and how they annoy me (common topic, but oh so fun to write about), and a cute conversation with the HB (who only annoys me every now and then, but makes up for it by listening to me complain about moronic coworkers and how they annoy me).

So I've got this idea to post a lot today. Which means total and utter chaos will happen here at work which will keep me from reaching this goal. Because that's what always happens when I plan something like this. And Fridays seems to be a prime time for all the work shit to hit the work fan.

Soooooo.... place your bets. Make your guess. Pick a number. How many posts can a post poster post if a post poster could post posts? And don't anyone think one, just this one, because then my feelings will be hurt.

Because I'm totally posting at least twice. Even if its just a one line "noodles!" post. :)