Wednesday, March 31, 2004

oh yeah. i rule.

Grammar God!
You are a GRAMMAR GOD!
If your mission in life is not already to preserve the English tongue, it should be. Congratulations and thank you!
How grammatically sound are you? brought to you by Quizilla

i'm not really a Grammar God. my grammar is quite atrocious sometimes. but i'll take the title anyway. so you can now commence/continue with your worshipping.

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Ten on Tuesday

Ten Favorite Foods

  1. french fries
  2. buttermilk brownies
  3. big fat juicy hamburger on sourdough bread
  4. grandma's homemade potato salad
  5. apple crisp
  6. key lime pie
  7. 'kookaburra' wings from the Outback restaurant - (omg. can you see me drooling yet?)
  8. ribeye steak
  9. baked potato cheese soup
  10. handfuls of grated cheese and chopped up onions - (I swear I could have a whole meal of this and nothing else and be as happy as a drunk bumble bee.)

Note to self: do not compile a 'favorite foods' list while hungry and food-less and money-less and stuck at work with no fridge to raid.

This list isn't, by any means, a TOP ten list, and there is no ranking, because if I gave more thought to these delicious foods I'd get so insanely hungry I'd start eating my desk. I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing the company I work for frowns upon such activities.

Tuesday is Chooseday

tuesday is chooseday

Would you rather...

1. find out your best friend is selling secrets to terrorists OR find out they download child pornography?

on the one hand, I'd rather find out they were downloading the porn, because I think that could be better explained. I'd believe she was doing 'research' for something very important more than I'd believe she was a spy, posing as a double agent or something. But if she was reaaaally doing these things... I think I'd rather find out she was selling secrets to terrorists. No. Wait. I'd still rather find out she was downloading the porn. Because looking at the child porn is gross, but it doesn't really hurt anyone. (Except the people around her maybe). But selling secrets to terrorists could hurt a whole lot of people.

2. pluck out all your nose hairs with tweezers OR shave (face or legs) with an old, rusty blade?

With the first, my eyes would be watering like crazy and my poor nose would be sore. But the pain would go away.
Shaving with a rusty blade? That doesn't sound much better. Is the blade still sharp? Is there potential to cut yourself? Because if there is, I don't want to be shaving myself with the old rusty nasty blade. If its dull, it won't do a very good job, and will be a pain to shave anything off. That doesn't sound enjoyable. I guess I'd rather pluck out all my nose hairs. I think. Maybe.

3. the official language of the united nations become klingon OR esperanto?

Esperanto. I've never heard the language before so I don't know how nice it sounds or how useful it is. But the Klingon language has a disadvantage. I don't think there are words for warm and fuzzy things. Like peace. And harmony. And kindness. And 'don't hit him that's not a very nice thing to do' And the official language of the UN should have nice cozy words like that. Does the Klingon language have those words? My klingon/english dictionary is hidden away in one of my book boxes and not readily accessible, so I can't be totally 100% sure.

4. have a very "energetic" orgasm every time you sneeze OR fart loudly every time you have an orgasm?

I would rather have a very 'energetic' orgasm every time I sneezed. And would invest in sneeze inducing stuff. so I could sneeze when ever I needed a little pick me up. :) If I could have an ANY type of orgasm every time I sneezed that would be awesome. and yeah, you might look a little funny, being all 'energetic' and such. But you're sneezing. So blame it on the sneeze! I've seen people have weird convulsions when they sneeze. So it wouldn't be too far fetched of a thing to believe. Farting every time you orgasm would be embarrassing. And would so ruin the mood. That wouldn't be much fun at all.

dear diary

i haven't written in you for, like, ever. sorry 'bout that. but you see, i've been busy. doing lots of reading and writing. lots and lots of writing actually. and even some 'rithmatic. damn tax season. guess what my accountant told me. she told me i'm a prime example of how a person can get screwed by the new tax law or whatever. doesn't that suck? i think it does. damn the man! save the empire! my empire that is. bah!

i've been busy doing other stuff too. like, the other day, some guy called me a caca head. so i had to kick his ass. and then i saw his friends laughing. they were probably laughing at the speed at which their friend's ass got beat. but they might have been laughing at me. so just to be on the safe side i kicked their asses too. it sure was fun. wish you were there dear diary. and then i stepped into an alternate dimension and soon i was abducted by some aliens who kind of looked like Jamie Farr... oh wait. that last sentence is a lyric from a weird al song. it didn't really happen. but it sounds cool. and i'm all about the cool dear diary, as you most obviously know.

oops. time for me to go. have to go work on my next writing assignment. and catch up on blogs. and eat the apple i brought into work last week that's been sitting in the fridge all by its lonesome waiting for someone to eat it. so i will be that someone. because i'm good at that. eating apples that is. i rarely injure myself anymore from it. and my brain needs a break. yeah. that's it. brain break time! talk to you later dear diary. peace out!

Thursday, March 25, 2004

my cap must be defective

I have a bottle of Dr. Pepper in front of me. They have a 'look under the cap' prize game going on. So that's what I did. I looked under the cap. It said: PLEASE TRY AGAIN. So I put the lid back on. And tried again. This time, when I looked under the cap, it still said: PLEASE TRY AGAIN. So I put the lid back on it. I waited a minute. Thinking maybe I tried again too soon last time. A minute later I unscrew the cap, turn it over, and guess what I found written underneath it? PLEASE TRY AGAIN. Damn. This game is hard.

I'm trying to work on this writing project of mine. I should be working on my writing assignment, but I can't concentrate on it here at work. So I'll save it for home. But this writing project, I can work on it at work. But I'm distracted at the moment. And not just from playing the cap game with my Dr. Pepper. No, the damn lego game that I found over at nef's blog is distracting me. I should be writing. Instead I'm playing with lego ducks. But I'll stop when I beat the first level. Yep. Because too many people keep coming into the office, which means I have to fake the funk and do some actual work. Dammit. I wanna play with my legos! At least until I beat this first level. Uh huh. Then I'll back to writing. Because this project has been left unfinished for waaaaaay too long.

If only I could win this damn Dr. Pepper game. Then I could quit my job and write and play with legos all the time. That would be awesome.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

fifty word fiction

I wrote another Fifty Word Fiction story yesterday. It's titled 'Stanley the Guardian Shrub.' Catchy, eh? Yeah, I know. But that's the best I could come up with.

The story was a hard one to write because I was way over the 50-word mark before I was even half way done with Stanley's tale.

So I had to cut it down a bit. A lot of bits actually.

And unfortunately it was much better before the cuts. I should have kept all those words instead of deleting them, so I could write a longer version of the shrub story. But then, it's really too stupid a story to write a longer version of it. So here it is, in the smallest form possible to create the least amount of eye bleeding:

Stanley the Guardian Shrub

I was walking through the woods when a shrub shook its leaves and roared, "Access denied!"

I ignored it so it shook again.

"I am Stanley! Beware my shrubbery fighting skills!"

I moved quickly, stomping it to the ground.

"Beware my stomping skills beyotch!" I said and continued my walk.

I don't like it, but I think I'm going to submit it to the Fifty Word Fiction site anyway. Only I don't know what category to classify this as.

Is it 'dark' because of the shrub's death?
Is it 'sci-fi' because of the shrub's speech abilities?
Is it 'comedy' because of the name Stanley?
Is it 'general fiction' because of the army like quality of I's fighting skills?
Or is it 'other' because it doesn't fit anywhere else?

I think there needs to be a 'strange' category. And in that I would reign supreme! Woo! Well, not really. But a girl can dream, can't she?

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Ten On Tuesday

Ten Sports You Love to Watch

  1. water polo
  2. ballroom dancing - (that's right! I'm calling it a sport!)
  3. aussie rules football - (especially when my parents are around so I can ask questions)
  4. ice skating / ice dancing
  5. volleyball
  6. naked tap dance races
  7. hockey - (especially in person)
  8. male synchronized swimming
  9. soccer - (but only when played by kids younger than 9)
  10. diving

Tuesday is Chooseday

tuesday is chooseday

Would you rather...

1. get an inner ear infection that leaves you feeling off balance for the next 2 years OR get a compound fracture in your arm that leaves your dominant hand useless for the next 6 months?

I'm already a big time klutz so I need all the balance I can get. If I was off balance for 2 years I'd do more than get a compound fracture in my arm. So I'll take the second option. Get it over with in 6 months. And become a skilled lefty.

2. discover a new species of plant OR write a book?

Write a book write a book write a book write a book.

I've started to write one. But never really finished it. I want to though. And I want to write another one. A complete one. A better one.

Maybe I'll write one about discovering a new species of plant. A talking plant. That likes to be called Stanley Big Leaf. Even though he's only got tiny little baby leaves. That Stanley, he's a dreamer. And is hoping to have big leaves when he grows up. Just like his older brothers. And...

3. push the button that launches a nuclear missle at another country OR pull the trigger that kills just one suspected terrorist?

I'd rather pull the trigger and kill one instead of causing the horrible damage a nuclear missile could do. Even if I wasn't the one deciding to push the button, I'd know if it wasn't me it would be someone else. Still, I don't think I could do it. But could I physically pull the trigger and shoot a suspected terrorist? I don't know. I still think I'd rather do the latter.

4. your parents tell you that you were conceived doggy style OR reverse cowboy?

Oh my googally moogally gosh! Such images! Umm.... I think I'd rather my parents tell me it was from the cowboy. Because... well, to write the reason down would mean I'd have to think about it more. And I'm done with this one.

Monday, March 22, 2004

in case you were wondering...

the weather in hell today is:

sunny, fair, incredibly painful.

don't believe me? look over there on the right. no your other right. oh, wait. you had it right the first time. look over there ---> and down a bit. underneath the HB's unchanging mood. it tells me the weather down in hell. which will come in handy if i ever have to make a visit. i can plan my stay around the scorchers. because its time i get tanned up a bit and stopped looking like the state puff marshmellow man's long lost third cousin twice removed.

smackdown at the o.k. office corral

okay, so here's the thing. someone's ticking me off today. no, don't worry. its not you. this time. its this guy across the hall.

see, all the doors in the offices up front stay open when you open them. except for the door to the office i work in. one of the supervisors removed some spring-a-ma-jig and voila! door closes! take that all you annoying people who like to poke your heads and bother us with your nonsense chatter!

they also rigged it so that if someone wants to keep the door open, they can open it all the way, wedging the door up against a big-ass file cabinet. if there's a lot of in and out traffic, its handy to have it stay open. but that's not its default location. the default location is closed. i like it that way because my back is to the door, directly in front of it. and anyone walking by can see me messing around on the internet. having the door closed gives me a second to ALT+TAB to another screen. very handy. also very nerve wracking. but hey, i like living on the edge.

the thing that's ticking me off is this: Mr. Dopey, some supervisor who's office is across the hall, comes over to our office, opens the door, wedges it open agaist the file cabinet, and walks in. that's fine. dandy even. he talks with someone, conducts some work business. then leaves.

does he close the door behind him? that's a big fat NOOOOOOOO!

how rude. you saw the door closed when you came in. how hard is it to put it back where you found it?

he must have been a little boy.

so anyway. it was a no biggie. it was annoying, but then the door was closed and we all move on.

a couple hours later, mr. dopey opens the door and wedges it against the file cabinet. i turn to see who's there. he reads one of the notices pushpinned to the FRONT of the door, then leaves. he wedges the door open, reads something for five seconds, the walks way. just freakin walks away without closing the damn door!



okay. i think i'm over it now. i also think its time i go eat something. before i start going crazy or something.

my new favorite saying

I want my rubber ducky!
Volo anaticulum cumminosam meam!
"I want my rubber ducky!"
Okay, so you're a little childish. You know how to have a good time.
Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You? brought to you by Quizilla

rubber ducky, rubber ducky. where for art thou rubber ducky? i neeeed you. now! oh the anguish of being parted from you! because i'm awfully fond of you! because you make bathtime so much fun! no one makes it more fun than you. except for mr. removable shower head. but he broke. cheap bastard. so it's all about you now rubber ducky! you're the best!

Friday, March 19, 2004

loon is bored and still stuck at work

I was playing around, killing some time, and decided to find out what my googlisms are. I've checked out the site before, but it doesn't hurt to keep updated on this stuff. Especially if you're avoiding actual things you need to be doing.

Here are some of my favorites for 'loon':

loon is an easy intermediate mountain - I am currently practicing for my highly difficult expert mountain status exam
loon is anything but common in the state of Michigan - does that mean I'm common elsewhere? *pout*
loon is the largest member of its genus - yes. its true. I have a large genus. Wanna make something of it?
loon is found along the western coast of the united states during the fall and winter - hell yeah I am. Its warmer here.
loon is fed up with republicans - *giggle*
loon is hiring - apply within. uh, that doesn't sound right...
loon is known as the chinese unicorn - betcha didn't know that, huh?!
loon is one of a kind - which means I lose at poker all the time. You know, 'cause the two of a kinds and such beat me
loon is a throwback to a time - when complete sentences were unnecessary
loon is striking in appearance - damn skippy!
loon is quite awkward - indeed
loon is the woeful cry of a warrior who's been denied passage into heaven - "WTF? Access denied? Looooooooooon!
loon is extremely awkward - all right! sheesh. I get the point!
loon is about real web sites - fake web sites reeeeally get on my nerve. Damn posers!
loon is er - exactly
loon is eerie and haunting - hey! That's not nice!
loon is usually open - neither is that. hrmph!
loon is found - where was I? Under the sofa?
loon is the kind of bird that doesn't fly in our flock - I've got my own flock, with its very own drum beat.
loon is the state’s largest ski area - hey now! If this is some dig about my big fat ass I'll... I'll.. sit on you. That'll teach ya.
loon is precisely that with windows - um. okaaaaaaay
loon is an intermediate and advanced cruisers delight - cruisers are some of my biggest fans
loon is as much a part of the experience as fresh air - oooh, I'm a part of the experience! Wheeee!
loon is obtained via the black duck joint venture helicopter survey - yes. complete the survey, and if you answer the questions right I pop out of thin air. sorry it has to be so covert. i'm hiding from Them after all.
loon is also known as red - yet loon has no idea who its known too.
loon is enamoured of bad dubbing - such a guilty pleasure this is. it tickles me to watch mouths moving with a five second sound delay.
loon is well known for it’s haunting calls and yodeling. - its true. I like to call random people and say 'boo!' a lot. There's a case study out there about it. and me. and my irresistible urge to yodel every time I hear the word 'bric-a-brac'

And some favorites for 'lisa':

lisa is adyktive - fuhken A doode!
lisa is on - ain't I always?
lisa is framed - which makes it difficult to go to the bathroom sometimes
lisa is back - like the backstreet boys. all right!
lisa is forever smiling - :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
lisa is set to go wild in zambia - watch out 'cause here I come! Ready to get down with my wild self. Woo!
lisa is likely to see signals from mbhs peter bender jila / - Is that nonsense right there a signal? I can't tell. Darn it.
lisa is crowned - ain't my tiara beee-yyouu-tiful?
lisa is cool - I knew it!
lisa is absolutely correct - yes. that's right. I am absolutely correct. its such a burden sometimes.
lisa is king of the world - bring out the court jester!
lisa is a loser - um... well... uh... not all the time, mind you
lisa is adyktively versatile - 'tis true. I am currently typing AND chewing gum at the same time.
lisa is cool have you seen lisa's journal? i like it an awful lot and i'm sure you will - a great recommendation
lisa is a production - complete with costumes and props and lame dialogue
lisa is gonna get it on come and watch - tickets go on sale Monday. only $1 million! get 'em while their hot.
lisa is hot - just like those tickets. you know it baby! ROWR!
lisa is kept in the warden's office - 'cause I've been a bad girl? Tee hee
lisa is editor - I'm also writer and producer
lisa is a very experienced musical theatre actress and dancer who most recently starred in les miserables - I would LOVE to star in les mis! I'd be Eponine. Or one of the chorus girls so that during the 'Lovely Ladies' song I could wear a corset and dress that smushes my boobs together painfully yet nicely
lisa is now a minimal hurricane - only minimal?? Well, that blows. Hehehe.
lisa is sitting pretty enough - enough for what? I wonder
lisa is still in college - 'still' being the key word there. I'll finish one of these days. As soon as I go back.
lisa is a story about a man named george - huh?
lisa is fully functional - *nudge nudge wink wink say no more*
lisa is the voice behind some of the 1980s' most memorable songs - like 'The Monkey Tango' and 'Two Eyes are Better Than One (But I Still Love My Little Cyclops)'
lisa is a slighly boring character because she's so good all the time - yeah. sorry 'bout that. can't be helped I'm afraid.
lisa is an enthusiastic and motivated teacher who is totally inspired to assist others in finding their own answers - sounds like something I should put on my resumé
lisa is used first as an attribute of absolute and absolutely corrupt power - all I have to say to that is MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!
lisa is highly complementary to the large ground - I don't think that's particularly flattering.
lisa is in the third grade - just because I sometimes act like a third grader doesn't mean I am one!
lisa is similar to a dynamic link library - I have no idea if that's a good thing or not?
lisa is a spunky - this makes no sense. But I still like it. Because its fun to say. I'm a spunky!
lisa is difficult to photograph - because I'm so stunningly beautiful. Its hard to recreate such awe inspiring beauty on film. lisa is also full of herself.
lisa is hot; lisa is hot; lisa is hot; lisa is hot; lisa is hot; lisa is hot; lisa is hot - got that? no? I'm hot. HOT I tell you!
lisa is commomly called honeymoon cystitis - elementary kids can be so cruel out on the playground
lisa is no longer in a class of her own - which is a good thing. When I was by myself, the teacher always new which student was throwing spit balls at her.
lisa is decendants of darkness comming soon from cpm - ooooh! Sounds scary.
lisa is real - real California cheese. Heh heh heh
lisa is bored and needs to kill time - which is the reason behind this post, in case you couldn't tell
lisa is not wearing much - if you call a thong and pasties not much
lisa is designed with one key factor in mind - ABSOLUTE SUPERIORITY IN ALL THINGS
lisa is used to maintain over 1150 separate websites - no wonder I feel so tired
lisa is leonardo da vinci ? - is that who I was in a past life? maybe I should take up painting.
lisa is a goddess - I feel this is the best description yet.

"I was a junior chipmunk. We had to be versed in all the woodland creatures... Squeaky squeak squeaker squeaken."

I'm not really a junior chipmunk. Kronk is. Was. Whatever.

But I am a fast typer. Especially when I'm on a email babbling roll. I'm not super speedy fast, but I am a lot faster at it than the guys in my office. My former Immediate Boss, who has since left this crazy crazy place, likened me once to the Airline Ticket Counter Girl with the crazy fast typing at the end of the movie Meet The Parents, when Greg Focker is trying to buy a ticket home. Remember her? No? Oh. Well anyways...

Mr. Funny Office Man always tells me to stop typing so fast because I'm making his fingers jealous. I usually just roll my eyes at him and continue with the typing.

Earlier today he was marveling at my typing speed and said, "You type faster than uh... uh..."
His voice trailed off as he tried to come up with a funny comparison.
Me, being ever so helpful, offered up the first thing that popped into my head. "... a squirrel in heat?"
Mr. Funny chuckled.
Then he said, "I think I saw that movie. The Fast and the Furriest."


you should see some of the baskets i've made. they so purty.

Friday Five

If you...

1. ...owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?

best dang french fries in the whole wide world

2. ...owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell?

used books

3. ...wrote a book, what genre would it be?

I did write a book. Sort of. And it was part scifi/fantasy part comedy. At least it attempted to be a comedy. :)

If I wrote another book, I think it might be a romance comedy. I don't know if I could write one, but I'm tempted to try.

Maybe I could write a scifi/fantasy romance comedy! Now there's an idea. ::filing idea away in memory file cabinet::

4. ...ran a school, what would you teach?

underwater basket weaving

5. ...recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it?

broadway show tunes

Thursday, March 18, 2004

"'Tis but a scratch... I've had worse... It's just a flesh wound!... I'm INVINCIBLE!!!"

Last night I pulled the rice cooker from a top shelf.

Now, for those of you who think (because I'm obviously one talented super genius mofo) that I'm rich enough to afford my own personal chef, my own Rice Cooker Person, that first sentence might sound a little strange.

You might start to wonder why my cook was hiding in a shelf in my kitchen. You might start to think that I hired a paranoid contortionist chef who was hiding from government spies. Or you might think I have a faerie or goblin or a magical dust bunny in my employ, taking a little nap in one of my cupboards.

If you are thinking that, well, you're wrong (but you get a bonus point for having such a wonderful imagination.) Truth is, I have no personal cooker person. Yet. But oh yeah, I'm working on it. Because I am, after all, one talented super genius mofo. It even says so on my business cards.

But anyway, back to my original topic...

Last night I pulled a kitchen appliance called a rice cooker from a top shelf. I forgot that the heavy glass lid was a separate item. As in not attached. And therefore susceptible to the whims of gravity.

If I had remembered, the lid wouldn't have fallen and landed on my head.


Why is it that when you want to bruise, you don't? And when you don't, you do?

I wanted my forehead to bruise. A great big gnarly blue and purple bruise. Because it hurts dammit. And I want a few 'Poor Baby!'s from my coworkers. I'll even take a few 'Dumbass!'s from them for one 'Poor Baby!'

Stupid rice cooker lid.

And hey, what if I suddenly get woozy?! I want people to know the wooze is from a heinous head injury and not from me downing too many shots of tequila before work. Another reason to need a bruise.

Maybe since there's no bruise the ouch-ness will go away quicker. It's already feeling better today.

It only hurts when I do this...

::touches bump on head::


See? Sore. But still, it's feeling much better now.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

one boy half a brain, two boys no brain

i've never heard that saying before. i read an example of it here. it makes me chuckle. silly boys. :)

i'm taking a break...

...before i poke out my eyeballs with a reece's peanut butter cup. because hey, it'd be a shame to waste the chocolate.

i'm doing some clean up of the software program we use here at work. its boring, repetitive, banging-head-on-desk-is-only-relief kind of work. bleagh. and now its being difficult, sayig i can't delete the records i need to delete because a program is using them. but i can't figure out what program. i think i know which one, because nothing else comes close to being the right one, but there's no way to delete anything from that program, so that can't be it, because that wouldn't make ANY FRELLING SENSE!!!!!!!! grrrrrrrr. its just a great big mess.

but at least i have a peanut butter cup to keep me company while i do it.

and this quiz.

81% Of The Internet Loves Me!
I am loved by 81% of the population, including:
13827 people who love writers
9328 people who love women
9795 people who love students
In return, I love 77% of the population, including:
9308 happy people
4037 naked people
1727 vampires
show the love at

i am loved. so it's all good in my crazy 'hood full of happy naked people. and vampires.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Ten on Tuesday

Ten Great Ice Cream Flavors

  1. chocolate chip cookie dough
  2. Ben & Jerry's Phish Food
  3. rainbow sherbert
  4. hokey pokey ice cream
  5. oreo cookies and cream
  6. orange sherbert
  7. coffee almond
  8. rocky road
  9. toffee crunch
  10. pistachio

oh i am soooo in the mood for some ice cream now.

Tuesday is Chooseday

tuesday is chooseday

Would you rather...

1. walk to school OR carry your lunch? (that goes out to my oma who used to ask me that when i was little)?

I would rather carry my lunch. That way I can show off my cool Wonder Woman lunch box.

And what if it decides to rain? Walking home from school in the rain sucks (which I had to do many a time when I was little.) I love the rain, love walking in the rain, love pretending I'm Gene Kelly in Singin' In The Rain, but singing and dancing in the rain only amuses me for so long. Then my rain soaked soggy socks make me grumpy.

2. drink green beer and throw up for the next hour OR drink green beer and pass out and wake up in an unknown place?

I would rather throw up for an hour. Passing out and waking up in an unknown place would be super scary. Because what if I hadn't just passed out? What if the last two years of my life had been erased from my memory? What if the Covenant wanted my super spy skills and tried to brainwash me into working for their side? What if I've got Alias too much on my brain at the moment? Heh.

3. catch a leprechaun and he give you his pot of gold but the police think you stole the gold and you go to prison OR have to run away from a leprechaun that's evil like the one in this movie?

I've never seen the movie, and I don't know how evil an evil leprechaun can be, but I'll take the jail route, just to be on the safe side. And then with my gold I'll hire a Johnny Cochran and he'll get me out of jail on some technicality.

4. call in "sick" to work so you can go celebrate st. patrick's day with your friends OR go to work and your boss takes you all out to party?

I'll let the boss take us out, and pay for everything. Then I'll go party with my friends after work. :)

i know someone from tv. sure, its only in my dreams that i know her, but still, i think that should count for something.

The other night I had a really funky dream. The HB and I were in this house, and part of the wall moved. And the part moving was made out of glass with fancy brass designs woven through it. It moved as if it were part of a larger circle, and it was spinning around something we couldn't see, deep on the other side of the wall. All we could see was a part of the glass that stuck out of the wall. It was super cool. And I kept seeing the same date everywhere. 1943. or 1947. or 1974. I can't quite remember what the date was now. But I saw it more than once. I think there was a big plaque on the wall with the date on it in big numbers. It was the date of when the house was built. I do remember that. When I told the HB about this dream he said that dreaming numbers was important. It meant something. Hopefully it wasn't anything too important, since I can't remember what the number was.

Last night I had another weird dream, and was able to recall some of it this morning. Not all, but some of it. Here's what I remember...

I was in Las Vegas with a bunch of people. One of those people was my mom. We were in a casino, sitting in a row of comfy chairs, doing something. Like gambling on some sort of carnival type game. I can't quite remember.

But I do remember that I was being annoying. I was being perky and loud and having fun, and apparently that was getting on someone's nerves. So my mom and I went over to a nearby row of slot machines. We stationed ourselves at the end of the row.

Now, on these machines was the number 31. As we approached the machines I thought to myself, 'it isn't a 31 cent machine. Or a 31 dollar machine. It's a one dollar machine, yet it still has the number 31 on it.' Fascinating how the Dream Me is so observant :)

So I put a dollar in my slot machine, and was happy when I won money. If you're unlucky on the dollar machines, your money goes by fast. I don't remember what was on the face of the machine, all I remember was that there were four squares, one on top of the other, and they were digital readouts. I put in my dollar and each square lit up with a one. I won four dollars! Woo! My mom, who is one of the luckiest people I know when it comes to slot machine playing, was playing two machines next to me. Playing two, because she's so damn lucky she can't contain her winnings on just one machine.

So she played two machines, and since I was apparently being lucky, I played two machines as well. I put in my dollars and was about to hit the button when my mom pushed them for me. I was pissed. Because I was afraid that if I won a huge jackpot they'd give the money to her, since she was the one who pushed the buttons. So I told her to keep her hands away from my machine. Then my mom went and pushed the buttons again. Over and over again. She kept pushing on her machine's buttons then mine, like a little child going 'na na na na na.'

Then the machines went blank. I wanted to scream, because I'd just had a 4 and a 2 and a 1 and a 2 come up on one of my machines. And yeah, that's only 9 bucks, but still! I was winning!

Someone came over to help us, and said that excessive play on the end machines sometimes caused the machines to blank out. In my dream, this sounded totally reasonable. The helper lady reset our machines, then walked away. 'What about my money!' I said. I was ready to downshift into full bitch mode to get my money.

Next thing I knew, my mom and I were filling out a claim form. Sweet! She had already filled hers out, so I was filling out my claim on the next line.

And for some reason someone was standing right next to me, peering over my shoulder, watching me like a hawk. I can't remember what the categories were that they wanted me to fill out, but there were some I skipped, like I didn't know the answer to them or something, and the person watching me was making me nervous, and I didn't want to sit and ponder the question because I didn't want the person to think I was stupid and didn't know what to put in the blank. Weird.

Then I had to fill out how much money the machine stole from me. I was thinking of putting down two 4's and one 2, instead of one 4 and two 2's. Then the woman standing behind me said something.

Only it wasn't just any woman. It was Katrina from the NBC show The Apprentice. And in my dream I knew her. I can't remember what she said to me exactly, but she accused me of running some scam and getting a lot of money from the casino. My first thought was 'I really don't like you bitch' and my second thought was 'hey, I was only going to get two more dollars!'

And that's all I remember.

I wonder what the number 31 meant. Does it mean anything? Is it significant? Or did my subconscious think it would be funny, since I had recently pondered the significance of numbers in dreams, and decide to through in some random numbers in my dreams. I bet its sitting back, cackling evil-ly, thinking 'Ha! Figure that one out!'

I'll have to research this further. Because if 31 is some lucky number I have to play in the lotto, I need to hurry up and find out!

Monday, March 15, 2004

i need a new straight jacket. this one totally clashes with my shoes

my eyeballs hurt. i don't know why. probably because i've been staring at a computer too much. and because i was trying to finish my writing assignment. which i finished in the nicholas of time. go me! now i need to go eat lunch, because there is a rumbly in my tumbly and its speaking Hungarian. ha! get it? its speaking... eh, never mind. i'm too smart-brain-cell deprived at the moment to explain. and now i shall leave you with a song. or a poem, in case you can't hear my humming.

monday, monday
why do you suck so?
monday, monday
you just a big hairy ho!

thank you! thank you! ::bows to the applause:: i'll be here all week. unfortunately. ::grumble grumble::

seriously. i'm going to find something to eat now. toodles everyones!

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... and you think ... ?

  1. Old Navy:: gap
  2. Out:: in
  3. Indecent:: exposure
  4. UPN:: voyager
  5. Pupil:: eye
  6. Toothpaste:: orange... BAM! - (new dumb commercial they keep playing over and over again. arrrggghhh!)
  7. 1999:: par-tay!
  8. Passion:: hunger
  9. Social security:: number
  10. Cliff:: diver

Friday, March 12, 2004

fridayitis nonsense

I went to a She-Ra themed birthday party once. I was in the second grade at the time. Instead of a birthday cake, the mom made little individual mound shaped cakes. She frosted them and then stuck a She-Ra doll in them. The dolls looked like they had big ball gown skirts on. So we all got our own 'She-Ra with a frosting skirt'. That was pretty cool. But when we were done eating the skirt part we had to give back the doll. Because they belonged to the birthday girl. That kinda sucked.

Viewing this site caused a major 80's flashback for me. And it made me wish I still had my She-Ra toys. So I could play with them and brush their hair. And pretend we were about to go out and save the day while dressed in bad-ass chic outfits.

I was envious of the friend with all the She-Ra toys. I had a lot of dolls, but she had everything. Every single She-Ra doll and She-Ra friend and She-Ra accessory and She-Ra castle imaginable. She had every other toy and game out there as well. At least that's how it seemed to my little 7-year-old mind. And she had little tv in her room. Gah!

I had never realized what a dumb name She-Ra was until I typed it four times in one sentence.

She-With-The-Dumb-Name still kicked ass though. Because of this, and the cool outfits, and the fact that she was known as the 'Princess of Power' and got to carry a sword and ride a flying horse, I wanted to be like her when I grew up. Turns out I'm still growing. And still wanting to be like her. Talk about an interesting career move. :)

white chocolate candy bars - the breakfast of procrastinators

Friday Five

1. What was the last song you heard?

Mad World by Gary Jules

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
are the best I've ever had.

2. What were the last two movies you saw?

Hildalgo - which I saw in the theater.
Whale Rider - which I saw on the tv, thanks to my dvd player and my dvd. I looooooove this movie.

3. What were the last three things you purchased?

A bottle of Dr. Pepper
A lunchable

4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?

- Find time to work on this week's writing assignment
- Make up a character, have a nice long chat with her (which reminds me of something I read on one of my favorite author's blogs about talking to her characters and needing therapy after listening to all their problems) and then finish the writing assignment
- Proof read the writing assignment and turn it in
- try not to think about the fact that I don't have any money to go to Las Vegas and get attacked by the Borg. (the Star Trek Experience at the Hilton is so cool, and now they've got the Borg Invasion 4-D. Yeah, that's right. 4-D!!!!)

5. Who are the last five people you talked to?

- the HB
- a coworker who held the side door open for me so I didn't have to walk further to the main door
- a coworker who's been playing the penguin game all week
- a coworker who just now gave me a white chocolate Nestle Crunch bar (ohmygod its delicious!)
- a coworker who asked if he could borrow my pen. to which I said no. because my pens seem to disappear when I let people borrow them. I'm protective of my pens. I want them to know that they can trust me. that I will take care of them. that way they won't run out of ink during an important note taking or scribbling-down-brilliant-idea-that-will-make-me-a-bagillionaire moment.

((hmm... how very un-exciting some of these things are. next time i shall make things up. last song i heard was It's Not Unusual by Tom Jones, because i was at his concert. and he brought me up on stage. and the last movie i saw was the new Batman movie. because i was there on the set. and actually stood in the same square mile as christian bale ::swoon::. and the last things i purchased was an island, and all i need to do this weekend is sell sign a few autographs. and the last person i talked to was Albert Einstein at a seance, and he told me a was a brilliance in its purest of forms. yeah. that sounds interesting enough.))

IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!


Thursday, March 11, 2004

yes she's evil, most definitely...

One of the guys in my office, my Immediate Boss, is quitting. Tomorrow is his last day. And for the last week or so he's been a man obsessed.

Obsessed with playing the bloody version of the penguin whacking game (it's very bloody, so beware you faint of heart). Obsessed with playing it at work because of iwontworkherenextweeksoicangoofoffitis). Obsessed with beating a coworker's high score. It's been really entertaining. I'm glad I introduced them to the game. :)

The two of them have been going at it, whacking penguins over and over and over again, trying to be top dog. Or top yeti I guess.

Last Friday, my soon to be no-longer Immediate Boss sends email to Other Guy: "I just got 923.8! Beat that!"
On Monday, OG emails back: "Well I just got 993! Beat THAT!"
On Tuesday, IB emails me and OG: "1030.3"

Oh, it was really on after that. I tried playing it a few times, but couldn't even get close to breaking the 800 mark. I guess I just didn't have the heart to give it my all, that's why I will never be champion of the bloody penguin throw.

That didn't stop yet another co-worker guy from trying though. He's become obsessed in his quest to become the ultimate mack-daddy penguin whacker. The game seems to be highly addictive with the male species.

Yesterday, OG wrote up his latest high score, 1146.2, up on the marker board here in the office.

When Mr. Big Boss Man came in, he saw the number, and asked, "What is that?" I, unfortunately drinking water at the time, tried not to snort water all over my keyboard. My IB, who had quickly changed window screens with Mr. BBM came in, gave him a good answer, and Mr. BBM soon went away.

Today, about an hour ago, the MDPW strode into the office and triumphantly crossed out the number 1146.2. Above it he wrote 1219.7. He was so proud of himself. If he'd had peacock feathers sticking out of his butt he would have been strutting. Instead, he gloated a bit then went back to his own office.

And then brilliance struck me. Actually, I'd had the idea last week, but didn't really want to bother with it. But now I did. I told the three guys hanging out in the office (the IB wasn't present) what I was going to do. They all started chuckling. And pressuring me to hurry. "Patience boys. Don't rush my art."

I pulled up the bloody penguin game, clicked and whacked, and watched the penguin head fly. I got a score of 590.6. I made a copy of the image, opened up the paint application, and doctored the image by drawing a one in front of the five. 1590.6! Beat that! heh heh heh.

While I printed out the image one of the chuckle guys skipped out the door to go tell MDPW that his record had just been smashed! MWHAHAHAHAHA! MDPW saw the print out and his mouth dropped open. "I'm not playing that damn game anymore," he said. Then he looked at the picture, growled in frustration, and said, "Okay, just a little bit more." He went back to his office like a man on a mission.

Mr. Funny, who said I was the bombette because of my excellent picture faking skills, just came from MDPW's office and said he's sulking. And trying to beat my 'score'. I kind of feel bad now. I probably should have let him have at least an hour or so to gloat. Especially in front of IB when he gets back from his 2 hour lunch. But oh well. :) I'll tell him tomorrow that he's still Mack Daddy Penguin Whacker Supreme.

I can't wait until my Immediate Boss comes back from lunch. I've got the picture push-pinned up on the board above his desk. Right next to the number 1590.6 that someone wrote in marker above the crossed out number 1219.7. IB will probably get suspicious, and probably guess that it's a fake. But I hope not. :)

The Immediate Boss just came in. And saw the scores up on the board. And my picture. "Holy shit! 1590?"


::sigh:: I am so easily amused.

Five minutes later...

Immediate Boss: *sitting at desk typing*
IB: *pauses*
IB: 1590?????


Wednesday, March 10, 2004


It's Blog It Forward Day, and I have two blogs that I would like to recommend to you all. And they are...

Dan Wheeler's Happy Freaking Ray of Goddamn Sunshine

first of all, how could you not read a blog with a title like that? I love it. Second of all, his 'bobo puppyhead comics' are a must read. They are an insightful look into the dynamics that make up a relationship. Such as The Blind Date. The comics make me smile, which pushes the blog into the 'Must Read Daily' category. I also get all kinds of warm fuzzies when the girl punches the boy. Because hey, they always deserve it, right? :) I'm not really selling this right, so if you're not convinced, go check out the blog anyway. His comics are great stuff. Seriously. Go check him out.


Words For My Enjoyment

this is a recent addition to my blogroll. And a new favorite. his stuff makes me smile, which qualifies him also for Must Read Status. At least in my book it does. PaulyD is a great writer, posting amusing anecdotes about this and that and Hollywood, anal leakage, and his thoughts on q-tips. Very amusing, high quality stuff here. Seriously. So go check him out. And check out his berries while you're at it. That sounds kind of naughty, but it isn't.

So to recap, that's Dan Wheeler's Happy Freaking Ray of Goddamn Sunshine and Words For My Enjoyment. Check these blogs out. You won't be sorry that you do. And if you are sorry, then... well... no refunds here. Sorry. But yes, I do validate parking.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Speaking of eating bugs...

I saw the movie Hidalgo last night. And enjoyed it. Great story. Lots of sand. Sword and gun fights. Spunky horses. Wonderful spirit. And Viggo the cowboy. Up on the big screen. Riding around, saving the day. He can ride me any-- er... um... sorry 'bout that. WherewasIagain? Oh yeah.

So, okay, there's this part in the movie were Viggo eats a bug. I'd eat a bug too, if I were starving and dehydrated. But still. Ickies. The worst part of the theater experience last night was not, however, watching yummy Viggo eat nasty bug. Nope. Nor was it the less-than-comfy seat I was perched on. It was a problem of faulty equipment and premature illumination.

Have you seen the movie? You know that part at the end, where Frank and Hidalgo are racing for the finish line, and all of a sudden everything starts moving in slow motion? That's an important part. Because you're thinking, 'ohmygoodness! Are they going to win???' It's the friggin' climax of the whole friggin' story! So I'm sitting there (with the HB next to me) watching this movie, really into the story and hoping Hidalgo and Frank win, and when the action starts moving in slow motion, to prolong the climactic moment for all the viewers, I get all antsy and anticipatory. I hold my breath. And wait. And then...

WHAMMO! The movie stops. The screen is blank. Horsey go bye-bye! The lights even came on in the room. 'It can't be over,' the annoying girl who's been talking the whole time says behind me. 'They didn't show any credits.' Me, I know its not over. 'Sonuvabitch!' I whisper to the HB. 'I can't believe this is happening to us again!'

The same thing happened when the HB and I saw the movie A Midsummer Night's Dream a couple years ago. The film suddenly died about ten minutes from the ended. They got it fixed and everything, but it totally ruins the mood. Drags you out of the little world you were in while watching the movie. Talk about annoying!

Same thing happened with Hidalgo. The movie craps out on us right at the most climactic part of the movie. Buggers! They got the movie to work again about five minutes later or so. And then took another five minutes to get the size right, while the film was playing, which was annoying. But at least I got to see the end of the movie. It would have sucked to sit through two hours of movie just to miss the end.

Something similar to that happened to my mom a long time ago. It was before the invention of movie rentals apparently. That's what she says. Since I have no concept of this strange world she speaks of, I just take her word for it. The movie Jagged Edge was on the tv, and my mom really wanted to see it, so she set up a tape. And watched it later. Jeff Bridges is on trial for murdering his wife, and Glenn Close defends him. She gets him off. In more ways than one. They become lovers and it's all good in the 'hood until Glenn finds evidence that pretty much proves Jeff was the killer. At the very end of the movie, Glenn's in bed, and the 'masked killer' comes into her room. You, the viewer, are pretty sure its Jeff, but you can't be a hundred percent sure, because this is a movie after all. Anything can happen. So Masked Man goes after Glenn, and she shoots him. She goes to rip off the mask and...

Yeah. That's where my mom's VCR stopped recording. I've had VCRs cut off the last few minutes of my X-Files and La Femme Nikita so I can sympathize. Almost. Especially because she says she couldn't go out and rent the movie anywhere. And no one she knew had seen the movie. So she had to wait a year or so to see it again so she could be see if it was Jeff or not. Thank goodness for movie rental places!

Okay. 'nough babbling for one post. Time to go do something else nonproductive. :)


tuesday is chooseday

Would you rather...

1. in a bullfight, be raped by the bull while the whole stadium just sits and watches OR be gored in the nads, but people try to help you?

I would rather have my nads gored, even though I don't technically have any. Maybe if I had nads I'd think differently. I don't think so though. I'd rather the bull gored anything dangly on my part rather than get fresh with me. Plus, if people are helping, the goring will be over faster.

2. give your kidney to your mother OR your father, assuming both parents need it now and you're the only match?

I can't pick one now, and I probably couldn't pick one if the situation ever arose. If one had a much higher chance of survival, then I'd probably pick that parent. If all things were the same... well... I seriously have no idea. I would have to spend many agonizing hours thinking about it before I chose.

3. be able to blow bubbles in shapes of animals using only your mouth OR be able to squirt water from your tear ducts?

Dude! Blowing animal bubbles would be awesome. What could you do with squirting tear ducts? Get something wet? Ooh. Exciting.

But with animal bubbles blown from my mouth? I would be able to entertain the masses! Children everywhere would adore me! If they started to whine, I'd blow them a monkey bubble. And all would be well in their little world. Because hey, it’s a monkey bubble!

4. eat only crackers for the next 6 months OR eat just one plate full of live, assorted bugs?

I like crackers. I think I'd rather take the crackers option. But 6 months? How big exactly is this plate? And what kind of bugs are on it? And how many? I'd have to actually see the bugs squirming around for me to make the final decision. Because I'm inclined to say I'd eat the bugs, but I know if I saw them all squirmy-like I'd opt for the crackers. Because I like crackers. I could mix it up between the Ritz and the animals and the grahams. I could survive on that. I think.

I could survive, as long as, every time I had the urge to ram my head into the wall if I had to look at another cracker, I would remind myself 'hey, at least it doesn't have a bunch of legs that are still moving.' That should keep me going for the 6 months.

Monday, March 08, 2004

more changes

lookee! lookee! i've got a new tag board! ----->

when the one with all the cool smilies died on me i resorted back to an old one i had. but that came with an annoying pop window. phooey phooey bleh. so i changed it. go me!

actually, its a 'doodle' board. too bad the only doodling on it i can do is with letters. someone needs to invent a message board where i can draw a little picture right there, on the board, and then submit it for all the world to see. because that would be super cool. maybe there's one out there and i just can't find it. oh well. this will do for now.


Yesterday was crazy. Crazy in the sense that I had to turn the air conditioner on in my apartment. The a/c! In march! Crazy crazy. I resisted of course. I made like a politician and deniiiied denied denied. But it was no use.

I had all the windows open and one over head fan going. And it was nice. I was sitting on the couch, reading, and thinking, 'Gee, this is really nice.' But then it got hotter. So I moved to the chair right next to the open screen door to my 'balcony'. And it got even hotter. So I moved to the chair directly under the fan. After a few minutes of stewing in my own sweat I said, 'Screw this!' and turned on the a/c. Darn it. I don't want it to start getting hot already! What the hell happened to spring? It's not supposed to get a/c-worthy hot! ::whiiiiiiiiiiiine::

At least this morning I had a wonderful view during my commute. For the last couple of months it's been completely dark as I head to work. The sun would start peaking out only about an hour after I got to work. And that time has been decreasing as the days have rolled by.

But today was the day when the sun caught up to me, and I was able to catch a glimpse of the sun's ascent into the sky as I drove into work. Behind me was dark sky. In front of me was a beautiful flow of colors, from a light, musty yellow to a soft cornflower blue. It was freaking breath taking. ::sigh:: I had to keep checking the clock on my dashboard to make sure I wasn't running an hour behind.

"Monday mornin', it was all I hoped it would be..."

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... and you think ... ?

  1. Dogma:: love this movie
  2. Spirit:: the horse cartoon movie
  3. Voodoo:: that you do so well, it's a spell, hell, makes me wanna shoop shoop shoop...
  4. Demon:: buffy
  5. Digital:: clock
  6. Ceremony:: graduation
  7. Research:: school
  8. Career:: need to find me one of those. One that comes with Fridays off. And quadruple the pay. and 20 hours is considered full time. and bonus for being perky on mondays. and fresh brownies. daily. and...
  9. Penis:: dangly bits of flesh
  10. Film:: 8mm

today's mutterings were brought to you by the mind of someone who is finally done with their writing assignment for the week, but who knows that there are still a few more hours of proofing and neurotic analyzing and final tweaking goings ons to look forward to. think i'll go eat some lunch and stock up on the caffeine. :)

Friday, March 05, 2004

A Tale of Two Owies

Okay. So here's the story of how I acquired my two latest owies.

I was in the kitchen last night cooking dinner. While stuff was cooking on the stove I decided to be Super Efficient Kitchen Goddess and clean up the few dishes in the sink. That way there'd be less for me to clean later. Smart, eh? Yeah, well, not so much apparently.

I was washing The Big Knife with a little hand scrubber thingy and the scrubber was really really soapy and I was scrubbing too fast while not really concentrating like I should when performing rapid movements around The Big Knife and WHAMMO! I cut myself. The knife sliced into the edge of my right index finger, right next to the fingernail.

My first thought: ouchdamnouchdamnouchdamn

Second thought: shit. I hope I won't have to go to the emergency room. It wasn't nearly bad enough of a cut to warrant a trip to the hospital. Or even to the grocery store for comfort ice cream for being such a klutzy dolt. But I have this fear that one day I'm going to be stupid enough with the knife and slice something important off. I mean, one time, I was closing a swiss army pocketknife and cut myself while closing it. Not while using it. While closing it. And I still have the damn scar from that. So you'd think I'd be more careful around knives then. But nooooo. Not me.

So anyway, my finger started to bleed all over my just-cleaned-dishes (ain't that just the luck) so I jammed my thumb on top of it to stop the bleeding. That's when I noticed my other owie. Somehow, probably as I was reacting to the slice in my finger, I managed to shear off a couple layers of skin on the side of my thumb. Nothing major, nothing deep enough to cause more blood to spill or anything like that. Just deep enough to sting like a sumbitch. There's a small little circle of pink on the side of my thumb, up near the fingernail. It's pink around the edges, then as you get closer to the center of the owie it's a cool watermelon jolly rancher red color. Then in the very middle it's blood red. Kind of pretty, my thumb owie is.

After admiring my thumb owie, I removed my thumb to check out my index finger. The cut looks just like a really evil paper cut. The skin hadn't yet jelled together, and I had the strange urge to mess with it, to move the skin back and forth and see how deep it really went. (I've fallen and scraped and bled a lot in my twenty some years and am always fascinated with my owies). But then it started to bleed again so I had to put more pressure on it. Darn it.

Thank goodness the HB was there to witness my flawless kitchen techniques. And to take over the cooking. And to give me sympathy kisses and to reassure me that I wasn't a complete imbecile. Though he did agree with me that it was a pretty stupid thing to do.


The upside: I'm mad stylin' with my band-aids.

I'm sitting here at work with a glow-in-the-dark stars and planets band-aid on my index finger and an X-Men cartoon band-aid on my thumb. It makes typing, and any other activity requiring those two fingers, a total and utter bitch. My fingers are also kind of numb and tingly. And no, its not because my band-aids are on too tight. They're barely on at all! It's like the surrounding nerves are all pissed off that I injured their nerve brethren and they're trying to give me a little payback.

Question: why is it that I keep hitting my fingers, right on the owie parts? Why does that always seem to happen? Does this happen to everyone or is it just me? Is my subconscious playing a sick little reminder game with me?

Subconscious Me: *makes loon hit her finger on steering wheel* Ha! See how that feels? You'll be careful next time you're scrubbing a knife, won't you dumbass? Ha!

I keep trying to use my right pinchers. Then I move them (ouch) or hit them against something (ouch) or my band-aids get caught (ouch ouch) on something. Frustrating.

It's not a bad pain. I mean, I'm not popping pain pills or anything. It's just a little stabbing, stinging pain that is sooooo damn annoying. So I'm whining about it today. Just for a little bit. Because that makes me feel better and I'm all about the feeling better. I got all the sympathy out of the HB yesterday I think I'm going to get from him. I don't know if I can milk it again for another day. But I'll certainly try. :) So maybe there's no sympathy medicine there. I'll have to settle for laughter medicine. Anyone know any lame knock-knock jokes?

::thinks about impatient cow knock-knock jokes... laughs... feels much better::

The biggest downside to all of this? I couldn't work on my writing assignment last night. There was no way I could have typed anything. Doing it with only my left hand would have driven me batty. And there's no way I could have held a pencil to write it out by long hand. Grrrrrrr! Hopefully I'll be able to manage one or the other tonight. I have no choice really because I need to try and finish it. At least the first complete rough draft of it.

Okay. I have to stop typing now. My fingers are throbbing. And threatening to mutiny. Bastards.


Friday Five

What was...

1. ...your first grade teacher's name?

Miss Nelson.

And when I was in that class the book Miss Nelson Is Missing came out, and of course ourMiss Nelson had read it to us. I loved it. And we all got an extra giggle out of the fact that our teacher had the same name as the one in the book. I think our classroom number was similar to the one in the book as well, which added to the whole neat-o factor. Needless to say we were a little weary about any substitutes coming in after that. :)

2. ...your favorite Saturday morning cartoon?

I don't think I can answer that one. I had too many favorites. Since I haven't watched Saturday morning cartoons in awhile (which is a gosh darn shame) I'll pick an old favorite: the X-Men cartoon series.

It's such a favorite that I bought X-Men cartoon band-aids. And still have some in stock. I'm wearing an X-Men cartoon band-aid today actually. It rocks! (The band-aid, not the owie inderneath.) If I can manage to type around it for much longer (I'm hunting and pecking with my right hand at the moment which sucks ass) I might share with you all why. Ooooh... now I've got you all in suspense. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

3. ...the name of your very first best friend?

The first very best friend that I can remember having is Sylvia. She lived in the apartments my family moved into when I was five. Since I was in a strange new place it was nice to make friends with her, and end up in the same kindergarten class as her when school started.

4. ...your favorite breakfast cereal?

Cinnamon Toast Crunch. My mouth is drooling just thinking about it. I could have had a bowl of it this morning if I wasn't in such a rush. Mainly because of the owies on my fingers. (Yes, that's owies. Plural. When I injure myself I don't do it half-assed. Heh.)

5. ...your favorite thing to do after school?

Well, when I was in grade school, my favorite thing to do was to make a snack and snag a soda then sit down on the couch with my brother and watch cartoons. I used to know pretty much every word to the theme songs of Tiny Toons, Animaniacs (the best damn cartoon EVER!), Duck Tales, Darkwing Duck, Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers, and Talespin. (Yes, I have many talents. Learning cartoon theme songs and singing them at random is one of them.) We'd also watch Square One TV and Bill Nye the Science Guy.

When I go back to college here in a couple months, my favorite thing to do afterwards will probably be the same thing, except I'll probably be watching whatever's on the cartoon network.

Thursday, March 04, 2004


For those of you reading this post expecting it to be about 'Friends With Odd Textured Derrières', I'm sorry to say you will be sorely disappointed. This post is about something entirely different.

It's about my 'Favorite Word Of The Day': Sprockets.

It's not my favorite because an image of Spock eared chorus girls doing high kicks popped into my mind. No. I just like the way it sounds. Sprockets. Sprockets sprockets sprockets. It's a cute word. It makes me want to speak annoying baby talk just thinking about it.

! ! ! S p r o c k e t s ! ! !

Too bad I don't have a new pet that's in need of a name. Because I'd have the perfect name for it. No matter what animal it is. "Here Sprockets! Fetch boy!" "Hey Sprockets, guess what mommy brought home for you today. A hamster pimp-ball-mobile!" "Bad Sprockets! Don't eat the other fish!" "Oh Sprockets! You're the prettiest unicorn in the whole wide world!"

I heart pudding art

Do you know what I haven't done in a long time that I'm really in the mood for today? Chocolate pudding finger painting.

I haven't done that since... gee, I think since the first grade. I remember sitting with my classmates in one big line outside the classroom. We had large pieces of butcher paper in front of us, along with a little bowl of chocolate pudding. We could draw whatever we wanted to. I remember it being so much fun. And so liberating to be able to stick your fingers in pudding and smear it all over a sheet of paper without fear of a grown-up yelling at you to 'knock it off this instance or else!' Well, in case you were a rebel kid and decided to decorate the side of the classroom building in some sort of chocolate pudding stick figure caveman motif.

I never did anything like that. But I'm sure I entertained a few ideas on the subject.

Today I am in the mood to have that 'I really shouldn't be doing this but am going to do it anyway' jittery feeling. I'm also in the mood to lick chocolate pudding off of my fingers. So all I need is some chocolate pudding and a sheet of butcher paper. Or a wall...

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

shaddup you crickets!

i just gave mr. funny coworker a nickname. i told him he shall now be known as The Hand.

that way, when someone comes into the office and bothers me about a problem that falls under mr. funny's jurisdiction, i can say, "talk to The Hand."

funny, huh???

*cricket chirp*

*cricket chirp*

*cricket chirp*

or maybe not.

Eau de Evil

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.

You know what's missing from that list? Smell no evil. Nobody ever mentions smell no evil. I don't know about the rest of you, but I certainly don't want to be smelling evil.

Unless of course evil smells like soap or lilacs or oranges.

That would be a really cool super villain power. False odor. The super evil villain emits some pleasing smell like, oh I don't know... freshly backed chocolate cookies maybe, then he lulls his victims into a false sense of security. When they're reasonably lulled Evil sucks their life force through their noses! That would be an awesome evil power.

Those monkeys should have warned us about it a long time ago.

Tuesday, March 02, 2004


update for the curious: yes, it rained tonight. it started no more than a half hour after i got home. mrrrrrrrt!

update for the worried: yes, i did my laundry anyway and now have clean not-so-unmentionables. yay!

Dear Mother Nature,

Yo Bitch! Wuz up? I see you've covered my pretty snow covered mountains with a bunch of clouds. Thick clouds. Grey mucky mean clouds. What's up wit dat? Those better not be rain clouds!

I can also see you're throwing around a bunch of wind around here. Which is fine. Wind away! Just keep it here. Not over where I live. Because I'm down to my reserve undies and have to do laundry today! You dig? I don't want to get soaked in the process. If you have to leak, fine. Just hold it for a few hours. Okay? Great.

peace out Mo,

A few reasons why I am in Smile Overdrive today:

-- the view from my desk is bea-U-tiful.

The mountains in the distance are covered in snow, which makes the sun bounce off it ever so brightly. The sky is a shiny baby blue and dotted with only a few fluffy clouds. The only downside to this view is the damn buildings across the street that cut my view of the mountains in half. And the dirty window I'm looking out of. But it's still pretty cool to look at.

-- its not raining cats and dogs and horses and llamas and elephants and overweight gorillas

it was raining yesterday so I didn't have the chance to do some much needed laundry. I could have done laundry if my life depended on it, but I would have had to cross the parking lot of my apartment to get to the little laundry room. And it was pouring yesterday. So I opted for staying dry by staying indoors.

But it isn't raining today. That means I can do laundry when I get home and won't have to 'go commando' at work tomorrow.

-- 'Productivity Enhancing' activities

such as reading comments about Johnny Depp's hotness and his ding dong

-- I got back comments on my first writing assignment today.

I got the email early in the morning, and it's made me smile-y all day. The instructor mentioned three things I did well (!) and then listed three 'technical' things I need to work on next time. The first two I noticed while I was editing, but was too caught up in the piece's other problems that I passed over them. I'll have to make sure to go with my first thought of 'eh, that's probably not right' instead of 'well, I can't think of any other way to say it.' The third thing he mentioned I totally didn't pick up on during the many obsessive rereads I did. Oops. But at the end of the email he said the assignment I turned in had "some very good writing."

::does snoopy happy dance::

Which just goes to show that I have no sense whether something I write is good or not. Because I really didn't think what I wrote was all that good. Maybe he's just being nice. Then again, maybe not. Either way, it's just the first assignment. I've still got five more weeks left of writing assignments. Wheeee!

Ten on Tuesday

In no real particular order (except the first one is by far the best vacation I've ever had)...

Ten All-Time Favorite Vacations

  1. Australia/New Zealand: 5th grade - got to visit with a bunch of relatives and see so many wonderful things. Was gone for whole of August. Too bad parents don't want to shell out money for me to go on another trip there. ::sigh:: the price of growing up and moving out on your own
  2. Berkeley, California: 6th grade - went to cousin's graduation ceremony at Cal, other cousins tried to teach my brother how to run and do jumping jacks without looking like a spaz (mission was unsuccessful. hehehe.), and we all went white water rafting down the American River. I think the scar from that adventure has finally faded. :)
  3. Big Sir (I think that's where we were)- camping up in the mountains/forest at a national park. The park ranger working there was very cute and made my little 9yr old self want to protect the environment at all costs! Recycle! Don't be a litter bug! Yay!
  4. Atlanta, Georgia: 10th grade - went for yet another cousin's wedding, hung out with yet two other cousins (most of my cousins are boys by the way) who wanted to do arcade stuff rather than do all the touristy things you can do in Atlanta. The video games and race cars was a blast.
  5. Pismo Beach: went on a great road trip with the HB and a friend, Rob. Relaxed. Had fun. Did beach things. And one or two hoodlum things.
  6. Pismo Beach: another road trip with the HB and Rob, with two others following in another car. My parents and brother were vacationing at Pismo, so we stopped to say hi and picked up my brother for a drive around Pismo and the surrounding towns as we looked for a hotel to stay at. Turns out the high schools and two nearby colleges were all having graduations that weekend. Needless to say every hotel and fleabag motel was booked. After a few hours of crazy follow-the-leader driving we gave up finding a place and parked next to my parents RV for the night.
  7. Seventh grade disneyland trip. Not really a 'vacation', but I'm counting it anyway. A group of six of us ran all over the place, trying to get to all the best rides before the lines got long. But the lines never got long for the special night opening. We rode Star Tours three times in a row, back to back, with no waiting in line. Yeah, I wouldn't really recommend that to anyone. Makes you dizzy sick dizzy. Fun stuff though. :)
  8. I have no idea where we were. Some old gold mining town/vacation spot. I think the name of the place starts with a C. Anyway, we mined for gold (several specks of gold were conveniently placed in my little pan of sand) and rode horses (first and only time on a horse... that I can remember) and the little restaurant in the little town had the BEST DAMN rootbeer floats in the whole wide world. They were soooo good, and they empowered me with the persuasive abilities to talk my mom into letting me consume four large rootbeer floats in one day. Mmmmmmmmmgood.
  9. Avila Beach campground: new year's eve, hanging out with my little bro as we watched the count down tv shows on a monster screen tv. And some annoying guy came into the room and asked my not-yet-in-junior-high-school brother if he wanted a 'tequila, margarita, or a girl named Sheila.' Very fun night.
  10. San Rafael: I rode up north with Zoink in her Knight Rider car to visit AJ and Yoda. :)

I didn't think I could come up with ten when I started writing this. Now I'm flooded with all kinds of vacation memories. There might be more favorable vacations in my mind. Like the trip to San Francisco with the HB for another one of my cousin's wedding. And a beach trip with a couple girlfriends. And the time I was in hawaii (which really wasn't a 'true' vacation). And...

Tuesday is Chooseday

tuesday is chooseday

Would you rather...

1. find out that elvis presley really is alive OR find out that the apollo moon landing was a hoax?

Finding out that the Apollo moon landing was a hoax would crush too many of my hopes and dreams and astronaut fly boy fantasies.

I would rather find out that Elvis is still alive. And then I'd track him down and become friends with him and when he was comfortable with me I'd ask him to sing the main song of the movie Clambake for me. Elvis! Elvis! Elvis! ::swoon::

Look for the brightest lights in town
That's where you'll find me hanging round
I've got this feeling to be free
I pick and choose the life I want
And that's the life for me
clambake, gonna have a clambake
*clap clap clap clap*
clambake, gonna have a clambake
*clap clap clap clap*

I'd also rather find out that he is... uh... not quite dead. As in undead. And going by the name of Bubba. Heh heh heh.

2. unknowingly eat a roach, but find out later OR knowingly eat dog meat?

I'd rather unknowingly eat a roach. Knowing that I was currently eating dog meat would gross me out more than knowing I had already eaten a roach. ::shudder::

3. be able to read people's minds OR change people's minds to the complete opposite of their current beliefs?

I would rather be able to change people's minds. The world would be a better place if everyone thought just like me. :) I've heard that before from someone and it really does have a nice ring to it, doesn't it? No? Oh phooey to you. Just wait until I can change your beliefs. Then you'll think I'm right all the time! Wheeee!

Because I have a dream. And in this dream there is a new and better world. A world were people, namely clothes people (makers, sellers), would believe that they need to make twice as many 'long' pants/jeans because obviously there is a demand for them because when I go shopping I can only find medium length pants and I need long pants dammit! LONG! Not medium. Why do all the long legged people find the long pants before I ever get to the store? Is there a 'long legged' emailing list I need to be on? Some alert system I need to sign up for???? 'Quick! The stories just got in their shipment of five long length-ed pants! Buy them now! Now! NOW!' Why are there never 'long' jeans in the stores when I get there???? What is up with that? Arrrrrrrrggggg!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay. Went a bit off subject there. I'm over it. Moving on...

4. have incriminating photos of you and a goat be circulated around the internet OR get severe acne around your face and neck?

I would rather the goat pictures circulate the internet. I could deny the goat photos. But I couldn't deny the acne.

You're not there zit. I can't see you so therefore you don't exist! Ha!

And with the goat pictures, I could become famous. Goat Girl. And I could go on talk shows, vehemently denying the photos authenticity. And the world would fall in love with me, the poor little girl caught up in a vicious scandal. And I would have book deals and movie deals and singing contracts where I would sing about my strictly platonic love for goats and... well, the possibilities are simply endless!

So uh... anyone out there good with photoshop? :) Just kidding. I think.

Monday, March 01, 2004

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... and you think ... ?

  1. Hollywood:: California
  2. Censor:: ship
  3. Nascar:: mobile ads
  4. Lube:: tee hee
  5. Mortgage:: payments
  6. Freedom:: "You've got to give for what you take." - George Michael
  7. Champion:: "We are the champions, my friends." - Queen
  8. Reality TV:: sometimes addictive. Bring on the bitching and the melodrama! Woo!
  9. New York:: steak. Mmmmmm...
  10. Tease:: strip

technology can bite my big fat ass!

yeah, that's right. technology can just kiss it!

i can't see my blog. i open up the page and all i see is blueness. it's a pretty color and all, but i want to see the rest of my stuff dammit! sometimes that will happen, where nothing will load, so i give it a second or two. or hit refresh. then voila! the content appears!

not this time though. i see nothing! [insert frustrated squinty face here]

and this morning, i typed up a long rambling email and when i hit the 'send to' button to fill in the email addy the Blue Screen of Death pops up, or whatever fancy name windows users have for that piece of shit message.


and this last weekend, i'm working on my writing assignment, and i get to the point where i need a change of pace. just a little one. i had written two versions of the assignment (because the first one sucked) and needed to mesh the two together. no problem. i'll just print both out and do my meshing and editing from the comforts of my comfy chair. only my printer decides not to work. the bastard. it worked just FINE the other day, but not when i really needed it. i kept getting some damn 'spool' error message. nothing worked. not even when i attempted to print a 'test page'. the HB suggested i reinstall the software for the printer. so i did. then i printed a test page and it worked! woo! so i tried printing out my assignment-in-progress. and guess what happens... another damn spool error message!


on that note, happy monday everyone! :) or at least to anyone who can see this. :)

[EDIT: i can see my blog now. yay! it seems all i had to do was bitch about it. An important lesson to learn there kiddies. Now if I could only fix my printer the same way...]