Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Here's another addition to the ongoing series of entries in the category of Things That Annoy Me

I should start using category tags. (yes, I know Jack, shush, I'll get to it). That way, when every category has double digit numbers and the Things That Annoy me category has a quadruple digit number, my head will explode and I'll come to the realization that I probably shouldn't let things annoy me so much.

But until then...

Annoyance # 427: people clapping in the movie theater at the end of the movie.

Why? Why do you clap at the end of a movie? It makes no freaking sense. And its retarded. So just knock it off, will ya? You're annoying the sane, reasonable, nonretarded people.

Okay, I can understand clapping if you're at a movie premier in say, Hollywood or New York or wherever, and the cast is there, or the director, or producer, or grip boy, or anyone even remotely connected to the making of the movie is there. You like the movie, and you want to give the people involved their due. Give them mad props. Go ahead. Clap the fuck away.

And I can understand clapping at the end of a movie that is particularly moving. Did it make you cry? Did it touch you to the very depths of your soul? Then clap. Go ahead. Let it out. Clap and cry and clap and sing out in praise for the glory and beauty of the film you just saw.

This makes sense.

And therefore, this kind of clapping is not annoying.

But for the love of all things purple and fuzzy, don't fucking clap at the end of Spiderman 3!!!

Seriously, what the hell is up with that?

Spiderman 3?


This movie inspired you to let loose with the clapfest?

What the bloody hell is wrong with you?

Of course, when I write "you", I'm talking to the people I shared movie theater space with this weekend. And anyone else that claps at a silly movie. If you didn't/don't clap, I have no beef with you.

If you did/do clap... can you tell me why? Maybe explain it to me? It'll still annoy me, but maybe I'll understand your strange species a little bit better. And that's good for everyone.

The first movie I can remember people clapping at the end of (and they were clapping furiously too) was the Omega Code, possibly one of the worst movies of all time. The movie was a trifecta of bad: bad acting, bad script, bad everything. And at the end of the film, as I'm about to jump from my seat to make a hasty exist, the theater erupts in a storm of applause.

There was a moment there where panic seized my body. Holy shit, I thought. These people have been possessed by aliens. Aliens who enjoy watching horribly torturous movies.

Of course, I survived the encounter with the aliens, for I am still alive today to tell about it.

And there have been movies since then that have garnered applause from possessed theater patrons.

And then Spiderman 3 came out. And people went to see it. In droves. And some of them felt compelled to clap at the end of it.

And I felt compelled to slap some sense into all of them.

Spiderman 3? Really?

Sure, it was an entertaining movie but...



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