Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Another Chapter In The Ongoing Saga of Me vs. Stairzilla

Yes folks its that time again for another round of...



Burning Sensation!

[insert fabulously cheesy game show musical fanfare here]

The palms of both of my hands are stinging something fierce. Is it from...

a) humiliation

b) concrete burn

c) all of the above

If you guessed d) Lisa The Almighty Klutz tripped herself while climbing up stairs at school today! then you are correct. Your prize is in the mail.

Lisa: 0
Stairs: 542


So I'm at school today, and class was canceled, which was good considering that I'd seriously thought about skipping anyway, but bad because we're going to be really behind which means extra homework on a night I'll be busy instead of having the nice four day weekend to do it in.

But anyways, I'm walking back to my car, in between the old gym and the new gym they're building, and my mind is wandering. Can't remember what I was so busy thinking about, but I was completely distracted. Then I started to climb the stairs.

Which are really crap-astically built by the way. It requires very abnormal steps to climb them. Each step is about half the height of a normal stair. And they're far apart, so its either shuffle and take little baby steps or stretch more than normalcy requires and take two at a time. Either way feels weird.

No weirder than I must have looked flying through the air though, nearly doing a face plant on the concrete. Smackers! Luckily my hands were there to brace my fall. And my ego has an air bag which managed to deploy, so not too much damage there. Just a little bruising.

I swear, just a couple of days ago, while walking across my college campus, I was thinking about the time I tripped while walking across my high school campus, in front of the entire student body as we all headed out to the parking lot after school. And I thought to myself, just a couple of days ago, about how totally embarrassing it would be to do it here, at the college campus, where we're all supposed to be grown up and shit. Not awkward and clumsy and retarded and such.

As I tripped, that high school memory flashed through my mind. Thoughts that also flashed through my mind were: "ah crap" and "not again" and "noooooooooooooo!" and "good lord how many of my classmates are behind me". It's fascinating how you can have several thoughts whizzing through your brain simultaneously in a measly little second of time.

I tried to counteract my falling motion but my school bag threw me off (it's the bags fault! haHA!) and I skidded along the concrete. I then jumped up, walked a few steps to prove that yes, I could indeed walk like a normal person, then I "subtlety" turned around to see who all had witnessed my latest humiliation. Luckily only one person. Maybe. They had just exited the building and were going the other way. So maybe they exited after I'd jumped up like nothing had happened. Maybe. And no classmates had walked around the building behind me, thankfully, because most of them are super cool writer people and I'm quite goober-ish and come to think of it now, that might in fact be what had distracted me so, because I was thinking about their coolness as I left them all grouped together, being cool and hanging out together while they decided how to spend their free hour and a half.

Anyways, as the sigh of relief washed over me once I realized I wouldn't have nightmares of the faces of people trying to pretend they didn't see me fall, I realized my hands stung. Ouchies. The damn stairs even drew blood!

The bastards!

And then, to top it off, I get back to my car that I'd left in the hour parking slot (because it was hot and I figured I'd splurge on paying for a closer spot) and saw a frelling parking ticket on my windshield! Turns out I'd punched in slot number 9 when paying for my parking ticket instead of number 6, so even though I paid for two hours and was only there for a half hour, I've been fined 25 bucks.

I felt like such a moron when I figured out what was wrong, especially because I'd double checked to make sure it was a 9 and not a 6. I looked at the cars to the right of mine, and the spots said 8 and 7, and I must have been temporarily dyslexic because I thought to myself "7 and 8 so 9 is mine."


I'm so ready for this day to be over.


  1. See, this is why you're like subfruit! I knew you were typing furiously this afternoon... i thought you were buying me christmas presents online.


    but you still win over the stairs, because they are DEFINITELY NOT sublime.


    signed "he who is sitting at Mr. Desk Neighbor's Desk."

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. you're wrong wrong wrong mr. wrong. i didn't type this until after your slacker ass left for the day.

    all that typing? that was homework. :) besides, i don't need to buy your present online. i'm dumpster diving over the turkey weekend, just for you!

    oh, and stop calling me subfruit!!! :P