Thursday, November 16, 2006

An Open Letter To This Morning's Jerkwad Driver

Dear Impatient Asshole With The Big Ass Truck,

It seems that you were in a bit of a hurry this morning! Boy, isn't that just the pits?!

Please except my sincerest apologies for moving into your lane several car lengths in front of your speedy little ass. When I merged onto the freeway I was in the next exit's off ramp lane and, silly me, I really didn't want to get off at the next exit!

Weird, huh?

And oh, can you ever forgive me for not speeding up to match your speed? I totally would have, really, if it hadn't been for the fucking line of cars right in front of me!

Silly drivers, driving slow in the slow lane! Pffffffffffft!

Seriously, did you think the cars in front of you were going to magically pick up speed? That would have been awesome!

You know, I bet those other four lanes of the freeway must have been really smelly, because they were completely open. That must be why you continued speeding along in your lane until you were so close I couldn't even see your headlights anymore.

That's an amazing feat by the way, considering your over-compensating truck was really high above the ground. So thanks for being so thoughtful! I really do hate it when headlights blind me from behind.

I hope the rest of you drive was just as peachy as mine. I'm figuring you had a long ways to go since you didn't get off at the next exit with the rest of us slow-lane drivers.

Anywhoooo, thanks for starting my day off right ya big prick!



  1. Dear person who i graciously allow to drive on my roads,

    I think you need to go for your license again, you obviously missed the question who owns the freeway?


    I am in an almighty vehicle that could kill you as soon as rear end you (it makes up for my mighty small appendage.)

    now bow down to me

    Jerkwad Driver

    (You do know that this message really should have posted this message at bill gates cat?)

  2. ok so i'm getting up at 4:30am for work at the moment. that last comment should have been

    You do know, that you should've posted this message on bill gates cat, don't you?

  3. dear jerkwad driver... i mean cec :)

    yeah, i guess i should have posted this there. totally slipped my mind. damn that cat!!!