Monday, November 05, 2007

The Ant Story

And now for another I Had A Bug In My Mouth story that was almost as traumatizing as the Hot Cocoa Bug Incident of '97 (tm) story.

I was sitting here, minding my own business (which was personal email business), when I look down at my half full coffee cup and see a floating ant.

'Well that sucks,' I think to myself. I'm kind of grossed out, but whatever, it's a little baby ant. So harmless. So dead. So germing up my coffee.

I get up, go to the bathroom and dump the coffee down the sink (we have no kitchen back here, just a cabinet and a coffeepot.)

Then I think to myself, "Self, if I were a dead ant floating in a cup of coffee, where would I have come from?"

I checked the sugar container. It looked sort of old and worn like it could have been sitting on the shelf for a millennium.

I looked through the hole. Nothing. No ants crawling around Sugar Valley.

Then I checked out the creamer container. Nothing. But something compelled me to keep looking. So I shook it a little. And then a little more. And a little more. And... *gasp* I saw something! Something small and round and dark. There isn't supposed to be anything dark in the creamer container!

I spilled some creamer onto the lid and showed it as evidence to my couldn't-care-less coworkers that I wasn't crazy.

Look! Ants in the creamer! I'm justified in my freaking-out-ness!

Gross, to say the least.

I was going to toss the whole thing, container and creamer and all, but thought: what if someone sees it, thinks it was a mistake that a half full container of delicious powdered creamer was thrown away, and takes it back out. That's gross too, but I felt it my duty to save them the trouble of making the decision.

I dumped the creamer into the sink in the bathroom and turned on the faucet.

HUGE mistake.

I saw, quite frankly, a million little, black, curled up Ant Balls of Death.

It looked like cookies 'n cream ice cream.

Icky! Icky! Icky! Icky! etc

This was around Wednesday or Thursday. Which meant I'd probably put dead ants in my coffee for a whole freaking week. How many mother@#$%& ants had I eaten?!?!

I couldn't drink coffee here for at least a week. And another couple weeks after that I was still checking the creamer for dead ants.


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