sorry, there is no little puking emoticon for me to select from *

* The above post title comes from an IM conversation I had with Jack yesterday. Like the good little time waster that he is, he eventually found me one. A puking emoticon that is. I meant to save it and use it as my new computer wallpaper... but I lost it. Le sigh.

Today's post comes from the category of Things I Never Wanted To Learn About My Coworkers.

Random Coworker (one of two that has made the comment that I sound like a phone sex operator when I use my 'quiet voice' on voice messages - eek!) is in the office and says, "The second thing..." And I'm suddenly wondering what the first thing was. I wasn't paying attention and can easily tune out surrounding conversations when the mood suits. The mood suits often enough, especially when I've got a cold. (Like I do now, just a week or two after getting over the last one. *whine*)

Random Coworker sounded kind of hurt, like Mr. Desk Neighbor had made some joke about clowns without knowing that Random Coworker's mom is a clown who's won National Clown awards for Recognition in Promoting Clown Excellence across the country or something, which then caused Random Coworker to be so deeply offended by said clown joke that he, naturally, felt compelled to school Mr. Desk Neighbor in what to avoid saying as to not make him so upset.

I don't know if Random Coworker's mom is a clown or not. All I know is that the whole thing sounded kind of awkward by the time I tuned into the conversation. And then I heard the rest of that sentence.

"The second thing that really burns me up? Going to the bathroom and finding the seat warm."

Oh good lord.

"I just can't do it. I have to come back when the seats cold..."

I thought he was joking at first. He was just pulling Mr. Desk Neighbor's leg, trying to make him feel bad, then whammo! Out comes the punch line.

But I think he was kind of serious.

"...Someone's ass had made it warm!"

Seriously. I didn't need to know.

"You agree Lisa?"

Huh? Whaaaaaat?

"Uh... no comment."

I went back to ignoring them after that. He got my attention again when he asked me a question.

"I'm sorry," I said, dragging my attention from the Very Important Work I'm engrossed in. "What did you ask?"

"Never mind. Sorry for bothering you," he said.

"You're not. I have to pay attention to you for you to bother me."

Ah ha! Score one for me! That put him in his place. For a bit. Playing with me was like playing with fire - he got burned! - so he went back to joking with Mr. Desk Neighbor and I went back to ignoring them.

But one snippet made it through the filters.

"I have to watch my weight... so I can wear my thong."

That almost elicited a response, but I know that's what they were hoping for. So I kept on ignoring them as best I could.

Kind of like when the boogeyman is standing in your room, in the shadows, ready to pounce. If you just shut your eyes real tight, throw the covers over your head and pretend he doesn't exist, he eventually gets bored, gives up, and finds someone else to annoy.