Noodles! And how they annoy me.

I'm going to see how often I can post today. I've got a post already written. And a few ideas already noted down in this little word doc where I corral all the lame little ideas I get. And I'm kinda in a mood to write and post a bunch of them.

Possible Blog Fodder for Today: the bathroom situation at work and how it annoys me, insurance companies and how they annoy me, moronic coworkers and how they annoy me (common topic, but oh so fun to write about), and a cute conversation with the HB (who only annoys me every now and then, but makes up for it by listening to me complain about moronic coworkers and how they annoy me).

So I've got this idea to post a lot today. Which means total and utter chaos will happen here at work which will keep me from reaching this goal. Because that's what always happens when I plan something like this. And Fridays seems to be a prime time for all the work shit to hit the work fan.

Soooooo.... place your bets. Make your guess. Pick a number. How many posts can a post poster post if a post poster could post posts? And don't anyone think one, just this one, because then my feelings will be hurt.

Because I'm totally posting at least twice. Even if its just a one line "noodles!" post. :)

Friday's Are Full of Awesome

7:35 AM

Show up for work late.
For the second day in a row.
Maybe I shouldn't try and catch up on tivo'd shows in the morning.

7:40 AM

Grab a cup of coffee.
Open outlook.
Revel in the fact that today is MUTHA EFFIN FRIDAY!

7:45 AM

An outlook meeting reminder pops up.
For an 8 o'clock conference call.
That I completely forgot about. Bleagh.

8:00 AM

Try and connect to the conference call several times.
My phone doesn't work. Two other phones don't work. WTF?
It's potty mouth time.

8:05 AM

Check outlook again and see everyone else is having trouble connecting.
Get a new number to dial.
It works! Yay!

8:21 AM

The guy who's supposed to be running the call finally joins in.
People start talking about stuff that doesn't make any sense.
Why are we talking about stuff we've talked about a gabillion times before?

9:07 AM

The call finally ends. All the work that we (i.e. Super Co-Worker ZackJack) did validating data was a waste of time. Because that data was apparently crap. So they're re-downloading our data - hopefully in an un-crap-afied manner - and resending it overseas to those Overseas Data People, who will then compile it into files to be sent back to us to peruse and decipher and validate.

And do you wanna know when they want a final "OK!" from us? Today! Last time we had several days to go over it. Now we have several hours. If that. Which, okay, is fine, because there should be less to go over. If we ever get the damn files. Someone on the call said they'd update us every thirty minutes on that status of the new files.

9:35 AM

The first email update is sent out.
"The files haven't dropped yet."
Are we birthing them?

10:56 AM

The second email update is sent out.
The files have been updated from our site and sent to Those People.
We're still waiting for the files to come back.
And the bunnies frolicked in the fields in rapturous majesty.

11:19 AM

I translated a lyric for Mr. Desk Neighbor.
ME: They're singing 'I want to get to you and that booty.'
DN: Ohhhh.
ME: 'I want to get to you and that monkey.'
DN: ...
ME: Monkey? What the hell does that mean anyway?
After much laughing Mr. DN pointed... er... downwards.

11:37 AM

Chow down on awesome graham cracker cereal for lunch.
Sippin' on the Juicy Juice.
Play with the squirrels.

11:54 AM

The third email update: "Still waiting on the files."
Poor east coast guys.
They might have to work late, or work Saturday, to finalize the files.
If we ever get them.

1:37 PM

Hmmmm... when they said they'd update us every 30 minutes I laughed.
Every 30 minutes? Really? Will there be that many?
Apparently there will be.
So many, in fact, that they're skipping a few to conserve email bandwidth or something.

There's been no update since noon.
I feel so lost without them.

1:47 PM

Oooh! Ooooh! Another status email update!
All files but one have been uploaded!
Weeeeee! Time to validate data!
And the chipmunks dance merrily in fields of rainbows.



[ The Awesome Friday isn't over yet, but I'm posting this now because odds are something CATASTROPHIC will happen right before I need to leave for the day which means I'll be running around like a headless chicken and have no time to finish it, and no foresight to email this to myself to finish it at home. I guess I could email it now... but that would make too much sense now wouldn't it. ]

Certifiably Me

You know how when you were little, and in grade school, and your teacher licked his/her finger when counting out pages of paper to pass out to each row of students? Do you remember how gross that was?

Ewwwwww! Teacher spit on my paper! I can't touch it! I can't! Accccckkkkk!

Well, I remember.

And you know what? I lick paper all the time now.

All. The. Time.

Who knew it was such a normal adult thing to do. Certainly not me, back in the day. The good old days when teacher spit was toxic.

It's hard to think of myself as an adult sometimes. I mean, to me, I'm the same person I was back in high school. Yeah, I'm fatter and slower and more wise to the world than I was back then. But I still feel... I don't know. I kind of feel like I'm that same person. Or at least the early-college-barely-20 me. I've had new experiences, grown up a bit, raised a hamster... I'm more me than I was back then. More me than I knew was in me to be. If that makes sense.

And yet I don't feel like its been ten years since I was in high school, hanging out behind the Spanish building eating lunch with my girlfriends and their boyfriends. Sometimes it's a little jolt to realize that I'm someone different now. And no, I don't constantly live in that time, reminiscing about nothing else. I guess I just need to adjust my frame of reference. Get it more up to date.

This summer is my high school class's 10 year reunion. That's almost more unbelievable than my upcoming 28th birthday. I was freaking mystified when I turned 27. I don't know how to feel about 28 yet.

It's not that I feel I'm getting old. Because 28 isn't old. It never seemed like an old age to be when I was young. It was just... different. It's not that people in their late-20's/30's/etc are old, its that they're different than me. They're something I'll become way, waaaaaaaaay in the future.

And holy crap that future is now. Because I'm in my late 20's.

When I was little, I idolized the big kids on my swim team. They were so cool. I used to follow them around whenever they would let me. One girl in particular. She was a backstroke superstar and when she took time out to show me some tricks I almost melted into the water in joy overload. And then I became one of The Big Kids. I remember once wondering, 'do any of these little kids look at me the same way?' And I realized I'd advanced into that next 'age group'.

I guess that's probably what's at the core of it all. I should be/feel/act differently now that I'm in this other group. I mean, I do to some extent... just not enough apparently. I'm no longer the little girl looking up at these people, admiring them, idolizing, etc. I'm one of those people.

A grownup.

Wait... let me rephrase that...

A grownup?

Legally I'm an adult. That happened when I turned 18.

When the hell did I become a grownup?!?!

Well, I lick my fingers when I sort through papers.

I have for a long time now.

So I guess it's official.

finger licking = certified adulthood

Wow, this started off as just a little reminiscence over teacher spit and look what it turned into. A few minutes ago I licked my finger, began rifling through a stack of papers on my desk and then WHAMO - an instantaneous flashback of my fifth grade teacher slobbering all over our handouts. So I started writing about it and then WHAMO - instantaneous introspection.

The Muse is A Flaky Whore! News at 11

I know I haven't written here in awhile. My bad. Same excuse as usual: I've been either busy doing school work (end-of-the-quarter-rush-a-thon) or busy doing work work (governor to declare my desk a disaster area! news at 11!) that I neglected to do while I was busy doing school work. Or I've been home (the computer-for-games-only zone).

Or I've been procrastinating with work-inspired art.

It won't make any sense, but this is some of the stuff I've been creating, then sending along in e-mails.



I have thought about blogging, but then felt immediately guilty for not doing what I should be doing.

Or I've been creating more work-art.



But Coworker Jack has requested a new post. Actually, he requested it awhile ago. But there was the guilt factor. And the Muse Is A Flaky Whore factor. I had nothing to write about really, other than the boring drivel I've been writing about lately. I'm usually highly amused by my own musings, but even those were on the verge of driving me crazy.

I thought about complaining about the 9 straight hours of training I was schedule for last week (only ended up being half that, with a huge break in the middle) but after I complained to co-workers and the HB I didn't feel like complaining here. I was just going to make something up, something that was more exciting than what's actually going on in the World Of Me, but... well, the Muse Is A Flaky Whore.

I was going to write about how cute the HB is. Had it all written up actually, on valentines day, but when I tried to post it the Internet Gods denied me access to blogger. So meh. I was going to post it later, when the Internet Gods realized their folly, but then the HB ticked me off, and I wasn't in the luvy-duvy posting mood. Now? He's on the road to being cute again. So maybe in the future there will be a luvy-duvy gooey post of HB adorableness.

But for now, until the Muse gets back in gear (which is hopefully soon since after I turn in my 10-pager in the next hour or so I'll be officially done with the current school quarter), I will share the following Office Conversation I had with Mr. Desk Neighbor while we were trying to 'one-up' each other.

Me: *slaving away at the computer in a very intensive-mouse-click-y exercise*
Mr. Desk Neighbor: Why can't you close the records all at once?
Me: I can't, I have to skip some. I have to close them in chunks.
Mr. DN: I remember chunks.
Me: ...
Mr. DN: I remember blowing chunks. [insert self-congratulator-chuckling here]
Me: Who's Chunks?

Dear Office Hotty

Alternate Title: An Open Letter To The Freaking Moron Who Keeps Turning On The Freaking Air Conditioner In The Middle Of Freaking JanuaryFebruary

Dear Moronic Office Worker,

I humbly request that you remove most, if not all, of your parkas, scarves, beanies, gloves, thermal sock cozies, etc. because obviously you are dying from heat. You poor thing.

I mean, why else would you be turning on the air conditioner in the middle of winter?

Yes, it doesn't feel like winter yet in SoCal. Yes, it was rather sunny and warm last week. And yes, even though the weather turned a bit colder over the weekend its still not cold enough to warrant major heater usage.

But you know what?

It's still freaking JanuaryFebruary so stop with the a/c use already! It's cold enough in here without the a/c. It doesn't need to be colder.

If you want cold, go to the mountains. I think I saw snow up there. Somewhere. When the smog cleared enough for me to see that there were actual mountains just a few miles away.

So please, for the love of all that is warm and fuzzy, stop turning on the a/c in my office.

I thank you. My fingers thank you. And my nipples thank you.

That is all.

Signed,
Lisa

On a brighter (if not warmer) note, Mr. Desk Neighbor brought in a CD of big band music and we're listening to it now. Sweet! Is there a better way to 'swing' through the first day back at work after the weekend (besides alcohol that is)? I think not.

*munch munch* mmmmm... dandelions... *munch munch*

Today is Day 5 of the Week Long Training Marathon From Hell.

Actually, it hasn't been that bad. Coworker Jack is an awesome teacher.

*blows the teacher an air kiss across the room and tries to earn brownie points*

He'd be just a bit better though if he learned how to keep his unruly students (i.e. everyone but me, of course) in line and keep them on topic so they stop whining about all of our problems that exist, that have existed for YEARS and will CONTINUE to exist even in this new work environment we're learning.

It's probably unavoidable, the whining, what with the never ending frustration with the way things run and the daunting task of having to learn new habits and work flows and a new computer system.

But still, I'm at the point where if one of these guys whines about so-and-so doing/not doing such-and-such and why doesn't Management do this or that I'm hitting them with my 500+ page training manual until they cry. Anything to keep us on topic so we're not here until 7 tonight.

I mean seriously, if they want to whine they should do it on their own time. They can get a blog and whine to someone who cares. :)

Mr Imaginary Blog Reader, you do care right? *sniffle*

The training was supposed to be 8 hours long, for a week straight. That was going to be bad enough, but when Monday showed up, and we (the three of us in my department) were busy learning how to do our new jobs instead of waiting on the edge of the diving board ready to dive through a series of flaming hoops, The Boss decided we should stay here for 12 hours and cram in a couple of hours to keep up with our normal work load.

If I'd known ahead of time, that would have been one thing - I'd been planning to come in an hour early and catch up a bit anyways - but to spring that on us at the last moment kind of sucks.

"By the way, instead of being here from 7:30am to 4:00pm you'll be coming in at 5:30am and leaving at 5:30pm. Starting today. Have a nice Monday!"

I'm used to long days anyways for school, but at least then the day is broken up between work and school. Being here at work, for 12 hours straight, (most of which is spent in a small room, full of heat generating computers, that the boss's boss didn't feel needed to be air conditioned!) is a drag. But after today its over!

And at least we'll be able to put our training to use right away while its all fresh in our heads and... oh wait, that's right, we won't even be using the new system until May.

/sigh

I could go on and on about this, and I might later. I haven't had time to post any of my whinings because I've been busy trying to pay attention. (And when I don't post here I vent to the HB, poor guy, and get it all out of my system). But my mind has finally snapped. It broke the gate and is out wandering in the pasture, eating dandelions. So I might be posting more today. We'll see. Depends on if I run out of dandelions to munch on.

How I've Spent My Friday (So Far)

1. Woke up early (before the alarm! oh the injustice!) so I finished watching the tivo'd episode of Veronica Mars that was so lame it took awhile to watch because I had to watch it in 15 minute chunks of time so that the lameness didn't totally kill me. I used to <3 that show so much, but after the episodes so far this season, and seeing the clips for next week... I just don't think I know who you are any more Veronica. What happened? I thought we were going to be BFF's!!! I'm sorry to say this Veronica, but I think you need to go to Suckiness Therepy. Check yourself into an open 24 hour Suckiness Clinic. Let a doctor check that out for you. Please. Come back to me V!

2. Came to work. And then the inevitable happened. I did some work. I know, I know, but I couldn't help it. I tried to avoid it but I'm going to be in a week long 8hr-a-day training marathon next week so I didn't want my desk to get too messy with reminder notes.

3. Started a game of tag with some girlfriends via email. It didn't last very long, but soon the conversation turned to dodgeball. Which inspired the following brilliant piece of pixel artwork.



And yes, the caption/title needs some work. Something snappier.

4. Decided to eat some leftover pork ribs from a vendor sponsored lunch-apalooza two days ago. Only problem is there's no microwave back here. So I set it on the back end of my monitor. Have you ever felt the back of your computer monitor before? Bitch gets hot back there. But, apparently, not hot enough to heat cold leftovers. After a half hour of warming I moved it to the coffee pot burners. Tried that for about 2 minutes before I got bored - and hungry - and decided to eat it lukewarm. A temperature which lasted for maybe 3 minutes before it turned cold again. Sigh. My ghetto cooking skillz are not up to parr it seems.

5. Played on the internet. And read this post which gave me a huge case of the warm-n-fuzzies. Everyone could use a case or two of those right? Right. So go over to Fauve's site (which is called "... so I stabbed him in the head with a fork", one of the greatest blog title's I've ever seen and the main reason I ventured over there in the first place), read this post, then read her entire catalog of archives (not that many months worth, don't worry), and then read this post again. Instant warm fuzzies! Seriously.

6. [ Insert the rest of the evening here --- which will more than likely include playing video games with The HB and/or going out to dinner at Claim Jumpers. For which I have a $50 dollar gift certificate. Yeehaw! ]