Wednesday, June 13, 2007

And the saga continues...

Okay, so to continue today's blog posting theme that is All About Snot, let me tell you about my nose.

It's dripping like a mo-fo.

And I'm tired of fighting it. I've been fighting against the scratchy throat, trying not to cough while on the phone or in front of coworkers, all to no avail. All I get out of it is watery leaky eyeballs and people asking me, "Are you okay?"

Do I look/sound okay??? No, but thanks for your concern. Next time though, pretend the Phlegm Monster doesn't exist so that I can pretend you don't notice me being all gross and stuff. Okay? That's how this is supposed to work. I can't work on my denial if you keep throwing reality in my face. Sheesh.

I hate when I turn into a Phlegm Monster. Out of no where comes this phlegm infused cough/sneeze combo that scares everyone in the office.

"Don't worry! I'm okay! My monitor is okay! Nothing green flew out of any of my orifices! It is now safe to move about the cabin!"

I go into the bathroom to blow my nose (I'm a considerate coworker and try to make the icky snot noises elsewhere) and nothing comes out. Then as I'm walking back to my desk my nose leaks like a faulty faucet and I have to run for a tissue.

My brilliant solution? Stuffing Kleenex up my nose.

That way, when the nose wants to drip, it can drip, and I don't have to keep whipping my poor little sensitive nose.

I've never attempted this at work before. Never in front of someone who doesn't have family/best friend/boyfriend status. As I type this I have half a Kleenex wadded up and stuffed in each nostril. And I don't care who sees me.

Well, I didn't, until a Very Important National Bigwig Of Much Importance walked into the office on her tour of the facility. The VINBOMI who stopped at this particular office in the back of the building to see me specifically. D'oh.

I pulled those wads out of my nose faster than you can say, "holy shit a complete stranger who just happens to be my boss's boss's boss's (etc to some unknown degree up the food chain) just saw me with fucking kleenix hanging out my nose!"


I'd say the whole thing was embarrassing. Mortifying even. But I'm positive she didn't see anything since she was a few feet away from me. And she was small (i.e. tiny eyes i.e. poor vision). And busy talking to her entourage. And disoriented after having come from a hot, noisy, dark part of the facility into the bright, cold, quiet office. Yeah, I bet the light blinded her for a second.

Uh huh.

That's my perception of reality and I'm stickin' to it.

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