Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Down with the Sickness

The Sickness, it is consuming me.

It has taken over all motor functions, to the point where I now know what living in Jello World must feel like.

(which me thinks would be totally awesome btw)

The sickness is in control of all my higher reasoning brain portals.

(See the above, and obviously retarded, parenthetical statement for proof.)

I can not focus on anything. I can no longer even fake the ability that is Intelligent Speaking.

So I'm going to blog again about being sick. Because its all I can think about, what with the sinus cavities about to EXPLODE.


They are seconds away from EXPLODING!

Monday was the worst, because the snot was dripping down my throat, causing it to be all sore and shit. My sinus cavities weren't on the verge of EXPLODING, but it hurt like hell to swallow, which, try as I might, was unavoidable. So that was the worst, and thankfully that ohmygodithurtstoswallow stage was over soon enough.

Because then Tuesday came along, and with it the Evil Swelling of the Sinuses. Which in turn led to the great Office Massacre of '07.

Okay, so it wasn't exactly a massacre. Per se. I only bit one guys head off. Chewed it up and spit it out and stomped on it until it stopped twitching.

Guy comes up to me, like, two seconds after I step into the office in the morning, and tells me an order wasn't received in the system. And I think to myself, and I should care because..., because really, I'm not the person who receives stuff. If something needs to be received, talk to The Guy Who Receives Stuff. Not a hard concept to grasp. I don't say anything to the guy and continue making my way through the imaginary sludge that is my jello sickness world. I sit at my desk and before I can even turn on the computer he grabs a paper from the printer, proof of said delivery, and proceeds to shove the proof in my face.

And I snapped.

Before he can explain it, which for some reason he is most eager to do, I asked, "Why are you showing this to me?"

Guy looks stunned. Confused. What a silly thing to ask, his contorted face says to me.

"This wasn't received-" he starts to say.

"Yeah, so why are you SHOWING IT TO ME????????"

Guy blinks. Uh oh, he looks like I've hurt his feelings.

"Seriously. What am I supposed to do? What? WHAT????"

Guy walks away, pissed all to hell. And he wouldn't talk to me for hours afterward, other than to say asshole-ish things. Which was fine, because if he was going to bother me with crap that I don't need to be bothered with first freaking thing in the morning when I'm obviously cranky with sickness (the constant coughing should have been a HUGE clue) then I could care less if his feelings were hurt. Which is a lie, because I felt bad that I'd snapped at him. But not bad enough to apologize. Meh.

I don't know what he expected from me. A round of applause? I scooby snack for a job well done?

Today my throat feels better. Yeah! But only because there's no snot drippage because the sinuses are at about DefCon 5000.

EXPLOSION time I tell ya!

I'm also having trouble talking today. More so than usual. I can talk to the people in the office just fine, but once I get on the phone to talk to a vendor my throat seizes and The Throat Tickle From Hell is unleashed and I start to cough like its going out of style. I had to hang up on one guy because I couldn't even say, 'excuse me sir while I hack up a lung, I'll be right back.' I hung up and ran outside so I could hack in peace. Being sick in an office full of people, even sparsely populated with people, sucks the Big One.

And now it is Wednesday, aka The Day of The Drippy Nose. Which I'll blog about in another post because its time to get to work. Which dammit it all the hell in back involves more talking on phones. Bah!

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