Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Why yes Johnny, I do like to rinse and repeat.

Been having some really weird dreams lately. Well, the sex dream with Johnny Depp wasn't weird. Well, okay, I guess it was a little weird considering I was nekkid while he was fully dressed. In Captain Jack Sparrow pirate garb. In the shower. With the water on. But other than that, not weird at all. It was rather FANTASTIC actually. He washed my hair. It was really nice. Then the sex part came and oh my god so did I.


I had one of those dreams the other day that's so real and lifelike that when you remember it you think its a memory of something that happened while you were awake.

I was sitting on the couch with the HB the other day when one of those tax commercials came on. And I remembered the conversation I had with him previously where he mentioned he was getting audited by the IRS. And I remembered telling him, "Dude, you are soooo screwed."

So I'm watching the commercial, and I remember the conversation and think, "Hey, the HB's getting audited!"

But that didn't feel right for some reason. And realization started to dawn upon my clouded mind. I turned to the HB and ask, "You never told me you were getting audited, did you?"

He looked at me strangely.

"Yeah," I said. "That's what I thought." And explained to him what I then realized had been a dream.

What kind of a boring lame ass dream is that?

I once had a similar dream that I walked by the sink and it was full of dishes. The next day, when I walked by the sink and saw that it was empty I had a moment of panic. "What the hell? I just saw the sink and it was full of dishes! Did aliens just beam up my dishes???!!!!"

That was some freaky déjà vu that wasn't really déjà vu.

Total glitch in the matrix, right?

Yeah, be scared everyone.

Last night I had at least two separate dreams that I remember. The first dream... well, I don't want to get into it. Let's just say my genitalia was deformed and it really weird-ed me out.

For the second dream I was with a group of friends and we were trying to get into a nightclub. To get in, you had to say what kind of tattoo you had and where it was located on your body (kind of like in The Virgin of Flames book I read last quarter).

Suddenly its my turn and I'm all, 'Oh, I don't have one.' And they're all 'Oh, we can't let you in'. I started to fret, not really a panic by any means, and then I remembered. Oh, I have a bee on my hip!

They didn't believe me so I had to show them. I lifted my shirt and pulled my pants down a bit. There was some awesome vine-y twisty tribal art flowing up from my crotch, up my belly and over the side of my left hip. It was black and blue and pretty cool looking. Right under my belly button, on top of the twisty tribal vines was a little cartoon bee. And while we're all looking at my stomach I thought: oh, I guess I got this other tattoo as well.

How in the hell does one forget they have a huge tribal art tattoo shooting up from their crotch? Seriously. If I was drunk when I got it, you'd think I'd notice it a couple of days later.

Anywho, I can't tell whether or not this dream was telling me I needed a bee tattoo or a crotch rocket tattoo. Or maybe a swarm of cute wittle killer bees pouring out my cootch. Now that'd be one hell of a unique tattoo.


  1. omigod, a swarm of bees coming out of your crotch would be THE BEST TATTOO EVER!!!

    be sure to have it done at LA Ink or something, so it can be on TV.

  2. i know, right!?!

    good idea with the tv thing. my crotch bees would definitely need documenting.