Does this thinking cap clash with my shoes?

I have a quiz today - my first quiz as a Super Duper College Returnee - and I'll be taking it in, oh, 90 minutes from now. Eek!

I'm starting to feel a little antsy in my pantsy.

I'm pretty sure it will be a piece of cake. Its just a handful of multiple choice questions - my favorite kind of test. Some people hate multiple choice question tests. They'd rather write answers to essay questions.

I think these people are strange.

Because while I can rock the essay questions, and I can rock them goooood, I'd much rather just pick and choose from a collection of possibilities. It just seems easier to me.

Now true and false questions? I hate those evil effers. There's usually one or two that trips me up. No, just give me multiple choice question tests and I'm as happy as a beaver in a poppy field.

So I'm pretty sure this quiz will be a piece of easy-bake-oven cake. And I'm pretty sure the fifteen minutes I'll spend studying right before class (as long as I don't have to park out in BFE again) will be enough prep time. But still... antsy!

The Cautious Jigger - my 50 Word Fiction Friday submission

The Cautious Jigger

Having made sure the coast was clear, she stole across the room with cautious step. Then something awful happened. Her new shoes squeaked against the tiled floor! Heads of coworkers quickly popped up above their cubicles.

"Going back for a third piece of pie, eh Carol?"

The jig was up.

The 50 Word Fiction Friday theme this week is: the number 3.

This weeks inspiration: the peach pudding/custard pie that's sitting on the ledge of the cubicle Right Next To Mine! I had a piece of pie. I did. And it was goooooood. Several people have been spotted lingering by the pie, contemplating a second piece. Some have remained strong. And managed to walk away with only a quiet whimper. Most have succumbed to the pleasure that is the heavenly goodness of fresh peach slices and whip cream and custard and thin slivers of almonds and an ever-so-slight drizzle of caramel syrup and ohmygawd that crust is divine!

I am one of the former. No, really. I am! I don't even want a second piece. Honestly!

But I am seriously thinking about doing a quick walk-by and snagging a loose piece of crust. Divine!

Learning something new every day is fun!

A few minutes ago I was talking to my boss around the coffee pot/water cooler and he asked how my classes are going. I said, "So far so good."

The biggest problem is that I'm taking two literature classes and its kind of hard to keep the two readings separate. The other day I had to write a compare and contrast summary of the two stories I read (Epic of Gilgamesh vs. the story of Joseph from the Hebrew bible) for my World Literature class and I kept thinking of examples from a story I read (Beowulf) for my British Literature class. I think I've got the hang of it now though, and if I don't, at least the next couple of reading assignments are a little more diverse. :) Yep, it's going to be another fun reading-filled weekend!

My boss then asked me why I'm taking these particular classes. I told him that they are lower division requirements for my 'intended' major at UC Riverside, which I've applied to and hope to attend during the winter quarter. I told him that I plan to major in creative writing and do you know what he said to me?

"That was my major!"

Sweeeeeeet! A comrade in arms! Of a sort. Because now he'll understand why I have to have a funky work schedule to work around my school schedule. Not that he hasn't already been understanding, because he has. I sort of hit him with the 'can I change my schedule around starting next Monday' question on Thursday. Since it was to take classes, he and everyone else here have been very accommodating. As sucky as this place can be sometimes they know how to make up for it.

Well, to truly make up for it they'd pay me what I'm worth, or at least what this position should pay, but letting me have flexible hours in order to go back to school in order to get a degree in order to finally leave this place and move on to bigger and better things is certainly a nice start. :)

So anyways, my boss said that he took a few CW classes at UCR, and sent a few manuscripts out into the publishing ether, and its only now that I realize that I should have asked if anything came of it. But I guess if it had, he would have mentioned it. Besides, we got so busy talking shop that I didn't even have time to ask; I was too busy asking other questions. We talked about being creative and artsy and stuff, and he made some reference to how limiting my job is in that field, and I gave him a 'boy don't I know it' sigh, but I said I try and stretch my artistic muscle when I'm making SOP's, and taking screen shots for 'what to do when you see this error message' help guides, and I make the fonts really pretty in my reports, and I play around with the colors of the bar graphs so they are aesthetically pleasing and... yeah, the job certainly has its artistic limits, but I'm making a new cubicle wall slogan with my Newest Favorite Work Saying, so I'll just have to get my daily creative fix that way.

Newest Favorite Work Saying: How may I solve your problem?

I don't know why, but it just gives me warm fuzzies to say this to my fellow coworkers. And of course, its said with the brightest smile managable! All I have to do is find some spiffy graphics to add to the new office slogan and my latest piece of cubicle art will be complete.

So its been a pretty fun morning so far. Let's hope the rest of the day follows suit. (Preferably with some more rolling blackouts that last more than a half hour, that cause the whole plant to shut down, and that leave the Powers That Be no choice but to send everyone home for the day. And if it happens, I hope it happens right now, so I get paid for four hours of work for only being here for two.) :)

giggle highs are the best!

Sal, who's being a lot nicer to me this morning than I am to him (I'm snappish in a pms-y sort of way) offered to be an errand boy and fetch me anything I needed. "Coffee? Tea?" he suggested.

I perked up at the mention of coffee; I'd just been thinking I needed to chill out with a hot cup of caffeine in my hands, ironic as that may sound. Sal saw my reaction and asked, "Can I get you some coffee? Sugar? Cream? That little something special...?" He pauses for what he believes is maximum comedic effect then adds, "Like my thumb."

Oh ha ha ha not that funny any more. Sal has brought me coffee before. And when he hands it to me, or sets it on my desk, he usually makes some reference to his thumb being down in the coffee due to the way he was carrying the cup. One time he'd made it really sweet and/or put some sort of funky foreign creamer in it, and I said, 'yum, this tastes good'. His reply: "I added my secret ingredient." Then he smiles like a mischievous eight year old boy and says, "like my thumb." It made me giggle the first time he said it, which he took as a sign that it should be repeated. Frequently. It's made me roll my eyes ever since but the eye rolling, and even the flat out 'the-thumb-in-my-coffee-bit-is-not-funny-anymore' glare has yet to deter him.

I thought it was just my grandpa who told the same one-liners over and over and over again. But no, Sal does it too. He can be funny as all get out, don't get me wrong, but sometimes Sal's humor just falls as flat as a cat's ass.

Have you ever seen a chubby cat ass? I think not.

One day, during our weekly group meeting, Sal delivered the same one-liner I (along with everyone else) had heard about a million times and I finally called him on it. As the others were chuckling politely I slammed my hand down on the table and said, quite loudly, "Oh. My. Gawd! That was funny about... oh... maybe the first hundred times you said it!" Everyone chuckled harder, which means they were all thinking the same damn thing but weren't quite ready to rally the intervention troops.

Intervention Mediator: Dude, you gotta stop repeating the same tired joke everyone's heard a million times before.
One-Liner Recycler: But I can't stop! It's just too hard!
Intervention Mediator: You know, you can come up with new material.

So anyways... I thanked Sal for his offer, but declined it. I wanted/needed the break from the computer so I went and got my own coffee. As I walk up to the coffee area I see Sal fill his coffee cup half way with coffee, then the rest of the way with hot water. Eew. I voiced my concerns for his choice of coffee flavoring:

"Eew!"

I don't know why this grossed me out - its just water for fatootin's sake - but it did. Sal said he added the water because the coffee was too black. To each his own I guess. So while I'm pouring a FULL cup of BLACK coffee, Sal mumbles something that sounds like, "The coffee's as black as Carl's bad cavern."

Uh... what???? I stop pouring before I mess myself (I'm wearing a white shirt today which means stain disasters are imminent) and ask ever eloquently, "Huh?"

He repeats himself and it still sounds like he's saying "Carl's bad cavern." Now, we work with a guy named Carl. And Sal likes to tease him often. So I figured that Sal was trying to be funny. Only I didn't get the joke. I tried to think of what 'bad cavern' could possibly be referencing, but I quickly realized that I really didn't want to know.

I chuckled and said, "I don't think I want to know what you're talking about."

Sal looked at me strangely. "About what?"

"About Carl's bad cavern."

A powerful laugh bubble bursts out of Sal, then he explains that he said Carlsbad cavern.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. That makes a lot more sense.

"Where in the world is your mind this morning?" Sal wondered.

Uh... in Carl's bad cavern, obviously. Eew.

Of course, Sal couldn't let this one go. We were back at our cubicles for only a minute when he leans over the wall and starts talking about this 'doctors visit' where Carl got 'checked out'. He says he has a picture of it, then hands me his camera phone. For some odd reason he had a picture of a big metal drain spout with a couple of medium sized rocks sitting at the bottom of the opening. "This," he explains, "is Carl's bad cavern."

This made me giggle. I really didn't want to giggle - because it's just oh so wrong - which of course made the giggling worse. Which made Sal giggle. And the two of us have been giggling on and off for the last two hours. We just look at each other and we break out in a fit of the Silent Giggles, the kind where you make no sound but your whole upper body shakes with amusement.

Sal suggested we take a picture of a 'Carlsbad cavern' and his picture of 'Carl's bad cavern' and throw them on an email, along with the appropriate label tags, and circle it around the office. I'm sure in an hour or so when I'm not drunk on this giggle high I'll correctly realize that this would be a Very Bad Thing to do. But right now it sounds like a lot of fun.

With 14 minutes, 31 seconds to spare before core shutdown!

Would you rather...

1. have a first name that nobody can pronounce OR one nobody can remember?

I'd rather have a name that nobody could remember. I knew a girl once whose name was Kjell - pronounced shell. Nobody pronounced it right the first time. Or second or third time. I wouldn't mind a unique name like that, but I'd get tired of everyone butchering it. I'd rather they just look at me and go, 'uh… what's your name again?'

Maybe then I could get a really cool nickname that everyone would know me by. Like Pooter Magoo or something spiffy-cool like that.

2. be confined to a couch for three weeks OR wear rollerblades for three weeks straight?

My poor knees wince at the thought of wearing any mode of wheel-y transportation on my feet for more than five hours. My knees and my feet would be sore after a couple hours on rollerblades. Also sore would be my butt bone, elbows, hands, forehead, and any other part of my body that might break my fall, because it is a scientific fact that with every passing continuous hour I'm on skates my chance for Gravity Enforced Horizontalization increases exponentially. I would most definitely be falling a lot if I had to wear rollerblades for three weeks.

So park my clumsy ass on a couch for three weeks and call me Ms. Potato.

3. be the person who cleans up the elephant cages at the circus OR the person who cleans the friers at mcdonalds?

Is the Cleaning of the Micky Dee's Friers really that terrible of a job that it's listed in the same 'would you' question as cleaning elephant poo?

Even if it is, I'd much rather do that than go anywhere near a circus. I think I'd cry if I had to see how horrible those elephants are treated. Even if it was the most humane circus on the planet, it would still be horrible to look at. Caging up those wonderful creatures and carting them all over the place and forcing them to perform for people. Bleagh!

4. your poop be bright blue OR your saliva be grass green?

Smurf poop!!!!!!!!!

That's all I have to say about that one. :)

Baby's First Blog Post From School

Hey! Look at me, look at me – I'm blogging from school. Wheee! Mark it down on a calendar or post-it note or restroom stall door!

I love getting overly exciting about things that aren't really that exciting. No wait, this is exciting! I'm surrounded by my fellow academs, sitting at computers so it looks like we're doing homework/research and not emailing/surfing for naughty things! Wheee!

Not that I'm surfing, naughty or otherwise. No Sir Edwin Bob.

Is it called surfing I'm staying in one place/one site? Didn't think so. I guess you could say I'm floating more than I'm surfing.

Hehehe. I'm a floater. Hehehe.

Gawd I'm tired. Or at least I was this morning. The two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I had for lunch* did a mighty fine job of restoring my strength points. Now I'm only feeling semi-loopy.

Could you tell? No? Darn, I'll have to try harder next time.

And about those pb&j sandwiches... well... don't tell Mr. Librarian Computer Watchman Dude that's patrolling the aisles that I've got half a sandwich still in my backpack and I plan on eating somewhere in this here library. I am rebel, hear me chew!

Okay, I've got 43 minutes left before this here computer kicks me off and I still want to write up my answers for Tuesday is Chooseday. Oh, the pressure! Then I'm going to find me a nice quiet little corner of the library where I can sneak quick sandwich bites and try and finish my reading assignment for tomorrow in about an hours time (ha! so not going to happen!). Why only an hour? Because I have class at 7pm. Oh, the pressure! Good thing I finished my homework assignment that's due tonight while I was at work today or else I wouldn't have time to type this right now. :)

Lloyd Dobler can thumb through my dictionary any day.

Sometimes (okay, most times) when I'm looking up a word in the dictionary, I think about that scene in Say Anything where Lloyd sees Diane's dictionary, the one that's FULL of X's because she's marked an X next to every word she's ever looked up, and as he flips through the pages he sees that she's a major league word-looker-upper.

When I first saw this scene I thought, that is soooooo cool! I want to do that! And one day I'll be able to look back on all the words I've looked up and realize I'm that much smarter!

Sounds kind of geeky, I know, but I thought it'd be a fun game to play, just me and my pal Dic. I still think it'd be fun, especially when I'm looking up obscure words while reading my Ellery Queen novels. Those books would produce a lot of X's for my dictionary. So collecting all these X's would be fun, yes, but unnerving too, in a paranoid 'I'll-Never-Get-Elected-If-They-Find-My-Teletubby-Snuff-Film-So-I'll-Just-Burn-The-Whole-Damn-House-Down' sort of way.

It's because of this little voice of paranoia that I have yet to mark off one single looked-up word.

Because what if someone else actually sees my dictionary? *gasp* And they see what words I had to consult the dictionary for? And what if they see that I put an X next to the word 'cabbage' and they laugh at how stupid I am for not knowing such a simple word as cabbage! I'd be mortified!!!

Well, maybe not mortified, but at least slightly embarrassed. And slightly defensive, because there'd no context behind that X. The person laughing won't know that I knew what the word cabbage meant and they won't know that I was just getting clarification on all definitions of the word so that I could better understand what I was reading!

I know what your saying. Just don't put the mark next to cabbage then! But if I'm going to record what words I look up I'm not going to do it half-assed and only mark the words that make me look good. What would be the point? (And besides, what if I can't tell what words are from the Simple-As-Cabbage category! Eek!)

Now, don't y'all go thinking I don't know what the word cabbage means! It's just an example because I couldn't think of a word that I knew, in context, but wasn't quite sure of its exact meaning. I came across a few of those kinds of words this past weekend while doing my homework (which consisted of a Butt Load [highly technical form of measurement] of reading). Luckily, I had my handy dandy new dictionary by my side.

The dictionary came ceran-wrapped with the three volumes of literature anthologies I had to buy for my Brit Lit class. I didn't mind the additional cost because the last dictionary I bought is about ten years old now. Oh how good it feels to be updated on the vocab front! :)

So I have this brand new dictionary, which saw a lot of action last weekend, and as I cracked it open for the first time in order to look up my very first word of the day I thought:

Hey, I should mark an X next to each word I look up, sort of in a 'Christening The New Dictionary' fashion. It'll be my Words I Looked Up In College (Not Including Those First Three Years) dictionary. And the birds will twitter and the bunnies will frolic and the self conscious llamas will throw caution to the wind and dance around in unflattering leotards and all will be good and merry in the Land of Me.

And then I thought:

But what if I run for election one day and Access Hollywood finds my dictionary and tells everyone that I once had to look up the word 'leotard'?! I'll be the laughing stock of the political world and Murphy Brown will dump thousands of leotards on my front porch and my dreams of milking my constituents for billions of dollars will be crushed like a pair of llama nads in an undersized leotard!

So I didn't do it. Sigh. Maybe one day, when I'm old and forgetful, I'll start marking what words I look up. That way, if I come across a word I've already marked, I'll know I'll need to up my brain booster meds.