I really don't want to do any work today. That's nothing new really, I just felt like stating the obvious for a moment. All week I've been busting my ass over this project at work until I was ready to beat my head against the keyboard until all the little keys popped off in an effort to run away from the Big Bad Scary Typer Lady because this computer was taking too damn long to process my change requests. And it took forever to search for stuff so I could make changes. And... and... well, needless to say it sucked. And while I do my necessary Got To Do This Every Friday stuff I'm going to goof off. Yep, I'm going to multitask! Because I can. And the way I'm going to goof off is take quizzes and write stories and mess around on the internet and catch up on other blogs. Because I can.

And because Mr. Supervisor isn't in the office at the moment. Woo! So while I wait for a report to print, here's a quiz I took.


STUPID HUMOR: Doing shocking things, making faces, flailing your arms about, and producing bizarre noises are how you make people laugh. You were always the one that people call "wierd", and they still do, because you are. You enjoy being wierd, and people enjoy watching you act wierd and over-the-top. Just be careful, too much of it at a time will begin to annoy people. You are one FUNNY guy!
How funny are you? brought to you by Quizilla

How dead on accurate is that?!!

I don't necessary do the shocking thing. Well, okay, maybe I do, but its very low down on the Shock-O-Meter. I don't drop my pants in Wal-Mart and start running around yelling, "Boogger monkey farts! Booger monkey farts!" up and down the aisles. That would be shocking. And very funny if it was someone else doing the running and yelling sans pants.

I have produced bizarre noises before. And I have been called weird several times before. A doctor even called me weird once, so that sort of makes it official, doesn't it? :)

I am 'one FUNNY guy'. And here I was hoping to be two FUNNY girls. Oh well. I guess I'm just not that funny.

I

like

big

nuts

and I can not lie.
you other sisters can't deny
that when a girl walks in with a big tin can adorned
with pics of and full of yummy caramel popcorn
you get hungry


someone brought in a can of caramel popcorn this afternoon for the people in my office (not that its location stopped everyone else in the building from stopping by and pillaging the popcorn tin.) i have no idea why this Bringer of Gifts did this, but bless their giving hearts. i loves me the caramel popcorn! but this caramel popcorn was unlike any other caramel popcorn i've ever had. instead of finding tiny little peanuts dispursed through the popcorn i found bigger nuts. twice as bigger nuts! walnuts in fact. there were walnuts in my caramel popcorn!

maybe i'm just naive and unexperienced in the ways of the almighty nummy caramel popcorn but i've never seen caramel coated walnuts mixed in with the popcorn before. very nummy indeedy. i certainly gobbled up my fair share. :)

i like big nuts and i can not lie...

I friend of mine sent me this website a while ago where you try to "tell a coder from a cannibal" just by looking at their picture. let me tell you, some of those computer-hacker-geniuses look awfully creepy-fiendiously-murdery. The first time I took the quiz I guessed 7 out of 10 correctly. woohoo! I just took it again and only guessed 5 right. d'oh! :)

The toe that I injured awhile back is acting all sore-like lately. Maybe it's the shoes. Maybe it's the cold weather. Maybe my toe is being temporarily possessed by a cartoon alien who can steal a basketball player's skillz in order to rule the universe (a phenomenon popularized in the movie Toe Jam). Er... maybe I don't really know.

I think it's a combo of A and B. Soon my toe with it's old 'war' injury (The Two Minute War, a.k.a. The Loon and Gas Pump War of 2003, coming to a history book near you) will be so old and creaky that I'll be able to use it to predict the weather. That would be helpful, up to a point. And exciting, up to a point. After awhile I'd be, "I know it's going to rain tomorrow. Big woopidy-doo."

Maybe I can train the toe to predict lottery numbers. Now that would be helpful and exciting squared! And well worth the pain and humiliation it took to get it primed for lotto number picking success.

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."

This was either said by Noel Coward or Fred Allen. I scoured the 'net a bit but can't find out who. Grrrr.

i just finished watching A Charlie Brown Christmas. i think i've seen this cartoon at least 432 times. okay, maybe not that many. 261 times then. :) i haven't watched the cartoon the last couple of christmas's or so, and i thought i was due for another viewing. i thought correctly.

[wait a moment while i pause to reflect on the rariety of the previous statement. okay, now on with the rest of the post... ]

i'd forgotten how much i love this cartoon and all it's great warm fuzzy moments.

-i feel all warm and fuzzy when Linus gives his speech about the meaning of christmas.
-i feel all warm and fuzzy when Charlie Brown picks out the little bald tree. it makes me want to go out right now to a christmas tree lot and find me the perfect christmas tree. i want to bring home the little green needle-challenged christmas tree that could.
-i feel all warm and fuzzy when Lucy gives Linus 'five good reasons' for memorizing his lines. i've always wanted to be in a situation where i could use that threat.
-i feel all warm and fuzzy when Snoopy kisses Lucy and she freaks out. "I have dog germs! Get some hot water! Get some disinfectant!"
-i feel all warm and fuzzy when... well, i could go on. really i could. i'll just end this bit by saying that i feel all warm and fuzzy whenever snoopy is on the screen. i've got a huge crush on that beagle. ::sigh::

i don't know what to make of this new half hour bit that's following A Charlie Brown Christmas. it just sort of falls flat compared to the old school peanuts christmas cartoon. i think its the voices. for some reason they are really annoying me. blah. a commercial played a few minutes ago for a new peanuts christmas movie!!! I Want A Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown will air next tuesday. next tuesday! mental note: watch ABC next tuesday at 8pm. i hope i don't forget. and i hope Gilmore Girls is a repeat again. i'll be seriously torn if a new episode is up against my snoopy.

for now, while i wait for next tuesday, i'm going to pop in my favorite christmas dvd of all frickin' time, White Christmas. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation comes in at a very close second. some days its a real toss up. but i don't own NLCV, only White Christmas. so that's what i'm going to watch. which is fine because i loooooooove it. in some ways it is "far superior to my cocker spaniel." :)

Tuesday Is Chooseday

Would you rather...

1. your hair (head only) grow 1 foot per week OR your fingernails grow 1 foot per month?

If the hair on my head grew that fast it would get very annoying. I've got a lot of hair on my head despite the fact that I shed hair like a stripper shed's clothes on double coupon night. I'd constantly be cutting my hair because after a couple of weeks it would get unmanageable. And give me headaches. And be an overall pain in the follicle.

I'd rather have my fingernails grow a foot/month. I'd have to cut them like a gassy man cuts cheese (translation: all the time). But I'd like long nails. Mine always seem to break on me after awhile. And I could be Cool Scary Woman With The BigAss Pointy Nails, I title I strive for constantly but can never quite attain.

2. only listen to christmas carols for the next 12 months OR burn your fingers 15 times over the next three weeks?

I think I'd rather only listen to xmas carols. I like xmas carols. And there are a lot of different versions of the many songs out there. So that'd be torturous, but doable.

Plus, I don't think I could come up with enough burns for my fingers.

Me: "Yo fingers! You're so dumb, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice!"
Friend: "Dude! What a burn!"
Me: "You're so fat, fingers. You're so fat, that you have to wear inner tubes for rings!"
Friend: "Oh! Burn! You soooooo burned your fingers, man. Sweeeeeet!"

After that I have nothing.

3. be able to hold your breath for 30 minutes OR be able to jump 12 feet straight up?

I'd rather be able to hold my breath for 30 minutes. What good will jumping 12 feet in the air do me when the HB let's out a stinky fart? Not much. It would allow me to get away from the fumes, but then I'm inconvenienced. And that just ain't right.

Side thought: I would have kicked major ass at the 500 freestyle race if I could have held my breath for 30 minutes. Booyah!

4. be shot in the ass while peeping on somebody undressing OR have your picture taken (unknowingly) while in the shower and have it passed around the internet?

I'd rather be shot in the ass. I really don't want naked pics of me floating on the 'net. People don't need that much laughter in their lives. And those that wouldn't laugh, but would, er, find other ways to enjoy the picture, well... they can just go find other jerky material. After seeing certain pictures on the internet (I wish I could remember the site addy) there's no way I want to get stinky drunk and pass out anywhere near a camera and a so called friend who thinks it be hilarious to take pictures of you half to fully undressed in embarrassing poses only the drunk and unconscious can maintain, with or without an assortment of items protruding from your clothing and/or orifices. Mean, mean friends! Not funny! Okay, funny at the time, sure, but not funny to snap evidence of for the sake of posterity. And certainly not then posted internet wide.