Tuesday Is Chooseday

Would you rather...

1. your hair (head only) grow 1 foot per week OR your fingernails grow 1 foot per month?

If the hair on my head grew that fast it would get very annoying. I've got a lot of hair on my head despite the fact that I shed hair like a stripper shed's clothes on double coupon night. I'd constantly be cutting my hair because after a couple of weeks it would get unmanageable. And give me headaches. And be an overall pain in the follicle.

I'd rather have my fingernails grow a foot/month. I'd have to cut them like a gassy man cuts cheese (translation: all the time). But I'd like long nails. Mine always seem to break on me after awhile. And I could be Cool Scary Woman With The BigAss Pointy Nails, I title I strive for constantly but can never quite attain.

2. only listen to christmas carols for the next 12 months OR burn your fingers 15 times over the next three weeks?

I think I'd rather only listen to xmas carols. I like xmas carols. And there are a lot of different versions of the many songs out there. So that'd be torturous, but doable.

Plus, I don't think I could come up with enough burns for my fingers.

Me: "Yo fingers! You're so dumb, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice!"
Friend: "Dude! What a burn!"
Me: "You're so fat, fingers. You're so fat, that you have to wear inner tubes for rings!"
Friend: "Oh! Burn! You soooooo burned your fingers, man. Sweeeeeet!"

After that I have nothing.

3. be able to hold your breath for 30 minutes OR be able to jump 12 feet straight up?

I'd rather be able to hold my breath for 30 minutes. What good will jumping 12 feet in the air do me when the HB let's out a stinky fart? Not much. It would allow me to get away from the fumes, but then I'm inconvenienced. And that just ain't right.

Side thought: I would have kicked major ass at the 500 freestyle race if I could have held my breath for 30 minutes. Booyah!

4. be shot in the ass while peeping on somebody undressing OR have your picture taken (unknowingly) while in the shower and have it passed around the internet?

I'd rather be shot in the ass. I really don't want naked pics of me floating on the 'net. People don't need that much laughter in their lives. And those that wouldn't laugh, but would, er, find other ways to enjoy the picture, well... they can just go find other jerky material. After seeing certain pictures on the internet (I wish I could remember the site addy) there's no way I want to get stinky drunk and pass out anywhere near a camera and a so called friend who thinks it be hilarious to take pictures of you half to fully undressed in embarrassing poses only the drunk and unconscious can maintain, with or without an assortment of items protruding from your clothing and/or orifices. Mean, mean friends! Not funny! Okay, funny at the time, sure, but not funny to snap evidence of for the sake of posterity. And certainly not then posted internet wide.