HAPPY HALLOWEEN! :)


Your a big-ole-monster. Always ready to scare
Which Popular Halloween Monster Are you? brought to you by Quizilla

BOO!

So, did I scare ya? Did I? HeHeHe.

I am proud of my many forms. There's my mystical centaur form where I'm half The Green Fonz and half mini race car, as you can see in the above picture (which was taken after I won the Monster Truck Mash last Halloween). Another form is vampire, where I have pale white skin and wear black garb. Like today. Well, my jeans are blue, but everthing else is black. And I'm very white. Scary white. Which helps when I want to change into a ghost. BOO!



Take the What Halloween Costume Are You? quiz at Kisaki.net

I want to dress up as Superwoman! Mainly for the cape. And the sexy red boots. And the big red S across my boobies. And the yellow utility belt.

And no, I don't buy any of that macho male crap. It's too expensive and I'm on a budget. Don't mess with this assertive feminist non-lesbian today. I'm on a search for candy (and I know there's a stash of Nestle's candy around here, there always is!) and no one better get in my way!

Oh. And about The War of the Warm and Fuzzy Vampires, The Count vs. Count Chocula. I'm glad my favorite won. Blah!

Starbucks Saga - Part 2

I went to Starbucks again today. It's all Jodi's fault. She mentioned candy corn cookies with eyes in a previous comment. I went and Cute Smiley Coffee Guy took my order. Today I was Lina.

"L - I - N - A?" he asks.

"Sure." Heh. Why not?!

Loony Hint #3 On Using Fake Names: Be sure you can spell it at the drop of a hat.

Nothing makes the food service person more suspicious of tomfoolery afoot than you having to think for a moment on how to spell your name. Unless you're five years old.

I paid for my grande ('grande' my fat frappuccino ass! what a fucked up size naming system they employ at that place) mocha frappuccino and tasty snack with money I pulled out of my Winnie the Pooh wallet.

"You like Winnie the Pooh, huh?" says Cute Smiley Coffee Guy.

Possible comebacks for that question:

A: "Like Winnie the Pooh? Hell No! I hate that tubby bastard."

B: "Duh!"

C: "Who?"

D: "What? The wallet? I just stole it ten minutes ago from some second grader walking home from school."

E: "Yep."

All tempting answers but I opted for option E, the least offensive one. I used up all my fun talk coming up with a fake name I guess.

I think Cute Smiley Coffee Guy might be on to me. This is the third name I've given him. My visits are fairly spaced out. I doubt he remembers me. Or my name(s). But who knows. he was extra smiley today. Maybe he was just so smiley while admiring my taste in wallet fashion (it features Pooh, Piglet, Eeyore and Tigger too!) Maybe he has stalker tendencies and remembers me by a different name and was trying to figure out if was totally mental. Maybe he was just flirting with me. It's not that implausible! If he was flirting, I wasn't flirty back. If I were I would have bought the oatmeal cookie like he suggested. Instead I opted for the half-stale almond bear claw (which is still quite yummy half stale.)

I would have bought a candy corn cookie with eyes but they didn't have any more. Cute Smiley Coffee Guy said he'd sold the last one just a few minutes before I got there. Damn! Always a wedding guest, never a flower girl.

Starbucks Saga - Part 1

A week ago I was hanging out at the bookstore, looking at books I wanted to buy but knew I couldn't because of my little self imposed book buying ban (because I have enough books to last me awhile. A few months at least). I was also checking out a California Writer's Group meeting where members got together and read from different stories. It was interesting. For the first half hour. I stayed another twenty minutes then got up to leave. I saw a Starbucks across the street and thought "Mocha Frappuccino! Yum!" I hopped in and started the car. Barry Manilow's song 'Copacabana' was playing on the radio, so naturally I cranked up the volume and started singing at the top of my lungs.

Her name was Lola
She was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair
and a dress cut down to there.

Have you ever listened to the words to that song? It's kind of a depressing song. The chorus is upbeat, but it not so much the ending. Lola looses her love. And her mind! Drinking herself half blind in the same bar she used to cha-cha in. Way to bum us out Barry. Lesson of the Copacabana song: "Don't fall in love." Also, don't let men named Rico who wear diamonds in their ears hit on you when your hot tempered boyfriend Tony is busy tending bar within visual range of any potential groping.

So anywhoo, by the end of the song I was at my destination. I walked up to the store with a spring in my step, Barry Manilow in my head, and my cool new boots clomp clomp clomping on the ground (they're very loud cool new boots.)

Now, a little background info before I continue. I have this obsession. No, not with Mocha Frappuccinos, for which my already fat ass thanks me profusely, but with giving fake names to food works (i.e. restaurant hostesses, fancy shmancy coffee shop order takers, etc.) It started a few years ago. I don't remember why exactly but one day when a restaurant hostess asked for my name so she could add me to the waiting list I gave her a fake name. And it was fun. Like playing make-believe. I played the 'fake name game' a few times and it remained fun, even when certain friends laugh at the perfectly good made up name, cueing the girl in about to seat us that it wasn't really my name.

Lately I've noticed its become a habit. Especially when I go to Starbucks. I don't go often, but when I do, and they ask me for my name, pen poised near the cup, I say the first name that comes to mind. It's become a natural thing for me to do. I just can't help myself. Maybe because its fun. Really. Usually. Except for certain instances like last week.

So back to the original story. Remember: books, Barry, boots. Okay, so I walk into Starbucks and give my order to Coffee Girl. She grabs a cup and a pen and asks for my name. And what's the name that pops to the front of my brain before all others you ask with nail biting anticipation? Lola. That's right. Lola.

I'm about to say 'Lola' and I think to myself, "What? Lola? I'm not a Lola?"

I'm not sure how long that inner monologue lasted, but while it did Coffee Girl is still waiting for my name.

"Uh... Maria." I used a fall-back name, one I've used before. I see myself more of a Lola than a Maria, but oh well. I say it's healthy to look like a twit who can't remember her own name every now and then. Especially since I occasionally blank when trying to tell someone my real name. Maybe next time I'll stick with Lola. I wouldn't mind being a Lola for a few minutes. Or maybe next time I'll hear 'Mandy' on the radio. I can see myself as a Mandy. "Well you came and you gave without taking..." Yeah, I know, I'm a weirdo. :)

People on third shift who buy a box of donuts and then, when the donuts are all gone, leave the box in the trash can so that when I get to work the next day the office smells like sugary goodness, and all I can think about is how good a Krispy Kreme donut would taste right about now... they annoy me.

People who thought Britney and Madonna should do a duet together... they annoy me.

People who think they need to play that awful Britney/Madonna song on the radio over and over again forcing me to be constantly changing the station... they annoy me.

Spammers... they annoy me.

People who are in such a hurry that they have to cut you off in traffic without so much as an, 'Excuse me, pardon me, may I cut in? Thank you ever so much. I've got a Road Hogger's Anonymous meeting to attend and I'd hate to be late'... they annoy me.

People who think it'd be fun to start forest fires... they annoy me. They really annoy me. *

[spaz]

omg omg omg I'm supposed to start writing my fake wannabe novel in just over 41 hours and I still don't know what I'm going to write about. Sure I have a general idea but not the specifics but I have this anxious feeling that I need specifics because when it comes time to write the specifics and I have to suddenly make them up or pull them out of my ass like some crazy magician I'm going to blank, hit a wall, come up short, get stumped and not think of anything but I've got to write something so I'm just going to write crap and crap is never good. Never good. I've got to write something but I don't want to write just something I want to write good stuff. Good crap. Lots of funny good crap. 41 hours. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

[/spaz]

me enjoy yearly yum meal love eating great treats short triangles so orange every yellow white even nostalgic candy yum! **

3. What scary movie scared you most as a child? Why?

I can't think of a scary movie that scared me as a child. I must have stayed away from them until I got older. Or they just didn't traumatize me enough so that still remember how much they scared me. I'm sure there were a few that scared me - I'm just drawing a blank right now.

Oh wait, I remember one movie that freaked me out a bit. I don't remember how old I was, but I believe I was fairly young. My aunt had rented a bunch of movies for us cousins and put one in while we all made cookies. I went out into the living room just in time to watch the beginning of some Jaws movie (2 or 3) where a guy is sitting in a boat, and a shark jumps out of the water and bites off the guys hand. Eek! That scared me. And my cousins. Even my aunt. I guess she didn't know what kind of a movie it was (heh heh heh). She quickly took out that movie and put in Fletch. A much better movie for all to enjoy.

4. What is your favorite halloween memory?

A particular Halloween memory doesn't stand out amongst the others as a favorite. I do remember that when I was younger and in elementary school, I used to come close to having panic attacks on the day of Halloween, being all dressed up in my costume. I was so afraid that I'd gotten the day wrong and would be the only one at school dressed up. That would have been mortifying! Every year I worried. And every year I wore my costume on the right day. Go me!

One favorite Halloween memory is from high school where my youth group went on a hay stack ride around someone's farm. Then we carved pumpkins. That was a lot of fun, though my pumpkin carving skills are very lacking.

Another fun Halloween memory: collecting chicken mcnugget toys in my mcdonald's happy meal. Each one wore a short little Halloween costume. And the costumes were interchangeable!

5. What kind of candy did you like to get the most? The least?

I love eating candy corn! Yum! Those little orange and yellow sugar triangles were my favorite candy to find in my trick or treat bag. That, and Tootsie Roll Pops. In fact, I'm sucking on a tootsie roll pop right now! (I grabbed a few from the candy pile yesterday, before they were all gone) Least favorite candy to get? Yearly I'd get Three Musketeers bars, MilkyWays, Milk Duds. I'd trade them with my brother for Kit Kat bars. :)

6. Ever toilet papered/egged/soaped/etc. someone's house when you were a kid? Why'd you do it?

Nope. Never did. I feel so sheltered and inexperienced. :) Though this one time, in band camp the sixth grade, I was invited to go on a t-p-ing escapade. We were going to work our class's booth at the school on Halloween night for a little bit. Then we were going to take off. But I got sick and had to go home. And missed my chance to be an annoying troublesome adolescent on Halloween. Darn it.

7. List some of the things you dressed up as when you were a kid.

In kindergarten I was a bride. Or a ghost bride. I wore this white plastic thing (like a ghost costume) over my body with my arms and head sticking out of it, and on it was a drawing of a bride's dress. I think. Or something like that. And I had the coolest glitter nail polish on, which is what every ghost bride can not do without.

I was a pirate in the second grade. That costume rocked! I need to find an adult version of it sometime. And instead of an eye patch I wore a glitter eye mask. Very bitchin'! In fact, I think I wore that costume for Halloween for a few years after that, I loved it so much. I could describe it in great detail, I remember it that vividly. But I won't. Your welcome. :)

I don't remember dressing up much for the rest of my elementary years, though I had glow in the dark lipstick and glow in the dark nail polish that I would wear. Oh, and I had a really cool pair of skeleton earrings.

In the seventh grade I wore nothing but black and orange, and made a little spider out of yarn and pipe cleaners (very last minute, but very well done). I carried my spider around with me on a string leash. I tried to enter the costume contest during lunch time, but they wouldn't let me. Don't they know brilliant originality when they see it?!

I only dressed up one year in high school (that I can recall.) Can't remember what year it was but for some reason I think it was my senior year. I was a blue crayon. A blue crayon! How cool is that? (No need to answer. LOL) I loved that costume. I also had crayon rubber band barrette thingys from grade school that I used to make pigtails. I was so cool cute weird looking.

Last time I dressed up for Halloween I was a freshman in college. I dressed up as a female she-devil type creature. So did my friend Niki. I wore red, she wore black, and another friend, Ben, dressed up as a pimp. He might have been dressed up as something else, but when the three of us went out to a party together he looked like a pimp standing between the two of us. Steve also tagged along. Then fell asleep at the party. How do you fall asleep in the middle of a living room packed with people dancing and talking and yelling to be heard over the blasting music? I guess some people can just fall asleep anywhere. I have a picture of all of us and am suddenly feeling all nostalgic. When I get home I think I'm going to have to peruse the photo albums. :)

8. If an older teenager or an adult came to your house trick or treating, would you give them any candy? Why or why not?

I would give an older teenager candy only if they were in costume. And not a lame costume either ('Hey, I am in costume. I'm dressed up as a 'pedestrian' man!'). A real costume.

I'd give an adult candy only if they were accompanied with a little kid, because they're probably helping the kid get more candy. More candy is a good thing :). Any kid older than, say, 8, can collect enough of his/her own darn candy treats.

Bonus: If you are participating in NaNoWriMo are you going to start work on your novel at midnight?

Start writing at midnight on Halloween? Probably not. Saturday morning is soon enough to start putting myself through the rigorous writing torture. But who knows. If for some reason I'm awake at midnight and playing on the computer I just might. And then not go to sleep for several hours.

Note to self: stock up on lots of caffeine.

Some grocery supermarket workers are on strike here in California. I just heard, from the bosses here in the office, that the food checker-outers make FIVE DOLLARS more an hour than I do.

WTF??!!!!!

I have tech skills! I do stuff on a computer! They just stand there and pass food over a scanner and make FIVE DOLLARS more an hour than I do. I heard that and whipped my head around. Hopefully that head whip contained all the frustration I feel at getting paid so little for my job. Sure, I don't do much, but I should still be getting paid a whole heck of a lot more for my nothing!

One of the supervisors laughed, because he knows how little I make, and how pitiful that really is. The other bosses are laughing too. And I'm sure its not just at the Big Mr. Boss Man trying to be funny, imitating a checker scanning food. They're laughing at how gullible I am at staying here. Damn. FIVE DOLLARS more. Good lord! I knew I wasn't getting paid as much as I should have, but I started off at really low amount; they couldn't just bump me up several dollars. Well they could have. But I fell for their little song and dance.

I should call in sick and go work as a scab, for those guys are getting paid TEN DOLLARS more an hour than me, for crossing the picket line.

Damn.

On the bright side, one of the bosses brought in a bag of left over pinata candy. Left over from the weekend as it sat outside and melted. So for breakfast I'm eating melted mini M&M clusters. Yummmm!

Would you rather...

1. For the rest of your life, never be allowed to see the sun again OR never be allowed to see the moon and stars again?

Okay. I'm probably going to analyze/read into this question more than it deserves, but oh well. :) My first thought was, 'oh, I'd hate to never walk in the sun again' assuming that if I can never see the sun again I can no longer be outside in the daylight. Reasonable assumption. So following that assumption I'd be tempted to never see the moon again so I could walk outside during the day. But sometimes you can see the moon up in the sky in the middle of the day, in broad daylight. So on those days I'd be trapped inside my house during the day and the night? Or underground roaming the sewers somewhere so I can't see anything? That would suck.

Since the moon hones in on the suns special few hours, and not being outside for that long would suck, I'm just going to assume that the assumption I made is wrong. Just because I can no longer see a particular celestial body, that doesn't mean I can't be outside while that celestial body is taking up space up in the sky. And just because I can't see the sun doesn't mean I can't see sunlight.

So since I love to look at the moon and the stars I would rather never see the sun again. Your eyes get all splotchy when you do, so no real big loss there.

2. Always smell like pot roast so strongly that everyone around you smells it too OR always taste pot roast no matter what you're eating?

I would rather always taste pot roast. Pot roast isn't that bad, but I'm sure you could grow to hate pot roast after eating it so much. But more than that, I'd hate to have people smell me as the great big pot roast woman. Eek!

3. Have the power to make plants grow almost instantly OR to turn water into wine?

I would rather turn water into wine. Par-tay! Sure, instant flowers would be nice. And instant vegetable would be very handy. Instant food! But vegetables are relatively cheap. Really nice wine (and I'd turn my tap water into the finest of wines) isn't. Plus, 'Party time!' with vegies isn't as much fun. Unless its a one woman party... and there's a certain vegetable handy... but enough about that. Water into wine! Party! Woo!

4. When talking on the phone, be so nervous that you breathe heavy and people constantly mistake you for a stalker OR only speak in rhyme?

I wouldn't mind if people mistake me for a stalker. If it's a stranger I'm talking to, who cares what they think? It's not like they'll turn around and call the police. "Help. Some woman just called me and breathed really heavily! I think they're stalking me." If it's an acquaintance, well, they'll probably know I can't talk right when it comes to using such high tech instruments as the telephone, so they'd probably just chalk it up to more loony-ness.

And while it would be fun to speak only in rhyme, I'd run out of catchy rhymes in no time. :)

And that could be a problem. For example: I see an infomercial for the .99 cent store selling everything from kitchenware to toddler toys to DVDs at an excessively low price. So I call and make a purchase.

"Yes," I say to the nice phone operator man. "I'd like to buy for one dollar the movie Gladiator. I just wish I had enough money to also buy..."

I'd want to say something like, oh, maybe Caddyshack, a classic movie, but that doesn't rhyme.

"...uh..."

So I'd have to rack my brains quickly for a word that rhymes with Gladiator.

"... to also buy... uh... vibrator."

D'oh! See. Disaster. But then again, if it's a stranger I'm talking to who cares? :)

All in all I'd rather be Heavy Breather Stalker Chick.

roses are red
violets are blue
my nose is itchy
and so is my butt
but seriously, that was crude
no rude
hey that rhymes too
did i spell that right?
do i care?
i might if i were wearing clean underwear


Today's poem courtesy of today's oneword: Roses.

Instead of using up the whole minute oneword gives you I just used thirty seconds, because that's all the time I was allowed. No editing of this post has taken place. Nor has it been tested on animals. And now I unleash it into the wild. Run free little blog post. Run free.

You are Trinity, from "The Matrix." Strong, beautiful- you epitomize the ultimate heroine.
What Matrix Persona Are You? brought to you by Quizilla

Yeah! I'm Trinity! And I didn't even have to cheat! hehehe. I love Trinity. She's my hero. She kicks ass and looks good while doing it. Plus, she's got attitude. "Sample this." hehehe. Go Trinity! Woo! She's everything I'm not that I'd love to be - an all around ass kicking super hero babe! There's just a little over a week until Matrix: Revolutions comes out! Excuse me while I Snoopy dance for a moment... I hope this movie is better than Reloaded. With the Back to the Future trilogy and the Indiana Jones trilogy (which won't be a trilogy for too much longer) the second movie wasn't nearly as good as the other two. Hopefully that's how it will work with the Matrix trilogy. *crosses fingers*


What Linkin Park/Meteora Song Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I love this CD and I LOVE this song. 'Somewhere I Belong' is one of my favorite songs on the Meteora CD. That and 'Nobody's Listening' (which wasn't one of the possible results, darn it.) I listened to the CD, and especially to 'Nobody's Listening', over and over and over again while I worked/played on the computer this weekend. It helped me finally finish my latest stickman story.

I'm doodling and trying to keep up with the lyrics at the same time. Very challenging. It's good practice though because one day I'm going to corner the female white rapper market. I know, I know 'what female white rapper market?' you say. Exactly!!! I'll be a sensation! I'll be a phenomenon! I'll be a sensational phenomenon the likes of which the world has never seen! Well, that's one way I can make my millions.

The other way is come up with a clever idea like this, put it on a t-shirt and sell it. The trekker in me really wishes I had a few spares dollars lying around. If I did, I'd be really tempted to buy this t-shirt.

Well, since I don't have any spare dollars to spend frivolously I'd best get to working on thinking those clever thoughts for t-shirt ideas. hmmm...

Had a scary moment there on Saturday. The fire to the east of me, in Rancho Cucamonga, with the help of the Santa Ana winds, jumped west. It charged through my city and into the city to the west of me, doing major damage over there. Luckily, I’m not rich enough to live up by the mountains, where most of the fire is. :) But still, its scary with how close it is. Well, was. For most of the day Saturday the sky was orange, casting an eerie orange glow on everything. There's ash and dirt everywhere.

On the radio this morning they said only 5 percent of this fire is contained (there are several fires burning in southern California). 450 houses have been lost. Two people have died because of stress. Stress at watching their house, their home, burn to the ground. The kicker is they think this fire was started by an arsonist. A few people are reporting seeing a vehicle where the passengers through something out the window. I hope they catch the bastards.

One of the guys I share an office with was lucky. He lives in Rancho Cucamonga and houses all around him were catching on fire. His is still standing.

I went to my car during a break here at work. The ground is covered in little white specs of ash. It looks as if the angels up above are eating a box of mini powdered donuts, shaking off the excess powder before taking a bite. Those mini powdered donuts sure are messy.

Now I think I need to go take some fun quizzes to lighten the mood up a bit. Yep. That's a must.

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Roadtrip:: Me and a couple of friends piled in a car, stocking up at the mini-mart on travel food, driving to the beach, cranking out Offspring and Green Day on the radio. *sigh* I love roadtrips.
   
2. Honey:: Bunny
   
3. Flanders:: Ned
   
4. Vampire:: Jean-Claude
   
5. Justice:: Dave
   
6. Marine:: Biologist
   
7. Protractor:: Triangle
   
8. Rubber:: Glue - as in 'I'm rubber you're glue...' - one of the classic argument comebacks of all time
   
9. London:: Prince William - what a cutie :)
   
10. Jerry:: O'Connell

OMG! It's working now!

I AM A SUPER GENIUS!

Wheeeeeeeee!

GRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was checking out my stats at retrostats, and saw that they offered a tagboard. And the smilies that went with it are so damn cool! So I signed up and got my free retrostats tagboard. And I was giddy! I put it up on my blog. I was thinking, "Woohoo! Fun times ahead with all the cool smilies!"

Guess what. The damn thing doesn't work. Woo-freaking-hoo. I've been trying to figure out why for awhile now and just don't know what's wrong. I put it on my quiz blog and it worked there. But it still doesn't work on this blog. I type a message, I hit submit, then nothing happens. Grrrrr. Jodi says I have computer pixies. She could be right. I can't figure out what code I have in my template that's putting the wiggy wiggy voodoo on my new tagboard. :( Why won't it work???!!!

I think I'm going to give up for tonight. And worry about it tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow I can find a helpful help board on the net somewhere where some nice tech guy will be able to help me figure it out.

Frell. Frellfrellfrell.

Okay. I'm done messing with the layout for now. I moved over stuff from the left column and turned it into a third column. I tweaked here and there. Then tweaked some more. And tweaked a bit more. Then I was done. Sort of. I tweaked a few more things. My refresh button is demanding I take a break so I'm done for now.

So... any comments? Good? Bad? Ugly? Ugly as a cat's shaved ass? I made the font smaller. Is it readable? Does everything look too crowded? Does that color make my blog look fat? Why do they keep running that Mitsubishi Endeavor commericial with the Spongebob Squarepants bit? Is it to make me completely insane? Is the sort-of-new layout totally hideous? Can you even tell I changed anything? Are you even still reading this is? If you are, bonus point for you! You get another bonus point if you answer one of the above questions. :)

Okay, I'm off to spend some quality time with my stick figure story and apply my awesome designing skills to the intricacies of a running stickman.

I'm going to mess around with the layout of the blog.
Hopefully I don't mess anything up too much.
And if I do... well... I meant to do it. :)

Random thoughts... observations... i.e. boring dribble. Read at your own risk.

The credit card fairies need to come and hide my credit card for a while. I bought clothes the other day, but all were necessary. I desperately needed new pants and shirts for work. Work = necessary. Well, two shirts weren't for work, but they were cute and sexy. Cute and sexy = very necessary! And I bought shoes. I needed new work shoes because I’d worn my old pair into an inch of its life (holes were immerging... the bottom was coming apart). They really should have been thrown away a couple of months ago. So I was long overdue. Then I bought some boots. Small boots. I've always always always wanted boots but have never found any in my size. And they were on sale! So I couldn't not buy them. In fact, every single thing I bought was on sale. And for what I spent on several articles of clothing, the H.B. would spend on one shirt and one pair of pants. Still, though. I'm gonna return a few things. I really can't afford it right now, even with charging it on the credit card (evil, evil things). Damn. But I won't return all of it. And these new shoes I'm wearing, I'm cool! I look so styling and cool! That's worth a little bit more debt, right? No. It's not. Welcome to Pretend Land. Enjoy your stay.

Got a new assignment today at work. Another new task for me to do every month. Yippy. I get to print a bunch of slides out and separating them into coordinated piles. Then I email the people the coordinated piles belong to. Then they come pick them up and give the piles a good warm happy home. And I copy Mr. Boss Man on the emails. He responded to the first one by saying: "Great Job! This will help everyone continually improve."
Translation: "Ha! I'm the boss and you're a little peon and I don't want to waste my time printing all that crap out. You deal with it you little peon you." His little snip of inspiration is not inspiring. I do not feel special. Mainly because he's overly praiseworthy. The more he praises, the less sincere he seems. Blah.

My car looks like a great big ashtray. There's a few fires blazing down here in so cal. A huge one near where I work. Well, near enough that the ash from the fire has floated on down to us. The whole parking lot is covered in ash. Some co workers have actually left work early to go check on their houses, and be ready to evacuate the house if need be. Serious, scary stuff. The air outside smells like a campfire. And sweet. Like a sweet smelling campfire. Strange.

Time to go home. I might edit this later. Just felt like posting it now.

Took another quiz to find out what kind of a writer I am. And it was supremely accurate since it said I was "an old soul writer" and I was "born a writer who realizes the value of serendipity." And I do realize its value. It's selling on an infomercial for just 5 easy payments of $19.99.

I'm taking the results of this quiz as a good sign since Nov 1 (i.e. the start of my novel writing adventure) is just over a week away. Eek! But hey, I value serendipity, so I'm just going to have to have faith that as I begin to write the story I'll stumble upon brilliant plot points, serendipitously.

Okay. They don't have to be brilliant. I'll settle for anything. As long as its funny. Semi-funny even. Is there a funny voodoo rain dance I can do? Are there any funny pills I can feed the muse? I think I'm going to need all the help I can get.

Eek!

Found some quizzes while over at maximum verbosity...


How Would YOU Take Over the World?

I find this quiz very helpful, as I was bouncing back and forth between several ideas (enlist mafia henchmen from an alien race, produce sugary pop music videos loaded with subliminal messages, build a big frickin' laser and hide it in my top secret evil genius lair...)

Now I no longer have to wonder. My path is clear. Though I'd best check and see if using an alien army is an Evil Overlord no-no.



You are the Social Anxiety disorder rock! :(
::Which rock personality disorder (from the Zoloft commercial) should you have? (Results contain pictures!) brought to you by Quizilla

I'm not afraid of meeting new people, but I would be if I were being thrown in prison for the criminally insane. Which would never happen because I'm so totally ubersane. SNARF! ;)

I do hate talking in front of a group, but I'm not afraid to do so. Well, maybe I tiny bit. I'd be afraid I'd make a fool out of myself, which happens often. For some reason I switch to my native tongue and start talking Gibberish when speaking to large amounts of people. (Great way to impress the bosses at production meetings, let me tell you. "I... um... uh... grabbed that... uh... thingy that you use to uh... hrmph.")

I'm only afraid to draw attention to myself when I'm stealing a chocolate pretzel from the candy bin at the supermarket. And now, after reading my results, I'm afraid and very anxious about one day peeing my pants because I'm too afraid and too anxious. Eeek!

But at least I didn't score a normal on the test...


One of my joys in life is worrying about how I'm going to pay my bills. And never looking at string cheese and thinking about how it kinda looks like a squirrel??? Oh the horror!!! Funny, I was eating string cheese yesterday and couldn't quite help remarking how much it looked like Will Ferrell.

Snarf!

What's On your '10 interesting facts about me' list Right Now?

Okay... here goes... 10 interesting facts (which are probably only interesting to me, but oh well)... in no particular order...

1. I have dual citizenship. Go me!
   
2. I can quote way too many lines from the movie Spaceballs. (An awe inspiring achievement, I know.)
   
3. I've eaten goat meat.
   
4. Punch, milk, and soda has shot out of my nose and I've lived to tell about it.
   
5. I collect key chains (200 last time I bothered to count... which was over two years ago... and I'm still collecting) and I have an ever growing snoopy collection (I should probably tally up my snoopy stuff some time, just for shits and giggles)
   
6. I was co-Explorer Girl of the Year in the seventh grade at Pioneer Middle School. Go Explorers!
   
7. I've been published. Sort of. Not in the way I want to be, but I did get a check from Simon and Schuster for an essay I wrote. (It's no big achievement really - my whole English class got paid for their essays.)
   
8. I received an mvp award in college (though it doesn't really mean anything - half the people on the skeleton-crew-like team had never played before - but some people still find it interesting)
   
9. I've read every single book (all 7) in the Chronicles of Narnia at least 5 times.
   
10. I have a thin scar on my finger after a run in with a swiss army knife. (No, I wasn't involved in a rumble, I was just cutting an apple. I'm really uncoordinated.)

Shit. That was hard. I'm so uninteresting. :(

When the cat's away, the mice will play.

SQUEAK!

The Big Mr. Boss Man wasn't at work yesterday. And neither was my immediate supervisor. Woohoo! There was carefree dancing all over the office floor. And out in the hallway. And in the parking lot. In celebration, one of the other supes (who was doing 95% of the dancing) cranked out some David Bowie tunes on his 'puter. I celebrated by taking extra long breaks. And by doing no work. Sweet! :)

K - the dancing supervisor - just came in this morning to give us the bad news. Neither Boss Man will be into work again today.



On a sad note, the supervisor who sat next to me was relocated across the hall. In another office. Where I won't be able to hear all his funny jokes on a regular basis. *sniff* That really bums me out because the occasional silliness in the office here is what helps me get through the day sometimes. There's still K the dancing supervisor. He's good for silliness. Especially today. :)

I was thinking about going home sick after a few hours. I need to go to the mall today and would love to hit the stores before too many people get there. But now I’m thinking maybe I should save me 'oh I feel so sick I think I need to go home' spiel for when the bosses are here. :)

Would you rather...

1. Eat half a slice of toast covered with bee larvae OR drink a shot of tequila with 5 live tequila worms in it?

Shot of Tequila. The worms aren't in the actual shot glass right? They can't fit. So if they're just swimming in the tequila bottle who cares? I wouldn't. Especially after the fifth shot. Well, better have five more just to be sure on the 'not minding' part. Wheeeeeee!

2. Be able to blow bubbles out your ears OR turn your skin bright blue?

Blow bubbles out my ears. I think that would be super fun! Plus, I'd be a hit at parties. "Hey Bill! Look what she can do!"

The 'turning bright blue' thing would be cool too, but what if you couldn't turn back to your normal skin color? What if you looked like a mutant smurf for the rest of your life? That'd be one great big bummer.

3. Be wrongly accused of sexual indecency with a minor OR be rightly accused of sexual indecency with an animal?

Wrongly accused of sexual indecency with a minor. No sexual indecency with an animal for me, thank you very much! Though I saw this really hot looking badger the other day... but seriously, um... I've lost my train of thought. Oh yeah, what if I taught a monkey how to spank his human? Would that be considered indecent, sexually? If so, then I'd still rather be wrongly accused. Because at least I could honestly say I'd never done anything like that before. And hopefully people would believe me. Because I am so innocent looking. [insert angelic smiley here]

4. Be kidnapped, drugged, and wake up the opposite sex OR missing both your kidneys?

Well, missing both kidneys would suck. Because you'd be dead. Or at least on your way. Ouch.

So I'd rather be kidnapped, drugged, and wake up the opposite sex. I'd have to wake up a male? Egads! The horror! Though, getting to experience of awesome sensation of peeing out of a helicopter while it's flying (I've heard that's a really cool thing to do) is on the top of my list of things to do if I ever turn into a man. So there is that. Plus, I'd have a new 'toy' to play with, and that's always a good thing. ;)

* This stupid rubbish quite painfully, obviously, nasally, makes no Ollie Polly Quinn Riley sense. Total utter vileness unsurpassed today. Sorry. Really. Quit reading soon.

Today started right quiet really. Silence reigned supreme. Then unlit villains unshed their sacred robes, quite painfully, of pious quietude. Pandemonium of noble magnitude leaked keenly, jeeringly, into hours great for eager dreams.

Eager for good hotcakes, I jam.

* Kaleidoscope, justly, is hearty great fun!
Exciting! Doable! Come bloggers and be cool!

Ode To The Bug That Would Not Die

You crawled up my wall with your little icky bug-y body.

You climbed all the way to the top. The better to spy on me, I'm sure.

You were hanging out up there, planning your attack. Don't think you fooled me any. I knew you weren't harmless. Oh no, Evil Bug, I had your number.

But did you have mine?

No!

You fell perfectly into my trap. I haven't cleared that part of the wall of cobwebs in three years because I knew you were coming. And I knew you would get stuck.

And you did.

But damn you and your little buggy ways. You escaped! And fell to the floor at my feet.

That sudden squeal you heard was not a squeal of fear at your sudden close proximity. Nay! I was just warning you not to mess with me.

But you didn't listen. I could have let you live. And I would have, had you not tried to every so sneakily walk over to the pile of clean clothes I'd just (three days ago) washed. I could not let you frolic in my under thingies. You had to be stopped.

So I grabbed my weapon (half a roll of paper towels all wadded up in the Paper Towel Ball Of Doom) and squished you like a bug. Like... uh... you. I pressed down good and hard to make sure you were really most sincerely dead. It was the least I could do. I picked up the PTBOD and looked down at you.

Twitch.

No! It can not be!

Twitch.

How could you still be alive?!

You started to crawl away so I squished again. Harder this time. I counted to ten. And checked.

Twitch. Twitch. Twitchy twitchy twitch.

I squished. I smashed. I squished again. And still you would not die! So I grabbed a shoe. A heavy duty shoe. And pressed it down on the PTBOD, which was pressing down on you. I pressed with all my might.

I checked again.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Yes!

Twitch.

Shit!

Again I tried to squish you with the PTBOD. And the shoe. And this time I stood on the shoe. And I jumped up and down on the shoe. That's a lot of stuff on top of you and still you wouldn't die. Oh, what a worthy adversary you were turning out to be!

Again I pressed down on the shoe. I even added a bit of back and forth motion to the shoe to really rub you into the carpet. And again I checked on you.

Waiting...

Waiting...

Twitch.

Damn.

I almost left you to die on your own time, but I couldn't do that. So I picked up the shoe and whacked you. Hard. And still you continued to move. To taunt me with your undyingness.

Whack. Whack.

Whackwhackwhackwhackwhackwhackwhack.

Whack.

Finally. You ceased to be. You are no more.

Farewell you damn bug. Farewell.

---

I had to take care of The Bug That Would Not Die because my valiant bug slayer, Sir Bugsmealot (a.k.a. the H.B.), was not here. When he got home I told him about the bug. The first thing he said was, "Why didn't you just flush it?"

Oh. Oh yeah. Duh. Death by drowning. Quick and probably a lot less painful than half-effective whacking. That's why he's the official bug assassin in this relationship. Though, in my defense, if I'd tried to pick up the bug while it was still twitchy, it could have gathered enough strength to attack me. I couldn't give it enough time to do that.

Unconscious Mutterings
I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Country:: road - "walk on down the country road."
   
2. G:: spot
   
3. Offer:: on the table
   
4. Connection:: love
   
5. Quest:: johnny
   
6. Lighthouse:: water
   
7. Sycamore:: street
   
8. Inhumane:: society
   
9. Sneer:: squinchy face
   
10. Weapon:: sword

Hey. Guess what today is.



No. It's not Dance Like A Banana Day.



It's Loon Doesn't Have To Go To Work Day! Commence with the happy dancing!



The power was going to be shut down at work, and since all I do is work on a computer, and a computer needs power, and we didn't have enough hamsters running on enough wheels to generate the needed amount of power, I decided to take a vacation day. So all this week I've had visions of a lazy lounge-around-the-apartment-in-nothing-but-my-Hello-Kitty-undies Friday dancing in my head. Turns out they changed things around at work and the power was only going to be down for an hour. So I could have worked, but it would have been torture with all those visions banana dancing in my head. So I went ahead with the vacation day.



Now let's see if the H.B. can get the day off as well. *crossing fingers* He's just the sweetest little stud muffin in the whole wide world. Last night I was really crabby/crampy/pms-y and jonesing for some chocolate. I never really crave chocolate, but on Wednesday someone brought in a plate of The Best Damn Brownies Ever. And I had one. I didn't realize I was craving chocolate until I had a little bit of some. Then I needed more. A lot more. So anyway, back to the sweetness that is my boyfriend... on his way home from school he stopped at a grocery store and bought me a Halloween bag of bite sized snickers. Awwwwwwwwe! :) :) Only problem is... I'm home alone. All day. With a big back of snickers in the kitchen. And they're taunting me. "Eat us! Eat us! NOW!" Why get up and fix breakfast/lunch when I can just unwrap a snickers bar? Damn. Why'd he have to buy a whole bag? But I will be strong! I will not listen to the snickers as they taunt me a second time! I'll go stuff them in the freezer for next month, that way I can't hear them (after taking out a handful first, of course.)

The Friday Five

1. Name five things in your refrigerator.

- an onion (white)
- butter
- Sam Spade the hardboiled egg (just waiting to be deviled)
- homemade apricot jam
- ketchup packet from McDonald's

2. Name five things in your freezer.

- bag of french fries
- bag of frozen veggies
- box of corn dogs
- ice
- block of frozen mystery meat hiding at back of bottom shelf

3. Name five things under your kitchen sink.

- dust
- dust pan
- tiny hand held broom
- dish soap (the yummy candy apple smelling kind)
- cute little extra flower shaped spongy scrubber thing for the glass washer

4. Name five things around your computer.

- flower pot (full to overflowing with pens, pencils and one plush flower toy)
- stereo
- printer
- cd tower (stocked earlier today with special music for NaNoWriMo :) )
- a piece of paper with a sketch of a monkey on it (I'm obsessed with the monkeys lately! Monkeys everywhere!)

5. Name five things in your medicine cabinet.

- deodorant ('cause I likes to smells good)
- scissors
- visine
- big ass bottle of aspirin
- big ass bar of yellow soap w/great big smiley face on it (haven't had the heart to use it yet - it's too cute!)

That was all done from memory. You all may now marvel at my super memory skills. Except for #4. I couldn't help but steal a little peak on that one ;)

6 Books That Everyone Should Read *

The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
My Teacher Is An Alien by Bruce Coville
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone by J.K. Rowling

Each of these is the first book in a series - and each series is worth a read. And a reread! :) Now that I think about it, I cried at the end of the last Narnia book, and I cried at the end of the last Teacher/Alien book, and I cried at the end of the as of yet last Potter book. *sigh* Such wonderful books! :)

Horton Hears a Who! by Dr. Seuss
Click Clack Moo: Cows That Type by Doreen Cronin
Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein

Bonus book:
Last Resort - A Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys Super Mystery #5 by 'Carolyn Keene'
Why #5? Why not #35? Because in this one Nancy and Frank kiss! A definite must read for kids of all ages. :) :)

Super Duper Bonus book:
Ten Little Indians by Agatha Christie
(American title=And Then There Were None) A bloody brilliant book! And one I need to reread again sometime.

What's On ... Right Now

What's On your bookshelf Right Now?

I've got sooooo many books in my bedroom it's a potential fire hazard. I'll list books piling up on the very top of the bookcase (that's a sort of shelf, ain't it?) because that will be the smallest list. :)

So, in no particular order...

*Remember When by Nora Roberts/J.D. Robb - just finished reading this one
*The Starmen of Llyrdis by Leigh Brackett - reread this book a few weeks ago, its one of my all time favorites
*To The Nines by Janet Evanovich - have no idea why its still up there, I read this a few months ago
*The Butcher of Beverly Hills by Jennifer Colt - hilarious 'screwball' mystery. I put this on top of the bookcase to remind me to buy the next one in the series... as soon as I have money :(
*Skinny Annie Blues by Neal Barrett, Jr. - still haven't read this yet even though I bought it over a year ago. Its really high up there though on the 'what do I want to read next' list
*The Collected Mystery Stories by Lawrence Block - i've read the Bernie the Burglar short bits, and one or two of the others. There's still a lot more to go. Eek!
*Chariots of the Gods? by Erich Von Daniken - started, then put down to read J.D. Robb book :)
*Past Time and Thin Air by Robert B. Parker - two of the many books my mom has loaned me, as if I really need more books... well, yes, yes I do need more books. :)
*Bitten by Kelley Armstrong - a new author I want to try

The book I'm currently reading is Florida Roadkill by Tim Dorsey. I'm only on page 82 and I've already busted out loud with the laughter several times. It's not as good as Triggerfish Twist, the first and only other Dorsey novel I've read (which I absolutely loved) but I am still enjoying it. And it's the perfect voice I want in my head when I start to write my story for NaNoWriMo. (A very wacky one!)

The Listening Post
If you had the ability to "leap" back into yourself at any point in time, when would you choose and what problem would you choose to fix? What do you think the consequences would be if the event was fixed? Inspired by Quantum Leap

I can't think of any major problem in my life that I'd want to risk leaping back in time for. That's something to be thankful for, I know. And even if there was something I wanted to change, and I had the ability to go back, I wouldn't. Have no regrets - that's something I learned from watching the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode Tapestry. Don't regret the mistakes you make. Learn from them. If you go back and change one of those mistakes, you never get to benefit from the experience. You never get the chance to grow just that tiny inch more. I don't know... just a little sprinkle of loon philosophy there.

A few minor problems do come to mind though. If I could, I'd 'leap' into myself a few months ago, right before I tried to 'leap' over the gas pump hose at the gas station.

I would not try to take the shortest route to the front of the car. I would not step over the gas pump tube-y thing while it's connected to my car. I would not try and leap over it in a single bound, for I do not wear blue tights and a cape with a big 'S' on my chest (it's actually an 'L'.) I would walk the long way around like any smart, accident-prone person would do.

That would solve the problem of the frelled up knee but what would be the consequences of fixing this? Well, I wouldn't have learned to not step over the hose thing-y. Therefore, I could very well do my flying squirrel impersonation the next time I went to the gas station. But now, with that embarrassing event behind me and forever imprinted in my mind, I now think twice about stepping over the hose while its busy transferring gas into my car. And I've caught myself several times about to do it. I'm washing the back windshield... then I start to walk forward to clean the front windshield... but the hose is right in my way... I think about just simply stepping over it... then I have these horrible flashbacks... eeek! :) It's a bad habit of mine (I don't know why) but I'm slowly breaking it. Go me!

You know what? My muse for NaNoWriMo can bite my shiny metal ass!

Since that about sums it up, let's get drunk!*

Tuesday is Chooseday

Would you rather...

1. Be able to control your hair like tentacles OR be able to perfectly mimic any sound you hear?

I would rather perfectly mimic any sound I hear. That would be the ult! And I'm sure it would come in handy in my stint as a super hero super spy. The tentacle hair would be pretty mag too, but I wouldn't be able to show it off in front of too many people. Wouldn't want people to think I was weird or anything. :)

2. While driving, only be able to drive 35 mph, no faster, no slower OR only be able to turn left?

I would rather drive 35 mph (and find a job a lot closer to home). Only being able to turn left would drive me bonkers. All that driving around in circles, trying to figure out what streets to turn down so I eventually end up where I need to end up, that would be frustrating. One way streets = evil.

3. Punch an 80-year-old man in the face OR kick a 10-year-old kid in the shins?

I'd rather kick a 10-year-old in the shins. They're probably being a pest and deserve it. :) Plus, the young kid will heal a lot faster than the old fart. Hmmm... you wouldn't have to worry about retaliation from the old man though, as long as you could out run his motorized wheelchair. There's no Old Timer Mafia where they sick their henchman (the 70 year olds) on those that piss them off, is there? I think I'd rather face that then the Playground Mafia. Little bastards.

4. Spray deer urine all over your body before a major event (wedding, birthday, anniversary, etc) and not bathe for a full day OR not bathe for a full week before the major event?

Well, I've given it a lot of thought (a lot = 1 minute) and after reviewing the choices I have decided, using my supreme deducing skills (skills = used time old method of innie minnie miny moe), that I would rather not bathe for a full week. Even if I participated all week in rigorous activities to maximize the amount of sweat seepage I still think I would smell better in Eau de B.O. than Eau de Deer Piss. But who knows, maybe deer pee smells like roses.

Unconscious Mutterings
I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Timeshare :: vacation
   
2. Accounts :: receivable
   
3. Temptation :: Island
   
4. Hack :: the matrix
   
5. Shadow :: the shadow knows
   
6. Infection :: owie
   
7. 800 :: number
   
8. Infidelity :: High *
   
9. Springfield :: The Siiiimpsonnnnns
   
10. Gardener :: Jennifer **

*John Cusak movie in an alternate universe
**Sydney Bristow’s portrayer in an alternate universe

ATTENTION ZOINK AND AJ!!!

From the Fresno Bee:

Before a match against Clovis West High a few weeks ago, some members of the Buchanan High varsity girls water polo team stood on the pool deck at their rival's facility.

And, according to multiple witnesses, they peed.

Have either of you two heard about this??? Why didn't we ever think of this?! LOL! Oh yeah, because we had a liiiittle bit more self-control, though I can think of several someone's who would have gladly partaken in a bit of territory marking. heh heh heh

Plus, we were too busy whomping every ones butts in the pool to bother with a bit of deck piddle. :) :) I must admit though, the thought of peeing on Clovis's deck made me giggle like a schoolboy at evil medical school. Mwhahahahahahaaaaa!

Go Marauders!

A while ago someone asked me what "The H.B." stood for in my blog posts. I figured I should write up a little something explaining the abbreviation. When another person asked what the initials meant I figured I should actually get around to posting what I'd come up with. :) I planned to get around to it. And I did. Plan it that is. I just never got to the actual implementation part. I found the list this morning hiding in my secret play-at-work word file on my work computer. (shhhh... don't tell the bosses) :)

Okay, so here is a list of possibilities for what 'the H.B.' could stand for. I use the abbreviation 'H.B.' a lot because I'm too lazy to type out the whole thing. I could always call him something else, like his actual name, but what's the fun in that. ;)

Random Meanings for "The H.B.":
The Handsome Boyfriend
The Hungry Bear
The Hunky Boytoy
The Huge Banana
The Honey Bunny
The Horny Bulldog
The Healthy Bod
The Happy Beaver (no wait, that's me. heh heh heh)
The Humongous Brain
The Hot Buns
The Hearty Burrito
The Hairy Brit (he's not hairy...or British...but I thought I'd add it anyway)

That's all I've come up with so far. You know, this could make a fun poll. Vote now for your favorite version! Yes, I can feel the excitement over it brewing all ready [typed very sarcastically of course] .

The Present Me just sent a letter to the Future Me. I gave myself a list of all the sporting events this year, their outcomes and scores and such. With this handy knowledge I'll lay down a few strategically placed bets, become a gabillionaire, then take over the world! MWAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Er...

Wait a sec...

I need to send that information to the Past Me. Frell.

Six Loony Recurrent Dream Themes *
(of the dreams I remember upon awakening, of course)

1. Something happening that I want to happen

ex: winning the lottery, reading about a set publishing date for the new Harry Potter book.

Why can't those types of dreams skip merrily off to Forgetful Land instead of racing to the forefront of my mind?

2. Cameos: friends/family

ex: I've seen my dad in a dream, the H.B. in dreams***, and the H.B.'s family. I've also seen my bestest of friends in dreams, though I don't think I've ever dreamt them as accessories to crimes *cough AJ cough*. :)

3. Cameos: celebrity

ex: Donald Duck's nephews (Huey, Dewy, and Louie chased me around a wall in the middle of my parent's living room), James and Lars from Metallica (they went off-roading with me and the H.B.) and Billy Idol (that dream had a Mad Max sort of theme. we were preparing for a tournament.)

4. and 5. Helplessness and Frustration

A lot of the times these two themes go hand in hand in my dreams, but not always. In my dreams I've been frustrated a lot. Frustrated at not being able to move fast enough, or move my body the way I want it to. In my dreams I've been lost, confused, and up against the clock... but never in a nightmarish sort of way, thank goodness.

6. Weirdness

Then there are some dreams that are so bizarre that they can't be explained. One moment you're standing in the supermarket wearing bunny slippers and buying pickles, the next your waiting for the bus in a little mermaid costume (which is, of course, a perfectly normal thing to be doing in the dream) and communicating with a tree in Dutch. Or even Klingon. Those dreams fall under the WTF? category. (As in Why The Fuck was I talking to a tree? and What The Fuck did I eat last night to make me dream that?)

***And no, they weren't those kind of dreams! Darn it. One time I dreamed the H.B. and I were getting married in the bakery section at a local supermarket. And instead of standing under a lovely garden trellis we were standing under a plastic camping canopy, a cheap and cheesy one (with green stripes!) that you might pick up in a supermarket. And the guests were on plastic folding chairs. And eating bakery goodies.

You know what?
I was all primed to shake it, shh shh shake it like a Polaroid picture.
Then I thought to myself, 'How exactly does a Polaroid picture shake?'
I just don't know. Therefore I can't shake it.
My moneymakers will be deeply disappointed.
heeeeey yaaaaa

Gather all around
Here's a new post to astound
All of you who read
And don't feel the need
To suddenly rip out your eyes and smash them on the ground

hopefully that won't be the case :) *

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There once was a gal named Loon
Who had a really big spoon.
She went to the zoo
And french kissed Shamu
Then danced with a great big baboon

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There once was a man named Fred
Who slept on a fold out bed
One day it collapsed
And his 'winky', it snapped
So now he walks a bit crooked

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I was on my way to work
When I ran over a jerk
He taunted me good
Then bounced off of my hood
That’s just a little road rage perk

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I need to make an outline
One that's brilliant and divine
But it seems my fate
Is to procrastinate
With this scary blank page of mine

Tuesday is Chooseday

Would you rather:

1. Eat one live tarantula OR hold a live wasp in your mouth for one minute?

Dang. Again with the Eeeewww! Tarantulas are big. And hairy. And icky. And creepy. And I don't want to think about eating one bit by bit, alive, because it's so big you couldn't swallow it with just one gulp. Ugh. The wasp would sting, and that would hurt like a sumbitch, but then you'd be so focused on the pain of your rapidly swelling mouth that you wouldn't realize there's a FREAKIN BUG IN YOUR MOUTH! Did I mention that tarantulas are big, hairy, creepy, crawly things? And they're poisonous too, right? Anywhoo - I'd pick the live wasp.

2. Wake up unexpectedly in the hospital OR wake up unexpectedly in your neighborhood jail?

Wake up unexpectedly in the hospital. While either option could mean I'd had a pretty fun time the night before, I'd hate to have to call someone to bail me out. Especially if all the someone's I know are in jail with me. Plus, waking up in the hospital will be handy to help treat the blackout I'd just suffered through. I'm assuming it's a blackout. Why else would I be unexpectedly waking up in a strange place?

3. Be caught walking nude on a beach by a policeman OR have your horn get stuck while your car is behind a gang of Hell's Angels?

I'd rather have my horn continuously blaring behind a gang of Hell’s Angels. If I were ever caught walking nude on the beach I'd probably be suffering from a concussion, or drugged, or brainwashed, or something else of the not-so-nice variety. Maybe I'd be walking around all al fresco for a dare. In which case, if I were ever caught, the darer would be ass whooped at my earliest convenience. So for their sake, I'd opt for option b. I think I could pull of ditzy and distressful enough that the H.A.'s probably wouldn't pummel me. They'd rip off my steering wheel so that my horn would stop horning - and that would suck big time - but at least I wouldn't be caught naked.

4. Come home and have the feeling someone has been in your apartment, but nothing is missing OR have your apartment obviously ransacked, but nothing is missing?

I'd rather have the apartment ransacked with nothing missing. If I came home and felt that someone had been in there I'd get really paranoid. I'd wonder what they were doing, what they wanted, and if they'd come back again, this time while I was at home. Where they looking for something? Where they going through my undies drawer for a cheep thrill? Do my sheets need to be washed now? I'd also wonder if I was just crazy, imagining the whole thing.

I'd still wonder heavily if the place was indeed ransacked, but not as much. Plus, it would be kind of exciting in a warped sort of way. I've read so many mystery novels and watched too many movies; I'd wonder what the ransacker was looking for. Was I perhaps slipped a secret document without my knowledge? Were bad guys now after it? And me? Exciting stuff!

5. Be trapped in a room full of enthusiastic preaching televangelists for eight hours OR in a room full of raucous circus clowns for the same amount of time?

Bring on the clowns! They'd be more amusing. And maybe they'd do my makeup for me. And give me fashion tips. And maybe I could play with one of their honky horns! And...

Observations of the Day

From Tuesday, July 22, 2003
With the way genetic engineering is progressing these days, I think I'm going to avoid using the phrase "when pigs fly." You just never know.

That is so true! You really never do know. Or is it 'you never really do know'? Or, 'you never do know, really'? *D'oh!*Maybe one day I'll know how to writes good. Yeah, one day when pigs fly. :)

From Wednesday, October 01, 2003
October confuses me - shouldn't it be the eighth month?

OMG! This is just absolutely brilliant! I've never thought of this before!! Then again, it is 6:30 in the morning. I'm not thinking straight. Or even crooked for that matter. Blah.

Biological Basis For Creativity Linked To Mental Illness

See! I'm not crazy! I'm gifted! :)

Unconscious Mutterings
I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Coat :: of many colors - "I wore my coat/with golden lining/bright colors shining/wonderful and new..."
   
2. Allowance :: money!
   
3. Mist :: fog
   
4. Disorder :: messy room
   
5. Scheme :: plot
   
6. Dick :: shlong
   
7. Homework :: ack!
   
8. Milton :: "... and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and its not okay because if they take my stapler then ill set the building on fire." (Office Space)
   
9. Shampoo :: Rather. Rinse. Repeat.
   
10. Z :: bra

The Listening Post
What animal do you think best represents your personality and why? Let's say you have the ability to change into that animal at will. How do you use this ability? Inspired by Harry Potter

Hmmm... I can't really think of an animal that best represents my personality. Though, in the sixth grade, for some class project, I likened myself to a kiwi bird. I came up with a bunch of reasons why I was like a kiwi bird and typed them up and put them on a big piece of paper. I also added a bunch of construction paper kiwi birds to give it a nice flair. I can't remember those reasons now, but I'm sure they were pretty good. :)

Since I can't remember, and can't think of any off the top of my head, I'll just go by this quiz...


WHAT TYPE OF WILD CREATURE ARE YOU? (New Pictures!) brought to you by Quizilla

That sort of fits my personality (and the rest is really flattering). I am clumsy like a fawn. A newly born still-don't-know-how-to-walk fawn.

If I had the ability to change into this fawn, how would I use it? Not much I could do as a fawn. I guess I'd run around, being cute, making everyone fall in love with me. Then I'd fall down, face first, and make everyone laugh. That would be my gift to the world, me making a fool of myself for others enjoyment. :)

Found this on someone's sig at the NaNoWriMo boards.

"Don't judge me. Not unless you're giving out prizes..."

:) :)

I'm in such a good mood right now. Partly because the weather outside is perfect. It's finally starting to cool off around here. I could snuggle up with a blanket right now and not get too hot. Which, after I grab a book and get settled on the couch, I think I'm going to do.

Here's wishing a big pile of warm fuzzies to anyone and everyone who reads this dinky little post.

I almost feel like bursting out in an Oklahoma! tune...

"Oh what a beautiful mornin',
Oh what a beautiful day.
I got a beautiful feelin'
Everything's goin' my way."

The Friday Five

1. What vehicle do you drive?

An old granny Taurus. A.K.A. the smurf-mobile. The inside is blue. Very blue. Looks like a smurf exploded inside it. Sooooo not the car I should be driving. As Mooner would say, it doesn't compliment my aura.

2. How long have you had it?

Couple years now.

3. What is the coolest feature on your vehicle?

It has powered windows! My parents never had any of the fancy features added to their cars. We always had to crank that window down by hand. Such a hassle. When my cousins came to visit they'd always be shocked how barbaric we still were here in california, "You don't have automatic windows in your car?" I felt so uncool. My parents were so uncool for making me uncool. They didn't have fancy electronic thing-a-ma-bobs in their cars. What was wrong with them?! :)

But now, with my very own car, I have powered windows. All I have to do is push a button and the window rolls down all by itself. It's like magic.

4. What is the most annoying thing about your vehicle?

The absolute Blueness of the inside of my car. And I mean Blue with a capital 'B'. I love the color blue but do not believe that the entire interior of a car should be done in Smurf Blue.

It could be worse though. A friend of mine had a very finicky car. If you rolled down the window too much the radio went out. If you slammed the door with the right amount of force the radio would come back on. Another girl I knew once had a finicky windshield wiper. Every time she put her left turn signal on her left wiper would start waving up and down. "It's its little way of saying hello to me," she used to say. Every time the wiper would come up she'd say hello back to it. "Hello... Hello... Hello..."

5. If money were no object, what vehicle would you be driving right now?

A new Mustang Mach 1. I don't know why but I get all tingly when I see one of them on the road. The new cobras aren't bad looking either. But what would be really cool, and if I had the money, I'd buy a white 1976 Ford Mustang Cobra. That's the car Jill and Kris Monroe drove around in on Charlie's Angels. I've always wanted to drive that car. And live in their beach house. :)

Here's a small pic and a larger pic of the toy version of Kris's car. If only I had the money to buy just the toy version!

from the What Color Spork Are You? quiz *

You are the yellow spork! You're bright and cheery and look like pee. You always bring a smile to people's faces, unless someone is jabbing you into their friend's leg. You won't let that bother you though because nothing ever does. You're always too damn happy. Quit giggling you freak! As you already know, you're going to go far in this life, you yellow spork stud you!

What's On ... Right Now

What's On your 'to do' list Right Now?

I've got a few 'to do' lists. Here's a sample from my To Do List for Taking Over The World

1. Find perfect spot for evil lair. Must have room enough for dungeon, torture chamber, evil lab, bowling alley
2. Hire henchmen
3. Have henchmen furnish evil lair. Be sure to include: fancy gadgets, hi tech security, marshmallows
4. Buy evil wardrobe. Black. Leather. DFWMB's (Don't Fuck With Me Boots). Long flowing cape.
5. Find evil sidekick/second in command. Someone not too dumb, not to bright, and susceptible to my Evil Kitty charms
6. Buy fancy stationary engraved with evil moniker - The Infamous Miss Evil Kitty
7. Use super evil genius skills to come up with plan to take over the world
8. Implement plan

and that's all i have so far. it's at least a good starting point.

"Let the joyous procrastinating begin!"

I did it. I really did it. I signed up at NaNoWriMo last night. And starting in November I'm going to write my first novel. :) It won't be anything readable I'm sure, but it will be good practice for me.

I will write just for writing's sake. I will not worry about all the editing mistakes I know are popping up like pimples. I will not fret over whether or not its making sense. I will not get stuck on a sentence for hours just to make it sound right. I will not worry about writing crap. I will not worry that I will eventually toss out at least half of said crap in rewrites, if I ever get that far with it.

I will write and write and write, because there won't be time for anything else. I'm not scared by the word count goal (50,000) because some of my stories have been that long. I am though just a little intimidated by the time frame (one month). But if I shut off my internal 'worry over every little detail' button and just let the fingers fly across the keyboard, typing to my hearts content, I know I can do it. (Just so long as no disaster pops up in my life.)

"Writing a novel in a month takes so much courage that you deserve a medal just for showing up."



Oh lookie! I got a medal. Go me!

Okay. So I'm signed up. Now I have a whole month to figure out what the hell I'm going to write about. Guess I should hurry up and start brainstorming. :) :)

O Spot!

See Spot.
See Spot pose.
Pose Spot! Pose!
Spot's pose is tiptop poise.

O Spot! O Spot!

See Spot's posse.
Spot's posse spits.
Spot's posse pisses its toes.

O Spot's Posse! O Spot's Posse!

Spot is poet.
I is too.

O I! O I!

*

4 Things

Name 4 things you have done today:
- I got out of bed
- I put my socks on before I put on my shoes
- I smiled when I remembered reading that the 6th Harry Potter book was already done with a release date set real soon.
- I got really, really bummed out when I realized that it was JUST A DREAM I was remembering! FRELL! I hate it when that happens. ***

Name 4 things you are thinking about right now:
- Where's the beef?
- Copper Boom!
- Snozzberries
- Exactly how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood???

Name 4 scents you love:
- fried onions
- teen spirit
- permanent marker
- napalm in the morning

Name 4 things you'd never wear:
- spandex - it's a privilege, not a right
- ten inch platform shoes
- an 'i love hitler' t-shirt
- pasties (this one is a 'maybe never' that I just threw on the list because I couldn't think of anything else)

Name the last 4 things you have bought:
- Park Place
- Connecticut
- Reading Railroad
- Baltic Ave

Name 4 things drinks you regularly drink:
- water
- h2o
- aqua
- ice

Name 4 bands/groups most people don't know you like:
- LC Snowflake feat. DJ Homeslice
- Pansy Villians
- Dust Bunny Renegades
- T.A.L.C.

Name 4 bad habits you have:
- I'm always right
- I'm always flawless looking
- I turn on my turn signal when I want to turn.
- I sing out loud in the car.

Name 4 things you wish you had:
- A brain
- A heart
- Some courage
- And a little dog too!

Name 4 people who know you best:
- Tom
- Dick
- Harry
- Nuwanda

This survey was taken at powersugoi.net!

*** Why was I dreaming about book 6? I have no idea. It was just another opportunity for my subconscious mind to play a cruel, nasty trick on me. Why couldn't I remember the wild orgy dream with me and the guys from S Club 7? I'm pretty sure that dream's floating around somewhere in my subconscious. But noooo! I have to remember the one where I dream about the new Harry Potter book's eminent release (I was absolutely giddy in my dream about it), only to wake up and realize that its not going to happen any time soon. Oh what cruelty! If only I could lay the smackdown on my subconscious, or whoever is in charge up there of the Dream Remembering Department.

What's new pussy cats?

Can you believe that its October already? I can't. The year has gone by fast and its set to wind down even faster, I'm sure.

Too bad this particular day won't be over any time soon. Some moron coworker has elevator music blaring from his computer speakers. That's making time draaaaaag.

*sigh*

I really wish I had something interesting to write about or something funny to post. As it is, all I've got is elevator music to complain about. It's a really slow day on all accounts. Blah.