Monday, September 18, 2006

Chipmunks are cute. Until they start flying out your ass.

Just heard a commercial on the radio. It went a lil' something like this:

Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. Dr. DietMan will teach you how to eat healthier... [dramatic pause]... and possibly extend your life! Blah blah blah.

Here's what puzzled me (and inspired this typed rant) when I first heard it... isn't that the reason you eat healthier in the first place? To extend your life? Why else would you eat healthier?

Because its fun?

Because it makes shiny sparkly chipmunks fly out your ass who give you gifts of gold?

No. I don't think so.

Me: Doc, you're telling me I have to give up deep fried cheerios dipped in ranch dressing for breakfast?
Doc: Yes.
Me: What do I get out of this? A longer life span?
Doc: Well, not necessarily.
Me: ...
Doc: But I have this theory on chipmunks.

Well, okay, I guess you eat healthier to feel better, sure. And because it actually sometimes tastes good (like the plum I had for breakfast this morning - delicious!) But if you actually need to see a doctor to tell you how to eat healthier, don't you kind of want the guarantee that it will definitely extend your life? And not just possibly?

I mean, if I'm going to put time and effort and, most importantly, money into obtaining professional medical help on the dietary front, I'd kind of like that life-extending deal included. If I want to eat healthier just for the kick of it, I don't need any other motivation. But if I'm spending money on a doctor... please, please lie to me. Go ahead. Make me feel like I'm getting my money's worth. I won't know the difference until I'm dead. And what can I do then? Haunt you from the grave?

Me: Boo!
Doc: Ack!
Me: That was for all the tofu waffles you made me eat! I still died young!
Doc: Darn it. Maybe I should revise my Lies To Tell Patients list.

Ah, I have no idea what I'm saying. I'm a bit loopy today. And annoyed that I have to give two training sessions later this afternoon. Can't you morons figure it out for yourself?!


Yes, that's me, I'm very annoy-able today. Perfect mood to be in while training others! Heh.

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