When Office Morons Attack

Okay, vent time. I have to vent or I'll explode like some kind of exploding thing and no one is here to hear me. Well, Mr. Desk Neighbor came back to his desk half way through typing this all out, so I vented to him. Several cuss words were used. The back story behind the email conversation, which he was copied on, was explained, and then the email was shown. And he didn't seem effected by the other person's idiocy. He didn't seem shocked. Or dismayed. Or outraged. He didn't join me in burning her name in effigy.

So he's dumb. So I'm finishing my vent via typing.

At my Place Of Employment, the way we buy things is this: someone requests an item by filling out a form on the computer. Sometimes I fill it out for them. Then its approved by a supervisor. Then I turn it into a purchase order (p.o.). Then I place the order. In a perfect world (re: some place other than my P.O.E.) that's how it usually works. I don't do everything (thank god) because we have a checks and balances system going on. I can't approve orders and I can't receive orders. This keeps me from buying a yacht or a jet or a pony with the company's money. Darn.

(Off topic a bit... but what kind of dumb ass spelling is 'yacht' anyways. Silly ancient English (or whoever invented that word) people.)

So I get an email this morning from the lady that pays the bills. She has an invoice for something that was ordered outside of the system, so now we need to backtrack and create a p.o. for our records. Happens all the time.

From: Office Queen
Lisa, please issue po for this attached file. thanks

The attached file was a copy of the invoice with an amount scribbled up at the top. The amount didn't seem to match what's listed on the invoice, so I called her up for clarification. Turns out I'm an idiot and didn't see that the attached file had several pages. Oops. But during this phone call she asks if I've received the packing slips for the items on the invoice.

Now, I receive some receipts because some items do get charged to my account (which is how, I guess, I really could buy myself a pony... and then ride it as I flee the country so they can't find me and ask me about the weird Ponies-R-Us charge to my corporate card). But more often than not, the receipts go to the Office Queen. So I am puzzled by her question. Why in the world would I have them? I tell her I don't have them and she mumbles something about nagging the person who did the ordering in the first place. Cool. Fine. Talk to you later.

By the time I get back to the req in the computer to update the price, its already been approved. Sweet. So I adjust the price (ya, not a perfect checks and balances system) then do my thing, a little computer magic, and voila! It's now a purchase order! Then, like I do every time we have an After The Fact p.o., I send an email to the guy who receives, asking him to please receive the items so we can pay the bills, and I copy the Office Queen so she's all updated and stuff.

I get back the following email reply...

From: Office Queen
Lisa, I thought need to be approve first ?

(Yes, I copy and pasted that. No editing whatsoever was involved.)

I first thought to reply as such: Well, duh, how else did I get a p.o. number? I didn't exactly pull it out of my ass.

But I responded like this instead...

From: Desk Drone
It was approved. That's how I was able to make it into a PO.

And I'm thinking that settles that.

From: Office Queen
Do you have all the receipts to support that amount I gave you ?

I first thought to reply as such: Huh??? I just told you over the phone I didn't have the receipts!!! Are you mental?!?!?!?!?

My response, though, was this:

From: Desk Drone
I have not received any of those receipts. If I did, I would have given them to you

Do I sound catty in my replies? I really tried not to be. I tried to sound simple and direct. Just stating the facts ma'am. But in my head it sounds catty.

Meorrrrrrrrw.

Then the Office Queen calls me and we have the following verbal conversation:

OQ: So-and-so was going to give them to you.
Me: Why would he give me the receipts?
OQ: Who else would he give them to?
Me: Youuuuu. (I really tried to not use my Talking-To-A-5-Year-Old-Voice but she frustrates me and I just couldn't help myself.) You're the one who collects them.
OQ: Who made the req?
Me: I did... (Which has NOTHING to do with anything!) ...but you're the one who pays the invoices. You need them. I only collect receipts for orders I put on my card. Riiiiiiight?
OQ: Yeah, but person who's going to receive them needs to have them.
Me: *thinking: oh... my... gawd... *
Me: Then the receipts need to go to The Guy Who Receives Things. Because he's receiving the order. Not me.
Me: And two plus two equals foooouuuuuuuur. (no, I didn't say that)
OQ: Okay. (To the guy standing next to her) Give them to The Guy Who Recieves Things then.
Me: Okay bye.

Holy frustration batman. That conversation didn't need to happen. This is not the first time an issue like this has come up. We've been doing this job for years. This is not a new concept!

Grrrrrrrrrr.

Then the conversation turns to emails again.

From: Office Queen
Let me ask you what is the approval amount on the req. ?

Okay, again, I'm confused. I don't understand what this has to do with the price of tea in Malawi. The price is what we discussed during our first phone conversation of the day. The number scribbled at the top. You clarified it for me. I got it. Clarification received and fixed so look at the damn computer yourself and figure it the frell out.

I'm tempted to ignore the email, but I respond, and try and sound helpful and professional.

From: Desk Drone
Approval amount is for the number written at the top of the invoice, $127.88

Ta da! Perfection.

Problem solved.

Question asked and answered.

From: Office Queen
My question was the approval amount on the req not the amount I gave you. Its ok I will bring this up tomorrow in our meeting.

I first thought to reply as such: Fuck you.

But I didn't.

I mean really! Is this woman on crack? Or is it me? Because if its me I wish someone would let me know.

I have no idea why she wants to know the "approval amount". Why would that be any different than the amount the P.O. is for? Answer: it wouldn't. The price is the same. It doesn't suddenly get multipled 50 times during the conversion to the P.O. (though with the crappy software program we have I'm surprised that hasn't happened before, but I digress...) Besides, the "approval amount" doesn't matter to her. What matters to her is the final price received on the purchase order. Which is the price she told me to use. END OF PROBLEM!

Did she by any chance see that I put in a low amount at first? That happens all the time. Its no big deal. I just adjusted it. Is she worried that the supervisor didn't see the correct price? He couldn't give a shit and she knows that. I know that, because the supervisor is my boss. If she's worried, I'll forward the freaking email to him.

I am completely failing to see the point of any of her questions, other than irritating the hell out of me.

But I shouldn't worry, because thankfully she'll bring it up at tomorrow's meeting in front of everyone.

Yippee.

I tried to call her back, because I was so ready to have a verbal sparring match with her. But she wasn't picking up the phone. Which is best, I guess, because trying to understand her and make sense of what she's complaining about isn't always in a person's best interest.

If none of this makes any sense, and it seems I'm all worked up over nothing... well, all I can say is that there's a lot of history here, of her irritating the hell out of me. So irriation levels can be reached quite easily as of late. She's the kind of person who will send me an email asking me to ask The Guy Who Receives Things to receive something for her. Why she can't frelling ask him directly I have no frackin clue. So I forward the request to The Guy and copy her on it, hoping one day she'll get a clue.

I'm still full of hope. She's still full of cluelessness.