Tuesday, February 08, 2005

tuesday is chooseday

Would you rather...

1. uncontrolably burp loudly while meeting the queen of england OR fart silently, but deadly, while meeting the pope?

Let loose the silent but deadly. If no one hears it they'll have a hard time figuring out where it came from, especially with an old fart like the pope around. Old people are the perfect fart decoys.

"Dude! Do smell that? I think his holy popeness just farted!"

Just so long as its not too deadly. The pope is looking kind of fragile at the moment after all.

2. punch a stranger in the face OR kick your mother in the shin?

There's no way I'm kicking my momma so I'll be punching a stranger in the face. I'm sure they'll be deserving it, especially if I'm in one of my more pissy-er moods. :)

3. have a reputation for sleeping around OR a reputation for being a hermit?

I was going to pick the 'sleeping around' option because hey, then I'd have more friends! I'd be popular! Every pop clique needs at least one token hoochie slut and if I was Miss Hoochie Slut I would use my title for good. I'd reign with honor and dignity. And tight skimpy hoochie clothing. My inner hoochie momma is all giddy and shit just thinking about it.

But I think I'd rather be a hermit. And be known as That Crazy Hermit Lady. Because when I do make special guest appearances I'd could get away with all kinds of crap.

"She's wearing a muumuu and curlers at my pool party!!!"
"Well, she is That Crazy Lady after all. What did you expect?"

I'd be eccentric and kookie and when I don't want to be bothered by people I just turn the kookie meter up a notch. And just because I have the reputation of a hermit doesn't mean I have to be one.

"She's wearing a hoochie momma outfit at my pool party!!!"
"The nerve! Coming to the party wearing the same outfit as the host!"

4. live where the temperature never goes below 80°F (26°C) OR where it never goes above 60°F (15°C)?

I love the cold weather. Especially now that I'm not jumping into a pool for swim practice five nights a week (brr!). But the cold weather I love is southern California cold. I don't know if I could stand eastern snow cold. I like seeing snow up in the mountains, and that's where I want it to stay. Up in the mountains. Sure, it can come down to visit every once in awhile. I actually wish it would visit more often. But I want it to treat me like a child who can't stand visiting its mother for too long, but feels obligated to visit every once in a while. I'd like the snow to stop by for a day or two, once or twice a year, and then leave and find someone else to pester.

So where would I rather live? Even though I love the cold weather, if it never got above 60 I think it'd be too cold for me. I've lived in humid-over-100-degree towns before and know I can survive, so I'd rather live in the above-80 place.


  1. i would want to live in the place that never got above 60, theoretically. they don't say how cold it gets. if it's in the 40-60 range, i'm so there.

  2. too bad the 'between 60 and 80 degrees' option wasn't listed. because that would be heaven.