A line of head lickers vs the power of the Mega Slap

Would you rather...

1. have a head that looks like a lollipop OR hands that are three times their normal size?

Oooh. This one's a toughie. The ginormous hands would be awesome because then I could really slap these asshats at work around a bit.

But I think I'd rather have a head that looks like a lollipop.

Because I want people to want to lick my head.

"Excuse me miss, but can I lick your head? Pretty please?????"

"Of course you can Mr. McConaughey. Here, take a number and enjoy the wait."

2. have sweat that smells like bacon OR like a flowery air freshener?

Oooooh. Another toughie. Because I love the smell of bacon and hate the smell of flowery air freshener (*gag*). I'm all about accommodating the poor unfortunately souls who might chance upon me in a sweaty state. But there will be people that will smell my sweaty self and appreciate the fact that I smell like a waffle house and some won't. Some people will appreciate the fact that I smell like I get frisky with potpourri and some won't. So, as the wise Ricky Nelson said in his Garden Party song, "you can't please everyone so ya got to please yourself." So, with that logical reasoning I'd choose to sweat bacon odor.

But then this other logical part of me thinks I can deal with the flowery gaggy air freshener smelling sweat because I really don't want to be known as Oinky Bacon Girl. I'd rather smell like cheap flowery grocery store perfume.

3. tell your deepest sexual desire to a complete stranger once a day OR clap your hands in a highschool cheerleader style everytime somebody says "OK"?

The first option would be interesting in a weird time-to-break-out-of-my-shy-shell sort of thing.

But the second option would be F - U - N. So I'd choose the hand clapping thing.

4. dress like elvis at formal functions OR dance like him?

Dance like him! He had some really sexy moves. Especially when his whole body shook like he'd just tongued an electrical fence. Sex-ay!