Wednesday, October 12, 2005

"There's this game where you put in a dollar and you win four quarters. I win every time!"

Okay. So yesterday I had this zit RIGHT between my eyebrows. And you know what? It hurt like a mother effer. Still does, kind of.

I kept touching it yesterday. I didn't mean to, but I did. For some reason, and I have only myself to blame for this, I haven't yet mastered the superhero power to control the insane itch factor that comes with some zits. Yeah, I know. Shocking. So here's a little bit about how last night went...

*touches zit*


[ 2 minutes elapse ]

*touches zit*


[ 2 minutes elapse ]

*touches zit*

"ouchfuckgoddamnit why do I keep touching it!!!!"

*sings to self (to the groovy tune of 'Don't Rock The Boat') "don't touch the zit, don't touch the zit baby"*

[ 10 minutes elapse ] --> progress!

*subconsciously feel itch in the central brain area, ie forehead*

*automatic reactionary impulse to scratch said itch goes into effect*

*realize too late that its just a phantom itch, a clever diversionary tactic the Zit used to trick the hand into touching it.*

"bad zit!"

I don't have any zit cream at home so when I get a zit, I usually leave the fuckers alone, taking a "killing them with kindness" approach. But this one hurt more than usual. And it was RIGHT BETWEEN my eyebrows. And it was a tactical sumbitch. And I didn't want those 'awful kids at school' to call me 'Pus Peak'. So I decided to take matters into my own hands - or fingers actually - and I killed it. I choked it to death. Said sayonara zit bitch. Popped it like wheelie.

I thought that would be it. Done... finito monforito... (hey, it was 5 in the friggin' morning, okay? My brain was still waking up.) ... bye-bye ugly ouchy White Blob of Evil. So I finished getting ready for work and forgot all about it.

Soon after getting in to work though, I'm in the restroom washing my hands, and I can't help but look up and see myself in the mirror. And do you know what do I saw? Nothing but a HUGE red dot RIGHT BETWEEN my eyebrows. Oops. Forgot that could happen. So now I've got a battle wound from the latest Zit Offense. Great. Juuuuuust great.

So I'm standing there, staring at the HUGE BRIGHT red scab on my forehead (it's really not huge at all - objects in paranoid mind are larger than they appear - its just... er... very red), and I think to myself, "Maybe it's not that noticeable."

Hey, it was a lie I was willing to believe, okay? Okay. And besides, if any one did notice, they wouldn't actually say anything about, right? Yeah. That's what I thought. Until, that is, Mr. Desk Neighbor sat down at his desk behind me. I spun around in my chair, asked him a question, and he said, get this,

"I didn't know you were Hindu."

Gasp! Shock! Horror! Bastard!


So I'm thinking I should just pick it off. Because I have to go to school today and all the cool kids are going to be there. Plus, there's still a bunch of people who will get into work soon, and will stop by my desk to say hello. People who will not be able to resist the urge to stare at the BRIGHT red dot on my forehead. If I scratch it off it might scar, sure, but as long as its not a MASSIVE white zit or a BRIGHT red spot I doubt anyone will notice. I'll notice, maybe even obsessively so, but that's just one out of many. That I can deal with. This LOOK AT ME thing on my forehead? Eh... not so much.

So how's your Wednesday going?

1 comment:

  1. man, i hate that. i thought that, by 25, i wouldn't be getting zits anymore. but alas...