Sunday, May 23, 2004

i'm ready for my straight jacket fitting mr. demille

Last night I had The. Weirdest. Fucking. Dream. EVER.


As I was remembering the dream this morning, as I woke up and went about my day, I had the strangest sense of deja vu, as if I'd had the dream before. At least part of it anyway. I think the monster in both dreams (or has there been more than two) was the same, but every other element to the dream was different this time.

And boy was this dream different.

I was with a group of people. And we were hunting a monster. The first part of the dream that I actually remember had me and the group standing outside the mouth of a cave. Someone was saying that we needed a camera. Two cameras had been damaged already, which meant we only had two cameras left. Video camcorders actually. The guy asked for someone with a camcorder and a girl made her way through the crowd, all excited like, with a camcorder resting on her shoulder. It wasn't her camera, it belonged to the guy standing next to me, but she was really excited about using the camera, so he let her go into the cave with it.

Which wasn't a nice move, considering that was were the monster was.

For the mouth of the cave, picture the hole that the aliens in Pitch Black made when they killed Zeke. Only bigger. But about that bloody.

So the girl is in the cave, and she's got the camcorder on one shoulder and a big ass flashlight is being held up with the opposite hand. And she's looking around, trying to find some trace of the monster. She doesn't see anything, nothing on the floor in front of her, then she sweeps the light and the camcorder to the right. That's where she sees the pile of bloody body parts.

If this dream were a movie, it would be considered a horror movie, what with all the blood and guts and body parts inside the cave.

But it wasn't a nightmare I was having. Far from it actually. I didn't picture the body parts up close. I wasn't horrified by the site. Just sort of icked out.

I don't know whether the dream jumped a few scenes (as dreams tend to do) or I just forgot a chunk. Either way, the next thing I remember is being inside the cave with a few other people. Smart being in the cave, I know. I can't remember anymore what we were doing, but we were doing something, and that's were I got my flash of inspiration. I finally knew how to beat the monster that had eluded us for so long!

And this is were it gets totally frelling weird.

Next thing I know I'm in a bathroom. In a house somewhere I think. And I'm peeing. And out comes a little lego man. Yep. That's right. The solution to the problem was in me peeing out a lego man.

What the fuck?

And it wasn't just any ol' lego man. It was magical. And it had this sort of yellow glow to it. It wasn't a regular yellow lego color. No sir-ee. It was magical yellow.

In the dream, this isn't weird at all. I'm ecstatic! I've solved it! I call everyone up and tell them what we need to do to beat the monster. I told them all to pee out lego men!

Scene jumps back to just inside the mouth of the monster cave. And guess who's there. Patrick 'Captain Jean-Luc Picard' Stewart. Talk about star power!!! He was standing next to me, and we both had our little lego men with us. Then Patrick's hand did this really weird thing, and looked really monster-ific with long nails and stuff (kind of a la that star trek: tng episode where he stuck his hand in a space/time distortion pocket).

Don't remember what became of that. But he was fine. And then the next thing I remember is we had on this armor. Lego armor. Like we somehow transformed the little lego plastic body into body armor. Plastic armor. But hey, it all made sense in the dream, and it worked, so whatever.

Me and Patrick, we came up with a battle plan. We were going to attack the monster on both sides. I was going to attack from the front, and Patrick was going to attack from the rear. See, the problem with the monster is that it was hard to sneak up on him. He was tricky. So we had to distract him. That's where the three guys with uzi's came in. Oh yeah. In my dream I had star power and fire power. Go me! They were going to shoot at the monster while me and Patrick Steward attacked.

I don't remember if we won or not. I kind of remember the two of us running at the monster and jumping on him. After that I don't remember anything. But I'm sure we won. Because it would suck to loose in my own dream.

Another weird part (but not nearly as weird as the whole peeing legos thing) was that besides Patrick Steward, I had another celebrity star in my dreams. Peter Jackson. The LOTR director.

My dream was like a movie, jumping between two different story lines. One was the monster cave/bathroom part, the other was a restaurant part. And the dream jumped between the two. For a more dramatic effect as the final battle scene was delayed? Who knows.

Peter Jackson was in the restaurant part. He was a waiter. And the restaurant was a fancy one. Peter had a little pushcart, and he was stopped at one table while he poured ranch from a Tupperware container into a fancy silver serving bowl. And I think cameras were there filming him, and there was a reporter there talking about how Peter used to work as a farmer. Kind of implying 'before he became a super celeb he was a poor shmoe like you and me.' Though why he was a waiter in my dream I have no freaking clue.

I think he was the guy who asked if anyone was willing to go in and film the monster. I think that was him, because I'm pretty sure he was in that cave/monster part of the dream, and him being in that role makes the most sense. But maybe he was just the waiter.

Patrick Stewart. Peter Jackson. Monsters. Magical Pee Lego Armor.

Should I be worried? :)

I'm going to go figure out what I ate before I fell asleep. Because I want to have the dream again tonight. Only this time, I want to find out if me and Patrick kick monster butt or not.

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