Tuesday, May 04, 2004

tuesday is chooseday

Would you rather...

1. while camping, have to cut your arm off with a pocket knife because it got stuck under a boulder and you were trapped for three days OR suck snake venom out of a snake bite in richard simmons' ass?

The second option made me laugh when I read it, so I'll be choosing that one. Gotta have some fun if you can while performing the unthinkable horrors that is life. Yeah, its snake venom and Richard Simmons and what is sure to be his hairy ass, but all that combined is a whole hell of a lot better than having to cut off my own arm. Eeek!

2. have both your feet amputated at the ankles OR be in a 10 round, bare-fisted, cage match with mike Tyson?

Tyson is fucking crazy dude. No way I'd want to go 10 rounds with him in anything. Not even a Blueberry Muffin Bake Off. Sure, you see him standing over there with his mixing bowls and polka dotted apron and you think he's calm and serene and on his meds... but just you watch out. He could snap at any moment, biting your ear off and spitting it into your muffin mix and...


Anyway, uh... were was I? Oh yeah. If I had to be in a cage match with Tyson I wouldn't last 10 rounds. And my poor face would be all smooshed and stuff. So I'd rather loose the feet. Then buy some new ones. With the proceeds I made after winning my Blueberry Muffin Surprise desert.

3. perform oral sex for 2 minutes on paris hilton OR anna nicole smith?

Ah geez. I can't stand either one. But if I had to pick one... probably Paris. Because she seems less annoying. And more, uh.. well, I'm just not gonna go there this morning. Or anytime.

4. be in a big-budget, action flick with paul reubens (pee wee herman) OR a low-budget, artsy film with jesse ventura?

Pee Wee!

Low budget artsy would be fun. And Jesse, might be cool to hang out with and act with and stuff. But I want to be in an action flick. I'll be Super Cheese Girl Crusader. And Reubens can be Mighty Magic Marker Boy. And together we can fight crime and have lots of stunt doubles and large explosions and cheesy dialogue and fancy on set catering and BIG ASS trailers. Because I might as well Go Big and pick the well funded flick, with all the extras for the stars and such. And I think it'd be fun to be in a movie with Paul Reubens.

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