I'll be wearing my finest pipe-cleaner wig and all-leather superhero suit to the Annoying Celebrity Charity Dinner.

Would you rather...

1. have skin that feels like clay pottery OR hair that feels like pipe cleaners?

If my hair behaved like pipe cleaners I'd soooooo pick that option. But to just feel like pipe cleaners?

No. Thank. You.

The rough skin would be more tolerable than trying to fall asleep on a pile of pipe cleaners.

2. eat only food grown within 10 miles of an active nuclear facility OR only raw/uncooked food?

Eat food grown near a nuclear facility. I've always wanted to have super mutant powers.

Like having the ability to shoot pennies from the palm of my hand like Spiderman shoots his web. Because not only could I disable the bad guy(s) with my little Shooting Discs of Death, but I'd be leaving behind something for people to pick up and all day long they'd have good luck. That would be mighty spiffy.

3. have dinner with mike tyson OR dinner with paris hilton?

I'd rather have dinner with Paris. I believe she is the lesser of two evils. Unless she's bitten someone's ear off before and I just don't know about it.

4. wear rubber clothes over your regular clothes OR nothing but leather?

If it was wear 'nothing but rubber' I might consider it. But rubber over my clothes?

How tacky!

Now, as much as I'd consider the 'nuttin but rubba' outfit, I'd still choose to wear nothing but leather. It would help me segue into my next phase of life - the one where I do a one-woman-broadway-show as Lixie Dixie the Hula Hooping Dominatrix Juggler.