Okay, so the comedy central live tour I went to on Friday was like, on Friday, which was... [does wondrous feats of mathematics in head - then resorts to counting on fingers] ...four days ago. And I haven't written about it since. But I haven't had time. Friday I was gone, obviously. I could have phlogged, but I'm not signed up for it. I'd never really use it. It takes too damn long to type any sort of coherently coded text message. So anyway... We spent Friday night down there, because we're not gluttons for punishment and didn't want to subject ourselves to the drive home (which would have equaled about an hour of sitting) after sitting for three hours at the show. On very uncomfortable chairs. Chairs that would furnish the waiting room outside of hell.

Other than that it was a fun night. The show was at the Wiltern, located in Los Angeles, and just a few miles from the airport and Hollywood. We arrived at the Wiltern at about 7:30pm. We parked (ten friggin' bucks!) and walked across the street to the Wiltern. Very fancy 'old school' theater. Inside the lobby (which was be-U-tiful!) a bunch of people were milling about, having their Before The Show drinks. The H.B. and I just sort of stood in the middle for a minute or two, looking around, checking out the place. We checked out the souvenirs but didn't find anything that didn't cost an arm and a leg and a left eyeball. Then it happened.

I SAW A CELEBRITY! OH MY GOODNESS! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! A CELEBRITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah. I freaked out a bit. I can't help it. I get giddy when I see famous people. He wasn't even that big of a celebrity. Just Simon Rex. And let me just say, he is as good looking in person as he is on film. ROWR. I couldn't even remember his last name at first. (I did remember it in the parking lot after the show, as we waited about fifteen minutes for a break in the Got To Get The Hell Out of Here And To Hell With Anyone Else Trying To Leave flow of parking structure traffic.) When I saw Simon Rex I didn't jump up and down and scream, 'OH MY GOD I RECOGNIZE THAT MAN!' I'm cooler than that.

Instead I discreetly (so as to not appear as way uncool celebrity gaga gusher) grabbed the H.B.'s arm and whispered out the side of my mouth to the H.B. "Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod. A famous person!"

The H.B. casually looked around. "Who?"

"Rex Something."

"Oh."

Totally un-phased. He was ready to find our seats. I wanted to keep casually looking around the room to try and spot more famous people. Famous people! In the same room as me! WOOOOO!

The show was supposed to start at 8. That's what was printed on the ticket. And Simon and his friend went to go find their seats. So with about fifteen minutes to go the H.B. and I went to find our own seats. Guy With Unwashed/Unbrushed Hippy Hair led us to our seats. We weren't too far back, which was nice. Only probably is the seats were made for skinny bitches and kindergarteners. They're the only people who would have been comfortable on those evil things. And you couldn't move them apart to let your ass fall off into the abyss and not onto someone else's chair because they were zip tied together. Grrr. That's what I get for not buying tickets soon enough so that I can get the good 'just ten dollars more' seats. Grrr. 'That's okay,' I thought. 'The show will start in about ten minutes. Then I won't notice because I'll be enjoying the show.'

I was wrong.

Obviously 8:00PM means 8:30 to everyone else. I don't know if they didn't want to start the show until most everyone was seated, or if the comedians back stage thought we'd be more primed for the funny if our asses were on their way to becoming uncomfortably numb.

Finally the starter comedian came out. He was a funny guy, dolling out the jokes that are just so wrong you don't want to laugh at, but can't help not laughing. He was the warm up to the guest star opener comedian. But they never mentioned his name. Poor Warm Up Guy.

Then Mitch Hedberg came out he was the guest star before the real stars. This guy was hilarious! So hilarious and enjoyable that I'm seriously considering buying his new CD. I'd move past 'seriously considering' and move into 'seriously buying' mode if I had any spare change. *sniff* After Mitch came Lewis Black. Very funny. Then came Dave Attell. More very funnyness. I recognized some of Black and Attell's routine, as I've seen parts of it on the television, but they added enough fresh stuff to make it highly enjoyable.

The only downside to the show were the three drunk assholes sitting at the end of the row three rows in front of me. They were loud, obnoxious, and very drunk before they even showed up to the show. Once they got there I saw them ordering a few more drinks. Which would have been fine and dandy if they'd only kept their drunkenness to a minimum, such as just pissing off their entire section. But nooooooooo. Near the middle of Black's set, he was talking about snowflakes, and how everyone is like a snowflake. Then one of the assholes shouted as loud as a drunk asshole can, "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" He ruined the moment, the whole flow of the snowflake monologue. Bastard. Black took time to call the guy an asshole, for which the crowd laughed and cheered. The asshole didn't learn his lesson though and shouted loudly several more times, interrupting Black's routine several more times. The drunk friends screamed loudly too. They thought they themselves were being hilarious. What delusional turds!

I believe the show ended about 11 pm. I'm not quite sure though. I was too distracted by the sorry state of my body, courtesy of the Hell Waiting Room Chairs. But finally I got to stand up! Yeah! And not be smooshed between two other people! Yeah! Not that I mind being smooshed up next to the H.B. :) The comedians come back on stage. We all clapped. Yeah! Then we all started leave. The H.B. and I integrated our selves into the moving sea of people and headed out into the lobby. We're making our way to the front door when...

I SAW MORE FAMOUS PEOPLE! WOOOOOOOOOOHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
And they were MORE FAMOUS than that Simon guy!!!!!!!

I saw Tony Shalhoub, the actor who just won an emmy (and I believe a Golden Globe) for the television show Monk. I WALKED RIGHT PAST MONK! He was in a group talking with another (not quite that famous) famous person, Amy Aquino. I recognized her because I'd just seen her the night before as an every-now-and-then doctor on the television show ER. (She was also Tess's secretary at the end of the movie Working Girl.) :)

I tried not to perform my snoopy dance right there in the middle of the room. There might have been more famous people in the group, or in the rest of the building, but I didn't have time to stop and stare. Not that I would normally stop and stare. That would be rude and crazy stalker like.

I'd walk and stare. It's all about the multitasking.

Plus, with the tide of the exiting crowd there wasn't much else to do other than go with the flow.

The rest of the weekend was okay. Nice and relaxing and bumming around. And that was the end of my vacation. Until Thursday when I get a four day Turkey day weekend. Woooo!