Me vs. Darth PaperTowelDispenser

Downstairs, they have these crude devices, these paper towel dispensers that you have to crank by hand.

By hand!

But upstairs, we have fancy schmancy Automated Touchless Paper Dispensers. They are awesome.

Well, they are when they're working.

When I first relocated to the all important Upstairs, and encounter my first Automated Touchless Paper Dispenser in the ladies restroom, I was much impressed. All I had to do was wave my hand in front of the little sensor and voila - instant paper dispensing! I was immediately filled with self importance and knew I'd finally hit the big time.

My second encounter with the ATPD did not run so smoothly. I moved my hand in front of the sensor but nothing happened. I waved again. Still nothing. Wave. Nothing. Wave, wave, frantic waving. Nothing, nothing, nothing. The ATPD was taunting me.

I stood there, waving and shaking my hands about like a mad woman for a good thirty seconds. My hands were almost completely air dried by the time the stupid thing finally spit out my allotment of paper.

Sure, I could have just wiped my hands on my pants and that would have been that, but I was not going to let the Dispenser get the best of me. I would be triumphant! And, eventually, I was. I think it was my thinly veiled threat to start shaking my ass at it and really show it who was boss that brought the paper dispenser to its senses. Take that stupid paper dispenser! Smack!

I've been Upstairs for a while now, and have mastered the art of Automated Touchless Paper Dispensing. I no longer have problems with it. (Well, sometimes I do, but they're just minor scuffles, nothing like the previously mentioned incident.)

Today, when I needed a paper towel, I did a little 'Jedi-Mind-Trick' hand wave. You know, with my pointer and middle finger pointing out together, traveling in a little rainbow arch.

These are not the droids you are looking for.

You will dispense 12 inches of paper towel.

'Cuz I be geeky cool like dat.