Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Would You Rather...

tuesday is chooseday

Would you rather...

1. lose the tips of your fingers in a car accident OR your nose?

Tips of my fingers. If I lost the tip of my nose I'd be crushed, as would my dreams of being a future nasal spray spokesmodel!

Besides, have you seen Michael Jackson and his fucked up nose? No. Thank. You!

2. have to bring a tank of oxygen with you everywhere you go OR only be able to go out when the sun is down?

I know what a pain in the ass the oxygen tank would be from the drama that is my grandma as she flew into texas a couple days after I did. You can't fly with it, so if you need it you have to pay the airline's huge usage fee. And she didn't arrange to have oxygen in texas because she 'didn't want to be a burden on anyone.' Translation: she wanted people to make a big fuss (which they did, because getting oxygen at the last minute was a huge hassle) and say to her 'Oh no! You aren't a burden at all!' My mom and aunt wanted to buy her a t-shirt that looked like the dairy queen logo but said drama queen instead, but they didn't think she'd get it. But I digress...

Only able to go outside at night? Never able to play in the sun? Never able to see the sun rise or set? Never able to see how bright and shiny and brilliant things can be basking in the glorious radiance of the sun? Screw that. Sideways. With midget cucumber tongs! I'd rather drag an oxygen tank everywhere I go, being a burden to everyone around me. ;)

3. eat a bowl full of raw oysters OR a small plate of haggis?

Um... I've never had either. So on the assumption that both are pretty nasty, I'd rather eat a small plate of nasty than a bowl full of nasty.

4. wake up and find your two front teeth have doubled in size OR your fingers have doubled in length?

What's with trying to fuck up my face? Two gigantic front teeth would totally mess up my face, which I can't let happen. My face is my bread winner bay-bee! (Bread, as in money. I don't plan on entering the Miss Wonder Bread competition in order to win a life time supply of bread. Though that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing...)

The doubled-in-length fingers might be kind of cool. In a totally circus-freak-show kind of way of course. But still kind of cool. I'd get paid money to go on talk shows to talk about how tormented and ridiculed I am. Then I could write a best selling book, The Girl With The Freakishly Long Fingers: How To Overcome Abnormalities And Use Your Strange Abilities For Good, and go on talk shows to talk about how I've over come my... er... longcomings.

And the extra long fingers would come in handy. I'd be able to reach the remote when it falls behind the couch. When I try to grab it now, my arm doesn't quite reach, my fingers barely brush against the top of the remote, and my boob gets painfully squished in the process (because why do the sensible thing like move the couch and walk behind it and reach down to pick it up when you can strain and stretch and strain some more in a fruitless attempt to not do anything so strenuous and work-like as move the freaking couch.)

2 comments:

  1. according to my scottish sources, louise, haggis is good and tastes like spicy sausage. so go with that. just don't think about what it is made of.

    ReplyDelete
  2. oooh. i like spicy sausage! i'd definitely pick that one then. and i would definitely not think about what its made of.

    i can think of at least two instances where i'm eating something for the first time, and enjoying it, then someone points out what i'm really eating, and it suddenly doesn't taste good any more. phooey to those people!

    ReplyDelete