Tuesday is Chooseday

Would you rather...

1. always taste bacon every time you burp OR have your farts smell like roses?

I would rather always taste the bacon.

I don't particularly like the smell of roses. They smell okay, but nothing really to toot your horn over. Or toot anything else for that matter.

And I do love the taste of bacon. Bacon! BACON! BACON! The taste of my burps aren't bad, but they aren't great either. But they would taste great with a bit of bacon flavoring. Yum.

2. be known to the people in your neighborhood as "the peeping tom" OR "the dumpster diver"?

I would rather be known as 'the dumpster diver'.

I don't want to be known as 'the peeping tom'. I just don't see myself as a 'Tom'. A 'Ben' maybe. Or even a 'Frank'. Not that that helps any. Being known as 'The Peeping Frank' doesn't sound any spiffier.

Oh! But how about Felipe? The Peeping Felipe! That has a nice ring to it.

But not nice enough. I'd still rather be known around the neighborhood as The Dumpster Diver. The eccentric artist Dumpster Diver who dumpster dives looking for weird and wacky things to make weird and wacky art sculptures. Sounds like fun.

I wouldn't mind being known as this sort of Dumpster Diver either.

3. suddenly be attracted to the sex opposite what you are currently attracted to now OR suddently want to be the sex opposite what you currently are?

I would rather be attracted to the other sex, females.

Suddenly wanting to be the opposite sex would be a hassle. I'd be a woman, wanting to be a man. That would suck. But I don't know if I'd ever want to go through all the operations and such to actually become a man. I mean, I'd have to get used to a whole new appendage for crimeny's sake! Boys have all their lives to get used to it. They grow up with it right there, dangling between their legs like some kind of dangling thing. I wouldn't want to get one late in the game and try to get used to it. Phsawh!

I'd so much rather keep my boobs and grow a fixation for other boobs. (As in girl boobies. No stupid boys who act like boobs.)

4. kill a puppy with your bare hands and win $100,000 OR pay somebody else $75,000 to kill the puppy and you only win $25,000?

If I had to pick one, I'd rather pay someone to do it.

I used to know someone who would bite the head off of a bird for a hundred bucks (you meet really interesting people in college) but I don't think I could ever kill a harmless little animal for money. If it were evil and attacking me, yes, I could kill it. But not because of money.

Sometimes, when I'm daydreaming about saving the world/planet, I like to think of myself as a badass mo-fo with killer instincts (and a killer bod and a killer wardrobe and...) because you have to be a little ruthless when dealing with the scum and slime of the planet. And universe. But even being a tough ass chick I don't think I could just pop off the puppy.

It's a puppy for crying out loud! Not a dog but a puppy. Puppies are cute. Even ones that grow up to be ugly dogs are cute as puppies. I don't think I could use my own two hands squelch out the cuteness.

But for $25,000 could I pay someone to kill the puppy so I don't have to touch it or see it? Hell yes! [insert ca-ching! noises here as I dream about all the bills I could pay off (and Badass Mo-Fo Planet Saver Tips for Dummies books I could buy) with that much money]

So if you know anyone who's willing to pay $100,000 for a puppy extermination... send them my way.