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Translation: fuck shit bitch goddamn fucking fuck fuck!!!!!!!

Here at WORK we have these semi monthly 'how the company is doing' MEETINGS. They are BORING AS SHIT. Since there are a lot of us the meetings are broken up into three groups. Everyone has to (as in MANDATORY) attend the MEETINGS, preferably during their assigned time slot, and sign in on the little SIGN IN SHEET. I missed a meeting once, a year or so ago, and afterwards my Then Boss (who no longer works here) came up to me and said, 'hey, I'd really like you to go to the next MEETING. Mmm 'K?' His tone, body language, and beady little eyeballs said something else: you WILL attend OR ELSE!

The OR ELSE was something like a write-up. A note on my record. A slap on the 'wrist'. Nothing major, but nothing I wanted to mess with. Because I need steady income to feed my book and french fry and DSL addictions. So I attended the following BORING AS SHIT MEETINGS.

I've been a good girl about it too. Been to every single once since.

Until today.

Today I learned from an officemate that there were MEETINGS scheduled for today. I thought to myself, 'Damn. That sucks.' Then I thought, 'hey! I'm not going to go this time!'

I played Rebel with a Lame Ass Cause today. Little Miss 'I Go To All The MEETINGS Like A Good Little Employee' wasn't going to sit through a BORING AS SHIT MEETING today. No Siree! I was going to rebel. Go me!

And I did. Rebel that is. And I LOVED IT.

Until about fifteen minutes ago.

I heard the office door behind me open, turned around to see who it was, and found none other than the HEAD HONCHO of the whole damn facility standing there, along with some other guy high up on the employee food chain. And in the HEAD HONCHO's hand was today's SIGN IN SHEET.

Yeah. That's right. Uh oh!

They asked why I wasn't at the meeting. They were actually going around the building, tracking down people who hadn't attended the MEETING. They have NEVER done that before. NEVER. But the one day I decide to ditch they come and hunt me down. Bastards. There must have been a lot of people absent today, causing the HEAD HONCHO to get his panties in a twist.

So I feign ignorance. Shock. Surprise. "There was a meeting today?" Gasp. Who knew?!

(I pronounced it MATING, like I suddenly slipped into a southern accent for a moment. A one-word moment. Could I have looked like more of a dumbass? Totally rhetorical question there folks. No need to point out examples.)

There was a bit of joking. Ha ha. Ha ha. Then the HEAD HONCHO, with really freaking looking eyes...They was like, oh I don't know, there was no color to them. They were a fuzzy gray color. Very disconcerting. I had trouble looking at him in the eye without staring at his freaky colored eyeballs. And he kept staring at me strangely, like he was trying to remember if he'd ever seen me before. It was unnerving, but maybe that was just because it was the HEAD HONCHO and... wait, where was I? Oh yeah... Then the HEAD HONCHO says to me...

HH: Are you going to be here tomorrow?
Me: Uh... *feeling slightly apprehensive* ...yeah.
HH: Can you be upstairs at 3?
Me: Uhhhhhh.... *thinking NOOOOOO!!!!* ...yeah. But I'm supposed to leave at 2:30
HH: Well, can you stay until 4:30?
Me: *wishing I could say no, but knowing I can't, so I try to sound perky* Sure!!

I was puzzled at first. Did he want to have a meeting with me? And tell me what a bad employee I was for not attending his boring meeting? So I asked if there were more MEETINGS tomorrow. HEAD HONCHO said no, then mentioned something about Process Improvement Blah Blah Blah. So its not another BORING AS SHIT MEETING I have to attend. But it's almost as bad. I have to go upstairs, sit with a bunch of fellow employees, and listen to them bitch and complain about problems to the HIGH FOOD CHAIN GUY so that the COMPANY can fix them. All to make the COMPANY run smoother. Input from those in 'the field'.

At least that's what I think I'm going up there for. I heard the HEAD HONCHO out in the hallway 'inviting' others to the 3 o'clock thing.

Shit Bitch FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKK!

I try and do a little bit of rebelling and look what happens. ::sigh::

I called up the HB and bitched to him about it. He said that's why good people like me don't do bad things. Because we know it will bite us in the ass. Then he laughed. The bastard. I asked him how he does, how he gets away with things. He said its 'cause he's got 'mad skillz'. Something I am seriously lacking in. Something that hasn't rubbed off on me in the 6+ years we've been together. Damn it.

I'm thinking about going in two hours later than usual. Since I'll be stuck 2 WHOLE FREAKING HOURS later than usual. ::sob:: Or maybe I'll sit and stew and soak up the overtime. Yeah. That sounds like a better idea.

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