I just found out there are peanut M&M's in the office. A big ol' 'Your Ass Ain't Nearly Fat Enough So Make Sure You Eat The Entire Bag' bag. I took a handful of M&M's. Because they were offered to me. And it would have been rude to turn down the offer. Wonderful logic, eh? :)

I've got eleven of them on my desk right now. And that's it. That's all I'm eating. And to stop myself from eating more I think I'm going to name them. That's right. I'm going to name my M&M's! Woo! (Do I know how to avoid work or what?!)

After I name them they become my friends. That's just how the Naming Things Game works. Same as with pets. Say, for example, you raise pigs for something like the 4H club, and you name the pig, it's harder to sell the little oinker to the slaughterhouse when the time comes because he's not just a pig anymore, he's your friend Mr. Oinkdexter! It's a good rule of thumb never to name anything you're going to eat. Uh, depending on what it is you're going to eat, of course. Or what someone else might eat. If you're lucky... (my mind just went to a really dirty dirty place right there. Heh. Heh. Heh. Excuse me a moment...)

Okay, so once I eat my little chocolate friends, I'm going to be saddened. And I won't want to eat any more of them. That's the brilliant plan. There is always the possibility that I'll want to make more friends, and will be tempted to grab another handful, but by the time I type this whole post up and actually get around to eating the M&M's (I can't eat them before I name them! And that's going to be a long, thoughtful process) I'm sure the M&M's bag will be empty. :)

[I'm posting this now (just for squirts and chortles)... and will be updating it with names in a bit. Stay tuned! SameDifferent Loon time. Same Loon channel!]

UPDATE #1



Name: Paulie
Color: green
Major default: He's got a crack in his head. Poor Paulie. He's a crack head.
Favorite saying: "Paulie want a cracked head! SQUAWK!"

Name: Albert
Color: brown
New Years Resolution: don't get eaten
Favorite hobby: channel surfing

Name: Yope-Jude
Color: blue
Name origin: Yope-Jude is named after the fish I had to poison for a science experiment in my high school biology class. He was such a brave little fishy. And so is this M&M.

UPDATE #2



Name: Georgia
Color: red
Former color: green
Why the color change operation: "I was tired of being a red M&M trapped in a green shell. It was time to let my true color shine."

Name: The Amazing Duffalack
Color: blue
Profession: circus performer
Claim to fame: best tight rope walker this side of Barny's Fat Barn

Names: Christy & Misty the Prissy Sissy twins
Color: yellow
Who's older: Christy
Who's prissier: Misty - she spends hours getting ready. ("It takes work to look this good!")
Who's the bigger sissy: Christy - she's afraid of orange M&M's. She screams every time she sees one. ("It's such a scary color!")
Who tastes better:
"I don't know. I'd say we taste about the same." -Christy
"I do. The boys always like me better." -Misty
"Bitch." -Christy

UPDATE #3



Name: Mr. Wiggles
Color: orange
Favorite pastime: Scaring the neighbor kids with tales of trolls living under piles of the kid's dirty clothes and eating their boogers while they sleep.
Second favorite pastime: Dancing to one of his John Tesh CD's.

Name: Riana
Color: green
Diagnosis: Suffers from the rare disease of Saythewrongthingus Atthewrongtimeus
Favorite saying: "Bite me!"

Name: Nefty
Color: blue
Nickname: Nifty Nefty The Nearsighted Nerd Boy
Favorite hobby: beating up people who call him Nifty Nefty the Nearsighted Nerd Boy

Name: Sassafrass
Color: red
Likes: dating purple skittles, long walks on a sand-less beach, colors that start with the letter 'L', pastel pasties and pink polka dots
Dislikes: dating green skittles, chocolate-aholics, lima beans, the word 'noodle'

UPDATE #4



Yum!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAAaaaaa!

___________

Okay. That's it for updates. The M&M's are all gone. And yes, I still managed to get my work done today. Go me!