Friday, March 05, 2004

A Tale of Two Owies

Okay. So here's the story of how I acquired my two latest owies.

I was in the kitchen last night cooking dinner. While stuff was cooking on the stove I decided to be Super Efficient Kitchen Goddess and clean up the few dishes in the sink. That way there'd be less for me to clean later. Smart, eh? Yeah, well, not so much apparently.

I was washing The Big Knife with a little hand scrubber thingy and the scrubber was really really soapy and I was scrubbing too fast while not really concentrating like I should when performing rapid movements around The Big Knife and WHAMMO! I cut myself. The knife sliced into the edge of my right index finger, right next to the fingernail.

My first thought: ouchdamnouchdamnouchdamn

Second thought: shit. I hope I won't have to go to the emergency room. It wasn't nearly bad enough of a cut to warrant a trip to the hospital. Or even to the grocery store for comfort ice cream for being such a klutzy dolt. But I have this fear that one day I'm going to be stupid enough with the knife and slice something important off. I mean, one time, I was closing a swiss army pocketknife and cut myself while closing it. Not while using it. While closing it. And I still have the damn scar from that. So you'd think I'd be more careful around knives then. But nooooo. Not me.

So anyway, my finger started to bleed all over my just-cleaned-dishes (ain't that just the luck) so I jammed my thumb on top of it to stop the bleeding. That's when I noticed my other owie. Somehow, probably as I was reacting to the slice in my finger, I managed to shear off a couple layers of skin on the side of my thumb. Nothing major, nothing deep enough to cause more blood to spill or anything like that. Just deep enough to sting like a sumbitch. There's a small little circle of pink on the side of my thumb, up near the fingernail. It's pink around the edges, then as you get closer to the center of the owie it's a cool watermelon jolly rancher red color. Then in the very middle it's blood red. Kind of pretty, my thumb owie is.

After admiring my thumb owie, I removed my thumb to check out my index finger. The cut looks just like a really evil paper cut. The skin hadn't yet jelled together, and I had the strange urge to mess with it, to move the skin back and forth and see how deep it really went. (I've fallen and scraped and bled a lot in my twenty some years and am always fascinated with my owies). But then it started to bleed again so I had to put more pressure on it. Darn it.

Thank goodness the HB was there to witness my flawless kitchen techniques. And to take over the cooking. And to give me sympathy kisses and to reassure me that I wasn't a complete imbecile. Though he did agree with me that it was a pretty stupid thing to do.


The upside: I'm mad stylin' with my band-aids.

I'm sitting here at work with a glow-in-the-dark stars and planets band-aid on my index finger and an X-Men cartoon band-aid on my thumb. It makes typing, and any other activity requiring those two fingers, a total and utter bitch. My fingers are also kind of numb and tingly. And no, its not because my band-aids are on too tight. They're barely on at all! It's like the surrounding nerves are all pissed off that I injured their nerve brethren and they're trying to give me a little payback.

Question: why is it that I keep hitting my fingers, right on the owie parts? Why does that always seem to happen? Does this happen to everyone or is it just me? Is my subconscious playing a sick little reminder game with me?

Subconscious Me: *makes loon hit her finger on steering wheel* Ha! See how that feels? You'll be careful next time you're scrubbing a knife, won't you dumbass? Ha!

I keep trying to use my right pinchers. Then I move them (ouch) or hit them against something (ouch) or my band-aids get caught (ouch ouch) on something. Frustrating.

It's not a bad pain. I mean, I'm not popping pain pills or anything. It's just a little stabbing, stinging pain that is sooooo damn annoying. So I'm whining about it today. Just for a little bit. Because that makes me feel better and I'm all about the feeling better. I got all the sympathy out of the HB yesterday I think I'm going to get from him. I don't know if I can milk it again for another day. But I'll certainly try. :) So maybe there's no sympathy medicine there. I'll have to settle for laughter medicine. Anyone know any lame knock-knock jokes?

::thinks about impatient cow knock-knock jokes... laughs... feels much better::

The biggest downside to all of this? I couldn't work on my writing assignment last night. There was no way I could have typed anything. Doing it with only my left hand would have driven me batty. And there's no way I could have held a pencil to write it out by long hand. Grrrrrrr! Hopefully I'll be able to manage one or the other tonight. I have no choice really because I need to try and finish it. At least the first complete rough draft of it.

Okay. I have to stop typing now. My fingers are throbbing. And threatening to mutiny. Bastards.

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