Tuesday is Chooseday

Would you rather:

1. Eat one live tarantula OR hold a live wasp in your mouth for one minute?

Dang. Again with the Eeeewww! Tarantulas are big. And hairy. And icky. And creepy. And I don't want to think about eating one bit by bit, alive, because it's so big you couldn't swallow it with just one gulp. Ugh. The wasp would sting, and that would hurt like a sumbitch, but then you'd be so focused on the pain of your rapidly swelling mouth that you wouldn't realize there's a FREAKIN BUG IN YOUR MOUTH! Did I mention that tarantulas are big, hairy, creepy, crawly things? And they're poisonous too, right? Anywhoo - I'd pick the live wasp.

2. Wake up unexpectedly in the hospital OR wake up unexpectedly in your neighborhood jail?

Wake up unexpectedly in the hospital. While either option could mean I'd had a pretty fun time the night before, I'd hate to have to call someone to bail me out. Especially if all the someone's I know are in jail with me. Plus, waking up in the hospital will be handy to help treat the blackout I'd just suffered through. I'm assuming it's a blackout. Why else would I be unexpectedly waking up in a strange place?

3. Be caught walking nude on a beach by a policeman OR have your horn get stuck while your car is behind a gang of Hell's Angels?

I'd rather have my horn continuously blaring behind a gang of Hell’s Angels. If I were ever caught walking nude on the beach I'd probably be suffering from a concussion, or drugged, or brainwashed, or something else of the not-so-nice variety. Maybe I'd be walking around all al fresco for a dare. In which case, if I were ever caught, the darer would be ass whooped at my earliest convenience. So for their sake, I'd opt for option b. I think I could pull of ditzy and distressful enough that the H.A.'s probably wouldn't pummel me. They'd rip off my steering wheel so that my horn would stop horning - and that would suck big time - but at least I wouldn't be caught naked.

4. Come home and have the feeling someone has been in your apartment, but nothing is missing OR have your apartment obviously ransacked, but nothing is missing?

I'd rather have the apartment ransacked with nothing missing. If I came home and felt that someone had been in there I'd get really paranoid. I'd wonder what they were doing, what they wanted, and if they'd come back again, this time while I was at home. Where they looking for something? Where they going through my undies drawer for a cheep thrill? Do my sheets need to be washed now? I'd also wonder if I was just crazy, imagining the whole thing.

I'd still wonder heavily if the place was indeed ransacked, but not as much. Plus, it would be kind of exciting in a warped sort of way. I've read so many mystery novels and watched too many movies; I'd wonder what the ransacker was looking for. Was I perhaps slipped a secret document without my knowledge? Were bad guys now after it? And me? Exciting stuff!

5. Be trapped in a room full of enthusiastic preaching televangelists for eight hours OR in a room full of raucous circus clowns for the same amount of time?

Bring on the clowns! They'd be more amusing. And maybe they'd do my makeup for me. And give me fashion tips. And maybe I could play with one of their honky horns! And...