Here are two quizzes I've taken recently that caused me to have memory flashbacks.


what kitchen utensil are YOU?

A spork! How cool am I?! (Er - don't answer that.)

When I was in the fifth grade (maybe sixth) I made up this little rap about the All Mighty Spork. (Yes folks, the coolness train makes a pit stop in Loonyville!) It went a little something like this:

It's a spoon and a fork so we call it a spork.
[***]
It's there to help you eat your food.
[***]
If you use it right the food will taste real gooood.
[***]
If you use it wrong the food will taste like glue.
[***]

[***] = insert lame white girl beat box sound here

I know, I know, my brilliance radiated like a beacon at such an early age! I can't take full credit for the spork rap though; it was a co-collaboration. Diana and I came up with it out on the playground one day and then, for some reason, we were going to sing it together over the school intercom before school. Why they were going to let us do that I can not remember for the life of me. In the end though, the song was never song. I got a bit of stage fright at the last second and didn't want to do it. I hadn't begun to crawl out of my shell yet and was a bit too chicken to do something so silly in front of the whole school. I can now proudly say that I've grown out of that stage! Hmmm... now that I think of it, I probably could have scored me a few boyfriends if I'd only shown the school how truly super cool I was. Oh well. :) *


Find your inner Smurf!

I love the Smurfs. I used to watch them all the time when I was little. But tha's not what I flashed back to when I took this quiz. I flashed back to my college years, which wasn't that long ago so it was a short trip. In college, a group of friends and I reeked a bit of havoc on another friend and for some reason we called ourselves 'The Smurfs'. Why, exactly, I can't remember. (Egad! I'm getting old! My mind is becoming a sieve!) I was Smurfette, which fit since I was the only girl in the group. The H.B. was Papa Smurf because he was sort of the ringleader of the group. Anthony was Brainy Smurf, Robert was Clumsy Smurf, and Jason was... um... Handy Smurf I think. (We had trouble thinking of other Smurf names so he got stuck with that one.)

The havoc all came about when we were all sitting in Papa Smurf's dorm room with nothing to do. We'd been playing Genga earlier in the evening, but since we were out of money, it was an alcohol free game. :( During the game, Papa Smurf was taking pictures with his new toy, a digital camera. He got a shot of our friend Tom acting silly, standing on a chair with his arms out wide singing the 'I'm a Little Teapot' song at the top of his lungs. After the game, most of the people playing dispursed while a few of us stuck around. Papa Smurf download the pictures onto his computer and found the one of Tom particularly amusing. In the picture, Tom had his fly down and a bit of his t-shirt was hanging out. I don't know whose devilish mind it was to print out copies of the picture and post them all over campus, but I do know that it was my idea to add the following title: Pretty 'Fly' for a White Guy. (There was an arrow pointing to his open fly. Hehehe. And Tom is very, very much a white guy.) It was late at night so there wasn't anyone wandering around but us five Smurfs. We went to one of the classroom buildings, equiped with a teacher's 'lost' copy card, and used the teacher copy machines to make hundreds of copies. We borrowed some tape from one of the offices, then went about taping up that 'fly' picture all over the place. Luckily Tom was a good sport about it. :)

Tom got me and the H.B. back a few weeks later. He had a picture of the two of us sitting next to each other, arm in arm and all smiley. He added the following heading: 'We're getting married! Come join us in the Common Room Dining Hall for our engagement party!' Then he, with the help of the other three smurfs (traderous bastards!!!) plastered hundreds of those pictures all over the place. Grrrr! Sure, turn about is fair play and all that rubbage, but it was still kind of embarrasing to explain to my water polo coach that no, I was not getting married!

We never did get those traders back, and we had the perfect picture too! It was a pic of Clumsy and Handy wrestling. We were going to invite people to their 'coming out' party. Too bad the disk the picture was stored on 'mysteriously' disappeared. I saved a copy of each poster... I just wish I knew where I put them!

Wow. That was a fun stroll down Memory Lane. :)

Unconscious Mutterings

1. Kiss:: "Your kiss, your kiss is on my list..."
   
2. Nothing:: emptiness
   
3. Reach:: for the ketchup
   
4. Late:: Night with Conan O'Brien
   
5. Stump:: Arrrrrrrrg Matey! Don't you be staring at me wooden leg!
   
6. Dreams:: "Sweet dreams are made of this..."
   
7. LOL:: Large Orange Lemurs
   
8. Ornament:: christmas tree
   
9. Neck:: turle
   
10. Guitar:: rock n roll
    

I am a sleepy kitty face down in a pile of food.
Which sleepy kitty would you be?
brought to you by Quizilla

This is one of the cutest kitty pictures I've ever seen. Awwwwwwwwwwwwe.

And so fitting at the moment. *yawn* The room is spinning... my eyes are crossing... I can feel it, coming in the air tonight... er, I mean I can feel it, I'm on the verge of falling asle-- *CLUNK*

(That was the sound of me falling asleep and clunking my head on the keyboard. I would have added the corresponding 'ouch', but seeing as I've fallen asleep, I didn't actually hear myself say it. But how can I be typing if I'm already asleep? Well, this right here, this here is sleep typing. I know, I know, hold the applause.)

OMG! I found the MASH game!!!

And yeah, it made me "feel like a prepubescent girl" :) ... especially at 2:20 in the morning (holy insomnia batman!) This is so much better than consulting my Magic 8 Ball.

My results:

Your husband's name is Johnny Bravo and you have 2 children. You're a Professional Carbonated Beverage Taste Tester who drives to work every day in a Fushia Limo. It's truly a wonderful life when you consider the countless romantic nights you have spent with Johnny Bravo in your house in California.

The Weekly Krazies...

1. Think back. When you were sick as a child what happened? Who looked after you - mum, dad, grandparents? What did they do to make you feel better? Television, chicken soup, special treats?

My mom was usually the one to take off work. She'd take me to see the doctor and when we got home she'd wait on me hand and foot. She's the bestest mommy in the whole wide world! When I was really sick she would feed me chicken noodle soup and 7-up. To this day, I can't eat chicken noodle soup or drink 7-up because it reminds me of being sick. Bleagh.

When I got older, and could stay at home by myself. I'd curl up on the couch with my Pound Puppy, Ruff Ruff, and watch soap operas. Getting the chance to watch Vicky and Ryan on Another World was worth a bit of the stomach flu!


2. Dilemma. You and your best friend are shopping. While they think your not looking, they slip an item into their bag. They have no intention of paying for it. Do you confront them before they leave, after they have stolen the item, or not at all?

When the friend isn't looking, I'd slip the item out of my bag and ditch it somewhere. I'd wait to confront them until after we leave the store. Then I'd call them a bitch ass punk for trying to make me do their dirty work for them. For shame!

3. You know you want to! This week you have a task - to write a lymeric. The funnier, sillier and dirtier it is the better!

There once was a man from Philly
Who had an incredibly big willy
One day it got caught
In the new pants that he bought
So now he walks a bit silly

Yo amo a mi novio porque cuando le pedí que me tradujera un párrafo pequeño dijo que sí. Pero mientras que esperaba que dijera algo intelligente para traducir, él me miraba con un exprecion reflesando la ineptitud que yo demonstraba en compener solo una oración completa. Después de varios minutos de frustracion él tomo la pluma y la hoja y escribió lo antesedente. :) *

The Cryptic Adventures of a Girl in Search of a Name

I was in Oslo only for a day. (4)
I was a crazy duck from little original old nobility. (4)
I'm such a quacked quacker. (4)
To find my way home I rearranged the snake signs of lost manic nerds. (6,4,2,9,8)

The End

*

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Zang! Who is that, stalking through the plains! It is Loon, hands clutching a bladed baseball bat! And with a vengeful grunt, her voice cometh: "I'm going to spank you in such an inhumane manner, I will be high on life for years to come!!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

Spanking --> being high on life

The thought of this just fills me up with warm fuzzy feelings.

Wanna mess with me? Do you feel lucky punk? Well, do ya? *SPANK*

Here's an interesting theory on evolution.

I can see an example of it here in the office. Two guys are hard at work smashing mini jawbreakers with heavy machinery parts, watching them smash into fine powder, and grunting like manly geniuses.

"Heh. Heh. I told you this would smash it all to hell. The stapler wasn't heavy enough. Heh. Heh."

And that was MY stapler they were using!

"Damn you! God damn you all to hell!" - Planet Of The Apes

"...and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, ... and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and its not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire." – Office Space

What's On ... Right Now?

What's On your mind Right Now?

What's on my mind right now is the subject of bathroom etiquette, or lack thereof, at my job. I mean, why do people feel the need to talk to me while I'm frickin' peeing?!?

I had downed about a liter of h2o throughout the course of the morning and therefore had to pee like a mo-fo. So instead of being sociable with C, who was just standing around in the ladies restroom/locker room primping in front of the mirror, I made a beeline for one of the stalls. C said hi, to which I responded with a brisk hi of my own, all the while continuing on my way with nary a glance in her direction, clearly thinking that I had indicated I was on a very important tinkle mission and would chat with her later. Clearly I wasn't clear enough.

I sit down, all ready to do my thing, when she asks me a question.

"It's really muggy out there today isn't it?"

WHAT?! Is that question really necessary at this time?

"Uh... yeah it is." Uncomfortable chuckles followed.

Uncomfortable chuckle translation: "What the hell are you talking about?! Leave me alone! Let me tinkle in peace you Pee Frighten Away-er you!"

Yes folks, she made the pee afraid to come out! I'm sitting there, wishing she'd leave because for some reason the pee's gone into hiding, then I start thinking 'Is she wondering why I'm not peeing? Why aren't I peeing? Does she think there's something wrong with me because I can't seem to pee?' This stroll down Neurotic Alley doesn't exactly help with bringing about the release of the pee so when C doesn't ask any more stupid questions I relax a bit and finally get on with business. (I don't hate to pee in front of others, but I do hate it when the only sound in the room is my tinkling. That just bugs me.***)

And it's not just her, this other woman at work also talks to me while I'm busy in the restroom, usually while I'm in mid pee! Talk about awkward!!

Is it just me? Am I the only one who finds this weird? I wouldn't mind if these people were my friends, not one bit actually, but they're not. They're just co-workers I talk to occasionally. I don't think we've moved our working relationship up to that next level yet.

And what's with my fellow co-workers talking on cell phones while they hang out in the restroom/locker room. Do they really think the people on the other end of the line want to hear me tinkle? Guess not.

***Hmmm... I hate when it's silent, I hate when people talk to me. I'm so damn finicky. LOL :)

and the procrastinating continues...

Tuesday is Chooseday

Would you rather...

1. In a fight, be armed with only a Ping-Pong paddle OR a Wiffle bat?

Hmmm... a very intriguing question. I think I'd be able to do more damage with a ping pong paddle, but a Wiffle bat would provide added distance from my fellow fighter should he want to try and fight back. But the Wiffle bat is plastic, and if you hit hard enough it's going to dent. The ping-pong paddle may break in half, and the color rubber mats might fall off, but as long as its made out of wood, I think that would do the most damage. So my weapon of choice in a fight would be the ping-pong paddle. Or as I will call it my Handy Dandy Biatch Slappin' Paddle of Doom. (That name is currently being trademarked.)

2. If your parents were divorced, see your dad marry someone your age OR 30 years his senior?

Hmmm... if there were a divorce, I don't know if the age thing would make that much of a difference to me. Having a step-mom someone my age might be kind of cool, but it might also be kind of creepy. I think I'd prefer the 30 years his senior option. He'd be giving some old lady the time of her life in her old age and when she passes on to that big Chip N' Dale night club in the sky she'll leave me a huge chuck of her massive fortune. That's the only option, really.

3. Be thought of as a bumbling, incompetent fool by everyone you work with OR as sexually inadequeate by everyone you slept with?

Well, I'm sure I'm already thought of as a bumbling, incompetent fool by everyone I work with, and really, its not all that bad. Even so, if I didn't know what the former was like, I'd much rather choose that than the latter!

4. If your life depended on it, have to jumprope for ten minutes without stopping OR have to ride a unicycle 100 yards without stopping or falling?

That's an easy one. I may not have much of a sense of balance, but I am really very uncoordinated. There's no way I could jump rope for that long and not trip over myself. I'd choose to unicycle any day!

Two For Tuesday

1. I totally cannot stand...

- watermelon flavored bubble gum...
- guys who think its cool to wear their pants around their knees with their boxers and ass cracks just a flip of the shirt away from being seen by the masses... well just those that are staring... not that I'm staring mind you, I'm just observing...
- cockroaches that try and best me in a battle of wills...
- people who drive slow in the fast lane...
- songs that get stuck in my head and I only know one frickin' line and that one line just keeps repeating itself over and over and over again in my head...
- and having to wait for one of my favorite authors to come out with her/his new book!

GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRR!

2. If I wrote an autobiography, I'd call it...

She Wiggles, She Jiggles, She Makes A Mean Martini Fizzle: The True Life Story of A Loonatic

This was going to be the name of my one woman Broadway show, but I think it will fit better on the cover of a book than up on the marquee.

I found this circling around the internet

In this life I'm a woman.

In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.
When you're a bear, you get to hibernate.
You do nothing but sleep for six months.
I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate,
you' re supposed to eat yourself stupid.
I could deal with that, too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children
(who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping
and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs.
I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear,
everyone knows you mean business.
You swat anyone who bothers your cubs.
If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.
I could deal with that.

If you're a bear,
your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling.
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup. . . gonna be a bear

Fantabulous little animation. :)

A	delicious	drink	of
	soft	caresses
	fiery	embraces
whispered	promises	of	forever
I	am	Cupid’s	toy

created by using the 'romance kit' from online magnetic poetry

For all you fanatical kitty lovers out there don’t click on this link.

High score before I had to turn it off and get back to work: 17

Poor kitties. Pull! :)

I was away for the weekend and instead of writing about all the fascinating things I did here it is in highlights:

Visited the 'rents... Saw my aunt and uncle before they moved away to florida *sniff*... Ate lunch with the g'rents so they could show me off amongst their friends at their senior living apartment complex and earn status points. 'Look at me, I have company, I am loved!' ... Saw Buster. Was it a cat I saw? Nope, just a scrawny Chihuahua mutt that sheds like a mo-fo... Ate lunch on the sun with Zoink ;) ;) ... On the drive home, just as I'm passing the Grapevine exit, the song 'I Heard It Through the Grapevine' came on the radio. Cool beans!
*

Unconscious Mutterings

1. Bay:: of Bombay
   
2. Boarding school:: sucky uniforms
   
3. Riddle:: The Hobbit
   
4. Hunger:: like a wolf
   
5. Allergy:: ACHOO!
   
6. Sponsored:: swim-a-thon
   
7. Spin:: Darren Hayes
   
8. Interest:: me likey
   
9. Scrabble:: word fun
   
10. Mold:: 7th grade science teacher chasing Melissa (while she shrieked) around the classroom with his arm straight up in the air and the stained armpit of his undershirt showing (why he didn't have his regular shirt on I have no idea) after she walked in and said "Ewww, what smells in here?" It was actually mold growing on the carpet because the sink was leaking, not the teacher's stinky, sweaty stained armpit shirt. Ewww.
    

Oh happy day...

1. I was lucky enough to find an emty parking spot under a tree this morning. When I leave work today my car will not feel like an Easy Bake Oven!

2. The H.B. called me at work earlier. First thing he says is, “You sound so cute when you say your name when you answer the phone.” I currently filled with the warm fuzzies!

3. None of the bosses that I share an office with are here today. I took an extra long lunch break!

4. IT’S FRIDAY!

Wheeeeeeeee!

an excerpt from Betty's Search Request Thursday

marathon ptui: OK, I can't help but imagine someone trying to get into the Guinness Book of Records for marathon spitting or tobacco-chewing or something.

heh heh heh :)

The Friday Five

1. When was the last time you laughed?
Last time I laughed was yesterday afternoon while watching I Love The 70s on VH1 (again!). For one segment of the 1975 hour they showed clips of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Oh how I love me the Monty Python. I’ve seen that movie a few million times and it still makes me laugh. NI!

2. Who was the last person you had an argument with?
Hmmm... let’s see... I probably argued last with the H.B. He likes to take opposing sides sometimes just for a little bit of light hearted verbal sparing, and even when I’ve clearly won the argument and the topic has been settled with all hopes of a rebuttal squashed like the stupid spider that tried to crawl up my shorts the other day, he still tries to argue with me. Silly man. :) I can’t remember the last thing we argued about. It was nothing big or important (like whether squirrels prefer jazz to punk), but whatever it was, I still won. Of course.

3. Who was the last person you emailed?
Earlier this morning I sent a warm fuzzy fwd to some special gal pals of mine.

4. When was the last time you bathed?
Late last night. And since I had to drive the H.B. an hour to go pick up a temp car while his is in the shop (long story), we didn’t get home until after 10. I hate going to bed with wet hair. Bleagh.

5. What was the last thing you ate?
Cashews! For our impromptu road trip the H.B. bought a bag of cashews for us to munch on. I brought the leftovers to work with me and am munching on them as I work play on the net. *munch munch munch*

LOON: I have a secret to confess.

LULA: What up? You addicted to the Spam again?

STEPH: Hey! There’s nothing wrong with that.

LULA: Maybe you think there ain't nothing wrong with that. I know better. Spam is just nasty.

LOON: Can we get back to the wonderful topic that is 'me' for a second?

LULA: Chill out girlfriend.

STEPH: Yeah. Chill out.

LULA: Don't do that.

STEPH: What?

LULA: Try to act all cool and shit. I'm cool. You ain't. You can't pull it off.

LOON: I guess I'll just go tell Connie my secret.

STEPH: No, no, no! You can tell us. Lula will shut up now.

LULA: Hunh.

LOON: Well, you know that new Justin Timberlake song?

LULA & STEPH: Yeaahhhhhhhh?

LOON: I, uh, sort of like it.

LULA: *Gasp*

STEPH: *Gasp*

LOON: And I sort of like the other songs he's come out with lately.

LULA: Damn girl!

STEPH: You're crossing over to the dark side Loon.

LOON: Yeah, I know. I couldn't stand him before, but now, well, um, this new stuff is kinda growing on me. It's good groovy music.

LULA: Hunh. You gone out and bought the CD?

LOON: Oh no. I haven't slipped that far yet.

LULA: Good, 'cause otherwise I would have had to stun gun yo' ass. Now zip it. Here comes Ranger. I don't want to be distracted while I'm checking out that oh-so-fine ass of his.

:) * *

What's On your 'things that really matter' list Right Now?

Right now, at this particular moment in time, in this particular frame of mind, here's a snapshot, a small sampling if you will, of what's on my 'things that really matter' list, in no particular order...

1. Loved ones (i.e. family, friends, & The H.B.)
   
2. Health. Hey, I'm not dead! Woohoo!
   
3. My sanity (of which is highly questionable at times but still there).
   
4. Having Spam in the cupboard when I'm too lazy to cook up anything else.
   
5. A working air conditioner in my apartment.
   
6. Having a car that runs and gets me to work, having enough gas to run the car to get me to work, and having enough money to pay for the gas that runs the car that gets me to work. And the green grass grows all around, all around. The green grass grows all around.
   
7. Having enough money to provide myself with food, shelter, clothing and the occasional Snoopy toy or book.
   
8. Having hope for a better tomorrow and having the strength to get there from today.
   
9. Having a job that doesn't suck too much.
   
10. Saving the planet from those whom would destroy it with their thoughtless, heartless, money grubbing ways.
    
11. Having a muse that's in a good mood and ready to work.
    
12. Having appreciation for all of life's wonders.
    
13. Understanding the joke (so as to make sure I'm not the butt of it.)
    
14. Enjoying life.
    
15. Smiling.
    
16. Stopping here and going to bed before I fall asleep in my chair. Damn you comfy chair! And damn this heat! It kept me up all night last night. *grumble grumble yawn*

"We Hold These Truths To Be Self-Evident..."

I came across these quizzes today while I was *hard* at work at my job. Go me. :)

i tend to speak in riddles, and getting a straight answer out of me is indeed a notable moment. while i may act a little crazy, i am actually quite lucid and tend to be the voice of reason. my sanity is in a good balance with my insanity. how mad are you? this quiz was made by piksy

I do tend to speak in riddles. At times its even sporivalous. Like the time my hamster did that thing I was talking to Elsie about. Know what I mean? Do I know what I mean? I'm not sure. I'll get back to you on that one. Lucid? Me? That's debatable. You couldn't tell by my conversations at work. Whenever I try and explain something at work, it sounds perfect in my head, but I know to everyone else it sounds like: "Nigflot blorny quando floon!" 42% How despicable! Now if it were a loony level quiz I'm sure I'd score more better. (<--be-u-tiful english! ain't it?)

You are a Clueless Idiot. Not only do you not know you're an idiot, you don't know much of anything. Your celebrity icon is Alicia Silverstone. What Kind Of Idiot Are You? brought to you by Quizilla

Hmmm. Well, I know I'm an idiot now. Does that mean I'm no longer a clueless idiot? As if!

I found a What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To? quiz but didn't take it. I didn't need to. The H.B.'s an Aries so that's obviously what I'm attracted to. *

And Gerard Butler was born November 13 so I’m obviously attracted to Scorpios... And Orlando Bloom was born January 13 so I’m obviously attracted to Capricorns... And Christian Bale was born January 30 so I’m obviously attracted to the Aquarius sign... Patrick Stewart was born July 13 so I’m obviously attracted to Cancers... Ben Browder, Stuart Townsend, and Peter Facinelli are all Sagittarians, so I’m obviously really attracted to that sign. And...

Ten Things I Didn't Know Last Week (But I Know Now!) *

1. I didn't know... my eye could twitch so much.

- Which means I should probably stop staring at a computer monitor as much as I do. I wonder if workman's comp covers excessive eye twitching.

2. I didn't know... the plus side to rearranging the living room furniture the way we did.

- Which came in handy during the Gene Kelly marathon on TCM. Commercials? We don't need no stinkin' commercials!

3. I didn't know... I could function so well after only three hours of sleep.*

- I still don't know though if I could have stepped it up a notch and operated heavy machinery. Oh well, I'll be sure to try next time! Wheeee!

4. I didn't know... I work with cookie thieves.

- I don't care, really... as long as they're not my cookies!

5. I didn't know... that a certain someone at work *cough-F-cough* couldn't be trusted with certain info concerning previously mentioned cookie thievery.

- Bastard.

6. I didn't know... how to make a cat go 'woof'.

- Answer: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire! LOL (Calm down kitty lovers. It’s just a bad joke.)

7. I didn't know... that Porgy and Bess was first performed in 1935.

- I read that fascinating factiod here too. I guess Dave Barry just had Porgy on the mind.

8. I didn't know... that Scott Baio, Michael York, and Ed McMahon are all 'uncut'.

- I also didn't know that someone had not only the free time, but the desire to sit down and compile a list of circumcised celebs.

9. I didn't know... that my cousin and his wife are preggars again.

- Yeah!

10. I didn't know... what the hell a Biniki is.

- And now I do. And I feel just that much more complete.

B r a i n V a c a n t: S p a c e F o r R e n t

*

I watched a special on Gene Kelly on the TCM channel today. That man could dance like no other! He was masculine and graceful at the same time, it was such a treat to watch him move. And not only was he mucho talented he was gorgeous to boot. When Gene Kelly was on screen he could't help but ooze charisma. In fact, I was getting a bit tingly earlier just watching him. :) One of the woman interviewed for the documentary said something close to this: "You give your heart to Fred Astaire but save your body for Gene Kelly." Damn Skippy!

As I sit here and type this post, I'm listening to my Singin' In The Rain soundtrack. I'd be watching the movie instead if I could, but my VCR is acting up and I haven't bought it on DVD yet. I also need to buy Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, my all time favorite musical, on DVD. I haven't yet because my pathetically broke ass can't quite justify buying them on DVD when I already own them on VHS. While I think about it, there are a few other musicals I want to buy on DVD as well. Hmmm... maybe I should look online for some special deal...

Anyone want two very used, very worn out VHS tapes of Singin' In The Rain and Seven Brides For Seven Brothers? If I no longer own them, I'll be forced to go out and buy them on DVD. Oh the horror! :) I'll give them away to whoever has the best reason for wanting them - for truly wanting them for worship and mass viewings. :) *

While I work on my talent for the upcoming Miss Procrastinator pageant, here’s another weekly meme.

The Weekly Krazies

1. Think Back. When was the last time you cried? What was it all about?

The last time I cried I was reading a Robert Crais novel. I've absolutely loved the last three Elvis Cole novels, especially the latest one, The Last Detective. There's a scene in the middle of that book that is just so sad, so touching, I couldn't help but cry. Elvis didn't have much of a family when he was little, and the one he's a part of now is in danger of loosing one of its own. Lucy asks Elvis to leave it alone, to let the police handle it. But Elvis can't. “You're my family.” He tells her. “You're my family.” *sniffle sniffle* I cried near the end of the book too!

2. Dilemma. You have been planning a party for weeks, its not for anything important - you just want to have fun. You send out invitations to all of your friends. The next day someone else hands out invites to their party, which they have planned for the same day: a day that happens to be their 18th birthday. The other person expects you to change your day - as hers is more important - but you had it first! Do you, Don't you, Why?

This isn't that big of a dilemma. For you, it's nothing important. For them, it's their 18 birthday. Just change the frickin' date to the next weekend. And make the birthday girl bring all the food/booze/strippers/board games or anything else you need for the party.

3. Recount your favourite childish game. Does it involve a mouth full of marshmallows? What happens and why do you love it? Remember - the more childish and embarrassing the better!!

Hmmm... favorite childish game? I've played the marshmallow game but that's not a favorite because I sucked at it. I only got up to about three marshmallows while the winner got up to about twenty. Great googly moogly!

There's always the 'pass it on' game, a.k.a. Let's See Who Can Hit The Hardest game. Four of us sitting in the back of Mr. Mar-foo-fo's summer school biology class used to play it all the time. And of course I got stuck sitting in between the two hardest hitters. Nah, that's not a favorite either.

One favorite I can think is the "I'm going to grandma's house and I'm going to bring...” game. I'm not sure what it's called, but I'm pretty sure grandma's house is the destination. I learned this game on the way back from a water polo tournament my freshman year in college. There were seven of us playing the game in the very back of the van. The first person starts off: "I'm going to grandma's house and I'm going to bring a..." then they think of something that starts with the letter A. "...alligator!" The next person has to think of something that starts with the next letter of the alphabet "...and I'm going to bring an alligator and a... banana!" And round and round you go with the next person in line recounting the previous items and then adding his/her own, depending on what letter of the alphabet is next. It's a fun and silly game to play and very useful for long, boring car rides. This game becomes really fun when you limit yourself to sexually theme-d items. Our coach, who was driving the van, definitely got an earful that night! LOL. For added difficulty, turn it into a drinking game, and let the good times roll. ;)

I love those Real Men of Genius Bud Light radio ads. Those commericals with the serious commentator talking about silly stuff, the 80s hair band love ballad crooner, and the back up singers. I just downloaded two of my favorites: Mr. Restroom Toilet Paper Refiller ("hop hop hop") and Mr. Tiny Thong Bikini Wearer ("tight tight tighty tight")

I also voted for 'Bluto's pep talk' from National Lampoon's Animal House in the Best Cinematic Speech survey.

"What? Over? Did you say 'over'? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!" --Bluto, Animal House

Unconscious Mutterings

1. Only you:: "can make the world seem right..."
   
2. 33:: "bottles of beer on the wall..."
   
3. Foundation:: rock
   
4. Accidents:: may happen
   
5. Hometown:: USA
   
6. Natural:: beautiful
   
7. Bombastic:: elastic... (huh?)
   
8. Bachelor:: TV show
   
9. Far away:: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
   
10. Tony:: Danza
    

Saturday-8
Fame and Fortune!

the link to a website that i created and maintained has been published in a national magazine for this month. we got over 3,000 hits in less than 2 days, which is amazing. it made me feel all warm & fuzzy inside. :) therefore, here are today's saturday-8 questions!

1. have you ever been recognized publicly for work that you have done?

I've been recognized for sports and academic achievements, but never for any of my 'work'. Though, someone liked my blog and/or geo site enough to sign my guestmap the other day. And that's a public venue, even if 99.999999999999999999% of the public has never seen it.


2. how did it make you feel? (happy, embarrassed, angry, etc.)

It made me feel down right giddy. :) It meant that people are actually reading my blog, making it through all of my ramblings to any shameless plugs that might be lingering at the bottom, and then they're liking my stuff so much that they follow the shameless plug and take the time to leave a message. Sure, 'Ummdumb' was probably incurably bored at the time and was suffering from this fetish for signing random stranger's guestmaps, but even as I realized the enormity of that possibility, I was still giddy. Giddy Giddy Giddy! Reality was having a hard time raining on my parade for a good solid fifteen minutes.

3. have you ever met anyone famous? who was it?

I met Princess Diana once but don’t remember it. I was only about 4 years old at the time. I know it happened though because I have photographic proof!

I've swum at swim meets were previous Olympic gold medallists are competing but I never met any of them. I touched Pablo Morales as he walked past me once, but I didn’t really 'meet' him. It was more like a stalking as I kept staring at him thinking "OMG! It's Pablo!"

I met Janet Evanovich at a book signing a little over a year ago. I had all these things in my head I wanted to say to her. I wanted to tell her that I loved her books, that they inspired me to get off my butt and start writing myself, and that they were excellent procrastination tools when I had tons of homework to do. As I'm standing second in line and listening to the lady in front of my drone on and on and on the things in my head started to sound lame. Next thing I knew I was getting my book signed. I was suddenly face to face with one of my all time favorite authors and I was paralyzed. Speechless. What a time to have a brain fart! All I did was stare at her and grin like an idiot. I think I tried to say something but only barely audible syllables came out. Just thinking about it makes me want to smack my forehead all over again. Stupid stupid stupid. I blame (and it's always helpful to know where to place the blame) my deer-caught-in-the-headlights experience on the time I got Pam Tillis's autograph when she performed at my hometown fair. I was about 10 years old, horribly shy, and got up the courage to say "I really liked your show." And you know what she did? She ignored me and started signing the next autograph! I know she was busy and probably tired, but at that age I was traumatized! And still am, apparently, with my performance at the Evanovich signing as a prime example. :)

4. is there anyone famous that you would like to meet?

I'd love to meet with some of those people who invent stuff all the time, have hundreds of patents, and make tons of money. But seeing as I can't name any of them off the top of my head, they're not really famous, so...

I once had to answer this question in an essay for school. I picked Charles Schulz, but he's no longer among the living so...

I would love to meet the director that just has to cast me in his next picture because I'm absolutely perfect for the part.

I would love to meet Matthew McConaughey because he's just so damn adorable.

I would love to meet J.K. Rowling and have her bestow all her knowledge of storytelling skills upon me. In fact, I'd love to meet all my favorite authors and just soak up their wisdom and expertise.

5. if you could be famous for one thing, what would it be?

I'd love to be the person who invents the cure for cancer, AIDS, heart disease, the common cold, etc., but since I'm not a scientist none of that is even remotely possible for me. So what I’d really, really love to be famous for is creating something (novels, comics, whatever) that people love, that people cherish, and that people will be talking about and be affected by long after I'm gone from this planet.

6. some celebrities are more 'infamous' than 'famous.' what thing would you NOT like to be famous for?

I would not like to be known as The Woman Who Streaked Through Disneyland With Lewis Black.

7. some celebrities have gained their fame at an older age. would you rather be young & famous or older & famous? why?

Old and famous, because maybe then I’d be able to deal with the whole fame thing a bit better.

8. were you to become 'rich and famous,' would you spend your money like there was no tomorrow, or would you invest wisely and spend conservatively?

I fit somewhere in the middle. I'd buy all kinds of fancy gadgets, pay off all the evilness that is credit card bills and then invest the rest of the money wisely... so that I could buy more fancy gadgets later. :)

We moved the living room furniture around a couple of weeks ago.

On the down side: I can no longer flip through TV channels or radio stations while sitting in front of the computer. I actually have to stand up and WALK two steps for the remote to work. Harsh, I know.

On the up side: If one were to, say, leave the bathroom door open while tinkling or 'going no. 2', one would have a clear view of the television. Perfect for nonstop TV watching! WooHoo!

Today’s Loony Saturday Observation was brought to you be the letter P and the number 2.

I was sort of propositioned last night.

I was working on coming up with new answers for the WSNSYH quiz (2 posts ago) when a certain someone, Ms. X**, signs on to messenger. I had added her to my messenger buddy list a few months ago while we were playing an online trading card game. We didn't chat much, but when we did it mainly went like this: "Hi. How are you? How many cards do you still need to get? Wow. That's cool." It was very, very G-rated.

That's why I was a little shocked last night at what she said. (And I'm, like, 90% positive she had said she was a 'she' when we were posting messages on the trading message board). At first she said she was lonely. Nothing shocking there. Then she asks if I want to play. Now, I may be a naive little chickie in some areas, but I was pretty sure I knew what she meant. I was going to say, "No, I'm in the middle of a project at the moment", but curiosity got the better of me and I replied, "Play?" She replies back saying that she's really horny.

HELLO! Hold the phone... er... mouse. She added that she'll stop there, in case I'm offended. How nice. I responded with a "Thanks, but no thanks."

So that's the story of how I was propositioned for what might have been some interesting chat nookie. I'm not sure if I should be flattered by it or not. Hmmm...


**screen names will be protected in the event that by some freaky circumstance she reads this and decides to hunt me down and... and... do something to me.

Who’s idea was it to go to sleep last night/this morning at 2:30 am
and then wake up at 7:00 am to do laundry??

Oh wait... it was mine.

D’oh!

I took the What Screen Name Should You Have? quiz the other day, but I didn't like the result I got:



Upon taking the test a few more times I realized I didn't like any of the possible results. None of the screen names really spoke to me, really rang true with me. I'm not a horny hell cat. Or a cutie princess. I'd like to think I'm unique and original, but I guess I'm not original enough for this quiz. Damn.

I guess I'm more of the practical and smart variety than I am of anything else in this quiz. And in a way, my screen name is sorta kinda my name, in a round about way. So I guess it fits. But dammit! I want a cooler answer!

So why not do it myself?! I went and made up my own answers for each question and then my own result (which is not, as it turns out, necessarily cooler, but it’s still more fun than my Plain Jane boring result). The following questions are taken from the What Screen Name Should You Have? quiz, the 'E' options for each question are all mine; as sad and pathetic as they are. (What can I say? My brain shuts off after 11pm) :)


What do you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend?
E. Like the Bonnie Tyler song says, I need a hero... he's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast and he's gotta be fresh from the fight… he's gotta be sure and he's gotta be soon and he's gotta be larger than life.

What's your favorite color?
E. Eggshell White

What do you do when you're stressed out and need to unwind?
E. I turn on some Tom Jones and do a bit of naked tap dancing.

You have a major crush on John. What do you do?
E. Consult the Magic 8 Ball.

Who do you want to be JUST like?
E. My imaginary friend Edith. She is so cool.

What is the best way to get rich?
E. Close your eyes, cross your fingers, and twirl around until you get dizzy, all the while screaming, “show me the money!!!”

You run into Christina Aguilera on the street. What do you say to her?
E. Oops. Sorry. Didn’t mean to run into you. I’ll back up the car now so you can get up. And hey, if you’re not bleeding too much, can I have your autograph?

If you could have an unlimited amount of any of the following, which would you take?
E. Fushia funkalicious feather boas! Wheeee!

How do you greet people when talking to them through instant messenger?
E. Snarf!


Now, if you were to pick all of these fake answers then this is the fake result you’d get:



Spiffy, eh? *

congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything. You must be so proud which happy bunny are you? brought to you by Quizilla

Is this not the cutest thing you've ever seen? It's not? Well... er... kiss my ass then! :)

And I am proud! [puffs out chest all proud like]

Now I know what I want for Christmas! Is it too early to drop hints? Nah!

Okay, so get this. Yesterday I posted that The Boss confided in me his little "cookie stealing crime." Today I shared that story with my fellow office dwellers, including F, the man whose cookies The Boss violated. A few hours later The Boss walks in and F, who had brought in homemade cookies this time, holds out the bag of cookies in an offering gesture. The Boss tries to grab the bag but is denied.

F: [Talking in a playful manner] Not the whole bag. [Insert stupid fake laugh here]

Boss: Oh all right. [Chuckles and grabs single cookie]

[And then... *dramatic pause*... wait for it...]

F: [Still in Playful Manner Mode with addition of big goofy grin plastered on face] Yeah, I know what’s been ‘going on’ around here. She’s [me] been telling us.

OMFG!

Can you believe it? The bastard sold me out! It’s not like it was a big secret. There were several people in the office at the time that noticed The Boss stealing the cookie. And its just a stupid frickin’ cookie for goodness sakes. BUT STILL!!! Now I look LIKE A TATTLER in front of The Boss! If only we were allowed to bitch-slap our employers...

When F and The Boss walked out the rest of us left in the office just looked at each other and said, “Wow.” Was he trying to score points with The Boss? Did he figure The Boss overheard him the other day when he was ranting about his missing cookie??!! GRRRrrrrrr

Okay. I’m over it now. Truly I am. I’ve written it down and gotten it out of my system. I am cleansed. *grumble grumble stupid goofy bastard grumble*

I was doing my daily Get-Ready-For-Work-Because-I-Still-Haven't-Won-The-Lottery routine this morning when a memory flashed across my brain. It was a recent memory. A very happy The-Hills-Are-Alive-With-The-Sound-Of-Music kind of memory. For a brief moment I stood there thinking, 'Yes! Finally! I've been waiting for this for so long now!'

I was elated.

A second later, while I was reaching for the toothbrush chillin' in its little Snoopy cup, I froze... and realized I was remembering a dream. It was all just a frelling dream!

I was deflated.

What a cruel, cruel trick my mind played on me!!

So that bummed me out. Then I realized it was Friday and felt much, MUCH better! And to top of this lovely Friday, they surprised us with free pizza for lunch at work! WooHoo! T.G.I.F.!!!

"Denny said 'Zallie, golly, don't you think that I wish I could play guitar like you.'"

The guys I share an office with here at work crack me up. I love it, because without all the laughter this job would really, really suck. I'd go crazy! Well, crazier than I normally am ;)

The guys pick on each other and tell silly jokes. While K is on the phone, E starts playing repeater, repeating everything that K says. Then when F gets on the phone, the person on the other end of the line can barely hear him, causing F to yell into the phone. E says, "Damn! Are you just pretending to use the phone?" and K says, "What’s wrong, did someone put black tape over the mouth piece?" Which is exactly what F did to E's phone last week. Those jokers! Is it juvenile? Sure. But it sure does release the tension and we are in no short supply of that around here.

It's hard to explain just how much I laugh, and just how funny they all can be, because most of the time it's a case of 'you had to be there'.

On Tuesday, Texas popped up in a conversation and K quoted a line from the movie Full Metal Jacket. "Only two things come from Texas, boy,..."

I had just come across this Full Metal Jacket soundboard site earlier in the day so I showed it to him. He loved it and had me forward the link to him. He kept playing the quotes for people whenever they popped into the office (even all the not-suitable-for-work quotes... which is most of them!). Everyone loved it and said, "Oh! Hey! Send me that link!" In the last couple of days, the site has been forwarded around quite a bit. This morning, while E was playing around on the site, someone asked if it offended me. Ha! I'm the one who passed on the site in the first place!

E especially loves the site. It gives him flashbacks to when he was a Marine and gets him all pumped up, ready to deal with all the shit that comes his way. In fact, he's playing the quotes now for one of his employees.

"Thank you very much can I be in charge for awhile!?"

He'd better be careful; the boss just might stop by. Yesterday, the boss came into the office and opened up a still sealed package of cookies F had on his desk and took one, WITHOUT EVEN ASKING??!! F was kind of ticked off when he found out, because it wasn't the first time (heh heh heh). Then earlier this morning the boss came in looking for someone but no one was here but me. The boss looks over at F's desk and says, "Darn, it doesn't look like F has any cookies today." Then he leans in close to me and whispers conspiratorially, "I ate one of his cookies yesterday. Don't tell anyone." Oh, okay. Sure thing Boss! I tried really hard to smile a Don't-Worry-It's-Just-Our-Little-Secret smile and not a You-Are-Such-A-Dodo-Head smile. Here's hoping it worked!

Ahhh... Life at work is never boring that is for sure...

I also love the Office Space soundboard. Check it out. Mmmkay? *

What Ifs

1. What if you could create your own animal -- what would it be like, and what would you name it?

The animal would be small, bright-eyed and peppy, but not hyper likes its just swallowed a gallon of Jolt Cola. It would be yellow and very fluffy/hairy, yet it would never shed a hair. It would know a few phrases of speech such as "You look marvelous!" and "Have you lost weight?" and "Damn girl! You are da bomb shiz nits!" and "Wow! That's the smartest thing I've ever heard!" and "Damn Skippy!" and "You are the bestest owner ever!" The animal would be called a Ferfumpler and my very own Ferfumpler would be called George.

2. What if you could create your own plant?

I'd create a plant that could be used in a number of cures, from everything from cancer to halitosis. The plant's latin name would be Sicknessbegoneus.

3. What if you could create your own car?

If I could create a car, it would have some of the following features:
*Cushy, comfy seats.
*Instant temperature control. On the Nipple Gauge, the car temp goes from Flat to The Turkey's Done in just 1.4 seconds.
*A trash compactor that transforms fast food cups and annoying windshield flyers into fuel.
*A heat sensitive steering wheel that changes the color of the car, depending on my mood.
I'd call it the multi-functional super kick ass Mood Car.

4. What if you could create your own island?

If I could create my own island, I'd call it Loonyland. I'd put a great big palace in the middle of it for me and all my friends to hang out in. The palace would be surrounded by lush, green foliage with beautiful, exotic flowers. And the flowers would be edible. They'd come in many yummy flavors (chocolate, watermelon, kaluha, pizza, peanut butter and jelly, rainbow sherbet, etc) and would be more nutritious than a handful of vitamins. There would also be a number of cabana boys on staff to do the daily chores, leaving nothing for me to do but relax and have fun!

5. What if you could create your own planet?

My own planet would be called Tetras, and it would be a vacation resort for the weak and weary. There would be miles and miles of exotic, sandy beaches. The ocean water would be the perfect temperature no matter what time of day it is. Tetrans would be heavily involved in trade, so there would be tons of fun and fancy souvenirs you could buy. Everything would be cheap too. There would be huge Ferfumplers running around, pulling little taxi carts behind them, taking you to any part of the planet you want to go in a matter of minutes. The trees would talk and offer advice to those who wander nearby. Er... I think I've stopped making sense. I'm sure I could think of a lot more fun things to add to this planet, but I can feel my brain shutting off. Better call it a night. :)

This past weekend the H.B. and I went shopping at Best Buy, an electronic goodies store. The H.B. can spend hours drooling over electronic gadgets. He's like an 8 year old boy with a sweet tooth in a candy store. I drool a bit myself, but after a while I'm ready to move on to something else. Like the art supply store around the corner. :)

We bought a few gadgets and gizmos, the most expensive being a new video card (which we needed for the new computer game we also picked up, Medal of Honor). We're playing it together as a team, sharing some quality time together while we shoot up the enemy and defeat the evil Nazis of WWII. Much fun!

Unfortunately, when the H.B. installed the new RAM we also bought, I lost a TON of my drawings and writing bits. I'm trying not to think about all the hard work and hours invested – now wasted. But oh well, none of it was really good anyway. *big frelling sigh*

I'm feeling a bit of trepidation whenever I think of next month's credit card bill, but it's all good because I've got me a new scanner! WooHoo! *doing the happy I’ve-Got-A-New-Scanner dance* :) *

What's On ... Right Now?

What's On your kitchen walls Right Now?
Not much but dirt and grime. :) There is a magic marker message board up on the wall next to the fridge with a month old shopping list written on it. Hmm... it’s probably time to do some shopping. Oh servant boy! Go fetch me my groceries! Come on now; spit spot!

My ideal job: Underwear Factory Worker
The H.B.'s ideal job: Jewelry Thief.

Wow. It's spooky sometimes how accurate these things can be. ;)

Google is ogling me, and so are other search engines. WooHoo!

The most common search engine queries that bring visitors to this site are queries for Robin Williams and his golf clip and Dave Mordal. One query was for "dave mordal rich vos kiss". Sorry y’all, no Dave and Rich kisses here. I know they shared a bathtub together once, but a kiss? How scandalous! :)

*sigh* I'm still bummed that Rich Vos didn't win Last Comic Standing. I saw him on Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn, along with Dave Mordal, Rob Cantrell and Cory Kahaney. Those four are hilarious!! Maybe a network will hire them to put on a comedy variety hour together. That would be Grade-A hilarity.

Anywhoo, since I’m being ogled by search engines I think it's time to release the brain from its cage and let it graze along the pretty, flowery meadows of my imagination in a little game I like to call Free Flowing Word Association Fun. (Since I’m just now making up this game while the Bosses are out of the office I don't have time to think up a better title. FFWAF will have to do for now. Try and say that out loud. It’s fun! Ffwaf!) Let the chaos begin... now!

ManahManah, doo doo doodoodoo... Chewbacca... Chumbawamba... Tubthumping... Thumper humping... Humpernickle... Nickelback... "And so you're back, from outer space"... the final frontier... Damn it Jim, I'm a writer, not a magician... Damn it Janet... Evanovich... Stephanie Plum... Anita Blake... Vampire Executioner... Zombie Queen... Rob Zombie... "Never gonna stop me, never gonna stop"...

Well, yes I am gonna stop. Right here in fact. That's all I've got time for at the moment. Got to reign in my free ranging, grazing brain and get back to work. Yes sir-e-bob! Hi ho, hi ho, its back to boring paper work I go. Yep, this is me going. Look at me go!

Hmmm... this FFWAF list would make an interesting word list for a fan fic challenge. If only my muse were around. Here musey musey musey!

Darn it, I’m still typing. Obviously my fingers didn't get the memo. I want to get back to work – really I do – it’s just that my fingers are too busy misbehaving. Oooh look at me! I’ve got naughty fingers! ;)

"Uh, we have sort of a problem here. Yeahhh. You apparently didn't put one of the new coversheets on your TPS reports...Yeahhh. You see, we're putting the coversheets on all TPS reports. Did you get the memo about this?...Yeahhh." – Office Space

Where's my red stapler? Have you got my red stapler? That’s my stapler, not your stapler. I can’t work without my red stapler! Ummm, yeahhh...

*

Bees: Write or link to something about bees. *

I’m still here at work. Damn. Is it time to go home yet?

I’ve never won a spelling bee before. Maybe if I’d competed in more than just the one, I would have.

I only remember that one spelling bee... I was in the second grade, and we had a substitute teacher that day. I lasted longer than most of the class (even longer than the boy who used to spit on my chair! ha!) but I couldn’t outlast them all.

Why wasn’t I given the opportunity to compete in other spelling bees? What’s wrong with the educational system I grew up in?!? I could have competed in other spelling bees and won and then competed in tougher, more elite spelling bees, winning those too, all the while working my way to becoming a huge international spelling superstar! If only the Man hadn’t been holding me down. Damn the Man! Save the Empire!

I guess I shouldn’t worry about it, since my superstardom would have come and gone long before the movie Spellbound was made. While checking out the Spellbound site, I tried a little game of hangman. Holy alphabet soup Batman! This game of hangman is hard! Even after the words started repeating themselves I could only get three words in a row. I even missed the same word three times! (Though, in my defense, the second time around I didn’t realize it was the same word until all I was missing was my left leg... Wait, that really doesn't help my case, does it?)

Too bad I don’t have an internal spell checker in my brain. It would make life so much easier.

Get your Brain Speller Checker 2000 today! It’s the bees knees!

I have a spelling checker
It came with my PC;
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I cannot sea.
I've run this poem threw it,
I'm sure your pleased too no,
Its letter perfect in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
-- Janet Minor

Yeah, I know its not Friday anymore, but I just saw this week's set of questions and really want to share my Mr. Winky story. I’m only half awake at the moment so hopefully my answers make sense.

The Friday Five

1. What's the last place you traveled to, outside your own home state/country?
Last time I traveled out of state was last year when I went to Las Vegas with my mom. She had free tickets to the Andre Agassi charity concert. That was an AWESOME show! Dennis Miller, Jamie Foxx and Robin Williams (!!!) were hilarious. Michael Bublé, India.Arie, Martina McBride, Babyface, Rod Stewart, and Elton John were all entertaining. That was a fun weekend. Plus, I left Las Vegas a few hundred dollars ahead. WooHoo! :)

2. What's the most bizarre/unusual thing that's ever happened to you while traveling?
Hmmm... well, the first thing that comes to mind is the time we were driving back from a Metallica concert. This was about 2, 3 years ago. The day after the concert we’re driving home over the ‘Grapevine’. As we start to climb up the big hill/mountain/whatever, the H.B. asks, “Do you want to take the normal route with no air conditioner, or the longer truck route with air conditioner?” It was the middle of August, so I opted for the air-conditioned route. Ten minutes later the fan belt breaks. Son of a...

On the bright side, a nice, friendly, considerate gentleman sees that we are in distress and pulls over to offer his assistance. He hops out of the car and walks over to us. I’m thinking, ‘Yeah! Help!’ and that’s when I notice Mr. Winky poking his head out. Yes folks, the nice, friendly, considerate gentleman had his zipper all the way down with his man meat hanging out so as to catch a bit of fresh air. I tried not to look, but it was like one of those rubbernecking car accidental deals. I couldn’t look away, but then I didn’t want him to see me looking, so I forced my eyes to look away. A few seconds later I couldn’t help but look back again to make sure that I saw what I thought I saw. And when I saw that it was indeed Mr. Winky I quickly looked away again.

While Big Mr. Winky and the H.B. looked under the hood of the car and started talking that manly talk, me and the H.B.’s sister sought refuge in the car. “Did you...?” “OH MY GOD YES!” “EEEW!” That isn’t the end to the disastrous car story *grumble grumble grumble* but it is the end of the bizarre traveling story. On to the next question!

3. If you could take off to anywhere, money and time being no object, where would you go?
Hawaii. I’ve been there before and would love to go back. Especially when I could afford a nice hotel right on the beach... and expensive dinners... and my own personal cabana boy to fetch the fancy fruity tropical drinks... and to apply the sun tan lotion...

4. Do you prefer traveling by plane, train or car?
Er... car, but only when I’m not the one driving. Trains are okay, but loud. Or at least that’s how I remember them. Last time I rode a train I was in New Zealand, and that was ages ago! Planes are exciting and fun (especially flying Southwest for a little jaunt to Las Vegas), but they’re too much of a hassle. With a car, you don’t have to check your baggage, you can get the biggest bag of peanuts you want, and there’s no standing in line, waiting to board where you’ll be seated in a small uncomfortable seat next to someone you normally wouldn’t choose to sit by.

5. What's the next place on your list to visit?
The bedroom... I’m about to fall asleep right here on the keyboard (SMACK!), but seriously... Next on my list of places to visit: Michigan and/or Florida -- I've got some relatives out that way I'd like to visit sometime.

Since I can't seem to focus on any of my Still-Not-Finish stories,
or come up with any ideas for a new one...


Unconscious Mutterings

1. Miss America:: "Here she comes..."
   
2. Cherubs:: puffy cheeks
   
3. Shark Week:: no thank you
   
4. Sunflowers:: beach trip with Becky and Dana
   
5. Sorority:: Boys... dumb movie.
   
6. Grilled chicken: yummy
   
7. 100:: miles
   
8. Tickle monster:: evil elmo
   
9. Veronica:: Lake
   
10. Slurpee:: wheeeeeeee!
    

This sucks. I have a bit of time right now to do some writing, I'm in the mood to do some writing, and yet, as I stare at the blank screen in front of me, words fail me! Arrgghh! I blame it on the food coma. Damn you breakfast buffet!!!

"Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead." --Gene Fowler

Ooo look at me! I'm full of quotes today…

"I reached Claremont at 6:00, driving through Ontario, Montclair, and Pomona; all townships without real towns, a peculiar California phenomenon in which a series of shopping malls and acres of tract houses acquire a zip code and become realities on the map." - Sue Grafton, "A" is for Alibi

I love this book and this author. And I love this quote because I live in one of these little townships. I've lived here for a few years now and I still find it strange sometimes how I all I have to do is drive two blocks over and I'm in another town. If I drive a few streets down I'm in yet another town. I'm surrounded by little towns! Maybe I only find this strange because it’s a lot different than from the place where I grew up. Porterville is similar in size (both cities cover an area about 15 square miles) but when you're in P-ville you have to drive through a lot of nothing before you get to the next town. Where I live now, in Upland, the towns are all crammed up together, making it seem like they're one great big city. Plus, Upland has about 67% more people living in it that P-ville has. All those extra people are living in houses in the 'in between cities' zone. *

While writing the previous post, I was reminded of one of my favorite books, The Starmen of Llyrdis written by Leigh Brackett. I found this book a few years ago while I was in a used bookstore with my mom. I'd already grabbed all the Ellery Queen books I didn't already have and was waiting for her to finish. She had several favorite authors she was looking for, so these trips to the used bookstore usually took awhile. While I waited, I perused the sci-fi aisle. I was reading the backs of the books, looking for something that sounded interesting. Even though the used books only cost a couple of dollars I didn't want to buy a book that I wasn't going to enjoy. I ending up picking The Starmen of Llyrdis and boy did I enjoy it! Here's what it says on the back cover:

Michael Trehearne had always been an outcast among his people on
Earth. He knew he was different... but he did not know how or why.
Then one day, on the wind-swept coast of Brittany, a bewitchingly beautiful
girl appeared and told him he had the look of the Vardda -- those elite
star travelers who alone could withstand the rigors of intergalactic flight.
Michael had to join them... had to find his place in the universe at last.
But it would not be easy. For even when they allowed him to risk his life
aboard their ship, to seal his fate upon their planet... even then, they viewed
him as an outcast, a dangerous changeling who suddenly threatened them.
He was a man who sooner or later would have to be destroyed!

Dum DumDum Dum DUMMMMM! Ooooh! Doesn't that just make you want to pick up this book and read it? I did to me, and I gobbled it up. It was very exciting, fascinating, and fast paced. Plus, it was only 164 pages. :) I have since found other Leigh Brackett books at other used bookstores. I'm in a sci-fi mood today and I think I just might go and tackle one of them today, after I reread this one of course. :)

Unique: Write about, or mention, a single thing that distinguishes you from everybody else that you know.*

What distinguishes me from everybody else? Well, the first thing that comes to mind is this little nub-y thing on my ear.

It looks like the very tip of my ear got trapped in a door, or flattened with a waffle iron, or pinched by an over-affectionate aunt. Maybe when I was a baby a strong, blind aunt came to visit, noticed my adoring cuteness and then, as she tried to reach for my cheek to give it an Oh-How-Cute squeeze and shake, she missed (because she was blind... but not so blind that she didn't notice my cuteness!) and grabbed my ear instead. And pinched the hell out of it. I don't know who this semi blind aunt with the power pinchers is but hopefully she's rich and puts me in her will.

So, let's get back to the topic of my ear nub-iness. There could be millions upon gabillions of people with similar ear nubs and I just don't know it. That's very possible. But for the sake of this post lets assume that it's a very rare phenomenon. I've never noticed anyone looking at it, staring at it, commenting or laughing at it. It's small and hardly even noticeable. But it is noticeable to me.

Warning: body parts in mind are actually smaller than they appear.

So the curve of my earlobe isn't exactly smooth and round like everyone else's. Who cares? I don't, but I did when I was about 7 or 8 years old.

I don't really remember how much I was bothered by it but I do have a memory of sitting in the school cafeteria thinking about it. (Weird thing to remember, I know.)

"He does not need opium. He has the gift of reverie." - Anais Nin

I remember thinking about the people with similar ear nubs who would be looking for me. (Ear Nubbers of the Universe Unite!) I used to fantasize that my little ear nub was a marking, a sign that I belonged to some ultra secret, ultra special group of people. Maybe they weren't even people at all, but aliens. Aliens with retarded Spock ears. (No, the ear is not THAT deformed! That's just how I refer to it sometimes.) Not only would the ear nub mean I belonged to this super selective, secretive club, but it would mean that I had special powers. Special powers with superhero like abilities.

"For the better part of my childhood, my professional aspirations were simple - I wanted to be an intergalactic princess." - Janet Evanovich, Seven Up

Maybe this little fancy of mine was the starting block for my 'I'm a comic book type of superhero' daydream. Those daydreams are always fun because I save my friends (from high school, college, work - depending on what stage in life I'm in) from the evil villains who are hell bent on destroying them, and the world. In the end, everyone looks at me with a new appreciation and awe. (And maybe even with a little bit of envy too.)

Are those the things I was longing for when I dreamed that my little ear nub meant I was destined for greater things other than the second grade spelling bee? I don't remember, but it's possible.

"In this life there are nothing but possibilities." - Lucas, Empire Records

To this day I haven't seen anyone with a nub-afflicted ear. Am I really looking? No. And 'they' haven't found me either. Do I still imagine them tracking me down? No. But I am still debating whether or not I want a cape to go with my superhero crime-fighting suit. Decisions, decisions.


"Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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If for some reason you can't see this picture, click here for another view.

You are Spaceballs! You have a strange obsession with odd furry creatures and you need to pick your helmet up when drinking coffee. You can go from suck to blow in a matter of seconds, but you're really just looking for a good time in a winnebago. Which Mel Brooks Movie Are You? brought to you by Quizilla

Yes!!! Spaceballs is my all time favorite Mel Brooks movie!!

"What's the matter Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?"
"Give me that you petty excuse for an officer!"

It's hilarious! It's a classic! And it's oh so quotable.

"That was my Virgin Alarm. It's programmed to go off before you do."

Nowadays, whenever I think about or watch this movie, I think back to all the times I would watch this movie at my grandparent's house.

"Those flashing eyes, those flushed cheeks, those trembling lips. You know something princess, you are ugly when you're angry."

When I was younger (about junior high age I think) two of my cousins would come visit every now and then, staying at our grandparent's house. During every visit, Grandma would let us (the cousins plus me and my bro) watch one of her movies. We would always, ALWAYS, watch Spaceballs. Grandma would ask, "Are you sure you don't want to watch something else this time?" The answer would always be "We're sure! Spaceballs please!"

"Raspberry. There's only one man who would DARE give me the raspberry! Lone Starr!"

Then, when the whole family would go out for a nice dinner, the four of us would sit at the end of the large table and recite line after line from this movie.

"Say goodbye to your two best friends. And I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago."

*sigh* Those are great memories. I'm getting all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it.

"Or else Pizza is going to send out for you!"

We annoyed the grownups so much that one time they decided to leave us kids home with Grandpa. What were they thinking?! Needless to say, we ran amuck. Then I got attacked (I was the oldest, but still the only girl) and was screaming throughout the house for help. Grandpa was outside and couldn't hear me. Either that, or he saw it was all for fun and went about his business. I remember there was spitting involved, and wrestling and a Mario Bros. tournament. Now that's a warm fuzzy memory. :)

Browser History: Link to the first site you can remember visiting on the Internet.*

Wow. First site I can remember? No one particular site comes to mind. There were a few though that I frequented a lot, and they took up most of my allotted 'net time. When my parents first got us hooked up to the internet, my dad would allow me and my brother only 30 minutes a day of surf time. ONLY 30 MINUTES!!! I know, I know, the torture! That's hardly time to do anything! Especially with as slow a connection as we had back then.

-- One site I used to visit often was lyrics.ch, which is no longer there as it used to be. It was taken over by songtext.net and now has a lot more things to look at than just lyrics. Spiffy!

-- I used to play games at riddler.com all the time. It was a game site where you could earn tickets/tokens that could be cashed in for prizes (like cool t-shirts with the Riddler logo on it). I did the weekly trivia games and the crosswords. Plus the memory picture type games. I loved that site! Unfortunately the 'Play-For-Tokens' aspect disappeared before I got enough points for a t-shirt. Bummer dude. The site is still up though, with a slightly different look, and some of the same games are still there. I think I'll be playing some drag race and scrambler later today. Wheeeee!

-- The place I used to hang out the most when we first got hooked up to the internet was the X-Files site at tvguide.com. I competed in the weekly 'Add The Next Paragraph To The X Story' contest. That was a lot of fun. I never won [:(] but it was a lot of fun to see where each new winner would take the story next. I think I saved one of the stories. I'll have to look for it and give it a quick reread. When I wasn't writing and submitting my version of the next part of the story, I was hanging out at the message boards. The x-philes there were a fun bunch of people. It was so frelling frustrating to go to that site though because it took forever for the page to load. It was during the height of the show and there were so many messages being posted. Before then, I never knew 30 minutes could fly by so fast.

-- I also used to look at geocities sites. I even made one, because I thought it would be sooooooo cool to have my very own website. It looked like crap back then, and it hasn't improved much (though I did learn some more HTML and CSS). I could do a shameless plug and mention my stupid crappy geo site - [insert shameless plug here] the loony zone [/insert] - but I'm not that kind of gal. :)

Out of all of these, the one I probably visited first was riddler.com, since my brother pointed it out to me. He jumped online before I ever did and was always finding the cool sites.

Love was found at their apartment complex community hot tub.

Sitting close, only one blower jet over, he checked out those lovely full lips of hers busy curved up in a gorgeous smile.

She couldn’t help but notice his charming, smiling eyes plus cute little dimple.

“Yo Hotstuff," the man murmured seductively. "Whassup?”

Her reply, while ogling him thoroughly: “Is that an air bubble trapped inside your swim trunks or are you just happy to see me?”

Dinner, dancing and forever followed as they live happily ever after.


Word count: 88
Words repeated: 0

[Just a Minute:* Write a post of at least sixty words, which does not repeat any words, nor deviate from its initial subject.]

:( = I spent hours (okay, maybe not hours, but awhile) working on a new background for this site. It had cute little stars and everything! It worked last night when I put the image on a yahoo groups site, but not anymore. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. :( I could always sign up with a free image hoster, but that's one more password and user name to remember. *Bleagh* Plus, the coolest sight I found to host my images says my account will be deleted if its inactive for 30 days. That means I'd have to actually remember to sign in every month. Can't really be bothered by that at the moment. Maybe one day I'll have my own domain. *sighing a big sigh of wistfulness* Until then I'll just have to stick with a plain background.

:) = Turns out I prefer the plain background to the stary one! So it's all good in da' hood.

I just found a new blog to add to my Must Read More list: The Squeaky Weasel Gets the Grease. I've only read the few posts on the main page but once time permits, I'll be digging through the archives! Her bits about the poison ivy are funny, even though I can't relate to them personally since I've never been that up close and personal with the plant. Thank goodness! [crossing fingers - knocking on wood - doing the un-jinxing wacky dance]. Then her post about being a mother made me all warm and fuzzy inside. *sigh* I can't relate to that one too personally either... but it sort of makes me want to be able to. :)

New layout for Loonyville! Woohoo! It's still not looking great, but IMHO it looks way better. And who knows when I'll have time to mess with it again (it took forever!) so it will probably stay like this for awhile. Though as I type those words, I just know I'll be fining tuning (i.e. neurotically nitpicking) something that I don't like tomorrow while at work.

Nothing else was accomplished tonight. No writing. No reading. No cooking up some grindage. No coming up with ideas on how to make a million dollars without really trying. Oh well, I'll move them over to tomorrow's To Do List.

I set up my very own lemonade stand and the first time out I made $62.31! I played again thinking that with the experience I'd just picked up I'd be able to earn way more than a measly 62 bucks. Er... is 48 more than 62? No? I didn't think so. Drats and darn it!

Then I found a game called Pop & Drop. This is my kind of game. Wheeeeeeeeeee! I got up to level 9. Score = 391,907. I probably would have done better if my eyes hadn't started to criss cross from staring at a computer monitor all day. *

If a robber tried to rob a dance club and yelled, "Everybody get down", would all the people start dancing?

If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

These are just some of life's unanswered questions that keep me up at night.

Attention all my little chickies and chickers! A word of advice:

PUT THE SMACKDOWN ON PIT STAINS UNTHINKABLY THREE TIMES A DAY
-- ANONYMOUS (484 CE)

This announcement was brought to you by Leon's Random Advice Generator. Thank You. You may now go about your business.

There's an electronic glove doohickey being developed, called an "AcceleGlove", that can translate gestures, such as sign language, into spoken word. I wonder if there will be an audible translation for someone giving a rude driver the middle finger.

I don't know what you're talking about occifer. Ain't no one being smacked upside the head here. Uh uh. Nope. No sir-ee Bob.

I'm a pack rat. And as such, it takes me forever to clean up the junk in my bedroom. I always manage to come across a pile of papers I haven't seen in ten years and just HAVE to look through them, taking a nice stroll down memory lane while I do. What should take two minutes can take up to two hours. Yesterday I was looking for something (which I never found - grrrr) and came across a box full of old high school papers, interesting stuff I'd forgotten I'd hoarded.

I found some old poems I'd written in the 11th grade for some big English project. They reminded me of my 11th grade English teacher and of the day she told the class she'd been on a spiritual journey and talked to trees. And, of course, the trees talked back to her. They were very friendly and giving, those trees.

I also found a bunch of stapled papers full of Coach Hev's water polo diagrams. They reminded me of the day he handed those out. The pool was closed (can't remember why) and we all thought, for some stupid reason, that we were going to get out of practice. Every other sport got out of practice when it rained, but not water polo. Nooooooo. So there we were, excited that we were finally going to get a day off, and Hev makes up hole up in a classroom to go over plays and fancy maneuvers and stuff. In the end, it turned out to be a fun practice.

I found a bunch of other crap too, but I'll stop listing them now, sparing anyone who's gotten this far in reading this drivel, determined not to stop until they finish. (Bonus brownie points for all you troopers). I will end this post on another treasure I found. I copied it off of a t-shirt I found at a high school league swim meet. At the time, at the end of a long swimming career, the list rang very true to home. Finding it again brought back a flood of memories... and the strong smell of chlorine. :)

Top 10 Reason Why I Swim
10. It gives me something to do at 5 a.m.
9. I look great with green hair.
8. I thrive on competition.
7. I love the cheer of the crowd
6. Chlorine is cheaper than cologne.
5. It gives my family something to do on the weekends.
4. I enjoy banging my head on the walls.
3. I love swimming in circles.
2. It saves me the trouble of showering every day.
1. It's great to be part of a team.
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