Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Recent Ambiguous Headlines *
Dateline: Loonyville

Ravenous Rabbits Threaten Chicago Trees
The Ravenous Rabbits told the Chicago Trees that if they didn't give them $5,000 in non-sequential, unmarked bills, they'd cut them up and sell them to those damn builders, the Beefy Beavers.

2 Fans Cited In Kokomo Hum
Me and The Boyfriend like to hum along to Beach Boys tunes. So what? Don't know why we had to get cited for it. Sheesh.

White House Investigated Over CIA Leak
The guy was just taking a piss. What's to investigate? Whether or not he turned the stick blue?

Police Thwart Baby Smuggling at Airport
Those smuggler babies can be crafty little buggers, stowing jewels and drugs in their diapers.

State GOP taps Schwarzenegger
That's a pretty ballsy thing to do. I wouldn't be tapping the Terminator just to get his attention. I'd kindly wave to him from a distance.

Internet Security Head Accused of Hacking
It's a crime to cough up phlegm? Dang. Maybe he violated a strict noise ordinance or something.

Blair Tells Iraq Critics 'I'd Do It Again'
And who wouldn't go bar hopping again if they looked that good wearing nothing but glitter, sneakers, and a pink scrunchie.

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