Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Tuesday is Chooseday

Would you rather...

1. Be 2 feet taller OR 2 feet shorter?

I'd rather be 2 feet shorter. That way when I wear shoes with any kind of heel whatsoever I don’t tower of the H.B.

2. Catch your mother masturbating OR have your mother catch you masturbating?

OMG. Icky question. Okay, after thinking about it for a second... I'd rather catch my mom. I think that scenario would be less awkward. Plus, I think it would be easier to lock that memory away in a Do Not Retrieve file in my brain. I bet the experience would be too vivid in your mind to file away when it's your own hand in the cookie jar.

3. Eat at a restaurant which you know has only one or two cockroaches OR one that you don't know is infested with cockroaches?

I'd rather not know. Ignorance is bliss.

Although... if I knew that the restaurant has only two cockroaches, and they're pets locked up in a very sturdy glass cage with armed guards nearby in case of a break out, or a hanky panky procreation session... nope, still don't want to know they're there.

No wait. I do want to know if there are any cockroaches on the premises. That way I never go back there.

4. Lose all your teeth OR lose all your finger and toe nails?

My first thought was 'Ditch the finger and toe nails!' But...

I'd rather lose all my teeth, even though I'd look really funny without them, because hey, I can always get dentures! They'd be a pain in the butt to deal with every day, but at least I'd still have my fingernails. Fingernail-less hands are not a fashion trend I want to be starting any time soon. And what if I had an itch and had nothing to scratch it with! I'd go bonkers! Okay, that's not that important. But at least with no teeth I wouldn't have to deal with scary dentist visits.

Another plus in the teeth column: I'd get tired of everyone coming up and asking me what happened to my fingernails. I'd eventually run out of good answers.

Stranger fixated on my fingernail-less hands: Dude, where'd the nails go?

Me: The aliens man! The aliens took 'em! And all I got was this lousy t-shirt!

Stranger: Duuuuuude.

But if I lost my fingernails I could always get fake nails... Okay. I'd rather lose the teeth. Because no more dentist visits. And that's my final answer. Really.

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