Help. I've fallen in a money pit/hole and I can't get up.

That may be a little melodramatic sounding... but oh well.

[insert pitiful rambling]

I just read some reviews about Wil Wheaton's book Dancing Barefoot. And I want it. I really do. And not just because I used to have the biggest crush on him when TNG was still on the air, but because I enjoy reading his blog. And the reviews on Amazon made the book sound like a great read. But I can't buy it. Because I'm broke. Verrrrrrry broke. And I vowed not to buy anything frivolous until I became a little less broke and had at least five whole dollars I could call my very own! I'll need a bit more than five dollars for the book, but its a start. I can justify the Zingers I bought on my way to work today, but not a book. Not when I've got a million unread books piling up in the bedroom. This book wouldn't pile up. I'd read it right away. But I can't. Because I can't afford it. I'm so broke. And it sucks. And I want to buy this book. But I have to wait. Damn.

[/rambling]

I think I'm going to have to step up production on my I'm Going To Be A Gazillionaire project.

Recent Ambiguous Headlines *
Dateline: Loonyville

Ravenous Rabbits Threaten Chicago Trees
The Ravenous Rabbits told the Chicago Trees that if they didn't give them $5,000 in non-sequential, unmarked bills, they'd cut them up and sell them to those damn builders, the Beefy Beavers.

2 Fans Cited In Kokomo Hum
Me and The Boyfriend like to hum along to Beach Boys tunes. So what? Don't know why we had to get cited for it. Sheesh.

White House Investigated Over CIA Leak
The guy was just taking a piss. What's to investigate? Whether or not he turned the stick blue?

Police Thwart Baby Smuggling at Airport
Those smuggler babies can be crafty little buggers, stowing jewels and drugs in their diapers.

State GOP taps Schwarzenegger
That's a pretty ballsy thing to do. I wouldn't be tapping the Terminator just to get his attention. I'd kindly wave to him from a distance.

Internet Security Head Accused of Hacking
It's a crime to cough up phlegm? Dang. Maybe he violated a strict noise ordinance or something.

Blair Tells Iraq Critics 'I'd Do It Again'
And who wouldn't go bar hopping again if they looked that good wearing nothing but glitter, sneakers, and a pink scrunchie.

If you're bored and up for a challenge...

While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

I am very amused at the moment. :)

Note: be sure to check that no one is within viewing distance before attempting the above. Their odd/inquisitive/frightened staring may throw off your concentration.

I found this here, and I believe they found it here.

Tuesday is Chooseday

Would you rather...

1. Be 2 feet taller OR 2 feet shorter?

I'd rather be 2 feet shorter. That way when I wear shoes with any kind of heel whatsoever I don’t tower of the H.B.

2. Catch your mother masturbating OR have your mother catch you masturbating?

OMG. Icky question. Okay, after thinking about it for a second... I'd rather catch my mom. I think that scenario would be less awkward. Plus, I think it would be easier to lock that memory away in a Do Not Retrieve file in my brain. I bet the experience would be too vivid in your mind to file away when it's your own hand in the cookie jar.

3. Eat at a restaurant which you know has only one or two cockroaches OR one that you don't know is infested with cockroaches?

I'd rather not know. Ignorance is bliss.

Although... if I knew that the restaurant has only two cockroaches, and they're pets locked up in a very sturdy glass cage with armed guards nearby in case of a break out, or a hanky panky procreation session... nope, still don't want to know they're there.

No wait. I do want to know if there are any cockroaches on the premises. That way I never go back there.

4. Lose all your teeth OR lose all your finger and toe nails?

My first thought was 'Ditch the finger and toe nails!' But...

I'd rather lose all my teeth, even though I'd look really funny without them, because hey, I can always get dentures! They'd be a pain in the butt to deal with every day, but at least I'd still have my fingernails. Fingernail-less hands are not a fashion trend I want to be starting any time soon. And what if I had an itch and had nothing to scratch it with! I'd go bonkers! Okay, that's not that important. But at least with no teeth I wouldn't have to deal with scary dentist visits.

Another plus in the teeth column: I'd get tired of everyone coming up and asking me what happened to my fingernails. I'd eventually run out of good answers.

Stranger fixated on my fingernail-less hands: Dude, where'd the nails go?

Me: The aliens man! The aliens took 'em! And all I got was this lousy t-shirt!

Stranger: Duuuuuude.



But if I lost my fingernails I could always get fake nails... Okay. I'd rather lose the teeth. Because no more dentist visits. And that's my final answer. Really.

There are quite a few marines that work throughout the building here at work. I even share an office with a couple of them. While they are no longer in the army they aren't ex-marines. Once a marine, always a marine. I believe I've heard them say that before.

First thing this morning, a group of them were gathered in the office here, gabbing away, trying to delay the inevitable (the inevitable being the end of their coffee break). The topic of push-ups came up which segued into a conversation about their marine training. They began to reminisce.

Then someone mentioned 'Monkey Fuckers'. No, that's not a term of endearment between them. It's an exercise. And from the looks of it (it was kindly demonstrated for my viewing pleasure before I could even ask) it's a very hard exercise. You bend over, grab your ankles, then bend your knees so your butt goes up and down, up and down. I'm glad I've never had to do any of those exercises; my knees hurt just watching.

And the title of the exercise... well, from what I saw its aptly named.

Monkey Fuckers.

You learn something new every day. :)

Lame Joke Of The Day

-------
Q - Did you hear about the midget psychic who escaped from prison?

A - The next day the headline read, "Small Medium at Large!"
-------

HaHaHaHaHaHaaaaaaaaaaa......

I'm sorry. I can't come to the phone right now, I'm too busy trying not to laugh like an idiot while my fellow coworkers are in the office.

PEDIOPHOBIA- Fear of dolls. Throughout your childhood, you were always the weird kid who avoided playdates and beheaded poor, innocent Ken. Some may think you're crazy, but these little pieces of molded plastic really are out to get you! What's your strange phobia? brought to you by Quizilla

I knew it! I knew those little bastards were out to get me!!

I can see how I might have a secret fear of dolls. Especially the ones in the above picture. They're all naked and non-nipple-y and they don't have bendable elbows. Eek!

And just for the record, I never beheaded poor innocent Ken.

I pulled his legs off, but never beheaded him.

Unconscious Mutterings
I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Herpes:: Greek God of STDs
   
2. Freddy:: Krueger
   
3. October:: Halloween
   
4. Hunting:: Good Will ___
   
5. MSN:: Yahooooooooo!
   
6. 36:: bottles of beer on the wall
   
7. Hotel:: ___ California - "Such a lovely place, such a lovely face."
   
8. Travesty:: such a shame
   
9. Health:: well being
   
10. Conditions:: types of weather
    

I'm not posting this from my dinky little office desk only a first grader could function properly at. I'm not being called in to Mr. BossMan's office so he can give me a list of the million reports he wants me to run. I'm not printing and sorting and stapling like the MP2 Coordinator Goddess (the official title soon to be printed up on business cards) that I am. I'm not doing any of this because I'm not at the office today.



I took a vacation day.



And I'm going to do nothing but watch tv, catch up on reading, and play on the computer. Anything that celebrates the fact that I'm not at my job!



Wheeeeeeee!



I might do some laundry.

Maybe.

If I'm not too busy finding fun sites (like this) that is. :)

I would just like to state for the record that I am in love with the television show Most Extreme Elimination Challenge.

Is it wrong to laugh so much at another's klutzy blunder? Their pain? I'm pretty sure it is, yet still I giggle like a little schoolboy when I watch this show. And when I'm not giggling like a little schoolboy I'm cackling like a crazy person who just found a monster in their pants. This show brings that out in me. It's just that hilarious.

It's a Japanese game show where contestants compete in wacky physical stunts that cause them to fall, trip, and slip into icky muddy water. And get smashed with big boulder sized balls. You know - all that good stuff.

That in it's self is funny, but the MEEC goes a step further and adds an English dubbed track, like the Food Network's Iron Chef, only on MEEC it's a very non literal translation that's full of silly and crude humor.

The Unofficial Fansite calls it 'Mystery Science Theater 3000 meets Jackass' - a most excellent description!

Will I ever get any work done today? Magic 8 Ball says: OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD

Oh, well, in that case... I'll just go and check out my NYPost horoscope again today :)

Venus, your ruler, is once again the most important planet in the heavens, but because it now aspects Saturn, planet of restriction, you are advised to be extra careful today. That applies to all areas of your life, but especially to your work and your health. Don't let yourself be persuaded to do something that might result in some kind of injury.

Well shit. There go my plans!

Loon's Things To Be Persuaded To Do Today List

1:00 PM - Lunch - drive to Mc Donald's blindfolded

(Best not be persuaded by the smell of fellow workers French fries. Can cause injury to arteries.)

1:37 PM - Work - run reports, wheedle down stack of paper work, organize handouts

(Serious paper cut issue here. Best to stay away from that accident waiting to happen.)

3:00 PM - Gym - run on wet, super slippery pool deck

(Very dangerous activity. I've done this several times. And fallen several times. And have the scars to prove it.)

4:30 PM - Find minefield - ride unicycle through it

(Probably shouldn't be persuaded to ride unicycle. Seat would be most uncomfortable. Could cause serious butt injury.)

6:00 PM - Meet with friends at bridge. Jump off when they do

(Might result in injury, but at least wouldn't have to hear "So if your friends jumped off a bridge would you jump too?" from anyone because they'd already know the answer.)

7:08 PM - Dog Kennel - bite an old, cranky, ornery pit bull with nothing to live for

(Shouldn't be biting anything today I guess. Even if ornery dog really, really deserves it.)

8:30 PM - Mental hospital - Run into mental hospital during dinner, stand on table and shout "The self-replicating ideas are conspiring to enslave our minds!" *

(Dangerous. Might get self committed. Can't imagine the food being very yummy.)

9:00 PM - Kinky Kitty's House of Pain - meet with Rambone

(I can kiss that paddling session goodbye. Wouldn't want to get persuaded into doing that. Might get a splinter.)

11:17 PM - Scary biker bar - pick fight with ugly biker dude with numerous scars, scrapes and bruises on his knuckles.

(Yep. Might result in some kind of injury. Guess I can stop thinking up Dumb Biker jokes.)

Pssst... Jodi... guess what... we match again! :)


-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're the kind of chick that can hang out with your boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't care about presents or about going to fancy placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I plan on informing The Boyfriend of this important fact as soon as I get home. Just in case he didn't already know. And if he didn't already know, I will smack upside the head with this fact, just to make sure it sinks in. :)

What's On ... Right Now?

What's On your menu for tonight's dinner Right Now?

Tonight's menu is going to consist of steak (with yummy lemon pepper seasonings) and onions (all grilled and caramelized and yummy) and some yummy side dish. Emphasis on the yummy. Just thinking about all that yumminess is making me hungry. Uh oh... now there's a rumbly in my tumbly! Hum-dum dee-dum hum-dee dum-dum... :)

Recap of Yesterday's Horoscopes

1. I didn't notice anyone with differing beliefs as the horoscope had warned. Maybe I just wasn't listening respectfully to their opinions. Or maybe there were no differing beliefs to expose myself to. Darn. And that **** rating for money, that was an indication of how much money I was going to spend. **** = way too much.

2. It was hard to have my wits about me, as the second horoscope recommended, because for several hours I had to listen to elevator music blasting out of someone's PC. Elevator music is a big wits-chaser-away-er. I believe I managed quite well under the circumstances to avoid conflict though (namely with the offending PC). Go me!

3. I came down from my vacation home in Dream World to give the H.B. (who was in pragmatic mode yesterday) some advice. I believe things were 'approached properly' so it's all good in this neighborhood. :)

4. I didn't put any finishing touches on any special project, because I don't really have any at the moment. Everyone enjoyed a pleasant evening, up until a point. Damn. I should have taken the lead like my horoscope told me to do. But where should I have taken the lead to? Chuck E. Cheese? Disneyland? Laundry World?

5. I didn't change my look, or do anything out of the ordinary yesterday. No, wait... I did pay the electricity bill on time! That was out of the ordinary. Go me! I didn't attract any unusually creative individuals yesterday though. If I did, they certainly didn't leave their business card with me. Drats and darn it.

So in closing... those horoscopes weren't really helpful at all. But maybe they would have if some big bad Monster Rain Cloud of Trouble had taken up position above my head. Thank goodness it didn't.

All I want for Christmas is... this. Or maybe this.

KLUTZILLA STRIKES AGAIN

I'm a klutz. A big klutz. That, and I don't know how to exit a car properly.

I was climbing out of my car this morning and for some reason I stood up too quickly and, not paying attention to how open the car door actually was, I smacked my face on the edge of the door, right on the side of my eye on the eye socket bone. Boy did it hurt like a sumbitch! I've got this tiny little red welt next to my eye now that looks like a really big laugh wrinkle. That, and it looks like I got a bit wild with a red eyeliner pencil, like I was going for the exotic Cleopatra look but had no idea what I was doing. Maybe I should go and ding the left side of my face, that way I balance out the look.

I'm glad it didn't bruise too badly though. I'd hate to answer questions about a big blue bruise near my eye all day.

Mr. BossMan: What happened to your eye?

Me: I... uh... got in a fight.

Mr. BossMan: With who?

Me: With... uh... a *mumble mumble car door mumble mumble*.

Yeaaaaaah, not so much the conversation I want to have at work. Though maybe I could have gotten sympathy and sent home for the day. Hmmm... now there's an idea!

Me: I'm sick Mr. BossMan - *sniffle* *cough* *sneeze* - I god an awfu code. Brain ah fuzzy. Dizzy. Running into doors. God go home.

I might actually have to say that later in the week. Everybody in the office here is sneezing and coughing and spreading their sick germs as if they were on some kind of game show. Pass That Cold with your host, Wink Martindale!

You see, the sick germs have already invaded my system. They're making me talk gibberish. Gibberish I tell you!

My Taurus Horoscopes for Today *

Horoscopes.com

Different strokes for different folks. Today, more people around you will differ in their beliefs from yours. Rather than clash with all of them, listen respectfully to their opinions. Then only if absolutely necessary, try explaining your position. Great day to expose yourself to other points of view. love*** money**** work**

I got all worried there for a second. I thought I was going to have to expose myself to someone today! I'm totally unprepared for that; I'm not wearing the right outfit! Luckily I just have to expose myself to other points of view. Very doable. So I guess I'm going to be surrounded my morons spouting out their opinions. Should be interesting.

But what does the * mean. I'm going to be wise with my money (****)? Or get a lot of money? I'm certainly not going to get any money from work (**). Love (***) isn't looking too bad. Maybe I'll get the money from the Honey Love Muffin? :) I'll be sure to inform him.

NYPost.com

Venus, your ruler, is well aspected today, making it easier than usual to get your way and win people around to your way of thinking. The only exception is on the work front, where you may try too hard to avoid conflict and agree to things that are not in your best interests. By all means be pleasant, but keep your wits about you, too.

So I'm going to be around people with different beliefs, but it will be easy to win them around to my way of thinking. Yes! Except for at work. D'oh! The first horoscope says not to clash, and this horoscope says it will be hard to avoid it. Darn it.

Where are my wits?! I need to keep them about me! Here wits wits wits! Where are you wits?

Yahoo Astrology

Your values and those of a partner, either business or romantic, could be in total opposition today, dear Taurus. One of you may be overly pragmatic, while the other is extremely idealistic. The idealistic one could see the other as callous, while the pragmatic one views the other as living in a dream world. If approached properly, this could be a milestone in your relationship. However, if you can't work this out and create a win-win situation, perhaps you should reconsider continuing the partnership.

Oooh. This 'could be' stuff has me worried. Yikes. I guess I just have to wait and see what happens, all the while trying not to be too pragmatic or extremely idealistic.

Daily Horoscopes

A private talk with a family member leads to a better understanding of each other's needs and goals. You'll be busy putting the finishing touches on a special project. Everyone is in synch to enjoy a pleasant evening if you take the lead.

Oooh a private talk. Then a pleasant evening. Something to look forward to.

Horoscope.com (not to be confused with HoroscopeS.com)

Don't be afraid to change your look or do something out of the ordinary. The fact that you are daring enough to take the road less traveled will attract some unusually creative individuals.

I didn't take the road less traveled today though. I took the same old route to work I always take. Darn. I guess I won't be attracting any unusually creative individuals today. Maybe I'll take the long way home after work today.

This horoscope reads more like a fortune cookie, but I shall take its advice anyway and not be afraid to change my look. I do something out of the ordinary often, so no biggie there. :)

The Listening Post

You have ascended to a higher plane of existence. You have become energy and are incredibly powerful and very knowledgeable, though not omnipotent or omniscient. For you, it is complete bliss (heaven, nirvana, etc). The only rule you have to follow is non-interference with the lower planes - you are not allowed to play god. One day, however, you happen to see your family and/or friends in a situation where they will almost certainly die horrible deaths. You have to power to easily prevent it; however, if you do, you could change the future for the worse (i.e: one of your family/friend's descendents could become the next Hitler, etc.), and you would definitely lose your ascension. What would you do? Inspired by Stargate SG-1

That's a hard one. My gut reaction would probably be to prevent it (the whole losing your ascension thing would matter as much as saving your family/friends), but I've seen enough sci-fi shows to know I probably shouldn't mess with the future. Hmmm... why do I suddenly hear Austin Power's voice in my head yelling, 'Nerd Alert!'

I watched one of the new Twilight Zone episodes once where a woman (Katherine Heigl – I miss Roswell!) goes back in time to kill Hitler when he was just a wee baby, before he gets the chance to grow up and become a monster. She manages to run off with the baby and jump off a bridge, killing herself and the baby, thinking that her mission is complete. But it's not. The house maid, who the parents sent to chase after Kath and the baby, sees this happen and knows that she's in deep doo doo if she returns empty handed. Then she sees a homeless woman with a child and buys/steals (can't quite remember) the baby from her and brings that baby home. And that homeless woman's child was the baby that grows up to be Hitler! [insert booming 'Dum Dum DUUUUM!' music here]

So the woman going back in time didn't change history like she had hoped she would, she actually set in motion what had already taken place!

I could also cite a number of examples from Star Trek, but I won't. :) Bottom line is you have no idea what dominos you'll be knocking over if you interfere in the normal course of things. So I would let nature take its course, and hope that, in the long run, I was doing the right thing.

You're a unicorn of a different color. You're your own person...err, unicorn, and you aren't afraid to be different. Go you! Unfortunately, you are also utterly insane.
What Kind of Unicorn are YOU? (no, really..its cool- with graphics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Unfortunately? So 'utterly insane' is a bad thing?

Huh.

Oh well... go me! :)

Tuesday is Chooseday

Would you rather...

1. Sleep with your favorite movie star, but they have no legs OR they have no eyes?

No eyes. He'd need his legs for all the highly hyperactive activity that would be involved. And if he had no eyes he wouldn't be able to see me, which would be a plus. The no eyeball thing would be a little distracting during the hyperactive activity session, so he'd wear a mask. Like Zorro. Or Batman. Oooo! Exciting stuff!

2. Have the power to cure blindness but in turn make the person deaf OR heal burns, scars, and broken bones but cause the person to go colorblind?

Heal burns and scars and stuff. I'd rather be colorblind than deaf, so I wouldn't want to inflict deafness on anyone. At least when you're colorblind you still have some use of that sense.

3. Eat a fried piece of dog crap knowingly OR unknowingly eat a sno-cone filled with somebody else's urine?

Excuse me for a moment while I say eww. Hmmm... I'd rather eat the pee sno-cone. Ignorance is bliss. And even if I knew it was a yellow 'no that's not lemon flavoring' sno-cone I think I'd still rather have that than fried dog doo.

4. Spend 2 years in jail for something you didn't do OR somebody else spend 15 years in jail for something you did do?

Oh gosh. This is a hard one. My first thought is that I'd let someone do 15 years. I'm not prison material (not after some of the stories I've heard. *shudder*) And I really don't want to become anyone’s bitch. I'm my own bitch thank you very much.

But my second thought is...

"Why should I save his hide?
Why should I right this wrong
When I have come so far
And struggled for so long?

If I speak, I am condemned.
If I stay silent, I am damned!"

The Les Misérables lover in me would feel bad for letting someone go "to judgment in my place." I'd have the sudden urge to rush into the courtroom and sing out:

"And so Javert you see its true,
that man bears no more guilt than you!
Who am I?
24601!"

Though I might leave off the number bit since its not branded on my chest. :) So I guess I'd rather spend 2 years in jail than forcing someone to do 15. That's a really long time. If I ever come to that kind of a crossroads I'd like to think that I wouldn't let someone suffer for my doing, but who knows...

Found Raoul Bova broken-in jeans Gap commercial online.
Am warm and fuzzily content.
And am wearing out the 'play' button...but oh well --> content. :) :)

Another productive day here in Loonyville...

I'm addicted to this game. My highest score so far is 617, but I will beat it. Oh yes I will!

Just as soon as my eyes uncross. (an unfortunate side effect to staring avidly at tiny digital helicopter for long periods of time)

I was in desperate need to find out my vampire name. Good thing I stumbled across this quiz when I did.

Driretlan is your Vampire name. You are a witty Vampire with a certain style that others are drawn to. To use your new Vampire name and become a Vampire, go here.
What is your Vampire name?
brought to you by Quizilla

Too bad I can barely pronounce my own name. At least I'm a witty, stylish vampire! Go me.

I like this quiz because one of the questions asked: "If letters of the alphabet were members of the opposite sex, which of these would you most desire sexually?"

I love the questions in life that really make you think. In case you where wondering, my pick for top five sexually desirous letters are (in no particular order): X A B Z J. If those aren't sexy letters, I don't know what is! :)

I was a bit off in my '50 Things' post on Sunday when I said the farthest I've traveled was half way around the world. In truth, I've only traveled about a quarter of the way.

I looked up the distance on the internet to see how far it is between the city I was born in to the city I now reside in. The distance is 6917 miles, or 11131 kilometers. (Give or take a mile or two. I don't know exactly where the hospital I was born in is located.)

I also looked up the circumference of the earth (because, oddly enough, I don't have that number stored in my mental database) and that number is about 24901 miles (40075 km). That means the farthest I've ever traveled is about 28% of the way around the world (which is still pretty far!) *

I have a copy of this beautiful piece of artwork but haven't gotten around to actually putting it up on a wall yet. D'oh! I really should do that sometime. (What's it been? A year? Double d'oh!) Then I could put up all the other Star Wars posters me and the H.B. own. It would be like Star Wars wall paper. Hmmm... I think I'll put that on next week's 'To Do' list - a.k.a. the What I Should Do But Won't Actually Get Around To Doing list. Yep. Sounds like a plan. :) *

I found this here (who got it from here and so on) and thought "Hey, why not? I haven't done one of these in awhile." So here goes...

50 Things
1. Your name spelled backwards: nool
2. Where were your parents born? Mom – California, Dad – New Zealand
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Probably some fonts... from somewhere...
4. What's your favorite restaurant? At the moment… The Outback
5. Last time you swam in a pool? About two weeks ago
6. Have you ever been in a school play? Yes. I was in 'Annie' in the 8th grade. I played 8 different characters with 9 different costume changes (the most, by far, out of every one in the play! Go me!)
7. How many kids do you want? Er, I don't know. More than 0 ... less than a hundred
8. Type of music you dislike most? The kind that gets stuck in my head and drives me crazy.
9. Are you registered to vote? Yes
10. Do you have cable? No, satellite bay-bee!
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? No. Bummer. :(
12. Ever prank call anybody? Yes. At a slumber party when I was about 7 years old. The girls made me call someone's older brother and tell him I was the police and he'd better stop all that racket. He didn't believe me. Probably because I sounded like a seven year old girl!
13. Ever get a parking ticket? Yes. All because of those picky campus police bastards!
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? Yeah. Sounds like fun.
15. Furthest place you ever traveled? Mentally: Narnia. Physically: From the USA to NZ (and vice versa).
16. Do you have a garden? Nope. But I do have a little plant in a happy face mug in my kitchen.
17. What's your favorite comic strip? Peanuts
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? Yes. I've heard it before enough swim meets and sung it enough that I should. :)
19. Bath or Shower, morning or night? Shower/night
20. Best movie you've seen in the past month? Rented What A Girl Wants last week. Very cute movie. Especially when Colin Firth put on those leather pants... :) :) :)
21. Favorite pizza topping? Pepperoni
22. Chips or popcorn? Chips
23. What color lipstick do you usually wear? Hooker Red. No. Just kidding. Lately its been light plum-y colors.
24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? Huh?
25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? No, but if I ever am, I know how to answer the 'describe your idea of the perfect date' question.
26. Orange Juice or apple? oj
27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine? The H.B. – we went to The Elephant Bar
28. Favorite type chocolate bar? Snickers
29. When was the last time you voted at the polls? Er... awhile ago
30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? Gah! It's been too long! Probably last time I ate dinner at my grandparent's house.
31. Have you ever won a trophy? Yes. Many. Go me!
32. Are you a good cook? I make the best damn Kraft Cheese and Macaroni this side of the... well, this apartment.
33. Do you know how to pump your own gas? Oh yeah. I've got skillz.
34. Ever order an article from an infomercial? Yes. Though what I ordered escapes me at the moment (which is probably a good thing).
35. Sprite or 7-up? Sprite. Sierra Mist is better though.
36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? Yes, when I was a lifeguard. The best part of that uniform was the big floppy hat. And when I worked in the library at CSUB I had to wear a super sexy dorky blue vest.
37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? Heavy duty, extra strength cold medicine, kleenex, and chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Just some My-Nose-Is-A-Snot-Factory-And-I-Feel-Like-Shit essentials.
39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? True love! Money isn't everything (says She Who Only Has Five Dollars In Her Bank).
40. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes.
41. Ever call a 1-900 number? Once. When I was in my very wee teens. A friend of mine said, "You gotta listen to this!" So I did. And after my pure, innocent, still oh-so-virginal mind heard a few seconds of the recording I got all nervous and frantic and hung up. Then we called the number again. :)
42. Can ex's be friends? Yes.
43. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? My mom. That was quite a few years ago. Hopefully it will be quite a few years before the next visit.
44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? I think so.
45. What message is on your answering machine? "Hello. Mistress Loon can't come to the phone right now. She's busy being pampered by a bunch of hunky, half naked cabana boys. Leave your name, number, and a brief message (because the Message Retriever Cabana Boy can't handle anything too complicated) and Loon will get back to you as soon as she can find time out of her busy pampering schedule. Bu-bye!" Oh wait, that was my old message. The current one has the H.B. pretty much just saying, "Hi. We're not here. Leave a message."
46. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character? Geeze. I can't pick the all time favorite. There's too many faves.
47. What was the name of your first pet? First pet that I can remember... Smokey, the smoke colored Siamese cat from HELL. He was one an evil kitty.
48. What is in your purse? Too much junk, which includes a Winnie the Pooh wallet, Elvis address book, and miscellaneous scraps of paper in case I get a brilliant idea while out and about and have to write it down.
49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime? Watch TV.
50. What is one thing you are grateful for today? My middle finger.

Tihs scrambly txet tnihg is ptrety neat-o speedo. Tihs blog has a bcunh of lkins for mroe scrambly goodness.

The idea of a space elevator totally fascinates me. And slowly but surely, it’s becoming a reality.

This article and this article say that the space elevator could possibly be operational in 15 years. 15 years!!!! Great googaly moogaly! I feel all tingly inside just thinking about it, especially when I think about how it may be my ticket into orbit.

Unconscious Mutterings
I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Savings :: and loans
   
2. On :: ... top (Whee!)
   
3. Wire :: ‘Bird on a ...’ (Mel Gibson’s butt. Whee!)
   
4. Word :: to your mother!
   
5. Bladder :: pee
   
6. Missing :: child
   
7. Side :: show
   
8. Window :: washer
   
9. Digit :: finger
   
10. Swirl :: mixing the caramel and chocolate sauce into the ice cream and making it look all swirly (Whee!)
    

Recently, my mom has been helping my grandma wade through all the boxes upon boxes of pictures she's taken/collected over the years, separating them into piles, one for each of her children. Since my grandparents moved into a small apartment in a senior living complex there's no room for all their photo albums, just a few recent snap shots of the family and of their gimpy dog Buster. (And for some crazy reason my grandmother's favorite picture of Buster is of him right after he broke his leg. His leg is wrapped in a big ass cast, and he has a sore, pitiful look in his eyes. I think my grandma has an evil streak in her.)

Last time I was home my mom gave me a small stack of pictures of my brother and me when we were little. He was sooooo cute when he was little. Not that he isn't cute now, of course. It's just that now he's a big butthead. That puts a serious strain on the Cute-O-Meter. And you know what... I used to be cute too gosh darn it!

Here's evidence to the fact:



Say it with me now: "Awwwwwwwwwwwwe." :)

Here's another picture of moi. It doesn't rank quite as high on the Cute-O-Meter, but it's not bad.



That's me a few months before my third birthday (I know this because it says so on the back of the photo). Grandma had flown halfway across the globe to see me, so I was looking my spiff spiffiest. Though I don’t know what my stylist was thinking! Those blue slippers soooo do not go with that outfit! :)

I don't know what I was thinking of at the time, and I don't know if I was a fan of Wonder Woman when I was that little, but it looks like I was striking a Wonder Woman pose.



See! Gotta love those sexy red boots. Watch out bad guys! I'm ready to do some serious ass kicking! *

Arrr! I had me an interrrresting convo with a scurvy live chat bot.

Jabberwacky: What kind of person are you?

The Dread Pirate Loon: I be a pirate!

Jabberwacky: I be a boy.

The Dread Pirate Loon: Arrrr! You want to swab me decks?

Jabberwacky: I want to stay here.

The Dread Pirate Loon: Just like a scurvy wench!

Jabberwacky: Your nasty.

The Dread Pirate Loon: Aye! I be a pirate after all.

Jabberwacky: So really I am talking to myself.

The Dread Pirate Loon: Best get ye a parrot then so's ye mates don't think ye crazy.

Jabberwacky: I'll have to take your word for it. I've never been there.

The Dread Pirate Loon: I see ye be a squiffy after all, matey.

Jabberwacky: I'm not going anywhere.

The Dread Pirate Loon: Good. Swab me deck!

Jabberwacky: I saw Richard and Judy.

The Dread Pirate Loon: Shiver me timbers! Those scurvy lubbers?

Jabberwacky: Chatbots are kind of boring.

The Dread Pirate Loon: Blimey! Ye tellin' me!

(Jabberwacky really isn't boring. It's fun! And slightly addictive.)

Avast me hearrrrrties! It's Talk Like A Pirrrrrate Day!

I be a wench, but I took The Official Talk Like a Pirate Personality Inventory (TOTLAPPI) anyway, just to find me inner pirate.

You are The Cap'n!

Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any man that stands between them and the mantle of power. You never met a man you couldn't eviscerate. Not that mindless violence is the only avenue open to you - but why take an avenue when you have complete freeway access? You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off their head if they show any sign of taking you on or backing down. You cannot be saddled with tedious underlings, but if one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones' locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.

What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!

Quin's shopping list challenge

"Today, I have been trying to think of the most ten most disturbing things you can buy from a normal out-of-town supermarket that, if put on the conveyor belt, would make people run away crying for their mothers..."

Here's my lame Make Them Cry For Mommy shopping list:

Spongebob Squarepants birthday party hats
whip cream in a can
one really big cucumber
vaseline
barbeque tongs
glad cling wrap
a dozen eggs
24 pack of beer
industrial sized tub of stain remover
package of 3 blank VHS tapes

I don't know if the combination of these items would make people run away (Run away! Run away!) but I'm sure I'd get a few cautious stares. I might have considered earning some bonus points by actually purchase these items, and just these items, in a fun shopping excursion, just to see the reactoin on the checkers face, but I'm soooooo broke right now. Poor me. Literally. *

My grandpa called me today because when I called him yesterday on his birthday he had to cut the call short. He was being taken out for a special birthday dinner. But today, when he called me, I had barely gotten out the words "HI GRANDPA" (big caps because I had to yell) before the line went dead.

A minute later my grandma calls me back. "Hi dear, it's Grandma. You're grandpa accidentally hangs up all the time. We're going to try this again but if he hangs up again we're not going to call you back. Just so you know."

She hands the phone to my grandpa, warns him again for what has to be the umpteenth time to be careful and not touch the hang up button, then I hear, "Hi, its me again." It's grandpa! I respond with another loud hello. He gets about three words out before the line goes dead again. Oops. Darn this rascally new technology! :)

This brief conversation reminded me of a story I heard the last time I visited.

A week or so ago my grandpa went into the hospital for surgery. As he's sitting down, filling out paperwork, a hospital worker walks up and asks him if his girlfriend would be coming around to visit him in the hospital while he stays a few days to recover. She asked because the hospital wanted to know if they were going to have to arrange to keep the girlfriend and the wife from running into each other if they happened to visit at the same time.

The thought of this is kind of funny because my grandpa can barely handle himself and my grandma. There's no way he could handle a girlfriend on top of that. I don't know how you could look at my grandpa and think, "I'd better ask if he's got a hot little number on the side."

I guess the hospital is just looking out for the well being of their patients. Just in case. Which is a nice thing. But these patients shouldn't be sharing their magical love rods in the first place. It would be their own damn fault if their harem decided to visit at the same time, causing them to have massive strokes (and I'm not talking the pleasurable kind).

But what I don't get is why the hospital worker asked my grandpa this IN FRONT OF HIS WIFE???

How dumb is that? My grandma says she looked at my grandpa, then looked at the hospital worker and told her that if his 'girlfriend' comes along she'll gladly go to the cafeteria and let her have her turn listening to his nonstop bitching.

Heh. Heh. Heh. I love my grandparents.

Went to the L.A. county fair the other day. Big fun.

Had some nasty fries and some okay barbecue. Not too enjoyable. But then I had the best damn funnel cake I've ever had!! Yippy skippy! Need to go back and try some deep fried snickers. I'm salivating just thinking about them, and I've never even had them before... D'oh! Forgot the kettle corn! Definitely need to go back. Preferably later in the month when KC And The Sunshine Band is performing.

Won a bunch of very cute, bendy, flower dolls at the game booths. The H.B. is the Throw The Ping Pong Ball And Have It Bounce Into A Cup stud!!! I am only dating him, after all, for his many varied carnival game skills. Or was that carnal skills? (heh heh heh) :)

But I digress. While we were eating the best damn funnel cake I've ever had, a parade went by. A freaking parade! I was in awe. My hometown fair never had a parade, and they're a parade-happy town. Guess there's just not enough room in hometown fairgrounds... But I digress again. L.A. county fair parade had some small but decent high school bands. And some old fancy schmancy cars. And weird mascots. One costume looked like a deranged mutant muppet. The Funky Science Experiment Gone Awry mastcot. Very scary. One girl was in a cheese costume. Have no idea why. There were girls in pageant dresses doing their queenly duty waving to the crowd. And there were cheerleaders not doing anything more interesting than walking and talking loudly. All in all it was a short parade. Clydesdales pulling an old fashion Budweiser beer wagon were at the very end of the parade. Very interesting.

Yep. Big fun. Expensive fun, but fun nonetheless.

What's On ... Right Now?

What's On your bedroom wall Right Now?

Um... not much really. It's an apartment bedroom so I don't want to tack up all kinds of stuff on the walls before we move out (but, at the rate we're going, that's going to be never!)

On the east wall (it sort of faces east): there's a snoopy calendar push pinned above my dresser.
On the south wall: blinds for the window... and a few cobwebs.
On the west wall: above the bed there's a dream catcher my grandma made and a Winnie the Pooh (dressed like a snow angel) key chain.
On the north wall: there's a big shelf where all my snoopy figurines reside and part of my key chain collection hangs on one of the pegs.

Six things I've never done but want to do:
- I want to bungee jump
- I want to tour Europe
- I want to see a play on Broadway
- I want to win the lotto
- I want to write a book and have it published
- I want to figure out who dunnit from all the 'pertinent facts' so keenly placed about in an Ellery Queen book before he reveals all to the assembled group of players.

Six things I've never done and don't want to do:
- I don't ever want to eat frog legs (Who could eat Kermit??!!)
- I don't ever want to rob a liquor store
- I don't ever want to get bitten by a rabid mailman
- I don't ever want to watch Gigli
- I don't ever want to stick a thousand needles in my eye
- I don't ever want to run naked in front of Steven Spielberg’s house

Six things I've done and wish I hadn't:
- I wish I hadn't laughed so hard that Kool-Aid flew out of my nose that one time.
- I wish I hadn't wasted two hours of my life watching The Corrupter. Bleagh.
- I wish I hadn't downed that last shot of vodka that one time. I would have been perfectly fine without it. Okay, not fine, but at least I wouldn't have been all up chucky. Bleagh.
- One day in the fourth grade, when we came in from a hot sunny recess, I wish I hadn't been fanning myself so vigorously with my t-shirt that I flashed Keith.
- I wish I hadn't tried to be cool and jump up on something that required a big step up (because when I didn't jump high enough, my foot caught and I flew forward with all the grace of a cross eyed hippo right in front of a large number of my fellow high schoolers. Oh yeah. I be cool.)
- I wish I hadn't tried to step over the gas pump while putting gas in my car. Result = another imitation of a klutzy crossed eyed hippo. I still hurt because of it :(

*

I love the new Gap commerical for 'broken-in jeans.'

Mainly because it features Raoul Bova in nothing but a pair of broken-in jeans. Yummmmm.

I have the song from this commercial, Tempted, stuck in my head. When I looked up the lyrics (so that I could know more of the song and not just have that one line running through my head on one big continuous loop) I recognized the writer’s names (Difford/Tilbrook) from when I looked up the lyrics to Heaven Knows (my favorite song from the Hackers soundtrack). Me thinks I just might have to go and check out a Squeeze album sometime.

Tuesday is Chooseday

Would you rather...

1. Drool noticeably every time you see food OR have to throw up whatever you ate exactly 15 minutes later?

Ew. Throwing up isn't fun. I'd rather drool. It's easier to clean up and it doesn't leave you feeling all icky.

2. Meet an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend 5 years later and be very overweight OR be balding?

If I were to meet an ex-boyfriend I'd rather be very overweight. I've seen my self with my swim cap on. I’d look way to funny as a bald woman. :)

3. Show up at a black tie even wearing only a toga, and have to stay the whole night OR have a stripper accidentally pop out of a cake at your family reunion?

I'd rather have a stripper at the reunion.
Wearing a toga at a black tie affair = mortifying.
Seeing a stripper at my family reunion = hysterical!

4. Sneeze once every minute for 2 days straight OR cough up phlegm constantly for 12 hours?

Oh my god I LOVE to sneeze! Sneezing for two days straight would be fun. Maybe. I would be really tired though at the end of those two days. But I'd be really tired after all that phlegm hocking too. Hmmm... do I get to sleep? Would I be able to fall asleep if I'm sneezing so much? If I get to sleep I think I’d choose to sneeze.

Don’t forget me hearties, Talk Like A Pirate Day is this Friday! Arrrr!

And that's the same day Underworld hits theaters! Woo Hoo!!! (3 more days... just 3 more days...)

Time Travel - Write about what you were probably doing on this day ten years ago. *

On this day ten years ago I would have been a freshman in high school, in the third week of school. I was out sick/injured the second week so on this day I'd have been back on campus trying to find the rhythm of high school. You kind of loose it when you miss the second week of school. At least I did. That first day back I remember feeling really out of sync. Luckily that feeling didn't last long.

So what was I doing all those years ago? What classes did I take freshman year? Time to dig through the mental file! On this day, ten years ago...

1st period - P.E. w/ Ms. Kessler: I was probably learning the fancy tennis lingo we'd be quizzed on later in the week that the rest of the class learned the previous week. And I was probably learning how you use your tennis racket and the side of your foot to pick up the tennis balls so that you don't have to bend over and have your ass up in the air. It cuts down on your ass being potential target practice.

2nd period - Conceptual physics w/ Mr. Blomgren: I was probably watching him draw a physics problem on the board... "if a chihuahua were to fall off a cliff this high, how long would it take for him to go splat on the ground, like this." Oh how Mr. Blomgren loved to draw his splatting chihuahuas!

3rd period - Algebra w/ Mrs. Lisa Something: I would have been taking notes, learning fun math stuff, and listening to Cool Upper Classman Guy sitting in front of me tell all those around him all the cool things he did the night before.

4th period - English w/ Mrs. Stupid Old Bat: On this day I asked her if I needed to make up any assignments. She said no. Then progress reports came out a few weeks later and for some reason she gave me a really low grade. When I asked her why she said, "Well, you didn't turn in a few assignments at the beginning of the year." Stupid old bat!!!

5th period - Lunch: Hanging out with friends under a great big tree. (Our campus was a closed campus so we had to eat on campus.)

6th period - Spanish class w/ Sra. Mendoza: On this day ten years ago we were probably still learning our ABC's. We might have moved on to learning the 'days of the week' song but I doubt it; she was always way behind the other teachers. "Lunes y Martes..."

7th period - Elective/Health Ed: I had the elective part for the first semester, an intro to computers w/ Mr. Theale (sp?), so I was probably learning how to make cool pictures using a RUN program with plot points. Very old school. :)

I didn't play water polo my freshman year so after school I would have just walked my ass home. I only lived about ten minutes away (ten minutes walking time) so it wasn't that bad. But did I walk home with my still-sore foot (the cause of my absense the prior week)? Or did I get a ride home? Hmmm... I can't remember. But when I got home I would have fixed myself a snack and then me and my brother would have watched a couple hours of cartoons followed by Square One TV and Bill Nye the Science Guy.

And that wraps up another fun stroll down memory lane. Damn, that was kind of long. :)

Unconscious Mutterings

1. Wedding :: Singer, The
   
2. Roach :: Papa
   
3. Expense :: account
   
4. Fight :: for your right... to paaar-taaay!
   
5. Air :: Supply - "Lost in love and I don't know much..."
   
6. Protect :: and serve
   
7. Glance :: at a glance
   
8. Boo :: "When I say 'Mali', you say 'Bu'. Mali!" "Booooo!" hehehe - I just saw Malibu's Most Wanted on Thursday.
   
9. Steamy :: hot and heavy love scene
   
10. Caviar :: ick
    

I forgot how much fun popping bubble wrap could be. Wheeeee! And I've got a whole airstrip's worth of it in front of me. Double wheeeee!

Announcer: [using hushed golf voice] And the countdown begins to see how long it takes for the other people in the office to snap and strangle loon with her bubble wrap. Let's go down to the floor. Jim?

If you have an itching to snap some bubbles but don't have any bubble wrap handy, OR if you're really, really bored, here's some virtual bubble wrap. It's not as good as the real thing (*SNAP*) but it'll do.

Wheeeee!

Reading Jodi's comment reminded me of the dead bee in the latte story she wrote about which then reminded me of my very own I-once-had-an-icky-bug-in-my-mouth story. So here goes.

It was my freshman year in high school. Football season. Most of my friends were in the band (that was a cool thing at my high school! truly!) so more often than not I sat with my parents and my best friend's parents at the games. On one particularly chilly Friday, as me and my family are getting ready to go to the game, my mom gets this brilliant idea. "Let's bring a thermos of hot cocoa to the game!" Great idea Mom! We didn't have any hot cocoa packets in the house so she goes out to our little RV we have parked in the driveway. She finds and brings in two packets of Swiss Miss, we take a few minutes to make it, pour it in the thermos and are ready to go.

Flash forward to the football stadium.

We arrive just as the JV game is starting and set up camp in our usual spot as the best friend's parents have saved us a spot on the bench in front of them. We lay out my old sleeping bag on the aluminum bench to save our asses from completely freezing off. My old sleeping bag is very pink and very cute and no, I'm not the least bit embarrassed to be toting that around in front of all the *gasp* senior boys. Go me. In all honesty, my dad was doing the toting-around-of-the-pink-sleeping-bag, but still! I was walking in the general vicinity of it.

Once we've greeted everyone around us (mostly regulars of course) and feel all settled in, my mom and I break out the hot cocoa. I remember feeling giddy with anticipation. It was a very cold evening and any warmth would help. Yes, granted, it was cold by central California's standards, but still, it was damn cold!!! (Not quite cold enough to deserve four exclamation points, but close.)

So anyway, I'm drinking my hot cocoa from the thermos cup and notice that some of the powder hadn't dissolved all the way. Well darn it! I think to myself, rather perturbed. There are chunks in my hot cocoa! So what do I do next you ask with nervous anticipation? Why, I chew on the little bits of un-dissolved cocoa powder of course! I thought I'd help it with the dissolving process.

I swear, we finished off about half the thermos before we realized that those un-dissolved cocoa powder bits we were swallowing (and in my case: chewing) were, in fact, DEAD BUGS! Yes, that's right. DEAD BUGS!!!!! You know, the kind of tiny little bugs that grow if you leave your flour in the cupboard for too long. Flour and hot cocoa mix. I cannot even begin to convey the level of ickiness I felt upon this most ickiest of discoveries. *shudder* And I can still remember the intense desire I felt to wash my mouth out with soap, really good numbing soap that would clean out any pieces of bug that might be stuck between my teeth. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww! My mom and I rushed down to the concession stand and bought several cups of over priced, watered down soda. Anything that washed out the bug's presence would do!

I hadn't been that grossed out since... well... since the time I almost swallowed a big, huge, gross, green and red fly. Ew ew ew ew. I was really little, but the memory will stick with me forever. We were at my grandparent's old house and I picked up my mom's can of soda, thinking there would be a sip in there for me to steal. Little did I know that the can was almost empty, and presumably had been for a while because while the can sat unattended a big-ass fly had fallen inside and decided to die. And I almost swallowed it! Ew ew ew ew.

Luckily, all that happened was I felt it touch my lips. I thought to myself, ‘What the heck was that?’ then spilled the remaining contents of the soda can on the ground. I freaked out to the max when I saw that shiny, colorful fly laying all dead at my feet. Ewwwww!

And that is my very own I-once-had-an-icky-bug-in-my-mouth story/stories.

Lessons to take away from this post:

1) If you've left a soda can unattended for 5-10 minutes, before you drink from it you need to first inspect it for UFO's (Unidentified Floating Objects)

2) Don't make hot cocoa from a powder packet if you can't remember the last time you bought it. If you decide to go ahead and make it, at least check the mix for anything that doesn't belong, such as BUGS!

Don't Panic! I have the answer! Well, actually Google does.

What's The Answer to the Great Question... of Life, the Universe, and Everything? This.

I really need to read the rest of that series sometime. *sigh* So many books, so little time.

~ W i s t f u l   W o n d e r i n g s ~

Who would wishy-washy Warren willingly wolf down waffles with?

What would Willard wish to wear while watching wily wasps?

Where would Weird Wanda wander while walking and whistling?

When will Wyoming's winter wonderland warm up?

Why won't William wonder which way wild white water will flow?

Which Wednesday will Wacko waste waiting for wacky wizard weapons?

Wow. What wonderful wonderings! *

"But for those of us who lived through these events, the only marker we'll ever need is the tick of a clock at the 46th minute of the eighth hour of the 11th day.

We will remember where we were and how we felt.

We will remember the dead and what we owe them.

We will remember what we lost and what we found."

Remarks By The President At The World Will Always Remember September 11th Ceremony

As I sat in my car this morning during my break, I heard these words spoken by the president nearly two years ago replayed in a media sound bite montage one of the dj's had made for the 9/11 anniversary. The montage was made up of snippets from radio and TV bits during that horrible day and the days, weeks, and months that followed. I sat in my car and I listened. And I remembered. And I cried.

I’ve been participating in this little online book club for the last couple of months. I used to just read their discussions, waiting to try the book if it sounded good, but lately I’ve decided to be adventurous and read the book before I read the reviews.

I wasn’t sure if I going to participate in this month’s discussion of The Nanny Diaries though. I thought I might, if I found the book at the library or if it was out in paperback already. I didn’t want to shell out money for it in hardback, because hey, what if it sucked?!

The Nanny Diaries was on the best seller list for awhile so I figured it wasn’t too horrible a read. It’s just that reading some of the reader’s comments at amazon.com had me a little weary about the book.

But when I found the book, in hardback, for ONLY FOUR DOLLARS (!!!) I just had to buy it. Damn skippy! On this book-buying excursion I bought four hardbacks and one paperback for just $21.00. Oh how I love Foozles!!! It’s a book lover’s wonderland. Well, at least for me it is. :)

Like I mentioned earlier, I was weary about the book. That didn’t last long after I cracked open the book. After the second page I was hooked, actually laughing out loud at one point.

In seven years and umpteen interviews the I’m-mom-casual-in-my-khakis-but-intimidating-in-my-$400-shoes outfit never changes. And it is simply impossible to imagine her doing anything so undignified as what was required to get her pregnant in the first place. - The Nanny Diaries, Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus

I just hope the rest of the book doesn’t disappoint.

*skipping off to the couch for a bit of reading time* *

What's On ... Right Now?

What's On the top shelf of your refrigerator Right Now?

After a quick look, this is what's on the top shelf of my refrigerator. From left to right: A jar half full of mom's yummy homemade peach jam, an almost empty ketchup bottle, and a mini can of fruit that's been there at least a year (no joke. me thinks I should probably throw it away before it spawns new and funky life).

Wow. That's it. And the other shelves aren't any more crowded. How sad. My poor fridge is empty. And so am I. Poor that is.

Maybe I'm not poor; maybe I'm just a super star in the making! I've already got the super star fridge! Sometimes, on MTV Cribs, those Fridges Of The Stars are stocked full to bursting with food. But other times, they're as bare a nudist's butt.

So I'm hip, right? Not poor. Hip. Maybe if I type that out enough I'll start to believe it. :)

Yoinks! The original slacker! :)


what warning label are you?
heh. heh. heh. Beware of the crazy lady next door. MWHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

Your Chinese zodiac sign is: The Sheep People born in the Year of Sheep are elegant and highly accomplished in the arts. They seem to be, at first glance, better off than those born in the zodiac's other years. Though sheep year people are often shy, pessimistic, and puzzled about life. They are usually deeply religious, yet timid by nature. Sometimes clumsy in speech, they are always passionate about what they do and what they believe in. Sheep people never have to worry about having the best in life for their abilities make money for them, and they are able to enjoy the creature comforts that they like. Sheep people are wise, gentle, and compassionate. They are compatible with people born in the years of the Rabbit, Pig, and Horse.

When I entered my D.O.B. it said I was a horse, which is wrong, so I clicked around until I found the sheep, which is my Chinese zodiac sign according to every other chart I've seen. The H.B., he's a Rabbit. :)

"Gosh, that must have been awful! Imagine! Receiving unwanted phone calls! Without warning! How could anyone DO such a thing?"

Heh heh heh. Dave Barry cracks me up.

Tuesday is Chooseday

Would you rather...

1. Marry a complete stranger and spend 18 hours a day with them OR marry your soulmate and best friend, but never get to spend more than 2 hours a day with them?

Spending 18 hours with a complete stranger doesn't sound very appealing. I'd rather marry my soulmate. If all we'd get is two hours, then we'd just have to make the most of it. At least we'd have that!

2. Have lice OR tapeworms?

I've never had either. Which is worse? Um... I'd rather have whichever one is the easiest to get rid of. Lice, perhaps? Yeah. I'd go with lice. At least that's on the body and not in the body. Ick.

3. Be known as a mean drunk OR a complete prude?

I'd rather be known as a complete prude. I wouldn't want people to think I'm mean. Evil and dominating in a sort of 'I'm taking over the world' sort of way, yes, but not mean.

Plus, it would be fun to dress up all slutty-sex-kitten like every now and then, shaking things up, making the neighbors talk. "Hey, that's loon the complete prude. What is she doing? Is it Halloween already? Bill? Bill, dear. Stop staring. Bill?!"

4. Have both big toes cut off with a hacksaw OR slam your finger in a car door ... 15 times?

Damn, getting my toes cut off with a hacksaw would hurt like a mo-fo! And there's always the possibility of death by blood loss. Am I given pain meds? For either option? Assuming I'm still conscious and drug free, in the long run I think I'd hurt less if I slammed my finger in a car door 15 times. After the fifth time, I doubt I would be feeling it any more. And at least I'd still have my toes. Because hey, if I had no big toes, what would I jam/twist/sprain/break when my clumsy self runs into the furniture?! (Which I do way to often for my liking). I sure would miss the little fellas.

While flitting around the blogger homepage looking for new blogs to read, I found Crabby Says. I like what Crabby says. It's definitely bookmark material. :)

Another site I clicked at random was this site, mainly because he has the same last name of some one I knew in grade school. While perusing his site I found out that Strong Bad had a new email out. New words I learned today: “fangoriously, gelatinous, and um, linebacker.” :) *

I was very creative yesterday, taking full advantage of the muse. She was in a particularly good, creative, productive mood for a change. Too bad she's not like that everyday.

I created a new blog to house some small writing bits. I've wanted to start participating in the 5 Minute Stories for awhile now but have never gotten around to actually doing it. Yesterday, though, with my muse cheering me on in the background, I said to myself, "Self, stop pussy footing around and just do it!"

A second later - *POOF* - a mini Rob Schneider, clad head to toe in a not-so-flattering devil spandex outfit (complete with tail), appeared over my left shoulder and said, "Don't listen to that Nike ad you call an inner monologue! Why don't you piddle fart around some more? Go play some more Pop 'n Drop. Remember, procrastination is the key!"

Not to be upstaged, a mini Rob Schneider decked out in full angel attire appeared over my right shoulder and said, "You can doooo iiiit! Don't listen to the spadex king over there. He wouldn't know what the key was even if someone shoved it up his ass. Turn off the radio, stop everything else your doing, and write! You can doooo iiiit!"

I listened to my good angel and turned off the radio. Sometimes I can write with it on, but for some reason it was too distracting yesterday. Maybe it had something to do with Devil Rob shaking his bon bon in time with the music. With the radio off, and me alone with nothing but the muse and headful of ideas just waiting to hatch, I shut down all the extra web browsers I had up and opened a blank word document.

First I wrote a quick fragment bit. Then I wrote my five minute bit. It was hard to get that first idea and then run with it, but it was fun. I'm sure I'll get the hang of it eventually. And hey, maybe even one day I'll actually write something truly interesting. That's the long term goal. Short term goal: breaking myself of the habit of being anal about every single sentence I write. I need to just let loose and not worry about mistakes. *sigh*

After posting those two short bits, I felt like writing some more. I thought about finishing this one PFF story I have looming over my head, chanting 'Finish me! Finish me!' I do want to finish. Really I do. I could always just wrap it up in a chapter, but that would feel like I was cheating the story, and myself. I need to just suck it up and write the several more chapters needed for it. I'll tackle it next since the muse is still jumpy for some more writing. But last night, the muse wanted something she could finish in a few hours. I opted for writing a challenge story using a list someone had posted on the boards. It was fun to write because I came up with one or two lines I really liked. Even if the story wasn't overly popular, those lines cracked me up. So its all good. :)

At one point during the writing of the challenge story I became stuck on a certain description and had to get up and do an Unsticking Of The Mind exercise. This consisted of turning on the radio and creating a new I’m-So-Funky dance to an old Spice Girls tune. Let me just tell you, the dance was very spaztastic! *

Crouching Bunny, Hidden Rabbit

These paws are fast as lightening. :)

Unconscious Mutterings

1. Bookends:: elephants (my mom has these cool elephant bookends)
   
2. Compliment:: "Your ass doesn't look nearly as big in those jeans."
   
3. Gutter:: PCU - "Can you blow me where the pampers is?"
   
4. Obsession:: "You are an obsession. You're my obsession..."
   
5. Heavy:: duty
   
6. Real:: World
   
7. Disposable:: throwaway
   
8. Breeze:: "I like a healthy breeze 'round my privates, thanks." - Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
   
9. Work:: all work and no play makes loon a dull girl
   
10. Sweetheart:: shmoopy woopy
    

This is a bit late... but since I missed out on posting it yesterday, on 'Be Late For Something Day', I thought I'd post it today, on 'Fight Procrastination Day'.

The Listening Post

You are stuck way out on the other side of the universe and you have no idea of how to get home. What three objects from Earth would you like to have out there with you? Inspired by Farscape

1. A favorite book. Though I can't imagine narrowing the field down to just one! Yikes! It'd have to be a really good book... and a really long one too. Maybe one big omnibus of all the Harry Potter books. Oh, I know! I'd want to have this book: Intergalactic Space Travel For Dummies :)

2. A laptop. I'd want to have with me a laptop that's full to the gills with fun stuff. MP3s, games (like Bust-A-Move), and books I've downloaded off the internet (I'll still use up one of my object options on a real paper bound book. I can't imagine it being fun to curl up with a good laptop.) I'd also be able to pick up television signals and watch them on laptop so I can keep up with earthly current affairs.

3. A chicken. And I'd name her Spot. She'd lay a bunch of eggs and make more chickens. Spot will not only be a handy, yummy food source, but also a boon companion. :)

I really like the moon too. :)
Damn, this song is already stuck in my head! Grrrrrrr.

I watched Airplane! a few hours ago. I love this movie and need to buy it on DVD sometime. That, and the movie PCU. Hmmm... I think I need to go DVD shopping! :)

Clarence Oever : That's Clarence Oever, over.
Tower : Roger.
Roger Murdock : Huh?

Oever : You ever been in a cockpit before?
Joey : No sir, I've never been up in a plane before.
Oever : You ever seen a grown man naked?

Dr. Rumack : You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine : A hospital? What is it?
Dr. Rumack : Its a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.

McCroskey: Get me someone who won't crack under pressure!
Johnny: How about Mister Rogers?

Elaine: There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
Dr. Rumack: I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.

McCroskey : Johnny, what can you make outta this? [Hands him a piece of paper with the weather report on it]
Johnny : This? Why I could make a hat, or a brooch, a pterodactyl. . .

McCroskey : Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

NO SMOKING El NO A YOU SMOKO FASTEN SEATBELTS PUTANA DA SEATBELTZ

I have issues with...

past money violence walls scars

Take Word Association Test

Well, you see, I have these issues because in the past I was really low on money, so for entertainment I thought I would run into a couple of walls. All I got out of that were a couple of scars. Turns out that's not as entertaining as I thought it would be. Damn walls.

A Logorrhean Adventure

Princess Lalori had a bad case of the woofits and nothing could cure it. Nothing, that is, but a walk through the Enchanted Forest. The Enchanted Forest had a wonderful zizz to it that always made Lalori feel tingly inside. Princess Lalori left the castle walls early in the morning so as to get in a full day's walking.

She thought about bringing Chives, her vadelect, along with her to carry the picnic basket for her but she didn't want his tisicky voice to ruin her Enchanted Forest experience. She left him at the castle to clean her room and walked by herself through the Forest. Almost instantly Princess Lalori felt refreshed, her spirits sufficiently lifted.

Unfortunately, that feeling didn't last long. From the umbratic cover of the surrounding trees stepped a man, a sweven from her most intimate of fantasies. Princess Lalori tried not to twire, but she couldn't help herself! This man demanded to be stared at, what with his dark eyes brimming with torvity, his broad, muscular chest, his bright, soligenous blond hair, and his swaggering stride.

Maybe I can get some sweet forest nookie! Princess Lalori thought. This man could definitely wash the woofits away.

The man didn't tralineate but walked straight up to her. As he got close, Princess Lalori caught a vafrous gleam in the strange man’s eyes. Oh dear, she thought. Trouble certainly follows me around no matter where I go.

He grabbed her right arm and shook her violently. "What are you doing here?" he snapped.

"Minding my own business, which is more than I can say for you."

He barred his teeth, replying with a snarl.

"My, aren't we largiloquent." He no longer looked the delectable man of her dreams. He just looked like a pain in her ass. "Is this a gleek? Did my brother Puckeroni put you up to this? You wouldn't really be brave enough to grab my arm in such an ultrageous manner, would you?"

"Why yes, yes I would." His snarl was replaced with a cocksure grin.

Men! "Do you know who I am?"

"No."

"I am Princess Lalori." The man paled upon recognizing her name. She continued, "Ruler of Funonia and Supreme Grand Master of the Whoopass fighting technique!"

"Zoodikers! Please forgive me Princess Lalori, you most awesomest of highnesses."

"I am normally one for ignoscency but you Sir are nothing but a humgruffin and need to be taught a lesson.”

Princess Lalori twingled out of his grip and, after opening a can of Grade A whoop ass, proceeded to beat the snot of out him until he cried like a little boy.

She then went about her merry way and enjoyed the rest of her day in the Enchanted Forest.

~ The End ~


I'm pretty sure I didn't use some of these words right. I just hope it wasn't all of them. :) *

Yesterday's List of Grindage Munching

Breakfast: I was too slow at getting ready for work so all I had time for was a great big gulp of smoggy air.

Lunch: I decided to be a bit of a rebel and had some 'dangerously' cheesy Cheetos.

Throughout the day: A 24 oz bottle of clean, crisp, refreshingly delicious Arrowhead Mountain Spring Water. ;)

Dinner: EZ Take Out Burger. This place is just like In-N-Out, only with much better French fries. I had a Triple Take burger with grilled onions, fries, and a large Dr. Pepper. Yum!

Desert: Two cookies with yummy lemon filling goodness.

The H.B. and I were going to go out and get some Cold Stone Ice Cream but when he got home from class he crashed. We're going to go there tonight instead, before or after we catch a movie. Wheeeeee!

I think the healthiest thing I had all day was that gulp of smoggy air. Hmmm... I'll have to actually cook something healthy today. :) *

I really wish they had done this at my school while I was still swimming there! Our practices were never quite this much fun.

I am a Taurus. Well... sort of... not really. I am if you go by the 12 zodiac configuration most commonly used for newspaper horoscopes and other such things. That system was created way, way back in the day and is no longer accurate, mainly because the sun's path across the stars doesn't follow a strict pattern of movement. Here's a better explanation. Nowadays there are 13 signs of the zodiac, Ophiuchus being the 13th sign.

I remember one day, in this stats class I took, we had to use some program on the computers to figure out the actual constellation we were born under. Turns out I've been reading the wrong horoscope all this time! *gasp* And those Garfield "stubborn as a bull" Taurus pajamas I had as a kid --> completely wrong! Hmmm... I wonder if the description of an Aries fits me better than that of a Taurus because according to that 'puter program and the newly updated zodiac system I'm not a Taurus. I am an Aries. *

This is me as an Intergalactic Princess. Notice the cool kick ass weapon, cape, and sexy boots. (Yes, they're SEXY boots!) Standing next to me is my hunky sidekick Gar. Notice his weapon of choice, the Mighty Spatula of Doom. Rowr!

Yes, you too can be be mini-mized into a lego superhero.

Look at me, playing with the layout.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!

:)

I think I'd better stop now before I screw it up past the point of rescue.

Because the holiday seriously waffled my wakka wear and I don't know what day it is... and because I'm procrastinating...

Tuesday is Chooseday

Would you rather...

1. Be incapable of love OR honesty?

Honesty. Because honestly, what the world needs now is love, sweet love. Love, soft as an easy chair. Love, fresh as the morning air. Love is a wonderful thing. Love makes the world go round. Love can move mountains. Love don't cost a thing. Love is in the air. Love will conquer all.

2. If you had to come up with $50,000 in five days to get a sibling out of jail, try to steal it OR go to Las Vegas??

I would rather go to Las Vegas any day!!! As long as it's a given I'd get the money that way. If there are no givens, then I'm shit out of luck, or actually, my bro is shit out of luck. He'd just have to sit his ass in jail. I wouldn't even know where to begin to steal 50,000 dollars and if I did I'd never get away with it. I've still got a long ways to go before I earn my criminal mastermind degree. The most I've ever won at Las Vegas was 500 dollars (that's not nearly enough 0’s) and I gambled most of that back trying to make more money. I just don't got the luck.

3. Get everywhere by crawling OR have to stand on your hands when you are stationary?

I'd rather crawl. All that blood rushing to my brain while standing on my hands would get annoying pretty quick.

4. Lick the beard of a bald Harley biker after a sweaty race OR lick the surface of an entire car hood that hasn't been washed in a month?

I'd rather lick a stinky, sweaty, grimy guy's beard than a dirty car hood, i.e. bug cemetery.

What's On ... Right Now?

What's On your tv screen Right Now? (OR what WAS on it the last time you had it on?)

Dust. Static-y, sticky dust. I haven't cleaned the darn thing in a while. :) But seriously...

Since I'm at work right now [bleagh] I'm going to have to answer the parenthesis part. Last night, the last show I had on was The Joe Schmo Show. I had to check it out because of the 'host', Ralph Garman. I love him on that little dog and pony show they call the Kevin and Bean radio morning program. :) Everything about The Joe Schmo Show had sort of a rehearsed feel to it, even the Joe Schmo guy (the only supposed 'non actor'), but I found it amusing enough that I might check it out again. Especially since the next episode won't be two stinkin' hours long.

After the show, I turned off the tv and curled up on the couch with a good book.

An evil game because I couldn't stop until I caught one. Tricky little buggers.

A reason to move to Sacramento. lol

I want to check out the new Trekkies 2 documentary. The first one was a trip! The guy who drove around in the shuttlecraft-looking truck (Gabriel Koerner), the one who was on the tv show Beat The Geeks as the Star Trek Geek, lived in Bakersfield at the time, which is the city I lived in when I watched the documentary. The camera is following this guy around and at one point and he goes to a mall... and I'm thinking, 'Boy, that sure looks like the mall down on Ming'... and then the camera shows him with his trekkie group and I'm all 'OMG! That chick was in my poli sci class!'. Very interesting stuff.