Tuesday, April 12, 2005

I like burgers 'cause they're so delicious! Got cheese-bur-gers!

In the previous post I mentioned that if I had to pick only one food item I could eat for the rest of my life I'd pick cheeseburgers. I think this is not only a rather yummy choice, but a rather wise choice as well.

With this meal you are assured a well balanced diet consisting of all the important food groups. You've got the diary group courtesy of the cheese, the meat group courtesy of the meat, the vegetable group courtesy of the lettuce, pickles, onions, etc, and the tomato representin' the fruit group. It's the perfect meal!

I came to this rather ingenious conclusion last time I was up north visiting the grandparents. My wonderful loveable sweet little grandma, who's become a chronic complainer in her old age, kept going on and on about how she's suddenly developed a sweet tooth. At night she keeps making her way to the fridge to have a bowl of ice cream. Then she has a couple of cookies. Then she eats something else sugary. 'I have to stop this!' she says. 'I'm getting fat!'

She's not getting fat in the least, but she still says this. All the time. In complete sincerity. I can't imagine what fat on her is expendable, other than the fat from the ample boob area, but you really can't pick which area the fat vacates first. I think she was fishing for a compliment so I said, for the umpteenth time, 'Diet? You need to be gaining weight grandma, not loosing it!' She ignored me and continued talking about ice cream, and how hard it would be to give it up.

"You know," she said, "if I could only eat one thing for the rest of my life it would be ice cream. I love it."

Nothing but ice cream? For the rest of you life? Ick.

My mom was quick with her answer: nachos. Didn't even have to think about it. Nachos, nachos, nothing but nachos.

I envied her nacho convictions. Because I had no reserve favorite, no food of choice I could call upon in the face of danger. If I'd been about to die, and was granted one last meal, but had to have an answer within the next ten seconds, I would have died hungry. And that sucks. Because the longer you can delay your execution, and other bodily harm stuff, the greater your chance for rescue. I watch A-Team and Charlie's Angels reruns. I know how this life and death stuff works.

When the 'if you could only eat one' food question was mentioned, my first thought was French fries. Because I love fries. But French fries? And nothing else for the rest of my life? Ick!

That's when I thought of the cheeseburger, the French fries' bosom buddy. And I thought, of course! Cheeeeeeeseburgers!

I could eat cheeseburgers every day. And my mom says that's okay. (She doesn't really, but I have the gold fish cracker jingle in my head.)

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