Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Ms Scarlet, on the grassy knoll, with the Don't Mess With Me I'm Having A Crabby Morning Beady Eyed Death Glare

The street I work on... wait, that makes me sound like a hooker. The street in front of where I work... er... the street in front of the building in which there's a chair I plant my ass in five days a week so I can slave away in my mini-semi-cubicle island like the good little worker bee that I am, you know, that street, well it's a very dangerous street to be driving on/standing near.

I've worked here for a little over four years and I've seen a few accidents on this road, many of which have been right in front of this building (it's a big building with lots of places to get hit). And of all the accidents that I've seen on this road (and I've only seen them after the fact, well, except for the one at the freeway onramp) I haven't seen the fatal ones (big shout out to The Man Upstairs for covering that one for me. Peace out bro!) The fatal ones happened before my time, or they've happened at night/early morn when I'm not here.

I work in a warehouse district so there are semi's everywhere. And the speed limit around here? Specifically the street this building is located on? 50 mph! So the semi's are going 50 (sometimes 50+! eek!) while most everyone else is going 50+ and beyond. (Even though there's a CHP office located a block down.) I've heard that they have car races (a la Fast and the Furious) on this street because its nice and long and fairly deserted at night. Though I don't see how they could with the freaking CHP office right freaking there. But then I'm not a bad ass punk who likes to flaunt my untouchable bad ass-ness in front of the fuzz.

How in the world did the cops ever get the nickname of 'fuzz'. It's such a cute word!

Anywhoo... so it's a dangerous and accident prone street. And I get to drive on it almost every day! Yay me!

Anywhoo squared... so me and the HB are carpooling today. Because he still can't ride his bike and he still hasn't gotten the car from his dad *crosses fingers that he'll get it sometime this week*. So I'm driving down the Big Bad Scary street and half way down the police have it blocked off. Stupid fuzz! How am I supposed to get to work now! Because I just knew it would be blocked from the other end. And it was. I detoured, along with my fellow commuters, and tried to come in from the other side. Didn't work. So I did a lot of u-ey flipping and tried to sneak in through a back way. Thankfully my work place is on the corner of an intersection, and therefore accessible from the side street. Sort of. We're not actually on the corner. Another building is. But they work for us so its sort of like the company's building. Sort of. Only they have this new security feature up that I didn't know about. It's called a fence. And it blocked me from pulling into this side building's parking lot. Doo doo! I thought I was being so clever.

So I stopped the car and got out. Told the HB to go ahead and take off, that I'd walk around the back and let myself in through there. I knew there were a couple door that I could get in through. He looked at me dubiously, giving me the silently raised eyebrow equivalent of 'are you sure there sweetie pie?' (He doesn't call me sweetie pie, but his eyebrows do). I played it off confidently. Sure! I know what I'm doing! And I did. I knew we couldn't drive cars down the back, and I knew there was a door back there, somewhere. So off I went, walking down the long stretch of big warehouse sized buildings. I didn't even get passed the first building when I thought to myself, 'there has got to be a better way to do this.' And there was. So I back tracked, ready to walk all the way around the perimeter if I had to (it was sounding a lot better than winding my way through all the junk in the back). Luckily I saw a walk-through gate, and it was propped open. Way to go guys! Thanks for leaving it open for me!

So I sped walked through their parking lot, over the little grassy knoll between parking lots... quick question: how high does a knoll/mound have to be to be considered a hill? Because I want to be able to complain about how I had to walk over hills to get to work to my children and grandchildren. They're going to be so spoiled without those laborious laments of the crap I had to put up with when 'I was their age'.

So I was speed walking, through the smaller parking lot, over a grassy hill and through another parking lot, the one I normally park in. I zipped across the parking lot and in through the closest door to the nearest time clock and hey waddaya know! I wasn't late! Well, four minutes late, but they don't count it as late until you're five minutes late.

I was feeling all put out about not being able to pull up to the front door and having to detour and walk for miles and all that shit, then I heard the talk around the 'water cooler'. Seems some guy on a bicycle got hit by a vehicle bigger than him and died out there early this morning. That's why the cops had the street blocked off. So I guess I should stop feeling crabby about how my morning started and just be thankful I'm not the one they had to close the street off for.

I should. And I'm gonna. But the HB is driving the car back here from class (so that I can drive him back home so he can get some sleep before he has to go to work tonight so oy to the vey) and I'm hoping the cops are done fuzzing around and all is cleaned up and ready for car access because I don't want to have to go on another nature hike just to get to my car. Because then I'm gonna get seriously crabby! Grrr!

No I'm not. I'm gonna suck it up and be thankful that I'm getting some exercise and I'm not glued to the computer. Yeah. That's want I'm going to do. Because I'm all that and a bag of Ruffles sour cream and cheddar chips (which are the bestest chips ever!).

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